Sexy charity work…

No, I’m not talking about stuffing your partner’s stocking with sex toys, or lingerie, or a key to a hotel room somewhere, but there’s an idea for next year, or Valentine’s…nope, I’m talking another kind of sexy charity… 

 

It’s still the holiday season, the holiday cheer is still going strong and those of us fortunate enough to have a family we get along with (more or less) have probably been surrounded by love in various shapes and sizes, fed too much food and pondered about family affairs. And if you, like myself, are a traveller, you have probably sent messages to people all around the globe, sending your love and well wishes. Maybe we have, as many do, also been involved in charity, whether buying a Christmas gift that aids others, or spent time feeding the homeless, or simply made a new years resolution to work more with charity. Christmas is, after all, about the spirit of giving. Not the commercial affair it sometimes becomes.

 

Whilst pondering my own desire to work with street children and those less fortunate in general, which is a massive goal for my future, I happened to also ponder the meaning of true charity. Whereas I’ve always felt a calling to work with and for people (before switching to filmmaker I wanted to become a doctor of medicine to go work in Africa, then it switched to having a boarding school in Africa once I got my mind set on filmmaking), sometimes I forget to be charitable to the people in my own life.

 

Being charitable to those around us is not always as easy. For starters they are unlikely to be starving, or close to death for most of it. They aren’t the helpless kid in Africa that all your instincts tell you to look after. They are grown people, filled with quirks, miseries, happy moments and hideous habits. We may admire them for some traits, loathe them for others and more than anything: have to put up with them through it all.

 

To be charitable to those around us is, in a sense, as great an achievement as being charitable to those unknown, starving faces in countries far, far away. Whereas our friends and family may have the bare essentials they, as much as anyone, need your love and support. All the little indifferences you have are not all that important in the end, but often they get in the way.

 

It may take up a couple of extra minutes of your day to send a message to someone in your life. To pop by for tea. To send an unexpected gift. It may take a bit more effort to let go of disagreements and other hick-ups in our relationships, so as to allow them to grow. Often we disagree with people simply because our idea of what will make them, us, or the world happier is not the same and it’s easy to get stuck arguing about these things (anyone else tried being a teenager?). At other times we feel pressurized to live up to our expectations of us, or fearful that they wouldn’t love us if they truly knew what was going on inside. And sometimes we are plain pissed off because we feel they don’t care enough about us, whether because of the way they are, or because they just can’t be fucked.

 

We often talk about charity and peace for the world, especially at Christmas, and I think that’s the perfect time to start being charitable and find peace in our own relationships.

 

Love is not for perfect days and perfect people. Love is for all of us. Usually it makes a big difference in someone’s life as well if they receive it. Love transforms. The most stagnant relationships come alive if we step away from whatever is and start pouring in love….and even if one relationship doesn’t change, the day you start pouring love into everything, surely your life will and that of many around you.

 

Love is magical and as true a charity as anything money can buy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mmm…I’m thinking love…

I’m thinking love, I’m thinking Christmas. I’m thinking about true hospitality, kindness and love. I’m thinking about desires and what you do to fulfill others’. I’m thinking how easy it is to see and praise a sports car and how long it may take to discover someone’s genuine kindness. How great heroes are praised and small ones rarely seen. How we all affect each other. How each act of kindness changes someone’s life.

Every word we say, every act we do, every role we play makes an impact. If we know we have a choice, and many do…then we truly do have a choice. A choice to affect ourselves and those we meet positively.

We choose what we give to this world, every second, every day. Temporarily we will all suffer defeat. We will all run dry. We will have to find confidence, not in events, but in ourselves to find a fire that burns in the midst of darkness. We will have to satisfy our own desire for happiness, true, inner happiness, to find continuous strength. And when we have found love inside ourselves, we’ve found it all. When we give love, we give it all.

May you all be the heroes of tomorrow.

Merry Christmas!

May you find much love under the tree this year – a very merry Christmas to you all!!!

When I met you, I was naked…

I have met a few people this year. Some which passed by without a stir and some which have shocked me greatly. I believe though, above and beyond anything, I have shocked myself greatly, because I showed up naked at times and at other times I would have been happy to be naked. No my darlings, I did not show up in the nude. I was just bare to my soul and happy to be so. Much more tantalizing, don’t you think? Nudity is an over exploited part of Hollywood and I abuse it in my headlines…

So anyhow…in all my nakedness I met a lot of people. Now the fascinating thing is I met famous people, I met rich people, I met personal development gurus and I met, let’s say, rivals in love (although I don’t really think you can have rivals in love…love is what it is and will be what it already is….the rest is just confusion – ego, thoughts, behaviors…whatever….but you may have to sort out the ego, thoughts and behaviors…). And as I stood there naked to the core, sometimes shocked beyond belief, my thoughts were: “I’m happy to be me.”

