Legs are lethal weapons my dears. No, really, they are. I’ve come to this conclusion after wearing skirts and dresses during the first days of spring in London. Men, who have clearly suffered from leg abstinence all winter, get so excited they honk their horns and almost drive off the road. Not to mention scare me with their behavior so I almost topple over my boots and fall over. And if they pass you by on foot they may just get so distracted by trying to look at your legs they fall over themselves. It’s rather amusing watching men going loopy like this, but it is nonetheless a dangerous sport. I may have to resume my trousers until they’ve gotten used to the sunshine and gotten over this curious case of…leg…sunstroke.
I’ve also come to the conclusion that many other sports, other than leg watching that is, can be lethal, as they suck confidence right out of people if they don’t win. You see a game is about learning skills right? About constantly overcoming yourself to become better. Sometimes the learning, the game, is about strategy, teamwork, speed…you name it. However, in most games there is only one winner, or one team that wins. The thing is, without everyone playing, no one can win. Yet, the winner gets all the glory, even if it was all the other players that so to speak made it possible for this person to win, because without them, there’d be no game. And although we all invest our heart and soul in what we do and satisfaction comes from doing our best, I think the point is to live your love. To live your heart’s desire. To learn and grow thanks to that love and desire. I think if you do, you will cross paths with those that will appreciate your unique work. That may not be the whole world. And you may not be the winner of every game, but what you have to give to the game, that’s unique. That will make a difference to someone, or the game itself, if it comes from the heart. It’s the smallest cogwheel that makes the engine run.
That’s it folks…it’s all about games this week, my blogs. About playing. Playing from the heart. Seriously though ladies, be careful with playing sexy legs, because many men haven’t mastered the game of staring and keeping their eyes on the road at the same time. Play it safe…but of course…play it sexy…just not too sexy… And remember: the most lethal weapon of all…your heart. The essence of you. Not your legs. They’re just the erm…tease before the real striptease…
Freedom...an obsession, yet what I did not allow...
We were playing a few games over Christmas with friends. One night we were simply playing a game where you asked people questions and they could answer or pass. A friend of mine asked my best friend what I was most afraid of. “Love,” she burst out without a second’s hesitation. The next night I got a card in another game asking me what I was most afraid of. “My own emotions,” I said.
I was sitting in the car with the same friend that asked my best friend what I’m scared of. As I was talking of someone he stopped me and said it was the first time he had seen me show emotion. In my voice, apparently, you could hear the care I felt for this person. He told me that every time he sees me he feels robbed of the experience of me. I won’t let him, or anyone else in.
Emotions freak me out. I think if I have them I will be humiliated, seem weak, embarrass myself and get hurt. I get angry with myself if I fall for someone, because I feel stupid. And if I show my emotions to someone I think they will humiliate me. If I share not just what I think, but what I feel, I think they will somehow turn it against me, or laugh at me. I don’t like my own emotions. I always get angry with myself for having them. It’s better to keep a clear head. Stay calm in the midst of the storm. Be rational. I’m stupid if I fall in love, get angry, or get excited about something. I punish myself for feeling things. I salute myself when my head is clear and my mind is on business. That’s easier.
So New Years promise: when I feel something I will go with it. I will allow myself to feel it. I will follow the emotion through – watch it and feel it as it goes through my body. I will not get angry or scared. I will allow it to be. I don’t have to act on it, but nor will I strangle it. It’s OK to be in love. It’s OK to be sad. It’s OK to have fear. It’s OK to feel. Whatever it is. It’s OK.
So what naughty words have you had whispered into your ears at night? What phone calls have been irresistible? “Hey…I was just thinking of you whilst….” What words have you whispered into someone else’ ears???… I’m sure some rather playful ones…
Playing is fun – we all love to play, right?!!!! I mean who doesn’t??! When you play nothing is serious – you are just having a good time. There are no “musts, can’t:s, or “have to:s,” because you are just playing.
Now life is a big playground, only we take it far more seriously than that. I’m not denying that some things hit you in the face with the force of a hurricane, believe me – they do, but for the most part we could actually be playing. Whether you are pursuing your first million or are on track to enlightenment (or both), you can still be playing.
