Time to remove that blindfold, don’t you think???

Brilliant thumbnail don’t you think? “Looking for heavenly inspiration” LOL

Don’t Hope, Friend…Decide!

While waiting to pick up a friend at the airport in Portland, Oregon, I had one of those life changing experiences that you hear other people talk about. You know, the kind that sneaks up on you unexpectedly? Well, this one occurred a mere two feet away from me!

Straining to locate my friend among the passengers deplaning through the jetway, I noticed a man coming toward me carrying two light bags. He stopped right next to me to greet his family.

First, he motioned to his youngest son (maybe six years old) as he laid down his bags. They gave each other a long, and movingly loving hug. As they separated enough to look in each other’s face, I heard the father say, “It’s so good to see you, son. I missed you so much!” His son smiled somewhat shyly, diverted his eyes, and replied softly, “Me too, Dad!”

Then the man stood up, gazed in the eyes of his oldest son (maybe 9 or 10) and while cupping his son’s face in his hands he said, “You’re already quite the young man. I love you very much Zach!” They too hugged a most loving, tender hug. His son said nothing. No reply was necessary.

While this was happening, a baby girl (perhaps one or one and a half) was squirming excitedly in her mother’s arms, never once taking her little eyes off the wonderful sight of her returning father. The man said, “Hi babygirl!” as he gently took the child from her mother. He quickly kissed her face all over and then held her close to his chest while rocking her from side to side. The little girl instantly relaxed and simply laid her head on his shoulder and remained motionless in total pure contentment.

After several moments, he handed his daughter to his oldest son and declared, “I’ve saved the best for last!” and proceeded to give his wife the longest, most passionate kiss I ever remember seeing. He gazed into her eyes for several seconds and then silently mouthed, “I love you so much!” They stared into each other’s eyes, beaming big smiles at one another, while holding both hands. For an instant, they reminded me of newlyweds but I knew by the age of their kids that they couldn’t be. I puzzled about it for a moment, then realized how totally engrossed I was in the wonderful display of unconditional love not more than an arm’s length away from me. I suddenly felt uncomfortable, as if I were invading something sacred, but was amazed to hear my own voice nervously ask, “Wow! How long have you two been married?” “Been together fourteen years total, married twelve of those,” he replied without breaking his gaze from his lovely wife’s face. “Well then, how long have you been away?” I asked. The man finally looked at me, still beaming his joyous smile and told me, “Two whole days!”

Two days?! I was stunned! I was certain by the intensity of the greeting I just witnessed that he’d been gone for at least several weeks, if not months, and I know my expression betrayed me. So I said almost offhandedly, hoping to end my intrusion with some semblance of grace (and to get back to searching for my friend), “I hope my marriage is still that passionate after twelve years!”

The man suddenly stopped smiling. He looked me straight in the eye, and with an intensity that burned right into my soul, he told me something that left me a different person. He told me, “Don’t hope friend…decide.” Then he flashed me his wonderful smile again, shook my hand and said, “God bless!” With that, he and his family turned and energetically strode away together.

I was still watching that exceptional man and his special family walk just out of sight when my friend came up to me and asked, “What’cha looking at?” Without hesitating, and with a curious sense of certainty, I replied, “My future!”

Michael D. Hargrove © Copyright 1997 by Michael D. Hargrove. All rights reserved. Used with author’s permission. Visit Michael’s website at: www.bluinc.com

To build something great…focus on the greatness…see the beauty in front of you…

Sadly, last time I can remember dancing with someone I liked, was around the same time as this hot tub experience…and that was a disaster. I was trying to rescue him from himself, by chaining him in my grasp, but not even that solved the monkey-at-a-disco style problem. However, dancing with a man you love, in a loving (not monkey style) way…could it get any better? Truly experiencing someone’s body whilst finding a rhythm together? It takes a lot of letting go, a lot of trust and a lot of co-operation to be able to do that, but it’s so divine when it works. Dancing with men you don’t love, who aren’t true dancers, on the other hand can prove disasterous if they belong to the tits and ass grabbing population – they aren’t in it to really experience you, they are in it to get off on you. Having said that I’m taking up both swing and tango this year so the men better fucking behave in those classes!

So where was I? In a hot tub in LA, that’s right. Yeah, so at the time I happened to be dating this nutcase whom the hot tub belonged to. No, really, he was a nutcase. A very attractive nutcase. He had what I can only call fire and I have been known to fall for…heat (it sure as hell wasn’t the monkey style dancing techniques). Point being: our dating wasn’t going too well and I was all concerned about what this nutcase thought of me. I wanted to be all that, because I hadn’t yet figured out that he wasn’t all that. So I felt shy and nervous and inferior (he was like superior because I was sucking up to him to make him like me..not that he really was superior and I really was inferior, it’s just that in my mind that’s how it was, because that’s the position I put myself in)…and then it hit me: What if life wasn’t about me? Ahhh, self obsessed drama queen having an epiphany?!?!! (Have I said people liken me to gay guys? Apparently I have their physical mannerism. When I’m in a good mood I’m a bit…theatrical. “Oh, darrrrling” and featherboas….purrrrfect!)

