Sexology class in school…

Ever had to sit through your teacher rambling on about sex? Isn’t it a joy to behold? In Sweden sex isn’t a very taboo subject, so the teachers talked rather freely I suppose (I have a somewhat vivid memory of my teacher explaining what to do if your tampon lost its string and you needed to get it out with your fingers), but how many of you felt your teacher to be this radiant warm person that you loved getting advice from? Did you want to go to them and ask questions about your own sexuality? Or take their advice on life?

As far as I recall, most teachers had enough problems keeping the students engaged in any one topic to win the respect and confidence of any one of us. When I was around 12 and my dad brought up the topic that I disliked school because I was being teased, or shall we say verbally bullied, my teacher retorted that some women developed faster than others and were more interested in boys. These were the cool girls and included her own daughter. As far as I know I was as interested in boys and had as much trouble with my period and aching breasts as anyone else. I just wasn’t cool, because I had no self-confidence and was way too kind to most people.

In almost all indigenous cultures there appear to have been teachings, tests and celebrations around becoming a man, or a woman. It seems to me the children were taught “wisdom” from an early age. In western society this does not appear to be taught in school. I wonder if it will ever come back? Will teachers be taught wisdom themselves that they then can pass onto their students? Will the general way of life go back to being in tune with nature and celebrating our own bodies and minds? Will we learn to differentiate between love and lust? Will we be taught confidence from aligning our natural abilities? Will we celebrate reaching womanhood and manhood and be taught the wonder of both? Will we go back to working as a “tribe” rather than putting each other down and competing to be the sole heir on the throne? And if we wish for this, what can we all do to contribute to a society that promotes it?

I’m still thankful for school, I mean I did learn that 1+1=1 but becomes 3…unless you use a condom, of course…

Strip off…a naked sense of play with the lions and lionesses…

I’m starting to feel quite naked these days…and I’m also starting to sense the lioness inside me roar. The eagle take flight. The owl of wisdom gently whispering advice. I’m starting to feel ready to play. Play fiercely and wisely, but most of all: play. A naked sense of freedom is coming over me.

I was looking at the photo from yesterday’s blog, the photo of the lion, and an array of thoughts entered my mind. You see, I get completely lost in that photo – it must be one of the most beautiful photos I’ve ever come across. I absolutely love it. I can literally just sit and stare at it. As I was looking at it, it occurred to me that maybe one of the things I am so drawn to is the almost human look on his face. As if I can see a person in there, or an animal with human characteristics. Other photos I looked at when searching for lions included the same and I thought that maybe what we look for in animals is proof that they too have emotions. That they too love. And when we see love, we love….and that’s the most magical state of being there is.

Secondly, and this thought really struck me, there are these majestic, magical animals and what do we do? We put them in cages and teach them tricks. In the wild they run like the wind, they perform incredible feats, they play, they display their majesty…and we put them in a cage and teach them 1+1=2 by pressing some buttons with their paws? God must be laughing.

Thirdly, I was thinking that what we do to lions is what we do to ourselves. We get a job in a cubicle somewhere, or we spend our lives coming up with “the next big thing” so we can get rich and successful and get a different cubicle – one made of glass and stainless steel. And maybe that’s life. Maybe if we couldn’t do that we would still be having to plough farmland in Siberia. I guess I just think one should be aware that we have made up society and where you want to keep your focus is up to you. You can devote your life to come up with the next great app, or you can raise your kids on a farm, picking strawberries and watching the stars at night…and maybe there you will be inspired to come up with an app for helping people find their heart’s desire, without you even having to try. Or maybe people already know. Naturally.

I love technology. I love that we hunger for knowledge and development and I am in awe of Apple and their apps. I love all that. I just think one should learn to question and think for oneself. Because I’m not really sure if guns, or bombs improved humanity, or if where people tell you to focus your energy is necessarily the best place to focus it.

I think if I can dance, make movies and theatre performances, work with people and live in a natural house say somewhere in the hills outside Cape Town, or LA, with my family…I think I would be happy. I don’t think a Mercedes, or a Hollywood contract would do that much for me. I’d love to spread my work if there’s an audience that would love to receive it…I’d love to have money so I can live without worries…but I get happy from staring at a black and white photo of a lion. I get happy typing my blogs. I don’t need to chase cubicles, I need to live my heart, but I used to feel really bad about it…because I used to think I was a failure because my heart rather go on an adventure, than stick with one job, follow the normal path and gain secure money and sure as hell that would have made me a lot more money…but I would never have seen the Hollywood Hills at sunset, whilst writing this blog. And words can’t describe how much I love that place and this blog. I thought chasing my dreams made me unhappy as it was so unsettling, but really what made me unhappy was thinking of what others thought of me for doing it. For being a gypsy, an artist, a hippie dreamer (who loves Louis Vuitton). And I was also very scared I’d never succeed and be forced to do work I hate for the rest of my life. But there are ways around everything if you just stop focusing on the traditional path and start making up your own.