That I was happy to be me is the really, really incredible bit. I did not want to become like them, even if they had things I desired. I wasn’t floored and awed either. Me, little me that usually gape at successful people in awe, was not floored. Nor did I want to suck up to them in any way. Because I was happy I was no longer desperate to have what they had – i.e. I had no need to suck up to them – if I was going to get it, it would be on my terms and if that wouldn’t work…then I’d rather be single, penniless and unknown. Of course, I rather think it’s up to me to change all that, but I don’t feel inferior without it, or like I need it to be happy. To me that’s massive because I have spent a lifetime sucking up to others, wanting their approval, or wanting what they had, thinking “it would make me happy.”

I guess it was the realization that people who I have always looked up to, may not be that happy after all. They may have succeeded in one way or another, but their interiors are still a mess. And I wouldn’t want to exchange my new-found happiness for any of that. Nor would I want anything that isn’t in harmony, or resonating with that.

I still want to find fame (i.e. outreach), fortune (to be able to realize various pursuits) and love (dah), but it will be on my terms….or well – all things are two, or more energies coming together to form a third, so there will be co-operation. I’m just no longer a slave to where I want to go in life, or what I want out of life. The difference is simple. Say I’m in love with a man. I love this man. I 100% wanna be with him, but what he offers me in the form of a relationship is not what I want – whether he wants an open relationship, isn’t prepared to be honest with me, or just isn’t that into me (or whatever, we all have different wants). Then I won’t have it. I doubt I will be in love with a man who doesn’t offer me roses if I’m offering myself roses because of resonance, but you get what I’m on about. Either we settle on terms that are good for all, or we both sort out our internal roses and then talk about it, or we don’t settle at all.

In the past I would have gotten frustrated if I didn’t get what I want, now I look to myself, because I believe in resonance. If life isn’t offering me what I want, then what is it I’m not giving myself? Love perhaps? I simply believe if you love yourself and your heart is open, what resonates with you will come to be – in life, in business, in love. And I’ve never been at that point before because when I want something I want something and I’ve sacrificed myself to get it which has led to disaster after disaster, because obviously it wasn’t right, it wasn’t resonating with me. As my friend says: “Learn to use your hands and you won’t be desperate for a man. If a man ain’t treating royal P like royal P, he ain’t gonna get royal P.” This makes me laugh till I cry, but she has a point…

When I want something I give all of me – believe me neither man, nor business opportunity will pass me by without me giving my all (and maybe for the first time I am giving my all, not just my energy and determination, because I’m fine with who I am so I don’t feel a need to protect myself…or well, there are a few areas left…), but that’s it. That’s all I can do. I can’t manipulate events in my favor. I don’t want to. I want what’s true to my core to be part of my life. The rest is not gonna make me one ounce happier anyway. That doesn’t mean I don’t get angry, frustrated, or upset when things don’t go my way -  I can swear and sometimes for a long time, but it means I return to my core, to my calm, to love and to letting things flow. I go back to me and look at if I have to let go of ego, thoughts and behaviors. And I feel calm because I have faith that if I set myself free and I love, it will all be fine. When the time is right, the right things will enter. And in the meantime I’m just jumping around naked, happy to be me. You should join me – it’s like being a toddler again – total freedom.

When all hell breaks out…murder with sex appeal…

Problem solving is sexy...

So you come home, bloody exhausted after a long day, longing to jump into bed and………sleep. After sitting down for five minutes though you manage to swallow down a slice of (raw) cheese and some fruit, put on your warmest clothes and…walk over to the neighbor’s to get the dog out. You are welcomed by wet kisses and paws that go everywhere they aren’t supposed to. Then you are taken for a walk (this dog has a mind of her own – you can try to walk her, but she will walk you. Or sit down on her ass and refuse to move). This time she dragged me along to a tiny little park (or empty lot of land). It was freezing cold (it actually snowed for five minutes that day!!!) and the wind was gently rustling around in the bushes. Looking up at the night sky it was beautifully lit by stars. It was like the perfect romantic moment…until a palm tree started making weird noises (I couldn’t decide whether it was the wind shaking it, or if someone was standing behind it and having a blast watching my face turning paler and paler…I naturally decided that it was the first, but a sense of…practicality, shall we say…made me consider other options…) and I decided we better go home (which I managed to pursue her Majesty to agree to).

To sum it all up – I had a wonderful walk (minus the palm tree, but that is…a minor detail). Mainly because her Majesty had been home alone all day and was super excited to see me, which made me happy. And I got to have imaginary conversations with her and pet her head for an hour. I mean surely, we all know that it helps talking to yourself???… It’s the best ever remedy for solving problems. Especially when a dog listens and clearly understands every single word (not).

My point with all this rambling…I did have one and it wasn’t the palm tree you see…

“Murder me with sex appeal”….no that’s just something I heard on the radio…

So yeah, the point….hold your breaths, please…is that when I walked to get the dog out I didn’t do it for my sake – I was ready to pass out on the couch. I did it for her sake. And as I strotted along with her on this freezing cold night I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Why? Because I wasn’t thinking about my own problems. I was focused on what was making the doggy happy.

Often we get a bit caught up in the general mess of things (a.k.a. our lives). I know what it feels like. I do it all the time. That’s why I like friends and coaches as they will look at things from a different POV (point of view) and suddenly the “problems” have been re-framed into solutions. E.g. “I’m going through a divorce, it’s really hard with the lawyers, all the memories when we first got together, all the crushed dreams…!” ….re-frame… “I am so happy I am finally free to live life on my terms again, having learnt what I did about relationships and now being so much more ready for spending time with myself and finding my ultimate mate.”