Remember when you first met someone you liked and it was just playful?! It was nice because there were no attachments. As soon as attachments are mentioned, you start wondering if the person really is right for you? Soon your brain has come up with a million reason why he/she is or isn’t a good partner, whereas when you were just playing you were having fun, full stop. I’m not saying you can ignore important questions – it is quite possible to have fun with someone for a weekend that for your life you couldn’t see yourself having fun with for a longer period of time. What I mean is, when we get serious we so often ruin a good thing. Life is meant to be enjoyed, not fret about. If someone is fun…well, then keep having fun…don’t question it, don’t let your own FEARS get in the way, just keep playing. Some people would have a perfectly amazing marriage if they didn’t think they owned the other person and was owned by them, but rather were just playing till death do them part… Don’t take people for granted. Don’t think you own them. Just be thankful you can still tickle them till they cry…and have sex till…uh…till you…call 9*1*1*…
It’s the same with business: if you are doing what you love, it’s fun. If you start getting paranoid about whether or not you will keep your job, whether you will reach your first million in a year, whether the boss likes you, whether your employees are going to commit mutiny…the fun is gonna go away, no matter how much you love what you do, because every time something goes tits up (and it will at times), you will be punishing yourself saying “OMG, look, I’m failing my mission, I’m stupid, I’m an ass, I’m…”. You have to set goals and check your own progress, see patterns and make improvements, but to always fretting is gonna kill all the fun. The same shit will happen whether you fret about it or not. If you fall on your ass in a mud pool, will you start playing with the mud or will you sit feeling embarrassed that you just slipped???? Bring on the mud fight is all I can say…
What I’m trying to say is: you can play your way to the top, or you can fight your way to the top. It’s quite possible to go to parties with all the “right” people, to attend networking events and to spend a lot of time working on your business, without taking yourself and what you do seriously. If you put a lot of pressure on yourself, you will feel exhausted and miserable as soon as anything goes…not according to plan. Have a mission, but have fun getting there…and maybe you won’t get there, then what? Do you wanna die having had fun, or sat crying about what you didn’t have all your life???!!! If you attend a party just so as to make contacts, you are likely to have an awful time, because you will be all stressed about it – having to bring home ten business cards by the end of the evening. On the other hand, if you attend a party to have fun and come home with one business card, or twenty, you’ve still had a good time. The same with your business – if you think you will be miserable unless you make a million in the first year, every little obstacle to that million will feel like an ice shower. If you on the other hand work hard, but see it as playing business, you will have had fun whether you reach the million or not.
When I was a kid I wanted to have fun, that was my mission. I wanted to play with cars, play business, play mommy daddy, play household…play whatever. What mattered the most to me was taking what was in front of me and having fun with it. Play with it. The people in my life mattered – to be with them, to experience them. Then I grew up. And started worrying about not being taken serious unless I showed up in Prada…or if my movie wasn’t bought by WB, or Fox.
I have met a lot of people who have had success for periods of time and failed miserably at other times. Every time it still hits me that I don’t get why they took the failure so damn hard, because I hung out with them because I liked their company, not because they were successful. I was having a good time with them, so I couldn’t understand why they weren’t having a good time with themselves. I love people who don’t take no for an answer and pursue their dreams fearlessly, but that’s different from sitting sulking in a corner f your plans didn’t go according to plan. Very different. As I see it, the most successful people are those that can have a good time no matter what. If you can have fun…man, you are so lucky. And let me tell you, when I die, I believe I’ll remember the time I fell on my ass, crying from laughter, not the time I made my first million.
So let’s play why don’t we? Don’t be too tired for pillow talk – be too tired for worrying. Don’t be too busy to laugh – be too busy to always have to be important/right. Don’t be too tired to play – be too tired to be serious. Screw it let’s do it – live your passions, ignite your dreams…talk dirty to someone…make them laugh till they cry…
Around two am this morning I was riding on a friend’s shoulders through Camden Town, eating raw ice cream. Now, to walk through Camden in an Armani suit is probably a lot more weird than what we were doing. Yet, I saw one person give me a look like “what the fuck?!?!” And somehow it got me thinking.
Yesterday I talked about how we play with words – how we may undress, or dress our words so as to avoid speaking the truth, but at the same time speaking the truth. I.e. we play little games – either because it’s fun (like flirting), or because we are scared and want an exit plan if someone should disagree with our words, or the intention behind them. So I thought a lot about being naked. Of stripping bare. Is it scary? If so, what’s there to be afraid of? Yourself?