I have a right. I am entitled to live as I choose. To explore what I love. Unlike those lions we have caged, I am free.

Who wants to play?

The parody of life, the beauty and the…uhm…blowjobs…

I got this email today: “Dear Sir or Madam, Please take me off your emailing list with immediate effect. I am sick of you.” Is it just me or should the person make up their mind whether to be polite, or an asshole? Confusing. Someone else informed me via Facebook that happiness is always an inside job…and I who always thought it was a blowjob. Even more confusing. And that’s the thing with life: it can be confusing. So fucking confusing you’d need to get fucked just to forget your confusion for a while….but then there’s the confusing bit about love and finding the right men…I mean man…and uhm good sex…

I was messaging with a friend of mine today and her newborn baby was just awakening on her chest as she was writing to me. As I later sat on the bus this suddenly sprung to mind. Or to be precise: what sprung to mind was the feeling of how you watch over a new life filled with compassion because you know what it feels like to wake up, to fall asleep, to fall in love, to lose loved ones, to fail at something, to succeed, to laugh till your belly hurts, to cry till you think you have nothing left inside, to dance like the world is your oyster…if so only for the night. You know, so you feel. You feel for them as if they were you. Especially children as they are absolutely unprotected, or guarded from us by fear or thinking patterns. They are just there, looking with big eyes at a very fresh world.

Moments after this came to mind I gave up my seat to an older lady, simply because I know what tired feet feel like (and because my granddad would jump down from heaven to kick my butt if I didn’t behave with decency towards others).

We act with compassion towards each other; with understanding and sympathy simply because we know. We know what it feels like. Even if we are different and some of us feel pain in different places from others, or fall in love with different things, we all know. We all know pain and we all know love. We know laughter and tears….and making love, of course. We hold onto each other and support one another through life because we know what life feels like, so if that’s the only thing we know. Because we may know what life feels like, but life itself is often confusing.

The day I decided I could have kids because I knew enough about life, was the day I realized I know nothing and life is an experience, not an accomplishment. Yes, we are here to grow and learn…but we know so little. So long as we do our best, we love, we enjoy…we are successful. What life throws you at any given moment is impossible to know. To take a deep breath and lovingly and, erm, preferably with a good sense of humor, deal with any given circumstance is truly success. To apply your knowledge from the past yes, but also realize that what you know is always limited…unless for the heart, of course…I always believe that the heart and your soul’s connection with life somehow knows…but it knows without you knowing. You just open the door and you get the answer (sometimes in a rather weird way), but how, or why, or what…who knows?

Sometimes I try to figure it all out. I think about things. I think for so long I don’t act. That’s why my new motto is “maybe”. I will surrender to every moment and try things out. I will follow my heart….so if it goes in ten different directions. Because hell, I don’t understand myself…I have patterns, thoughts, behaviors that are down right ridiculous and if I think…I end up acting out the same story all over again. I’m the flakiest person you’d ever come across when it comes to the men I meet for example. I can hardly commit to a date – if I think about it, there’s always something wrong. That’s how bad I am. Once I love someone though, I’m loyal for life. My best friend told me the other week that if I she was a man, she’d just marry me, because no matter what, I’m there for the men I’ve once fallen for. As tragic as I think this is, hopefully one day one man can appreciate that….once he’s battled my five thousand dragons to get to my heart that is…that I’m of course now willingly giving away to the right man…erm. You see…if I think about this, I will not go near men. I just get confused and back off. Unless they knock me down, I’m gone. So I won’t think. I’ll just do. Surrender. Let go. Fly with whatever’s there.

So yes peeps…life’s confusing, but we are here to experience it and if that’s how you see it I, personally, think it becomes beautiful. Especially if you surrender to the moment, because then you have very little time to miss lovers lost, or erm ahem California, or your most precious gran or grandpa… We’re here to live. To be there for each other. To reach out to one another. To support each other through this most magical thing called life. May love be with you. Always.

Precisely: live the love…although apparently happiness is an inside job, so don’t think you can solve your man’s problem’s this way…LOL!

 

 

About that kind of sex you like…

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing
and rightdoing there is a field.
I’ll meet you there.

- Rumi

I think this is so important I decided to dedicate a whole blog to it. What is that field? Where is it? I don’t know.

I believe in a sense that there is a right and wrong, as we all have our own interpretation of reality based on what we have been through and how our biological make-up looks. We like different smells, tastes, sounds and what have you. What feels right to you, may feel wrong to me. Does that make it right or wrong though or is there an ultimate truth beyond our senses? I believe in an ultimate truth, or I think I do…but I also appreciate individual experiences. An apple is an apple, but we experience it differently through our senses.

