Healing by making love…

You can have sex with almost anyone. You meet someone at a bar. There’s physical attraction. You end up in bed. You don’t have to love them. Live with them. Accept their flaws. Help them. Be there for them. Grow with them. Have them see your flaws. You don’t even have to tell them what you didn’t like about the sex and how you would love to improve it. Nor do you have to listen to the tell you what they didn’t like and how you can improve that. No one will infringe on your ego. You don’t have to face infringing on their’s. There’s no relationship. The thing is though, the whole world is one big relationship and if we want to make a change, we will have to learn to make love, both with those close to us and those far away.

In the wake of the Boston marathon disaster I feel compelled to say a few words. Like most people I feel it’s a terrible act. It leaves me completely puzzled to think that anyone would want to go and bomb civilians having a good time with friends and family. That’s what people do in war though – they feel someone has attacked them and their values and so they attack back. Someone killed their family and friends, maybe in a more obvious act of war like a bomb raid to overthrow the President, but they still did it. And then they feel they have the right to bomb back at any time. An eye for an eye.

Obviously I don’t know who committed the crime yesterday. I don’t know why. The only thing I believe I know is that to stop these crimes from happening we have to come together in love. We have to teach each other love and respect. Instead of spending hours talking about how horrid the world is, how horrid the person or people committing that act are, we should stand together and teach love and respect.

If it turns out that the bomber is part of a religion, or of a certain nationality I hope that what we do is not condemn the religion, or nationality and spend hours talking about how bad it all is, but rather go out there as agents of change and talk about love and respect. What it means to love and respect each other.

Similarly, there has been a lot of shootings in schools in America and sometimes I’m compelled to talk about how bad it is and part of me really wants to ban guns, because I don’t think everyone who has them are responsible individuals. However, in Switzerland everyone carries guns and you don’t hear about these problems. Why? Maybe because they were trained to be responsible individuals. Maybe they were taught love and respect? Also bear in mind Switzerland is always neutral in war. Their mentality towards shooting is completely different. They don’t have the eye for an eye thing going on. In the States it appears kids want to kill their bullies, thinking it’s justice. Wouldn’t it be better to teach their bullies respect? Love and respect? But how do you do that if you feel like the underdog? Apparently some people believe it’s through guns. Guns make them the upper dog. It’s a natural reaction, but it’s not a wise one. And it does not teach respect. Just like the kids on the streets screaming “respect me bitch” aren’t teaching anyone to respect them. They are teaching people to fear them. That’s very different.

Imagine this: there’s a convention going on. A convention where people of a certain faith about how life is supposed to be lived have come together. You don’t believe their way is the way to live life. You believe what they do infringe on people’s liberty and happiness, but they can’t see that as it’s the way they have been brought up to believe is the right way. That they are condemned by their society, or God if they live in another way. So you walk in there to try to convince them there is a better way. What do you think will bring you the best reception?

Is it if you walk in there proclaiming that their beliefs and how they live their lives is all wrong?

Is it by understanding their values and beliefs as best you can and explaining through examples from your own life how you have embraced some of their values and learned from them and also how some other values have enhanced your life? Values they might come to benefit from? And maybe how you had to throw out some of your old beliefs and values to be able to embrace the new ones that changed your life around?

If you’ve never faced what it feels like coming to terms with the idea that your way of life is wrong, how can you teach someone else that their way of life is wrong? How can you understand what it feels like to give up your world view? How can you understand what it is like to take on a new world view? How can you teach through the heart, rather than the ego? How can you lead with love, rather than blame?

I believe walking in someone else’ shoes is one of the most powerful things you can do to understand that person and by understanding them and respecting them as a human being, rather than seeing them as a problem, you may, you just may have a chance of introducing them to a new way of life. You can tell a gang leader that gang wars are all wrong, but unless you were brought up in the midst of a gang war, how will you ever understand how that person felt seeing their siblings killed by the opposing gang whilst growing up? You can tell them all you like that killing is wrong and probably they know that too, but they reacted to a situation probably not feeling they had any other way to act. That there was no way out. And by you condemning their reaction as if it was their heart, you won’t get anywhere. Start learning to see the heart beyond their acts and maybe they will start listening to you. Imagine being ten years old and seeing your sister die. What would you do? Say killing is wrong, or pick up a gun to protect yourself?