So yeah…as I was all anxious about how this man would perceive me and therefore startled, I wasn’t quite myself so to speak. I can’t say he brought out the best in me – I felt more like I was being scrutinized than having a leisurely time, but as is my habit: I wanted to be perfect and this want made me so nervous I was frozen instead of passionate. I’m sure we’ve all experienced those moments. My childhood and some of my teens were pretty much just that. I know it very well. And the point…(finally)…the point is that if I lived to give, instead of wanting a specific return on investment, I wouldn’t have this issue. If it was all about giving as much as I could and experiencing other people I wouldn’t have fear, because there would be nothing to fear. Life wouldn’t be about their opinions of me, because I would only focus on giving of myself and experiencing them.

Being self obsessed isn’t a healthy obsession. Neither is worrying, which is basically the same: you worry about whether life will give you something in return for your investment. Drama queen, over achiever, I need to be perfect, I want it all straight away, or I’m gonna cry ‘cuz I dislike doing something I don’t enjoy and feel like a total waste Maria, has a few things to learn. “Relax, nothing is under control.” as the Booja-Booja quote on my wall says. Drop the ego, enjoy the moment.

I came to the conclusion, in the end, that the problem with the hot tub man was his ego. I came to the same conclusion about myself. Interesting how that works. The fun thing with life is to experience it, not worry about it, or feel that you need to control it. As mentioned in my vlog, Straight from the heart… (the other hot tub epiphany) I was all about achievement and never felt good about myself, because I never felt like I achieved what I wanted to achieve on every level. I could always do better. This resulted in that I felt (and still feel sometimes) no one could like me, because I wasn’t perfect. I was constantly ashamed of myself. And so when dating someone I actually liked I couldn’t just pull a face and play the game: I was reduced to a nervous heap of anxiety, trying to please them; be what they liked (which on the outside just came across as a tad cold and stiff). I never experienced them, I never gave of myself to them, I was too busy being petrified by my own fear of not being perfect. I was frozen. And then I was furious because I didn’t want to be like that – I wanted to live. Freely.

Mmmm….so if you haven’t truly danced with me, so as to feel what I feel like, without obsessing about what I would think about your dancing, or obsessing about getting me in bed…but truly given of yourself to the dance, the experience…have you truly ever known me? That is the question Sherlock.

Ah yes, palm trees, beach, poledancing…only missing a hot tub to be paradise!!!

]]> http://confessionsofadizzyblonde.wordpress.com/2012/01/26/the-late-night-office-poledancing-experience/feed/ 0 confessionsofadizzyblonde Copy of Hedonism beach pole dancer http://confessionsofadizzyblonde.wordpress.com/2012/01/24/my-phone-just-rang-but-there-was-no-one-there/ http://confessionsofadizzyblonde.wordpress.com/2012/01/24/my-phone-just-rang-but-there-was-no-one-there/#comments Tue, 24 Jan 2012 19:51:46 +0000 Confessions Of A Dizzy Blonde http://confessionsofadizzyblonde.wordpress.com/?p=6605 Continue reading →]]> It happens to me ever so often…it starts vibrating, beeping, or ringing…but there’s no one there. Is it the phone? Is it me? Is it someone else? It’s blinking in an angry red right now, but there are no new messages. I wanna shake the phone and ask who tried to reach me? Potentially the Best-Penis spam emails, as it was on vibration so could have been an email…but still…who knows?

Life is a mystery and sometimes, instead of getting frustrated, we should just enjoy the detective work…it’s quite an interesting (and potentially a scrumptitious, delicious) adventure if you see it that way. I always fancied being an adventurer you see…travelling the seven seas, making new discoveries in far away places. So I’m gonna do just that with life: enjoy the unknown and dare to get lost to find my way…I just hope that when it’s a bootycall, I get the message!!!

Enter the twilight zone.

What was I doing today? Finding my sex appeal of course! I was cooking, baking and cleaning. All day long. I managed to do some grocery shopping too in the local fruit and veg place, but that’s about it. I was a householding queen and somewhere along the way I realized that’s sexy. I always used to think the opposite.

I grew up as a geek, thinking I had to become cool somehow so that I would get to play with the other kids and kiss my Prince Charming. I was determined to make it, but I’m not sure what that meant, apart from rich, famous and stylish as hell. I have a few affinities with a certain posh spicy lady. I read somewhere that she doesn’t smile because she thinks her smile looks bad and although I’m sure all actresses and people constantly in the media know their angles…in life, what makes us beautiful is when we are enjoying ourselves. That’s sexy. When I was camping in Ojai, with a hairstyle resembling women in the stone age, throwing myself (in not too flattering ways) off ropes (you know the kind hanging off trees you can dangle in) into sparkling green water, laughing like a kid, I’m sure I didn’t look the same as I did when I was in my black mini dress and sky-high heels at Sky Bar…but was I sexy? Hell yes. Who can resist happiness?