I once at a rather young age had the epiphany that what I had been taught looks like blue may not look like blue to others as we don’t know what it looks like to them. I know it’s blue because that’s what I’ve been told and all the blues are the same nuance, but for all that I know to you they may look like what I see when I see the color green (this may not scientifically be true as we may be able to know this somehow, but there might still be a slight difference in how we perceive colors). I.e. our senses may vary (the thing itself doesn’t vary…but maybe it does according to quantum physics???) and my epiphany wasn’t really about just the color blue, it was about all things perceived through our senses. If you think about it – many things to us are very different to what other animals perceive them as. Animals with good hearing can hear sounds that sound like silence to you.

I also believe there are some things that are wrong in the sense that they inflict harm on others. At the same time I believe there is no right and wrong for the same reason as we are individuals with a different sense of perceiving the world. Whereas I think it wrong to kill a man, a wolf will consider a man food and see it as right to kill the man, just as the hunter consider it right to kill a wolf.

And then, beyond all that, I think there is love and if you live attuned to that, that’s a place where all is allowed as all actions will spring from love and thereby serve the world at large. A place where there is no judgment, as all is good. Where the neighbors will not pick on what colors you choose to paint your walls in, or how you live your life in general, because that’s of no importance. The only thing of importance is you living in love. I believe it is this field that sprung to mind when I read the words – a society free of judgment of things that are of no importance. For me societal pressure, or “judgment,” has bugged me many times and still does. A society that I myself judge as many times being “wrong.”He who hath notsinned cast the first stone…

I guess for me, freedom would be to act in accordance with my heart and having everyone else act in accordance with their hearts, without judging each other.

When I hear the words by Rumi I simply imagine myself next to someone, on a field, exploring life. Where there is no right, or wrong, only truth, life, love and exploration…maybe even naked exploration…

Why I would totally shag Kamprad…but I’d prefer Branson…

So we all know the deal, right? There’s a war here, another there, poor schooling in that town and starvation in that one. It’s rather overwhelming if you start thinking about all those things. Especially in front of the TV. It’s not like the President over in Tjotahajti (that’s a Swedish term meaning somewhere far off) will listen to you as you are lecturing the TV on what to do. It’s also rather hard to get your belongings together and shoot off to do a project in Tjotahajti to help out. If you are an entrepreneur you can do business with the country to help recover their economy and fuel some growth in a particular “goody-good” industry and anyone with a buck to spare can send some change. However, it’s still an overwhelming thing if you think about EVERYTHING that needs to be done to sort out this planet. So how about your own backyard?

Voltaire wrote a book to explain that happiness is not out there, it’s in your backyard. So, potentially, is the future of the world. Kamprad, for one, started his business in his own garage. It’s a small corporation called Ikea today. Branson started in a phone booth.

I’m a “big” thinker. I see the world-wide corporation before I see the first step of how to get there. It’s great having the vision, because I know where I’m heading, but it’s overwhelming if I don’t manage to figure out the next immediate step to take me further along the path. It’s the same with world peace, or curing the world from a disease. If you don’t manage to make your own kids stop quareling, how are you going to take care of the conflict in the Middle East? And if your kids are quareling, what will that mean for the future? (Kids are prone to hit each other, I know. My sister gave me a bruise, or two. I was the oldest so I couldn’t justify hitting back.) It is also very true that sometimes your personal life is harder to sort out than your neighbor’s. That’s why you, as a coach, can coach the neighbor, but need another coach to coach you. It’s hard to be clear sighted with your own issues. That’s why we have coaches in the first place. They see life through a different filter than you do. However, you might not want someone who is a die hard atheist to come in and coach you on your spiritual path. In a similar manner it might be hard for someone in the Middle East who was brought up in a war to listen to a pacifist who grew up in a peaceful community. Of course peace is the desired outcome, but unless you understand the conflict and the emotions involved, you aren’t likely to get very far negotiating peace.

It’s easy to be opinionated about things that are discussed in the news. It’s maybe harder to realize that what we hear and see is an inkling of the truth and we have no idea of what it is like going through what the person in front of us on the news is going through.

It may also be easy to think that what truly matters are the big things, like the war in a foreign country. What has created every big thing though, is the small things. And what you need to do to create the big things, is to grow the small things. The nature of this planet is that seeds grow into plants. You have to start with the seed. The more effective you are at planting and growing, the faster the process will be.

If you allow some crazy Hitler person to do whatever they like until the day they stand on the doorstep of invading your country, that’s not very clever. You can’t just ignore the rest of the world. You can start by creating change at home though. By creating a home you enjoy living in. By creating relationships you enjoy having. By creating a community you enjoy being part of. By creating a city you enjoy living in. It’s not just the world that needs tending to. It’s your backyard too.

