Sex in Africa – an open letter for help!

You know me – I always blog about sex, as I find it an easy and fun way to spice things up and have a bit of a giggle. My life lessons sound that much better when drizzled with sex and humor. For me sex in real life is something built upon love and respect though – you don’t have to be in love with someone to have sex with them, but in the moment, you have to love them for who they are and what they are giving you. Sadly that’s not always what happens in real life.

Working in a township in South Africa I have become very aware of how sex can become an evil force when it’s used as a tool for something else, like drugs, or power. Working with a bunch of innocent kids, some who have seen their mothers sell their bodies for drugs, make me sick to the stomach. Not least because what often happens is that teenagers start sleeping with drug dealers for status, money and drugs. When I think of these little kids growing up and becoming more and more subjected to drugs, crime and prostitution I panic. I can’t stand the thought that the kids that run me down with hugs every day will one day turn to desperation and sell their soul to the devil, quite literally. This is why I have, together with the staff at Little Angels, started a campaign to turn the creche into a community center, so that when the kids leave for school when they turn six, or seven, they will still be able to spend the afternoons and evenings with us instead of spending time in the streets, or around abusive family relations. I want to do what I can to help them create a future they would love.

Myself and the staff at Little Angels can’t do this alone though and that’s why I’ve written this blog, asking for your help. We need to create a team from around the world to help us with this transformation. It really is a matter of every little helps and I would love if you could read about our dream and share your thoughts with me. I would really, truly appreciate it. Thank you!

Little Angels – the Vision

The Little Angels Crèche in Hangberg, Cape Town, is a crèche for underprivileged children registered as a non-profit organization under the Hout Bay Christian Social Development Organization. At any one time there’s usually 60-80 children enrolled, with many more queuing for access. The kids often suffer abuse at home, some have HIV, or parents with HIV and many have parents that suffer from substance misuse. Some have been orphaned due to murder, HIV, or drugs, others have parents in prison.

The crèche collaborates with CARES which is a charity that helps combat substance misuse and place the children of their clients in the crèche (around 30-50 children at any one time have parents enrolled in CARES recovery program).

Little Angels is based on a small plot of land, leased from the government, and operates out of three Wendy houses (shacks). There is no electricity, hot water, or proper toilets, or kitchen, nor do we have money for food, apart from some pap (porridge) in the morning, delivered by the Principal’s sister.

The Principal of the crèche, Liezel, is a real power house! Not only does she and her staff run the crèche for free (often not having money for food and clothes themselves), she is also the whole community’s go to lady when it comes to HIV consulting and she and her sister runs a feeding program for about 112 children out of their own homes.

Currently there is Liezel, a dedicated team of four staff and some others who pitch in when necessary, the Little Angels spokesperson, Dennis, and Maria who is a volunteer from CARES teaching the kids drama and storytelling, as well as doing things such as building a website and heading up the campaign to transform the crèche into a community center. You see, our dream is to convert the Little Angels crèche into a sustainable and self-sufficient community center with a youth program.

By offering an after school youth program we are hoping to break the normal circle for kids in Hangberg, which is that once they start school they end up spending their leisure time in the afternoons in bad company. As a result, by the time they reach their teens they get involved in drugs, they start having sex (often in return for drugs) and end up with HIV. Many also end up as criminals. Of course this does not happen to everyone, but as many children experience abuse at home, grow up around violence and drugs and see no hope for the future, things don’t always turn out great. This crushes our hearts, as today we see a lovely group of kids that shower me in hugs and kisses every day. Kids who are desperate for love and attention. Kids filled with playfulness and joy, even if their faces are already marked with scars of abuse and their bodies with malnutrition.

So yes, our goal is to transform the crèche into an Eco-friendly community center with a permaculture garden, housing the crèche, a youth program run in accordance with the Sudbury model (i.e. the children and youth lead the program) and with a self-sufficiency model such as laid out by the Teach a Man to Fish Organization, a study room/library, a counseling room – both for Liezel’s HIV counseling and for people who just want to stop by and chat, a kitchen, proper toilet and washing facilities, a laundry room, and a few beds for children and women who are escaping abuse.

