Tried writing a a resume lately? Aren’t they great fun (= great pain in the ass???). It’s a huge task…(and huge in this case is not a good thing…) You can’t really tell the truth, because if you did you’d never get hired. Well, I mean you can tell the truth, but you have to leave out the fine print… So here’s my real resume. The naked blonde one…
Dear Potential Boss,
I’m Swedish, blonde and blue eyed (ja, ja), but I’m from London, innit mate? I do afternoon tea and I live in LA, mais j’adore la France aussie…et je voudrais fair du travailler avec les enfants en Afrique (but I can’t spell all that correctly). Oh and I’m a trained actor/director/producer and life coach, as well as a wannabe entrepreneur and writer. I did spend an hour becoming a qualified stripper once too…but that was in Vegas and I wouldn’t do it outside Vegas, so don’t include it in my job duties. I was brought up in the countryside, but live in the big city…on top of a hill next to stand-up comedians, acrobats, artists, a goat, a speaking parrot and an emu…a couple of other interesting birds and a few dogs. I can see the stars when I fall asleep and I have an orange tree outside my window, so I sometimes still believe I’m in the countryside. I think it’s called: I’m confused..but I prefer the term: citizen of the world…a maverick traveler, a vagabond, a curious case of curiosity, someone who seeks out life beyond measure….
I have had almost every job you can imagine, and some you can’t. I started my career as an activity leader, working with people with mental and physical disabilities in Sweden. I then moved onto waitress in Paris, shops assistant in a very posh clothing shop in London, classroom assistant, manager for waiters at Wembley Arena, nightclub masseuse (no, not what you think…it was head and shoulders…we did shopping malls too…totally decent, minus some side effects), PA to a CEO, cocktail waitress, business consultant, life coach, caretaker for the elderly and disabled (Florence Nightingale to the rescue…and yes, I did wipe people’s asses too…you did want the job description, didn’t you??!!?!)…I probably forgot some odd jobs too. I have volunteered for the UN Youth Organization and as a drama teacher for kiddos. I have had two internships; one for a film production company and one for a marketing company. One went splendid, the other tits up. The only work I ever truly loved was leading my own film and theater projects and my start-ups, and working with helping people, using creativity, hypnosis and mental tricks.
As for the injuries I’m not meant to have: I have a funky back/hip that requires loads of TLC and my knee got squeezed in BJJ a year ago, by a very feisty little woman, so I can only stand up for limited periods of time and walk uphills ever so often if I want to avoid pain. Of course, just disregard this as I do not have any injuries at all.
And, as for the kids I won’t want as I’d have to have time enough to look after them (instead of
slaving…working for you): I would like a kid and a few adopted ones. This makes me that much better of an employee, I’m sure as I’d actually have to spend all my evenings playing and all my mornings meditating to keep sane. I believe both are valuable exercises for keeping one’s head screwed on during the day. It’d also require that I have regular sex with a man, to keep him a happy father and as we all know: sex is good for you. I’ll probably stay healthy till I’m a hundred and fifty, or so. Plus, I’m a woman. If I don’t get to be a woman I will probably turn nasty on you in the end.
As for the future: I see myself as Branson meets Scorsese…with a nakedly blonde flair and a huge chunk of comedy…this means I will have to sack you, as both Branson and Scorsese are self-employed. (N.B. You need a sense of humor if you want to be my Boss.)
My trademark seems to be naughtiness; spice in life; playfulness. I believe this trademark will be good for your business.
I adore all things natural, including Mother Nature herself. I have a weakness for magic…both magicians who trick the minds of us mere mortals and the magic you find in life, in food, in spice… I also have a severe weakness for men, dancing, BJJ, sailing, open fires, deep conversation, playing in big waves, anything to do with film, theater, photography and creativity in general, the mind, entrepreneurialism, food and desserts, wellness, traveling and spirituality.
I will work my ass off for anything I believe in…so make me believe in you.
I have faith in living with love, in love and around love. I think life is about doing what you love, with the people you love, in a place you love, treating your mind, body, and soul, as well as other people, with love. It starts in the heart, then comes the action. It’s really that hard…simple.
You can join my fan pages, because I need a Boss who supports the fact that I want to be my own Boss:
Two Naked Blondes & Co.…let’s talk about…sex, love and relationships…under the covers…
The Dizzy Blonde Fan Page…because you are my fan, aren’t you???!!!
My blog….you found it.
My Twitter: DizzyBlondeBlog
If you want to contact me to audition as my Boss, please PM me on Facebook, or tweet me. If I like you, you’ll get my Skype…