Someone told me when I started this blog that I was brave, because just imagine – I was sharing who I am rather openly. Like it was a risk. What’s the risk in it though? People may not like it. People may give me shit for it. And I may change my opinion tmrw. but I cannot hide what I used to think. Fine. But what if what I feed them every day is not me? Then what? Well, what I am then is someone living a lie. And don’t tell me that that’s not who I truly am, because that is me – choosing to be a lie every day. What’s the risk of that? Never living at all.
People behave like the truth is painful. I think it’s all the lies that are painful. The lies make us scared of who we are, when it’s being who we are that brings us all the freedom.
You have been hypnotized since you were born into thinking what’s right and wrong and what your goals in life should be. I know all this. Yet, I feel more comfortable with people that I know think similar thoughts to me. People that won’t question me. People that have a similar outlook in life. I still start squirming when I sit next to someone who is having a conversation about the latest issue of Elle Magazine and lipstick. I simply don’t know what to say. And I am certain the person will not like me. So I really try to think of something to say that suits who they are. I still want to be liked. To be liked of course all you have to do is like yourself for who you are. So that you can relax when you sit next to someone that is everything that society ever said you ought to be without feeling weird. Because nine times out of ten it’s not them not liking you. It’s you not liking you. It’s you thinking you have to be someone else.
When was the last time you left everything comfortable behind and decided to spend time with people that either question everything that you have chosen to become, or whom you feel completely unrelated to? When was the last time you showed up as a punk if you normally wear Armani suits and in an Armani suit if you normally dress like a punk? When was the last time you just showed up without any attitude? Sat next to someone just being, rather than having to be? When was the last time you sat with yourself enjoying you?
In Sweden we aren’t too fussed about being in the nude. As I see it you have a body that you can either be proud of or curse. There are certain aspects you are in control of and you can therefore change them if you don’t like them. Other aspects just are. You can display them, or you can try to hide them. You can turn them into something positive, or you can ponder on their negativity. You can enjoy what you have, or curse what you don’t have. In either case what you have you have. It’s still there no matter what you do with it. Sure we all have goals of how we wish to look tomorrow, but we are where we are in this moment, on whatever journey we are on to becoming. Either you fight this moment, or you release it. Either you are proud to be naked, or ashamed to be naked. Either you flaunt what you have or you cover it up underneath layers and layers of clothes. In either case you are naked underneath those clothes.
How comfortable are you being completely naked around the people in your life? Around strangers? (And no, I’m not talking about taking your clothes off here…)
So I am super jet lagged after a flight to London town from Lala Land and an added overload of work and sleep deprivation, so if this post is weird, you have the answer right there…
Today’s topic comes from having an innocent drink with a friend…it got me thinking. How innocent are we really in our conversations? I sometimes drop hints right left and centre, although I refuse speaking my mind. It’s much easier to provoke others to speak theirs and then I might share a tiny, tiny bit of what’s truly on my mind. Because if I spoke first without dressing (or undressing) my words in nice hints, I might get caught showing some sort of emotion about some sort of topic that I should not be showing emotions about without an exit (read: this could mean one thing but if you don’t like it to mean that, then well, I was just playing, I didn’t really mean that…) or they might just simply see that I care. That I’m vulnerable. For example – I spend hours creating unique gifts for people, but I would fall over if I had to say I love them. I mean that’s what the gifts say, I just really feel uncomfortable speaking it out loud. I prefer to write it, or create it. Plain spoken words scare me.
I caught myself answering a question today, avoiding really answering what I thought. I just gave the facts. It was an honest reply, but it held nothing of what I truly had on my mind. I will have to go back and explain it, if I ever get a chance.
It’s funny how many games we play with words. Andreas Johnson has a song: “you say it’s solid poetry, is what you want to see, some sensuality…the games we play, the shows we give, the hearts we break, we live through this, the games we play… “
Some games are really fun. What would flirting be without playing with words? It’s like a porn show vs burlesque (I mean whatever floats your boat, I’m just saying..). I love playing with words in my stories – the atmosphere and tension they can create. I love playing with the brand I’m creating. I love the underlying assumptions in slogans, product names, etc. That’s fun. And sometimes I think we need to play, because we aren’t sure we know what we mean ourselves… It’s just sometimes, I wish I was as bold in my every day speaking as I am with my games though…