I want sex baby, now…

If you ask someone what they want in life, they will list a number of different things – like doggie, the missionary, BJs…fame and fortune. My belief though, is what they all want is to feel good – they just have different ideas of what will make them feel good. For me, recently, it has become increasingly obvious that love is the answer to just about any question, including what will make you feel good, because love makes you feel good more so than anything else, doesn’t it?

 

If you think about it….just really do think about it for a while: What you want in life is not things, or places, or people, is it? It’s how they make you feel. It’s the feeling, not the thing you are dreaming of. You want the chemical reaction that whatever thing/person, produced in you (which is often self-induced, as it was you creating a opinon about something, dreaming up a reality that wasn’t quite real).

 

People are scared of love, because they are scared of how they will feel if they get it and then lose it. When they don’t have it, they are walking instead of flying, but if they get it they will fly and if they lose it…well, they will crash. They are likely to survive the crash, but it will take some time till they get back to walking properly again. The ones that can’t walk properly in the first place usually retorts to foods, drugs, sex, fame, attention, etc. to keep themselves somewhat upright.

 

If we have love in our hearts we fly. We are no longer addicted to people, places, foods, drugs, etc. because we can fly without it (and remember: most things are self-induced anyway – it wasn’t the thing/person that made you feel something, it was your opinion about it/them. That’s why a closed heart can’t see love even if it’s being showered with it, unless somehow the love slowly cracks it open. It is also why some people are happy with very little things and others aren’t happy no matter how much they have – their satisfactory level is self-induced.). It becomes a much nicer flight if you are in a place you love, doing what you love, fed by what you love, surrounded by people who love you – that’s kind of like being given an extra set of wings, but regardless, you won’t crash if they disappear.

 

The cool thing is that if you have love in your heart, you will pick up on what you love around you and you will move forward in life towards what you love, constantly increasing the love factor. Even when things go tits up, you will keep looking for the love in it and embrace it, as well as new things that you love rather than sit mourning your loss forever. When your focus is on love, you simply can’t be sad for long.

 

I used to get upset thinking that there is so much that needs to be done in this world for everyone to live a nice life. Then, the other day I realized, that all we have to do is love. Where there is love there will be no greed, no need to put others down, no need for ego, no need for angry words, or weapons to “gain respect”…there will, on the other hand, be a great urge to help others, because if you love someone it is because you have let them into your heart and if they are in your heart, you will not want them to suffer. (The first, basic kind of love I believe is to have understanding for someone, put yourself in their position and thereby feel compassion and love.)

 

People think the world is made up of politicians and business owners, but they are made up of people. No one can get anywhere without votes, or sales. You can remove the ruler from the throne, but you can do nothing without the support of the people. For centuries people have been won over by fear, but it would be much easier to win people over with love. Make someone feel good and they will happily be supporting you, granted you keep making them feel good. If the love isn’t pure, that won’t happen. Of course there are people addicted to abuse because of their past, but that’s a habit and not truly what their hearts want, so usually love will not only win them over, but also break their negative patterns as they learn to love themselves.

 

No one else rules the world – we all rule the world. You can’t save the world on your own, but you can instigate change. All you have to do is love. 

 

I have never before realized how much power I have in my hands, as every time I talk to someone, unless they are in a complete place of love, where nothing affects them much, I am responsible for how I make them feel. My words and actions can make or break their day, or at least add up to their day. I’ve never been one for showing affection to all and everyone, as shyness and fear of humiliation have governed my decisions, but now my world is slowly changing. When I have love in my heart, I care less for whether they appreciate my love or not as I’m flying regardless. I care more about the chance I have of making someone feel good. Even on days when I’m not flying I can achieve this by keeping the potential of making someone else feel good more important than my own fear. Every time I interact with someone I have a chance to make them feel good, which is likely to result in them walking off making someone else feel good, who will make someone else feel good, who will…

 

We are all on a very important mission peeps and I’m not talking the missionary, although then you can make someone feel REALLY good…not as good as if you in every way show them that you love them though…and you can get really inventive with that…but just to love is a start…

Your wet dream…

Have you ever been to one of those high school, or middle school reunions? I have been saved the pleasure, however, once in a blue moon I wonder what happened to all the people from back then?  As I don’t spend a lot of time in the village where I went to school from 6-15 and the town where I did high school, I don’t usually bump into these people, so most I haven’t seen for ten or so odd years, some I can’t even remember the names of and some I have forgotten existed altogether.

My school years can be summed up like this:

Pre-school: fantastic.

1st-2nd grade: awesome.

3rd-6th grade: awful.

7-9th grade: nice class, but I was a geek and the rest of the class weren’t that popular either, so we stuck together, but out of them, maybe three people could have been called my friends. Or two.

High School: generally great.