What we would love to do is to build a sandbag eco-house. Those can be built so they look like “normal” houses and are as durable, meaning building regulations hopefully won’t be a problem. They are a lot cheaper than normal houses however – someone built a large two story one here in SA for R140,000 incl. labor and material (and theft!), which is around $15,500, or GBP 10,000. When it comes to electricity we hope to install solar panels. We would also love to create a permaculture garden.

The reason we want to make it eco-friendly and sustainable is so that the kids can learn how to create self-sufficiency in their own lives. Of course, we also wish to do Mother Nature a favor and teach the kids to respect the Earth.

Education is the only thing that will create lasting change in the world and seeing the struggle of Little Angels it is clear that education is a luxury. It shouldn’t have to be. Therefore, simultaneously with creating the Little Angels Community Center we want to set up the Little Angels Media Project in collaboration with The Wandering Tales. This will be an educational wiki and an online media library for educational tools.

The media library will contain apps, books, films, videos and games. All tools will be made available free with the option of donating whatever you wish to pay when downloading something. The educational wiki, will be a place where people can upload educational stories, games (as in the outline of how to play a game), songs and teaching plans. Each project, when finished is automatically uploaded to the online library, ready for download.

Later this year we will do a massive fundraising campaign for this project on Indiegogo, or Kickstarter. This will go together with a massive campaign to reach out to the media and various corporations to get them help support it, so if only by telling their employees about it and spreading the word on social media. For the fundraising we also need to invent “perks” – gifts anyone who donates money receive. These gifts can then be sold on our website for years to come, as a way of raising funds. We still need to determine how to make the center self-sufficient and we are basing our research on the Teach a Man to Fish Organization’s experiences.

Before we start the fundraising we wish to establish connections with as many companies as possible that can show that they are willing to support us. For example farms that can give us discounted food, people who are willing to volunteer to help build the house, a company supplying herbs and veg for the garden, someone familiar with the Sudbury model and so on. By the time we launch the fundraising campaign everything from how we intend to run the youth program, to detailed drawings of the center and gardens need to be in place.

As you can see our project is not just about crowd funding, it’s also about crowd sourcing – from creating an educational wiki and free online media library, to gathering a team of experts and volunteers to help us build the center, providing their skills and expertise, we will depend on team work.

There’s lots to do and we are looking for help in every area – we need to establish a core team of people who can help run the crèche and lead the transformation into a community center, as well as people willing to lend an hour, or two per week to come down and teach the kids, or who can donate a bag of rice, or clothes their kids have grown out of. Anyone who can help spread the word about our organization is also appreciated – whether tweeting, PR, or blogging – and we are happy to talk to anyone who simply wants to know what it is like working out here with the things we do. You learn a lot from working with children, as well as seeing what’s going on in the townships of Cape Town.

Thank you for taking your time to read this – below you will find some more photos of our team, the crèche and the wonderful kids we work with! If you want to contact us, you can do so here:

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Namaste!

There’s no kitchen, so the Principal’s sister cooks morning porridge at home.

My love life…raw, naked…

There was nothing I could do. The sky was a naked, empty canvas. A nothingness. Images were flashing through my mind. Images filled with laughter. Images filled with comfort through the tears. Images of holding hands. Such a simple thing. Holding a hand. Simple yet powerful. A support during long nights, through pain, through laughter.

You don’t need much in this life, not really. Healthy food on the table, a roof over your head and a certain level of comfort, being surrounded by a nice environment is enough. The secret, or not so secret needs, of the heart though, are much different. They are the ones that will whisper quietly, yet with strength; they are the ones that will keep you up at night. They are the ones that rule you, if you let them. Maybe you are in charge, maybe they are. I don’t know, but you heart will ache with those desires…ache…