Cool people believe in themselves, not because they have all the answers, but because they know they have as much right to be here as the guy next door. Cool people are too busy living and enjoying life to have time to put themselves, or others down. They are cool, because they think they are cool, as they are, yet they are humble, loving beings who are experiencing life as it is and doing their best to make the best of themselves and their path.

Sex appeal comes from bringing out who we are and making that shine. On that note: I’m gonna have some more red wine, chocolate cake and curl up in my super sassy bed with my MacBook. Geeky? Absofuckinglutely… Sexy? Mmmm…

So you had Rourke and I have my mop…but I’m sure we’ve both got the moves…LOL!

Sometimes I’m not very generous. In fact rather the opposite. I don’t give of my love openly, because I’m scared people don’t want it. I don’t say I love you, or give of my hugs and kisses. I don’t run up to say hello to people with a big grin on my face, instead I approach them carefully. I’m scared I’m unwanted and my gift would be that of poison. So I hide, I play it down, I keep quiet. I don’t live as I am. I pretend not to be all that I am, so as not to impose, so as not to invade, take up space.

If I am in a good mood on the other hand, feeling completely grounded in myself, I say really nice things to people. I throw compliments right left and center. I’m flirtatious, outgoing and potentially somewhat insane. I’m the girl who loves everyone and everyone loves me. I’m playful and happy. I live life on my terms…the ones that never fitted into a square box of this is how it all should be. I play.

It’s a funny thing with life. You have to give to receive. People truly appreciate you if you give of yourself, at least those that resonate with you and those are the ones you wanna hang out with, or make love to, anyway. Most of us have gotten scared at one point, or another in our lives though. Scared of giving of ourselves because we were once harshly rejected. So harshly we believed that was the only truth. That we were that, deserved that. I got so scared it resembled social phobia, but that’s all in the past, isn’t it? And don’t we all know that when we show up with our hearts open, our minds bubbling with joy at the encounter with others and our spirit is that of giving, we are received with gratitude?

I love playful people. I love people who dare to give of themselves, live outrageously and play with life to the full. I love them so much I only date players… I’m notoriously playful and I think it’s time to live that out on all levels…to be the playful me in my heart. I can be sharp and controlled, intellectual and smart…act strategically and plan every move…but I just wanna be me from now on…I just wanna play…

Hey you, yeah you, I love you for reading this, for supporting my journey, for telling me I am wrong and right and totally outrageous. If you are my friend I love you for the tears, the laughter and the nutty times we’ve shared. If we are yet to meet I love you for being alive, being human, filled with emotions, fear, love and joy. We are all a bit crazy, but there is always someone out there who loves our craziness, we just have to be willing to share it…and love them. As they are. Glorious gang-bang, as I always say. Bring it!

Hey hot stuff...wanna play...???

I saw some photos on Facebook the other day. They tell the story of a boy with downs syndrome – what his life is like, what he feels, how others see him and the joys he gives his sister. It was beautiful. It brought a tear to my eye and a smile to my face. If you had just seen one picture of the boy though, you wouldn’t have seen any of that beauty. You wouldn’t have felt anything. He would just be a face and not one we maybe see as physically beautiful, unless you stop to ponder that each person is uniquely beautiful and each person also has a heart and a soul. Each person feels, seeks love and cries at times. If you are somehow taken on a journey where you can feel that, you will probably see the beauty in them.

I’m quite saddened and angry too at the moment as people are passing around photos now saying the new “ideal” should be curvy and that’s the new way forward and so on. Appreciate each other’s beauty instead of putting one another down! It’s the same feelings I have around people who are so-called feminists and say women are superior to men – learn to see the divine in both the feminine and the masculine and work on finding harmony and peace instead. I understand if wrongs have been committed that you are angry, but it’s like racism right – if you are the minority group, being bullied by another, it won’t really create peace by you treating them as they treat you. It’s like defeating one dictator only to become one yourself. By lowering yourself to their level, you become like them. To build peace we have to build bridges of understanding and learn to see the beauty in one another. We have to learn to respect one another – stand up for who we are and what we believe in without putting anyone else down.

If we share our stories we get to know each other and feel for one another as we can see ourselves in each other. We learn that we all have feelings and are doing the best with the assets and handicaps we were born with and the traits we picked up in childhood. It’s not always easy to have the patience to get to someone’s core – to uncover the beauty inside, but the price…well, the price is priceless. Love.

If you take the time to watch the video below I promise you, it will move you. It’s a video I wish I could make every child see, so that they understand that somewhere, we are all the same. I wish someone would have shown it to my bullies, I wish someone would have shown it to me so that I would understand that even though I was seen as different, I was still wonderful. Words can’t express this video. Please watch it.

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