Now, when I was a kid I used to imagine that one day I’d prove to the suckers that thought they were so cool that I was, simply, cooler. I was going to win their respect. It’s all very backwards when you think about it, because why would you want the respect of people who treated you badly? Only because you wish you had been accepted by them of course. You can battle your conscience and say that you just wanted to tell them to fuck off in the grandest manner possible, in a manner were they were forced to listen and couldn’t just shout “geek” and turn their backs, but truth be told: I wanted them to accept me back in the day, so that I could live a normal life and go to parties and hang out with everyone. I wanted them to love me, so that I could love myself. I had not been taught to love myself, so I was dependent on others, no matter how little I liked them. I was an ass kisser, basically.

Let’s put it this way: being a nerd gave me a lot of drive – the ultimate dream was to wave an Oscar in front of their faces, having a zillion photographers snap my picture, whilst holding hands with everyone’s wildest fantasy.

Only, love does not come to you because you win an Oscar and hold hands with the coolest dude in town.

You hear story after story about drug abuse, therapy, misery and so on in Hollywood. Most famous people seem about as happy as your local neighbor who owns neither Porsche, nor have a personal stylist. In fact, they seem a lot more miserable. Why? Because they are great talent that followed their hearts? Or because fame, to them, was a benchmark and when they reached it they discovered that their goal meant nothing?

Goals are fabulous things. I want to have a hot tub and an outdoor shower, so sooner or later I am bound to figure out how to earn enough money to get it. However, a hot tub does not make me love myself more or give meaning to my life. I need a grander purpose than that to feel that my life has a thrill. Helping people, for me, has always been that purpose – or to be perfectly honest, the purpose I have nailed down is: Creating positive change. Because for me the means to help is to create. That’s what I do, what I love. When I don’t create I feel dead. Right now, I make movies, I write, I work on a company, money or not, fame or not, I do what I love in that sense. All I do that can be noticed is this blog (and doing something direct instead of only doing things that may pay off three or fifty years from now is immensely important, because otherwise you may still feel you are wasting your life). I get confirmation from time to time that people read it and it does help them. That is much nicer than Oscars. I would, however, like to be famous if that would give me means to reach out to and help more people. As an artist, as an entrepreneur, you cannot help but want to be famous, because you want a large audience and a large amount of customers. There is a difference between fame and ego though. I’m not yet totally over the ego bit. Also, everything changes constantly and there is a huge difference between living your purpose and expecting to reach the goals you have set for yourself. No one can stop you from doing a kind act a day, but there are a hell of a lot of ifs and buts if you want something in return for it, or if your goal is to be the next Richard Branson, ahem…

Basically, live your purpose now. If you are an actor – strive to be the best you can be, constantly practice so that whenever you perform, you give the audience joy. Constantly do plays, shorts, etc. because then you get to do what you love now. Strive to go to where you want to be. Don’t expect an Oscar. Then you may have to wait forever to become happy. Furthermore, don’t expect people to love you because you get an Oscar. You are still you, remember? If anything, some will hate your guts for being successful. Do things that make you feel happy about being you and others will be happy for you too. They will love you, just like you love being you. Don’t count on their love though. Things change. All you carry with you eternally are the feelings inside you. I know, this is obvious right. But there are a lot of unhappy people out there and that used to include me.

I would love to find out what happened to some of the people in my past out of curiosity, but I’m not in need of walking into a school reunion just to make sure they all know what a smashing change I have undergone. Thinking about my childhood only makes me appreciate so much more the wonderful people I have in my life these days. I actually had a shock thinking about it. Not because I didn’t know that they are wonderful, but because the contrast is so overwhelming. And it makes it even more mad to think that you’d still want to impress some dicks you haven’t seen for ten years.

I have stunning people in my life. I’m so God damn blessed. An Oscar would be nice to have on my desk, because then I’d probably have a bit more money to make movies and create companies, but he sure as hell wouldn’t call me back. Nor would any of the fans, the reporters, etc. Most of them would probably rejoice in the fact that I was seen snogging two guys in the same week. Not that I’d do that.. Seriously, I have as much party appeal as a rag doll – I’m happier meditating in the woods, unless it’s a party of happy people actually looking to have a good time, not to show off their Pradas (she says and pushes her Prada glasses up her nose…come on, I love them…).

Point being: I know I’m a good wet dream. I don’t need the rest of the world to dream that dream. Just this one guy, yeah…

What we don’t need others to tell us, right? …or maybe just this one person…

Sex, or tea, darling? Just put down that gun, will you?!!…

So I’ve talked a lot about sex. I tend to. Now there are other things on my mind than six packs though. Seriously. I’m not all that dizzy apart from…you know…when I think of six packs…and other interesting topics that grab hold of my…mind. So politics and sex. No, sorry, politics and religion. (Actually, that was an honest mistake. I guess I am dizzy today. My shoes hurt my toes so much I had to leave early last night. Dancing is my fav meditation. Had I partied the whole night, clearly my brain would have been in a better state. I do apologize for my choice of extreme heels.)