The reason the Capulets fought the Montagues is because they felt the injustice of previous years. Because they could still remember how someone they loved had taken a blow in a fight, they weren’t willing to instigate peace. They could have peace any moment as they weren’t fighting over land. They could leave each other alone to live their desired lives, but they didn’t want to, because they remembered blood and wanted to take revenge.

If you are to move into a peaceful future you have to forgive the past and leave it in the past. If you are in a relationship with someone and every time you argue the other person brings up an injustice you did in the first year of the relationship, how would you feel? Or if someone rushed into your life and without explanation told you that the way you live is wrong and the way all your ancestors lived is wrong and there is a better way, without paying any kind of respect to your way of life, how would you feel? If someone ran in and robbed your family of their belongings and shot a few and a year later you were told the war is over, the borders are established, let’s forget about the past, how would you feel? It would be hard to teach your sons and daughters to love and respect them, wouldn’t it? But to continue to build peace, that’s exactly what you would have to do. Not respect their bad ways, of course, but respect the new way of peace. Their new way of peace.

Most people feel anger when crime is involved. Anger. Disgust. Sadness. The power lies in moving beyond that and teaching as many people as you can love and respect, so as to prevent the crimes of tomorrow. If we get stuck in the punishment mentality we will forever be like the Capulets and Montagues. You have to get criminals off the streets. Then you have to focus, instead of hatred towards them, love towards the world. It’s like with anything: you have to face the problem, then you have to focus on the solution. If you get stuck on the problem, you will just create more of the problem.

So what is the solution folks? How are we going to come together to stand up for peace, love, understanding and through that understanding respect? How are we going to foster this? What will we talk about with our friends and lovers? What will we tell our children? What will we do to make this world a better place? What will we do to remember the Mandelas and the Gandhis out there? Last night I fell asleep praying for a new Mandela. A person who did not condemn the past but created a brighter tomorrow. A person who didn’t shoot their persecutors, but who taught them love. A person who created true change.

Let’s come together like lovers – let’s kiss each others’ wounds better and heal each other with love and care. Let’s foster trust through our kind actions and willingness to help, rather than condemn. Let’s stand up for love. Let’s stand up for the human in all of us.

Strip off…a naked sense of play with the lions and lionesses…

I’m starting to feel quite naked these days…and I’m also starting to sense the lioness inside me roar. The eagle take flight. The owl of wisdom gently whispering advice. I’m starting to feel ready to play. Play fiercely and wisely, but most of all: play. A naked sense of freedom is coming over me.

I was looking at the photo from yesterday’s blog, the photo of the lion, and an array of thoughts entered my mind. You see, I get completely lost in that photo – it must be one of the most beautiful photos I’ve ever come across. I absolutely love it. I can literally just sit and stare at it. As I was looking at it, it occurred to me that maybe one of the things I am so drawn to is the almost human look on his face. As if I can see a person in there, or an animal with human characteristics. Other photos I looked at when searching for lions included the same and I thought that maybe what we look for in animals is proof that they too have emotions. That they too love. And when we see love, we love….and that’s the most magical state of being there is.

Secondly, and this thought really struck me, there are these majestic, magical animals and what do we do? We put them in cages and teach them tricks. In the wild they run like the wind, they perform incredible feats, they play, they display their majesty…and we put them in a cage and teach them 1+1=2 by pressing some buttons with their paws? God must be laughing.

Thirdly, I was thinking that what we do to lions is what we do to ourselves. We get a job in a cubicle somewhere, or we spend our lives coming up with “the next big thing” so we can get rich and successful and get a different cubicle – one made of glass and stainless steel. And maybe that’s life. Maybe if we couldn’t do that we would still be having to plough farmland in Siberia. I guess I just think one should be aware that we have made up society and where you want to keep your focus is up to you. You can devote your life to come up with the next great app, or you can raise your kids on a farm, picking strawberries and watching the stars at night…and maybe there you will be inspired to come up with an app for helping people find their heart’s desire, without you even having to try. Or maybe people already know. Naturally.

