Around two am this morning I was riding on a friend’s shoulders through Camden Town, eating raw ice cream. Now, to walk through Camden in an Armani suit is probably a lot more weird than what we were doing. Yet, I saw one person give me a look like “what the fuck?!?!” And somehow it got me thinking.
Yesterday I talked about how we play with words – how we may undress, or dress our words so as to avoid speaking the truth, but at the same time speaking the truth. I.e. we play little games – either because it’s fun (like flirting), or because we are scared and want an exit plan if someone should disagree with our words, or the intention behind them. So I thought a lot about being naked. Of stripping bare. Is it scary? If so, what’s there to be afraid of? Yourself?
Someone told me when I started this blog that I was brave, because just imagine – I was sharing who I am rather openly. Like it was a risk. What’s the risk in it though? People may not like it. People may give me shit for it. And I may change my opinion tmrw. but I cannot hide what I used to think. Fine. But what if what I feed them every day is not me? Then what? Well, what I am then is someone living a lie. And don’t tell me that that’s not who I truly am, because that is me – choosing to be a lie every day. What’s the risk of that? Never living at all.
People behave like the truth is painful. I think it’s all the lies that are painful. The lies make us scared of who we are, when it’s being who we are that brings us all the freedom.
You have been hypnotized since you were born into thinking what’s right and wrong and what your goals in life should be. I know all this. Yet, I feel more comfortable with people that I know think similar thoughts to me. People that won’t question me. People that have a similar outlook in life. I still start squirming when I sit next to someone who is having a conversation about the latest issue of Elle Magazine and lipstick. I simply don’t know what to say. And I am certain the person will not like me. So I really try to think of something to say that suits who they are. I still want to be liked. To be liked of course all you have to do is like yourself for who you are. So that you can relax when you sit next to someone that is everything that society ever said you ought to be without feeling weird. Because nine times out of ten it’s not them not liking you. It’s you not liking you. It’s you thinking you have to be someone else.
When was the last time you left everything comfortable behind and decided to spend time with people that either question everything that you have chosen to become, or whom you feel completely unrelated to? When was the last time you showed up as a punk if you normally wear Armani suits and in an Armani suit if you normally dress like a punk? When was the last time you just showed up without any attitude? Sat next to someone just being, rather than having to be? When was the last time you sat with yourself enjoying you?
In Sweden we aren’t too fussed about being in the nude. As I see it you have a body that you can either be proud of or curse. There are certain aspects you are in control of and you can therefore change them if you don’t like them. Other aspects just are. You can display them, or you can try to hide them. You can turn them into something positive, or you can ponder on their negativity. You can enjoy what you have, or curse what you don’t have. In either case what you have you have. It’s still there no matter what you do with it. Sure we all have goals of how we wish to look tomorrow, but we are where we are in this moment, on whatever journey we are on to becoming. Either you fight this moment, or you release it. Either you are proud to be naked, or ashamed to be naked. Either you flaunt what you have or you cover it up underneath layers and layers of clothes. In either case you are naked underneath those clothes.
How comfortable are you being completely naked around the people in your life? Around strangers? (And no, I’m not talking about taking your clothes off here…)