Let’s think about this for a while: where were you born? How many of your political and religious opinions spring from your upbringing? What would you have been thinking if you were born on the other side of the planet? What would be the difference if it was a rich family, or a poor family that brought you up? What would be the difference if they taught you you can do anything, or you amount to nothing?

How often have you met someone from your opposing political party, or religion, sat down and had a cup of tea with them? How much have you studied religion, or politics? Have you read not just your party’s or religion’s propaganda/bible, but also all the others? How much of your beliefs are based on your upbringing and how much are based on your reasoning mind after learning about it all?

Isn’t it that somewhere, deep down inside, we are all looking for comfort, joy, health and love? We are all somehow seeking happiness? I mean I quoted Anne Frank yesterday, and I think I have quoted her before as well, but she said it: “We all live with the objective of being happy; our lives are all different and yet the same.” With this in mind, we still try to set up barriers everywhere we go. We are pointing our fingers at one another screaming “You have the wrong beliefs.”

How many political and religious leaders ask questions and how many follow dogmas?

I would, personally, like political parties and religious leaders to look at what’s truly best for their followers. In spirituality, what makes people truly aware of who they are, how they can find inner happiness and how they can help others do the same? Where the religious leaders that roamed this Earth thousands of years ago all on about the those three things, or where they all different? Is there a difference between Heaven and Nirvana? Do we have to fight over Buddha and Jesus, or can we acknowledge that they both had their points? In politics: what helps people put food on their table and be happy in the material world? How can we all become so educated, no matter where we were born, that we learn how to look after ourselves and others? I, personally, believe that if you educate the children of today, they may grow to forget the injustices of yesterday, because a new world has been made available to them.

I own a pair of Prada glasses. They are bling, bling. I love them. I love my high heels. I love my little dresses. I feel stupid right now because I chose to become a student again. It was a smart choice, but it made me very poor. I don’t even have a car. I’m one of those fighters that believe anyone can make it if they work at it long enough. I believe that rather than getting social welfare I should work as a cleaner, should it come to that. I don’t like being poor. I don’t like fretting about my bills. I don’t like not having enough cash to do what I please. How much of that is pride and how much is practicality is, however, doubtful. I belong to a society where cash counts. My values have been swayed by my upbringing and my surroundings. If you ask me what truly counts, it’s people. If I look at my empty garage, I wanna cry. I don’t have my Audi TT yet. But the day I make enough money to buy it, I’ll be damned if I can’t send some kids to school over in Africa first. To give them a chance to survive. To fend for themselves. To think. To see that living is possible.

The questions I keep asking myself are these: what would happen if everyone one day suffered from amnesia and forgot past injustices? Forgot that we are striving for this, that and the other, and suddenly started striving for making ourselves and this world the best it could possibly be? What would this world look like? What would our inventions be? What would we talk about?

Forgetting about amnesia (ha) could we educate our children to think like that?

You read Romeo And Juliet and you laugh at their follies, then you look at the world and you weep. Love across borders, across political and religious barriers, are still but a dream for some. “Love thy neighbor as thyself.” I wonder what would happen if we were all forced to have tea every day with our neighbors. Can you not see the human being underneath the politics? Underneath the religion? Underneath the cash? Can you not see a person striving for what they think are happiness? Can you not see feelings? Can you not see a heart?

Quite frankly, I wonder how much laughter and sex could be had if we all went for tea?

He who experiences the unity of life sees his own Self in all beings, and all beings in his own Self, and looks on everything with an impartial eye. – Buddha

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. – Jesus

Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense. – Buddha

Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged; and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. – Jesus

However many holy words you read, however many you speak, what good will they do you if you do not act on upon them? – Buddha

He who believes in me will also do the works that I do; and Greater Works than These will he do… – Jesus

Hatred does not cease through hatred at any time. Hatred ceases through love. This is an unalterable law. – Buddha

Love…does not have borders…children do not know the past, nor the imaginary limitations of society, until someone explains their existence. What is freedom?

Think my pants off…

A friend of mine once had a t-shirt with Think My Pants Off written across it. Made the teachers furious. I, personally, loved it (potentially because it made the stuck-up teachers furious). The funny thing is – it stated the obvious: we want to see each other naked and if we can’t, we make it up.

I believe one of the best characters throughout history when it comes to the true art of striptease is the jester, so let me share a piece on jesters that I wrote years ago:

I have captured myself in the language I use, in the books I read, the movies I watch, the music I listen to, the foods I eat, the clothes I wear and the art I embrace. I can never see anything for what it is – it is created from all that which I know.