I love technology. I love that we hunger for knowledge and development and I am in awe of Apple and their apps. I love all that. I just think one should learn to question and think for oneself. Because I’m not really sure if guns, or bombs improved humanity, or if where people tell you to focus your energy is necessarily the best place to focus it.

I think if I can dance, make movies and theatre performances, work with people and live in a natural house say somewhere in the hills outside Cape Town, or LA, with my family…I think I would be happy. I don’t think a Mercedes, or a Hollywood contract would do that much for me. I’d love to spread my work if there’s an audience that would love to receive it…I’d love to have money so I can live without worries…but I get happy from staring at a black and white photo of a lion. I get happy typing my blogs. I don’t need to chase cubicles, I need to live my heart, but I used to feel really bad about it…because I used to think I was a failure because my heart rather go on an adventure, than stick with one job, follow the normal path and gain secure money and sure as hell that would have made me a lot more money…but I would never have seen the Hollywood Hills at sunset, whilst writing this blog. And words can’t describe how much I love that place and this blog. I thought chasing my dreams made me unhappy as it was so unsettling, but really what made me unhappy was thinking of what others thought of me for doing it. For being a gypsy, an artist, a hippie dreamer (who loves Louis Vuitton). And I was also very scared I’d never succeed and be forced to do work I hate for the rest of my life. But there are ways around everything if you just stop focusing on the traditional path and start making up your own.

I have a right. I am entitled to live as I choose. To explore what I love. Unlike those lions we have caged, I am free.

Who wants to play?

About that kind of sex you like…

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing
and rightdoing there is a field.
I’ll meet you there.

- Rumi

I think this is so important I decided to dedicate a whole blog to it. What is that field? Where is it? I don’t know.

I believe in a sense that there is a right and wrong, as we all have our own interpretation of reality based on what we have been through and how our biological make-up looks. We like different smells, tastes, sounds and what have you. What feels right to you, may feel wrong to me. Does that make it right or wrong though or is there an ultimate truth beyond our senses? I believe in an ultimate truth, or I think I do…but I also appreciate individual experiences. An apple is an apple, but we experience it differently through our senses.

I once at a rather young age had the epiphany that what I had been taught looks like blue may not look like blue to others as we don’t know what it looks like to them. I know it’s blue because that’s what I’ve been told and all the blues are the same nuance, but for all that I know to you they may look like what I see when I see the color green (this may not scientifically be true as we may be able to know this somehow, but there might still be a slight difference in how we perceive colors). I.e. our senses may vary (the thing itself doesn’t vary…but maybe it does according to quantum physics???) and my epiphany wasn’t really about just the color blue, it was about all things perceived through our senses. If you think about it – many things to us are very different to what other animals perceive them as. Animals with good hearing can hear sounds that sound like silence to you.

I also believe there are some things that are wrong in the sense that they inflict harm on others. At the same time I believe there is no right and wrong for the same reason as we are individuals with a different sense of perceiving the world. Whereas I think it wrong to kill a man, a wolf will consider a man food and see it as right to kill the man, just as the hunter consider it right to kill a wolf.

And then, beyond all that, I think there is love and if you live attuned to that, that’s a place where all is allowed as all actions will spring from love and thereby serve the world at large. A place where there is no judgment, as all is good. Where the neighbors will not pick on what colors you choose to paint your walls in, or how you live your life in general, because that’s of no importance. The only thing of importance is you living in love. I believe it is this field that sprung to mind when I read the words – a society free of judgment of things that are of no importance. For me societal pressure, or “judgment,” has bugged me many times and still does. A society that I myself judge as many times being “wrong.”He who hath notsinned cast the first stone…

I guess for me, freedom would be to act in accordance with my heart and having everyone else act in accordance with their hearts, without judging each other.

When I hear the words by Rumi I simply imagine myself next to someone, on a field, exploring life. Where there is no right, or wrong, only truth, life, love and exploration…maybe even naked exploration…

How often do you think about sex???

There's poles...then there's POLES....