I know, I know…it’s very tempting to sit and think about “the good old days” when you were having so much fun with your now ex, or your company was making a million more a year, or your house was ten times bigger… Yet, in this moments lies all the opportunities in the world. And if you have a look around, maybe you will discover that you, at least for a day, can take a break from your problems. How? You can live for someone else for a day. You can set your worries aside and worry for them instead. You can pour all your heart and mind into their lives You can try out what it feels like thinking about something else all day long. Oftentimes I don’t understand how people have the energy to keep up all their problems. And when you look at them from the outside you see how utterly ridiculous they are as well…because often they aren’t real. And even if they are, shouldn’t the question be: what can I do right now to make the most of my life? Not sitting blaming yourself, others and the world. Shit happens. Your attitude is your own.

A lot of my problems in the past have been ego. The need to be perfect. The need for success. So for me to focus on giving, instead of what others think of me is a huge thing. I always want to help others, but often, at least in the back of my mind, I have also worried about other peoples’ opinion of me. And it has, quite frankly, ruined my life. It has taken the joy out of so many things. (This is why I should go to a karaoke night and do a solo number. Then the worry will be gone. Ahem…)

As I see it, there are about four ways to solve a problem:

1) Face the fear so that the fear disappears. Imagine the worst ever that could happen. Imagine living through that with a positive attitude. (There’s a difference between the person dying saying: “I am so thankful for the life I have had. I am so thankful for the experience I was given and for these last few days to truly enjoy my life.” And the person saying: “This is unfair. This shouldn’t be me. There’s no point to life. I’m dying anyway.” I know that’s taking it to the extreme, but when I was facing my own fear of dying, I had to do just that.)

2) Re-frame it: From problem to opportunity.

3) Solve the problem. Some problems have to be solved. Ask for help if you need it. Don’t be ashamed you have a problem. We all have problems.

4) Leave it. We all want success in a ton of different ways. Yet, success may not be what we think it is. May not make us smile, laugh and love life. Instead of wanting to become a multi-millionaire…go volunteer at the local hospital, help a friend, donate your energy to giving… Invest your time in other peoples’ problems. Maybe you will discover yours don’t exist and maybe, just maybe you will find a new meaning to life.

5) (P.S. Remember: love is all there is.)

So ya know. Next problem that comes along: murder it with sex appeal. No one can resist you when you turn it on. When those long lashes of yours come this way…and that heart of yours is turned on…who can resist love? True heartfelt love? Not I… So turn it on and turn it up. I’m gonna go hide behind the couch before you drop by here….ah right, you don’t have my address anyway, so maybe I’ll be safe for another day???…

 

People look better covered in chocolate…

Mmmmmm....

Feels like my heart has melted like chocolate on a hot sunny day…I like the feeling…it’s all warm and cozy and sweet and…indulgent. It’s an indulgent feeling to love. Love the world, others and yourself. Live in passion. Be on a mission to add a smile to someone’s day, a hug, a pat on the back and a compliment. Why, even roses to that certain someone!

I have been so self-conscious my whole life about who I am and what people think of me. I have never before just relaxed, enjoyed myself and enjoyed others. I have never set about my day to just give, rather than worry about what I get. As a result I have often felt frightened, sad and lonely. Now, opening up to the world, I feel like every day is…well an indulgent pleasure! It’s like I can let go of all the sadness. Sure there are moments when I get grumpy – awakening from a dream this morning I was not in a glorious mood. Then I smiled and let it drop. I went with the sunshine of the day, instead of holding onto an old cloud!

It’s the same when I miss people, or feel drawn to someone who isn’t necessarily drawn to me – I feel it’s OK. It’s OK because with an open heart I know I will feel my way forward. It’s OK to love freely because I don’t have to get stuck up on things. I have to take initiative to move forward, I have to be open to the people in my life, but that’s it. No holding on for dear life, or forcing things to happen. I was talking to a guy last week and as he walked off (after I had turned a nice shade of red and smiled brighter than the sunshine) I thought to myself “Damn, maybe I should have hinted a bit more there…” And I had a certain pang of disappointment as I meet guys I find that hot maybe once every six months. However, the setting wasn’t conducive for me to start flirting with him madly and I got enough smiles out of him to know that at least, we had a good chat.

I was never one to leave things to chance…what I want I pursue. However, pursuing something with fear in your heart is no fun. There is little room for playfulness, even if what you are pursuing is your favorite playmate, or your favorite game (business). Fear, worry…scarcity thinking is painful…and daft. When you let go, go with the flow, still pursuing, but without fear, without forcing things to happen…that’s when the magic happens. It’s the calmness in your heart knowing that whatever comes, it’s OK. It’s fine because you are following your heart. Sooner or later things will fall into place (…and maybe not the place you had imagined at first…), if not in this instant.

So yeah, here I am – a piece of chocolate melting in the sunshine…feeling all gooey, soft and nice. Smiles to you all and lots of chocolate madness coming your way ;0)