My greatest hero is the jester; he or she that takes any form and goes anywhere to ridicule those who have set their minds, their shapes, and see no further. The jester who always gets ridiculed for ridiculing. He who fits in everywhere, yet nowhere. The one who expresses what everyone thinks and wishes for, dreads and longs for. The mouth that speaks for all. The person who himself is hidden underneath a colorful piece of clothing, but strips everyone else bare. The one who speaks in jest, but in the jest lies the truth.

The jester is faithful to no one, because he is truthful to all. Only someone who defends no one can speak the truth. Only he who does not want to be part of something can look upon it for what it is. Only he who does not judge sees what’s there to be seen.

In every man’s outside you can read his inside, but only if you look. Most people have forgotten to look. We coat ourselves in armor; in clothing, pretty words, smells and funny hairstyles. Make-up cover our faces – in life pride events get painted on top of shame events. If we do not speak with one another we get scared, because silence speaks louder than any voice. When you talk, or move, you can direct peoples’ attention. When you stand silent and motionless all the attention is on you. Not your words. Not your actions. Just you. If you are naked it gets even worse, because your clothes cannot divert any attention. It’s just you, right there, in front of everyone as you are. You.

When people cannot pick whom they want to be, but are forced to be whom they are, they get scared. When a person is alone in an empty room filled with nothing but silence they get scared, because their own attention turns on themselves. They can no longer hide the truth written in their souls. Therefore, we keep ourselves busy – surrounded by sounds, smells, people, tastes…

Man refuses change as he thinks that he has earlier failed if he now changes his mind. Man holds onto society, like a mad man holds onto a lie. Man does not live to learn, but to prove that he has always been right. That he is justified. Yet, he who cannot change cannot continue to live. Nature seeks change. Growth. Development. Therefore, as long as you wish for what once was, you wish for death, because nothing will ever be what it once was.

People always want others to be what they have become themselves, therefore people never live in peace with one another. They do not seek to understand one another. They just seek for others to be like themselves. I want to tell people what I think so that they can be like me when I have shared what I think, because I am scared of being by myself. Yet, I am never alone – underneath the clothes we are all the same.

The jester does not see clothing. The jester does not see make-up. The jester does not see jokes. The jester does not see wit. The jester does not see beliefs. The jester sees you. He talks about your make-up, your jokes, your wit, your beliefs in jest – in ways that make you laugh. Yet he points out the folly of your ways. The truth hidden within. He sees that you may wear a personality, but underneath it you are a man. He thinks your pants off.

Think my pants off…I dare you…

Ocar Wilde and I…

The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius.

To find sanity in this life you usually have to look to those that have been labeled insane by society at least a couple of times in their lifetime. Because society is not sane. When it reads on a cigarette package Warning: Smoking Kills and people still smoke, what does that tell us of the sanity of this world? Not to mention gang fights, wars and business warfare (the whole point with a free economy is for the allowance of growth, yet when a new, ingenious, company starts to grow, the old big boys go after it to kill it instead of improving their own products…). For sanity I often look to Wilde.

We live in an age when unnecessary things are our only necessities.

I like Wilde. Correction: I love Oscar Wilde. From him I have been given more than a few hours of laughter and poignant truths about life. Maybe I love his quotes and musings so much because he was about as happy about society as I am. Or maybe because he was just simply right about so many damn things.

Disobedience, in the eyes of anyone who has read history, is man’s original virtue. It is through disobedience and rebellion that progress has been made.

Wilde played with words and I like playing with words. I don’t always get it right, but you gotta start somewhere and this blog is my start. Some posts really don’t come out that great (I still think yesterday’s one was rather boring, if I may say so myself – the funniest part is probably the joke I put in the very end, and I stole half of that line from a postcard in Booksoup. It was something like “Screw me if I am wrong, but I think you are cute.” I kind of figured that if you just say screw me if I am wrong, chances are too slim that it happens, so I had to add fuck me if I am right – after all I would like Mr Right to get attached to me and as we know with men there are only two ways to their heart – one is through the stomach (my cakes are delicious) and the other is through the more obvious route…yes I’m joking again…sort of…).

Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it’s asking others to live as one wishes to live.

The reason I started this blog was so as to share my points of view on life, which includes the point of view that if we all shared what we really think (in a nice and caring way) life would be a lot easier to get through in an amicable manner. My dream is, as most know, to run companies and make movies and the whole point of that is to create things in life that I think life needs – in other words: share my point of view without having to be a politician that forces others to believe in it and then fail to follow through on it. I think the best form of persuasion lies rather far from enforcement. Just think about it – people naturally follow stars, but they love breaking, bending and manipulating rules. The thing is – it’s been a long journey to get to the place where I am now in business (product development stage) and nothing guarantees that my company will be set up. Nor are there any guarantees that the novel I have been working on for like two years now, will ever be published and made into a movie. It’s likely to happen, because I’m rather stubborn, but it may take another couple of years. It’s also rather likely that I will, in the end, own a company, because I am just that stubborn (my grandma always compared my to a mule and said it was a trait of our family…ahem). However, right now, whilst being a poor student at a rather posh University in So Cal, I would like to do something that is instantaneous. Something where I push myself to speak the truth and share my point of view with the world without hiding behind too many layers of imagination, legislation and camera lenses. It’s a frightfully frightening experience (read: my ego is very nervous), but it is a launch. After almost three years of failing to launch I consider it a success.