Men supposedly think about sex on an average 13 times a day, women 5. If you are writing a blog with sexy headlines everything refers back to sex, as everything needs to fit a metaphor. You see a lamppost you think it has something to do with sex (pole dancing) or you walk straight into it as you were thinking about sex and not what was in front of you. And the thoughts I had whilst walking by Cock Lane the other day…let’s not even go there…(not go there, really??!) I have found though that many of my thoughts (not necessarily to do with sex) happen so quickly that I forget them before I realized I had them. They are like the background noise of a radio – you know it’s there, but you have no clue what it’s playing, or what they are talking about unless you stop to listen. It’s a real practice of mindfulness to be aware of what you are thinking all day long.

I have found that what sometimes can be a bit easier, at least to start off with, is setting one to five minutes aside every day to just simply let go and let your mind wander, just to see where it takes you. What’s going on inside you is soon going to become apparent to you – and you will be surprised at how many thoughts can pass through your head in a minute. Sometimes it’s more like an emotion washing over you, springing from a thought/impression somewhere deep inside, or a feeling coming from someone else whom greatly affects you, but it may take a while to get to the bottom of where that impression, or emotion came from.

It’s also helpful after you’ve let your thoughts wander to think back and get to the core of it – are your thoughts and emotions based in reality, or in assumptions, interpretations and guesswork? Our minds are incredible story tellers…at times so good we even believe them!

Sometimes we make drastic decisions just because we can’t stand undertaking the decision-making process associated to a specific situation, due to fears, annoyance, or whatever else associated with the things/people involved. Other times we want to dream away to things that are far from real and constructive, but rather a scape goat. Yet other times we have emotions, desires, or thoughts we do not wanna face either because of guilt, fear of hurt, the idea of the responsibility around it, the task to make it a reality if it isn’t already (and the amount of work involved), some unpleasant emotion, or whatever else that is a negative association.

Point being: spend a minute a day finding out what’s going through your heart and mind and spend another five facing it properly (five minutes ain’t too bad is it?). Use those five minutes to get rid of negative associations around or make thought through decisions…or if all your thoughts are constructive and happy, then just use the time for contemplation of how to take the wonders further. Then you can free your mind more and more to think about whatever you like, rather than following unconscious programming. More time to think about…you know…

The vagina…

Being scared of who you are is not easy...

Yeah, I know – it’s that thing women have. That one thing that partly separates us from men, but also makes us compatible with them. Give them an opportunity to connect, so to speak. It’s a beautiful thing, right?!! It enables lives to be made. It enables pleasure. It enables the male-female connection to happen physically. Yet, the vagina has gotten a few bad names in history. It’s taboo. It’s like any liberating thing in history: they wanted to control it. Why I’m not sure. Don’t masturbate – it’s bad for you. Don’t think about vaginas if you are a man – it’s bad for you. Don’t be who you are, don’t have a vagina, it’s really nasty.

I just read the vagina monologues. I know. I’m behind. I probably should have done so a long time ago. Woman wanting liberation. Woman spending her life, since fourteen, in hot pursuit of liberation. Of releasing. Of relaxing. Of daring to be without pretence. Woman wanting to be woman. Nothing more, nothing less. And, yet, she didn’t read the vagina monologues until today.

Still, this liberation fighter (because she was completely not liberated in her childhood, a captive of her own incapacitating beliefs about herself) had an issue writing this post. Why? It contains the word “vagina.” The thing 50% of the population have. A beautiful body part. But you aren’t supposed to talk about it. What would people think? They already defriend me because of overtly sexual headlines. Wouldn’t “vagina” be to take it too far? But it’s part of who I am and I have no intention of being ashamed of who I am anymore. So I think it’s OK. I think it’s OK to talk about vaginas. In fact, I think it’s absolutely terrific to talk about vaginas.

People (or should I say “society”?) have a lot of ideas about who we should be, what we should do…what’s right and what’s wrong. It’s a very serious business this life. So serious you have to wear a suit and a tie to match it (and I’m not talking about doing it for the sex appeal right now…there is that factor too)…but why? What’s the purpose? Is success a house in the suburbs, not having sex before marriage, or having sex way before marriage (depends where you grew up), 2.5 children, manicured nails, great taste (the one that fits in) and a fat bank account? Or is it simply to be happy – indulge in the beauty and the pleasure life can give you, and serve humanity and this planet as best as you can?

