Today’s typo: more underwear = more aware. Maybe my voice recognition software is learning from my extensive knowledge of dirty headlines.
I fucked up my 365 days of blogging yesterday. I did that once before as well, so now I have to do to the dirty laundry twice two days this year. Last night the blog I wrote was deleted by WordPress. Or that’s to say: it deleted everything but the headline. The only other draft it saved was another headline. Peculiar.
I was upset last night anyway. I was upset because I was feeling helpless about something. You know if you decide to climb to the top of a Mountain, sometimes you will encounter dead-ends and you have to change course to be able to get to the top. At other times there is a big boulder in your way and you have to figure out how to get past it. There are also days when there is a thunderstorm and you cannot move. There is literally nothing you can do about it. You can keep practicing your muscles to strengthen them for the climb, gather more information about mountaineering, or take time to rest your body. It’s sort of like moving parallel instead of moving upwards. Sometimes this is great, even necessary, at other times it’s just a delay and you have to be patient.
For me, sometimes thunderstorms are the worst. When I feel that I cannot move. It’s okay if there is a boulder in the way, or you have to change course due to a dead end, because then you can figure something out. You can do something about it. But when there is a thunderstorm all you can do is wait. It makes me feel really helpless. Especially if there is a deadline for when to reach the top of the mountain.
Of course, I know that I might as well enjoy the thunderstorm. Somehow, I find it really hard to let go though. To sit back and relax, to use the time constructively and learn more about mountaineering whilst building my muscles. Especially if I promised someone else to be at the top of the mountain at a certain time, or if many other things in my life are dependent on me getting to the top of the mountain. I’m not used to feeling helpless.
I know there is no reason to stress. If I’ve made a decision that I’m getting to the top of a mountain, I will get to the top of that mountain. It’s not a question of it, but when. And if there is a thunderstorm then I have to use the time as best as possible. It may even be, that there is an reason for the thunderstorm. Maybe if I just kept climbing I would have hurt myself, or ended up in an accident. Maybe by waiting I will meet the right person during the climb. Whether it is just a delay, or something necessary for something else to happen, I know that stress is a pointless emotional state. Still, last night and part of today I was completely stressed out about a current thunderstorm.
It’s difficult letting go of stress, when many things in your life is dependent on one thing, that isn’t happening. Having experienced RSI this year, I’ve really seen what it is like to feel helpless in some ways because you can’t do exactly what you would want to do. And maybe more so than anything else it’s teaching me that there really is no point to stress. It’s not like the stress will help the situation. In all likelihood it will make it worse. So right now I’m learning to step back and enjoy what I can. Maybe I needed this, just to be able to see how much stress has been affecting my life for the past god knows many years. I have to start making decisions in my life, that and sure I don’t put myself in stressful situations all day everyday. Which usually, in my case, includes taking on too much work.
Do I ever believe you’re truly helpless? Well, if the thunderstorm doesn’t pass, then you will have to build a machine to take you to the top of the mountain. If a tiger is eating you alive, well, maybe then you are helpless. Or maybe you can get out of it. I don’t know. Maybe there are hopeless situations, but I’ll be damned if I ever give up. Just like I’ll be damned if I ever wear more underwear than necessary…
The below video really helped me deal with some of the thoughts around RSI. And it brought a tear to my eye. Enjoy.
Image source: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/507780926707878835/