If you ask me what the higher purpose of anything should be, I’d say love. That’s why I have become extremely picky in all my choices in life these days. Thinking of what part-time job to get when I start working on my own business part-time, what friends to surround myself with and whom to date I’m constantly looking to love. What would I love? Where would I give my loving energy? How can I combine the loves of my life, my passions, to create a sustainable company? Relationship? Friendship? I’m a very divided, or multi-faceted person, how can I gather together all that I love, all that I am, and make it work? How can I use all my creative talent in one company? How can I set up a business where I get to go and work with underprivileged kids in Africa as well (and spend enough time there, or somewhere else, to have sun need satisfied…Maria needs beaches and a lot of daylight to function)? What kind of man would be able to be a part of my life, whom I could love, share life with and create things with? How can I open up to love, on all levels, to invite this into my life?
Basically, lately, I’ve taken a look at what I love. There are so many other desires that can come in and overtake us and shape our life into something much less desirable than the desires let on… Sexual force, power, survival needs, fears, temporary in the moment pleasurable wants (there’s a couch, let’s sit..)…things that could, but don’t always come from the heart….but these days, I want life to come from my heart. And so I have been thinking a lot about David Deida recently as he talks a lot about heartfelt orgasms…living your pleasure from the heart. So today, I will just quote him. Enjoy the kinky spirituality….
The amount of consciousness with which you can ravish your woman–the size of your ‘spiritual penis,’ so to speak–is determined by how fully you have surrendered as openness and love. Practice opening as free being, as unbounded love, even as thoughts come and go, fears clench and pass, and desires ebb and flow.
Feminine and masculine needs for appreciation grow though levels, from self-doubt, to self-assurance, to self-giving. At the lower levels, a relationship can be rife with neediness: you are needy for constant reassurance that you are loved, desired, and attractive, and your masculine partner is needy for your admiration of his success and attainments. The middle levels of growth involve developing self-appreciation, self-acceptance, and self-admiration. The higher levels of growth involve surrendering open and giving your deepest gifts of love and freedom–in spite of whether you feel appreciated by others or yourself.
If you are with a man you don’t trust, it is only because you prefer unsurrendered love to surrendering wide open in total trust. It feels safe. You are afraid to let go of control–part of you doesn’t trust love’s command–so you have chosen a man who doesn’t demand your surrender with his depth of integrity. If you did trust the command of love, you would only settle for a deep man capable of opening you more deeply than you could instruct him.
If the masculine partner’s presence wavers, then the feminine partner loses trust, guards herself emotionally, and can’t enjoy the bliss of opening her body and heart fully as the flow of feminine love. If the feminine partner’s radiance diminishes–so that body and heart close, ripples of pleasure decrease, and emotional expression becomes muted–then the masculine partner is stuck in the realm of head and tail, bereft of full-bodied, heart-given sensual energy, unattracted beyond his own self-controlled detachment or selfish stimulation
True surrender is true power: the love-force that moves the universe is also the love-force that breathes your breath and beats your heart. When fear dissolves, you no longer separate yourself from this single flow of immense force. Love is continuity with infinite life-force, a oneness of being with no separation. Opening sexually is opening to this flow of life-force. And love is the key to this opening.
If we hold back our energy to avoid feeling our sexual kinks, then we also hold back our deepest gifts. Without being shy, we can allow all our gifts to grow and all our sexual desires to come to the surface. Then, with compassion, humor, and understanding, we can undo the inappropriate forces of habit-energy that may have been shaped by a history beyond our control.
The simplicity of it is this: give everything you have to give in every moment, completely.
The feminine is a miracle of surrender, a flower of force that either opens or closes. As a woman, you can use your masculine discrimination to decide which direction to move in, but when you are polarized into your feminine energy–by a man of great masculine presence, for instance–then you may lose access to your masculine directionality. In moments like these, you may find yourself unable to say no.
Few men are worthy of your total trust, but if you were with a trustable man would you be able to offer your body wide open, surrendering open beyond the edges of the universe, offering him more of your awesome pleasure than he has ever had the blessing to behold?
No matter how dearly you try to control, your life unfolds as a mystery. Why do you love whom you love, and how long will it last? Do you know exactly what you are going to say before you say it? Why are you thinking your specific thoughts right now, and what will be your very next action? The weather is easier to predict than what you will be thinking, feeling, and doing next week–or even in ten seconds.
Every man knows that his highest purpose in life cannot be reduced to any particular relationship. If a man prioritizes his relationship over his highest purpose, he weakens himself, disserves the universe, and cheats his woman of an authentic man who can offer his full, undivided presence.
If you are waiting for anything in order to live and love without holding back, then you suffer.
Spiritual practice is the capacity to offer your love even when you feel hurt, closed down, tense, angry, misunderstood, or hated.
Men are terrified of a woman’s depth of love and the energy that moves as a woman’s sexuality and emotions. And, at the same time, men want nothing more in this life than to merge completely with a woman’s devotional love and wild energy. Only as a man outgrows his fear can he handle a woman’s tremendous love-energy without running. And only such a man is worthy of your devotional offering in a committed intimacy.
A good orgasm is satisfying, but a great orgasm can be a revelation of your deepest being, unfolding the truth of who you are in ecstatic communion with your lover.
And when you surrender completely to life, you will live fully, exploring and feeling all that is, knowing things will constantly change…the good, the bad, the wonderful…but living every change, fully alive, fully loving….being part of live as it unfolds around you, within you…with a man within you… (sorry I couldn’t resist…)