Our magnetic attraction to different people puzzles me. As you might have noted in my previous post. Our own preconceived ideas about others and ourselves also puzzle me.
We constantly judge ourselves and our own progress. We have goals, we have dreams, we have ideas about what society, friends and family think about us. yet, if we learn to accept our present reality we can be happy with whatever it is. Of course, there are dire circumstance that most would like to avoid. But if you think about it – who cares about scoring things? Apart from ourselves? Some people see dungeons as castles and couldn’t care less about earning more money to live somewhere else. Now you might not appreciate living in a dungeon, but how big a home do you need for your ego to fill satisfied? We are constantly cheating ourselves of enjoyment by letting our ego get in our way.
This is no news. This is old. But no matter how old, my ego is a bit slow to comprehend certain things. I still measure success in accomplishments at times. Goals are nice, working on things and accomplishing things are nice, but happiness is a different topic altogether. Only we often think it isn’t.
Today this hit me as I was pondering a project of mine. I tend to have a few. And I was thinking well, I could get this person to contribute this one thing and that’d be pretty cool. And then I suddenly stopped in my tracks and though “But I could supply that myself to the project, what difference would it make? Why would it make me feel different if this person contributed?”
Sometimes it seems obvious why we do something. We get a person on board our movie project because they are a good actor. Other times we do it because we consider that actor impressive and it would make our ego feel good being seen next to them. When I feel myself, in whatever situation, gravitating towards the latter, I know I’m not just enjoying an experience, like directing a good actor. No, I’m getting my ego involved. And that, somewhere down the line, means disappointment. It’s not real. It’s just a perception. And perceptions change. Even if this actor continues to be impressive for the rest of our lives, our situation will change and if we rely on looking impressive to feel happy we are in for a ride of the more unpleasant kind. Life has ups and downs and we have to come to terms with enjoying the exploration, rather than counting on results to become happy. If you investigate you learn, even if you don’t win the Nobel prize, you can live perfectly happy.
At times I’ve found it hard to know what attracts me to certain people. Is it looks? Is it similarities in thinking about life? Is it their incredible drive? Is it that they are impressive to others who use the ego to judge people? Is it that they will treat me as I’m used to being treated? What’s my real intention in getting to know them? There is a connection, of course, but is it a good one, or a bad one? Is it a “heart to heart, soul to soul” connection? Is it a “physical attraction” connection? Is it a “reliving my past” connection? Is it a “our minds, whether right or wrong, perceive the world the same way” connection? Is it an ego “you impress me, I look good next to you” connection?
I like connections, I often find them magical, but some will lead us to happiness and some, although exciting to start off with, will lead us straight to hell because we don’t really get what the connection is really about. We fancy it is something it isn’t. Someone might be incredibly intellectually stimulating, bring you a ton of laughter, turn you on like no other, but be so destructive that once you are emotionally attached (if you haven’t mastered going above that when you see the destructiveness) they will bring you down with them. You have memories of happiness with them. You have a genuine love for certain aspects of their personality. And before you know it you are defending the good in them and ignoring the bad. Before you know it you are an addict – addicted to the ups and thanks to them willing to take the downs.
I normally keep good friendships with people. There are few ups and downs. Men have been an entirely different topic – I don’t fall in love very often and when I do it’s not always a sane decision and I would like to change that.
There is nothing better…almost…than when you meet someone you just feel a connection with. Whether a new friend or potential date. But it has hick-ups. If our judgment is screwed because we are judging from a place that doesn’t serve us, then we end up becoming friends with or dating nut cases. It’s not preferable, even if they are intellectually stimulating, funny, gorgeous, adventurous, stylish and totally irresistible…even if they can cook and make love and drive too fast in little cars whilst the wind is messing up their perfectly messy hair…
I’m trying to sort out my priorities. Perfectly messy hair should potentially not be one of them, but it doesn’t stop me from liking perfectly messy hair, does it? But why? Why, why, why?
Right, I’m off. It appears I have work to do. Other than figuring out why perfectly messy hair is attractive.
Image Source: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/507780926708897045/
In the dime stores and bus stations
People talk of situations
Read books, repeat quotations
Draw conclusions on the wall
Some speak of the future
My love she speaks softly
She knows there’s no success like failure
And that failure’s no success at all
- Bob Dylan