If you want to tell people the truth make them laugh, otherwise they’ll kill you.

The problem with having a blog that is connected to my Twitter, LinkedIn and Facebook is that any friend, or business contact of mine, that knows me on these platforms may come across it on a day when I write a terribly boring post, or use too many inappropriate references to sex, or utterly girlish dreams about Mr Right. It may also be that they come across it on a day when I publish a short story, or script, of mine and they see my sometimes over imaginative imagination. This does not mean that I will not sit for hours analyzing the perfect pricing point for my products, wear neat skirts (albeit too short) to business meetings and live a rather mundane life for most of it. I mean I prefer going to the farmer’s market to going partying nine times out of ten, because food inspires me, drunk people don’t. I love standing on a dance floor shaking my ass till the early hours of the morning, but I prefer sitting chatting to my friends in a coffee shop, or at a dinner party, rather than screaming at them in a bar. So apart from my dancing habits, that are rather outrageous (I have taken far too many dance classes in my day to stick to step left step right, instead I fuse ballet and street dance with salsa and look like a happy gorilla jumping around…) I’m just not leading that much of an exciting LA life. I care more about my business plan than about Victoria Beckham (but I have to confess that the woman has style).

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

Anyway, my point is this: I might not use this blog as a business presentation, simply because that’s not what it’s intended for and it would not be suitable as such. This blog is part of who I am, but it’s not all of who I am. It’s meant to be somewhat entertaining and somewhat poignant. Sometimes I may succeed, at others fail miserably. If you read this blog on a bad day, please don’t think I’m always like that (although, of course, I am like that too). And please realize, although I seem very dizzy and blonde, I can have orgasms over numbers that turn out in my favor (no, I don’t mean when nine guys are hunting me down the street, I mean when business models come together nicely) and I spend ample time reading books about systems, management, marketing and other not so sexy subjects (although marketing can be very sexy if you do it my way and my finance teachers tell me that in Hollywood people don’t invest to make money (films rarely make money), they invest because they think it’s sexy to be part of the oh so glam Hollywood scene). Oh, and whilst on the topic, I might refer to sex a lot, but that doesn’t mean you can get my knickers off if you happen to meet me in real life. I am just of the belief that life should be sexed up. For sure, in this blog, I also say things that I am likely to cringe at some time later because I have grown some more and (please God) gotten some smarter. I realize that the main thing I know in life is that I know nothing, I just have very many opinions on the subject all the same. As Wilde said: I am not young enough to know everything.

Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.

All ideas in this blog come from what happened to me in life. I cannot deny this. I’m about as original as a Barbie doll. However, the greatest inventions are also those that mimic life (I’m not saying I am great, I’m just saying). Da Vinci spent ample time studying nature. For example, he studied a stream and then he applied the same concepts to understand the human heart. I believe he had a point in always returning to nature, because we are part of it, so anything we create will naturally spring from it. So far I do not know of a human invention that does not mimic nature. Nor do I know of a problem that cannot be solved if you apply the same theory/method as found in nature. I was once upon a time trying to figure out why some women got more guys than others and how you attract Mr Right. The next morning I went out into the garden to pick a fig. I chose a ripe one – you know how they open up when they are ripe? Well, I chose that one because the ripe ones taste better. Dah. That’s how you get the men. You open up to it because you are ripe and they will pick you. (Regarding this, I also think that most people, if they applied the thinking they use doing something they are good at, to something they are bad at, their results would greatly improve.)

Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace.

Oh, and the point of all that rambling about getting inspiration from nature – I will NEVER gossip about the people in my life in this blog. That would, apart from being immoral, be wanting to be hated, which is impractical.

Most modern calendars mar the sweet simplicity of our lives by reminding us that each day that passes is the anniversary of some perfectly uninteresting event.

On that note I am going to go back to researching chocolate companies. I told you – I live such an exciting life. And even if I did – wherever you go there you are and whatever you do there is life.

At twilight, nature is not without loveliness, though perhaps its chief use is to illustrate quotations from the poets.

Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.

Anybody can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend’s success.

There is a luxury in self-reproach. When we blame ourselves, we feel that no one else has a right to blame us. It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution.

We teach people how to remember, we never teach them how to grow.

Wisdom comes with winters.

Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.

Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.

What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

Only the shallow know themselves.

Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them.

One is tempted to define man as a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason.

I can resist anything but temptation. (I’m very good at this)