Sometimes I’m not very generous. In fact rather the opposite. I don’t give of my love openly, because I’m scared people don’t want it. I don’t say I love you, or give of my hugs and kisses. I don’t run up to say hello to people with a big grin on my face, instead I approach them carefully. I’m scared I’m unwanted and my gift would be that of poison. So I hide, I play it down, I keep quiet. I don’t live as I am. I pretend not to be all that I am, so as not to impose, so as not to invade, take up space.
If I am in a good mood on the other hand, feeling completely grounded in myself, I say really nice things to people. I throw compliments right left and center. I’m flirtatious, outgoing and potentially somewhat insane. I’m the girl who loves everyone and everyone loves me. I’m playful and happy. I live life on my terms…the ones that never fitted into a square box of this is how it all should be. I play.
It’s a funny thing with life. You have to give to receive. People truly appreciate you if you give of yourself, at least those that resonate with you and those are the ones you wanna hang out with, or make love to, anyway. Most of us have gotten scared at one point, or another in our lives though. Scared of giving of ourselves because we were once harshly rejected. So harshly we believed that was the only truth. That we were that, deserved that. I got so scared it resembled social phobia, but that’s all in the past, isn’t it? And don’t we all know that when we show up with our hearts open, our minds bubbling with joy at the encounter with others and our spirit is that of giving, we are received with gratitude?
I love playful people. I love people who dare to give of themselves, live outrageously and play with life to the full. I love them so much I only date players… I’m notoriously playful and I think it’s time to live that out on all levels…to be the playful me in my heart. I can be sharp and controlled, intellectual and smart…act strategically and plan every move…but I just wanna be me from now on…I just wanna play…
Hey you, yeah you, I love you for reading this, for supporting my journey, for telling me I am wrong and right and totally outrageous. If you are my friend I love you for the tears, the laughter and the nutty times we’ve shared. If we are yet to meet I love you for being alive, being human, filled with emotions, fear, love and joy. We are all a bit crazy, but there is always someone out there who loves our craziness, we just have to be willing to share it…and love them. As they are. Glorious gang-bang, as I always say. Bring it!