I have met a few people this year. Some which passed by without a stir and some which have shocked me greatly. I believe though, above and beyond anything, I have shocked myself greatly, because I showed up naked at times and at other times I would have been happy to be naked. No my darlings, I did not show up in the nude. I was just bare to my soul and happy to be so. Much more tantalizing, don’t you think? Nudity is an over exploited part of Hollywood and I abuse it in my headlines…
So anyhow…in all my nakedness I met a lot of people. Now the fascinating thing is I met famous people, I met rich people, I met personal development gurus and I met, let’s say, rivals in love (although I don’t really think you can have rivals in love…love is what it is and will be what it already is….the rest is just confusion – ego, thoughts, behaviors…whatever….but you may have to sort out the ego, thoughts and behaviors…). And as I stood there naked to the core, sometimes shocked beyond belief, my thoughts were: “I’m happy to be me.”
That I was happy to be me is the really, really incredible bit. I did not want to become like them, even if they had things I desired. I wasn’t floored and awed either. Me, little me that usually gape at successful people in awe, was not floored. Nor did I want to suck up to them in any way. Because I was happy I was no longer desperate to have what they had – i.e. I had no need to suck up to them – if I was going to get it, it would be on my terms and if that wouldn’t work…then I’d rather be single, penniless and unknown. Of course, I rather think it’s up to me to change all that, but I don’t feel inferior without it, or like I need it to be happy. To me that’s massive because I have spent a lifetime sucking up to others, wanting their approval, or wanting what they had, thinking “it would make me happy.”
I guess it was the realization that people who I have always looked up to, may not be that happy after all. They may have succeeded in one way or another, but their interiors are still a mess. And I wouldn’t want to exchange my new-found happiness for any of that. Nor would I want anything that isn’t in harmony, or resonating with that.
I still want to find fame (i.e. outreach), fortune (to be able to realize various pursuits) and love (dah), but it will be on my terms….or well – all things are two, or more energies coming together to form a third, so there will be co-operation. I’m just no longer a slave to where I want to go in life, or what I want out of life. The difference is simple. Say I’m in love with a man. I love this man. I 100% wanna be with him, but what he offers me in the form of a relationship is not what I want – whether he wants an open relationship, isn’t prepared to be honest with me, or just isn’t that into me (or whatever, we all have different wants). Then I won’t have it. I doubt I will be in love with a man who doesn’t offer me roses if I’m offering myself roses because of resonance, but you get what I’m on about. Either we settle on terms that are good for all, or we both sort out our internal roses and then talk about it, or we don’t settle at all.
In the past I would have gotten frustrated if I didn’t get what I want, now I look to myself, because I believe in resonance. If life isn’t offering me what I want, then what is it I’m not giving myself? Love perhaps? I simply believe if you love yourself and your heart is open, what resonates with you will come to be – in life, in business, in love. And I’ve never been at that point before because when I want something I want something and I’ve sacrificed myself to get it which has led to disaster after disaster, because obviously it wasn’t right, it wasn’t resonating with me. As my friend says: “Learn to use your hands and you won’t be desperate for a man. If a man ain’t treating royal P like royal P, he ain’t gonna get royal P.” This makes me laugh till I cry, but she has a point…
When I want something I give all of me – believe me neither man, nor business opportunity will pass me by without me giving my all (and maybe for the first time I am giving my all, not just my energy and determination, because I’m fine with who I am so I don’t feel a need to protect myself…or well, there are a few areas left…), but that’s it. That’s all I can do. I can’t manipulate events in my favor. I don’t want to. I want what’s true to my core to be part of my life. The rest is not gonna make me one ounce happier anyway. That doesn’t mean I don’t get angry, frustrated, or upset when things don’t go my way - I can swear and sometimes for a long time, but it means I return to my core, to my calm, to love and to letting things flow. I go back to me and look at if I have to let go of ego, thoughts and behaviors. And I feel calm because I have faith that if I set myself free and I love, it will all be fine. When the time is right, the right things will enter. And in the meantime I’m just jumping around naked, happy to be me. You should join me – it’s like being a toddler again – total freedom.