I’m not sure if we were born with them, or if we were brought up to believe in them; if fate by chance, or purpose placed them in our lives. If it’s a cruel joke, or a divine plan. If it’s a choice, or a prison. I really don’t know. All I know is that since I was a kid I’ve had a restlessness in my heart. Maybe restless is the wrong word, maybe passion, or desire the right one. From time to time it has been a man who got hold of my heart and made me twist and turn in my sleep, wondering how it was humanly possible to long for something, or someone so much? Did I choose it? Why? Why him, why then? Why still now? Why long for the impossible? An illusion, or a reality? It keeps changing, whom the heart belongs to. Most oftenly though, it has been other things that have made my heart flutter with excitement, or ache with pain. A longing. Always a longing. To do. To do that which I love the most. I always wanted a nice lifestyle, I cannot deny that. I wanted to play with some toys. What propelled me though wasn’t only the cash, or the glory. It was a longing to do. My greatest gift wouldn’t have been a million to buy a house for, my greatest gift would have been a million to play with. Make movies and create companies. Tell stories. Help people. Creating positive change. Play. Play with the desire. Set my spirit free within it. Live. Live as I desire.

I’m happy today. I’m happy most days these days. I don’t think I’ve ever before felt so fulfilled, so calm somehow. I’m no longer dancing to other people’s tunes so much. The need for fame and glory has subsided drastically too. I still want to impress at times, prove my worth, but it’s getting less and less. Not only have I realized that I cannot make people love me that way, I also see the futility of it all. One man down, one man up. There’s really no point. There’s a point to excel, to drive humanity forwards. To help. There is no point to be glorified more than as an inspiration for others and that really doesn’t have anything to do with the glory. They should not seek to do what you did for glory, for fame, or fortune. They should seek to do so because you made a positive difference. Because they know they can live their fullest potential also. For inner satisfaction and outer change. No one is a hero. Everyone is a hero. There are so many successful people who know nothing of success and so many failures that are successes. Happiness. Fulfilled desires. Call it what you may.

The happiest I’ve ever been is jumping through waves. Free. No worries. No stress. No ego. Surrounded by fun people and an environment I love. Simplicity. Like sitting fishing in summer, or scrubbing potatoes on the beach, preparing a fire for dinner. I’ve experienced it in different places around the world and the common elements were nature, the beach, people, love, a willingness to let go and simplicity. The voice in my heart never quiets down though. It doesn’t matter where I am or what I do. Propelling me forward. It screams of a need to create. Constantly. Maybe it is about living to my full potential? But surely you must be able to do that in every moment already? Even if you can’t execute all your ideas in one go? I don’t know, but it always drove me nuts. It only quiets when I’m in the middle of something. Something that I can actually do. Not a company that will be launched in a year, but a play that is being put on right now, or a painting that will be done in a minute. Yet, the company that will be launched in a year is what I truly want to do.

I always wondered what the people without it felt? Or if anyone is truly without it? That urge, that pain, that itch that propels you forward towards your dreams. Sometimes it tires me – I never see an end to it. When one idea has been executed, another arrives. It’s never silent. At the same time it invigorates me, makes me fly, makes my heart beat faster, makes me grounded, makes me feel on fire, makes me happy, satisfies me. When I get to do it. It’s a choice though to do it. It just doesn’t always pay the bills. Not until you get the hang of it. I have already written about that – all the twists and turns of my life. All the little cross roads, the wrong turns, the hard years…now it feels better. I guess, like any drug addict, I’ve learnt to control it. Learnt that you can only do what you love if you also pay the bills. You have to be realistic, yet you have to be unrealistic and keep pursuing. You have to find a plan, because sure as hell the end product is not where you begin, yet you have to let your dreams lose. Free to fly as they wish.

At the same times it has also been a long road of setting myself free. Of not just living within my field, within my work. Learning to allow myself to be me, to be passionate without regrets, to live as I choose without judging in real life. Work was always my outlet. Where I allowed myself to do exactly what I wanted to do. Where I felt free and confident. Where I was happy.

When it all crashed I learnt that I had to live everywhere in my life. Not just within one thing. I didn’t only want to live through work. I didn’t want it to be my only outlet. I wanted to be me all over. It’s a liberating thing that. Being yourself and being confident. Confident that you can handle whatever life throws at you, full well knowing life can throw anything at you. I love my life. I can honestly say that now. After all these years.