How do the Swedes make their beds? That’s what someone googled and ended up here. Let me tell you how the Swedes make their bed: they make it in such a way they can stand sleeping in it later. There is a Swedish saying “how you make your bed, that’s how you have to sleep.” Meaning: if you do something, you have to face the consequences of it later.
My dad was an expert in the “suck it up” mentality. If I created something, whether it went as I hoped or not, his idea was that if you got yourself there, you get yourself out of there. Moaning, or moping, isn’t widely accepted in my family. Nor was it very easy getting a hug when feeling down. It was more likely you would be read the options of what you could do, should do, and better get yourself together and do. It gave me a few perfectionist beliefs and a fear of showing vulnerability, but it also gave me one hell of a can do attitude. To the point where my dad fears what I believe I can do next.
A year and a half ago when I came back to visit my dad after living in London for a year I told him I had to find an online job, because I was going to South Africa as a volunteer and couldn’t work there on a volunteer visa. I needed to keep working in the UK. I told him I was going to become a freelance writer. I had five weeks. He thought me insane. But I got on Elance and Gumtree and I did it.
I’ve done what people call impossible several times over. That’s not to say it was always comfortable though. And whereas some people seem to look up to me with big eyes, praising my crazy round the world lifestyle, my work with the kids in Africa and my writing talent, they don’t see the back side of it. When my hands went down this year and I lived in a country where I have no sick pay…well, there are perks with a normal lifestyle, let’s put it that way.
I was talking to my sister this morning and she was basically telling me I needed a boyfriend to “calm down my craziness.” She asked me if I didn’t want to settle down somewhere? And I was like yes, I want a home. I want to keep traveling, but I want a home. She asked me where and I was like…L.A., but is that really right? I am a foster mommy for a pair of six year old twins who live in a township in Cape Town and I work with a charity for kids there, Little Angels. The two combined are two of the biggest blessings in my life. So I have been debating my sanity going over to L.A. to set up my business. The market is here, but is my heart here?
Since I left L.A. three years ago I’ve awoken from about 70 dreams of being back in L.A. As my sister said this morning: “There’s a hint right there sis. It’s pretty obvious. The only reason you are in Cape Town is because of the kids.” She’s right, but I would never leave Little Angels, or the twins. In that case I’d stay in Cape Town. No doubt. Now if things go as planned, we get the investment, we set up shop here, but production will be in Cape Town. So I will go back and forth. There’s a visa issue if I want to spend most of the time in L.A. though, and there is also the issue of the kids. I will have to adopt them if I actually move here. Which I want to. I always did. And after some reflection, thinking about giving up all my spare time basically, as that will be dedicated to the kids, I realized I want nothing more. Still, for the first time in my life maybe, I actually think I’m crazy. And I’m very bloody aware that how you make your bed, is how you have to sleep in it.
I once left L.A. to go to my biz partner and investor in London to set up this business. I know what it feels like to make the wrong decision because I did then. I even threw the business out the window back then, investment and all, as I was so discouraged by living in London. It was only when I came to Cape Town inspiration came back to me.
I know what I want to do. I know, but for once in my life even I am shocked at the incredulous idea of what I’m about to do and I’m shell shocked with fear at the thought of losing Little Angels or the twins. Which I do NOT wish to do. I’m gonna have to make what even I consider impossible, possible. If I make the wrong decision, or if I can’t accomplish it, well then the whole world will know that Maria Montgomery fucked up. My ego will likely die. But there is life in adventure and there is absolutely nothing but cowardice in choosing what you don’t want because it’s easier. You might die living, but if you don’t live you’re already dead.
From my personal experience sleeping in Egyptian cotton and satin sheets is the best. The two combined. Half of my Egyptian cotton and satin sheets are in Cape Town, the other half in Sweden and I’m in L.A. But I’m smiling.
Image source: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/507780926708293087/