We, ourselves, have a lot of ideas about right or wrong. Someone molested us as children, so we think we are bad. We had bad parents, so we think we are doomed, on some level, to act like them. That we have been poisoned by their poison. Someone told us we were stupid, or geeky, or shy, or dirty, or this or that and we believed them. We acted it out. Then we believed ourselves and the image we had created. They never created it. They just did something and we assumed it was a reflection of us, when really, it was probably a reflection of them. Of who they were.

Some of us have had the realization that what we believed in wasn’t true. Yet, it may take years to understand it. To not follow it like a dogma anymore. To believe in a different self-image. Because what are we? We are humans. Inside us we may have a talent, or a trait, or something that defines us (you know that center that feels like that would be you under any circumstance? Those longings, pulls, dreams inside of you that seem to have been there since get go? Those things you have always done, always felt? Your soul?), but the rest is up to us to create and that’s hard for most of us to grasp, because we want to know who we are. What we are like. We do tests in magazines to find out what kind of people we are attracted to, or what kind of personality we have…we want a definition. Yet, we will forever be work in progress. There is no set definition. The person in your childhood who was a bad role model, or treated you badly, did not define you. You can find a different role model and someone who treats you nicely and let that define you. If you want a definition.

Shouldn’t we live in that place inside our hearts where we are free? Where we know there is nothing shameful, or bad about us. Where we know we may have impulses we do not like, or thoughts that stink, but knowing we have an option. A choice. A choice as to what we act out. And even so we may fail at times because an autopilot kicks in, rendering us helpless to habit, but knowing we are walking in the right direction and we have to forgive ourselves. Punishing ourselves by thinking we are bad will only lead to more bad, so that we can feel even worse…a cycle of punishment. We have to give it up and learn to love ourselves. Then our actions will change automatically. We will feel love, so we will act with love. We will understand the pain we have been through and the pain others go through, because they have defined themselves without love. We will experience sympathy. And we will know we are OK. We will forgive ourselves.

It’s taken me about 14 years to come to terms with who I am. Of just being. Of knowing that my vagina is just fine, even if it is crooked, or small, or big, or…whatever it is. Of knowing I’m not a shameful thing. Of knowing my presence does not embarrass, or put a burden on others, like I thought it did as a kid. Of knowing that my feelings are OK. Of knowing that my love for others is not a punishment for them. Of knowing that yup, I make a fool out of myself ever so often either from clumsiness, or ignorance on a subject, or simply by being in love and walking into lamp posts…but I’m fine. I don’t have to be great at everything. Don’t have to be perfect. I can just relax, enjoy life and do what I love. That’s what life is about: love. Doing what we love, indulging in things and places that we love, loving ourselves and others. That’s success, right there. No matter what your vagina looks like.

And still, the idea of being in front of a man I love, or at a huge social gathering and daring to be just that. No pretence. No covers. No impressing shit. Just sitting there staring him/them in the eye and being me scares the hell out of me. Not because it actually scares me that much anymore, I like this state of being, but because I’m scared I am not able to relax that much yet. Years of thinking fearful thoughts makes me automatically switch on. In social settings I catch myself wondering what everyone thinks of me, suspecting no one truly likes me and when it comes to men it gets even worse. It’s just a pattern though. All I have to do is relax and be in the moment, knowing that I am comfortable in me now. I like me. I don’t think there is anything wrong with my vagina anymore. That there is a dark spot inside of me, that when discovered everyone will dislike me. That is simply the ghost of a childhood past.

Life becomes so pleasurable this way. Enjoying your vagina. Enjoying all that is you. The miracle that is you. You don’t have to wear a suit, you just have to be you. Naked. Raw. Open. More vulnerable and open than you have ever been, yet more protected because you are protecting you. You know you won’t believe in harsh words about you, or harsh thoughts. You are OK, just as you are.

All great lovemaking must come to an end…and then some better to be had…

Bring it on...!!!!!!

You know the greatest shag of your life? Or the sweetest love story? I presume you remember it. And maybe hold onto it just a tad…want a repeat… Another serving of that heart, that body, that mind…that sex… Another feeling as explosive as…that…but it’s gone. That unique person is no longer in your life, at least not in THAT way. Or the vacation is over and somehow the romance ended there too, even if the relationship is still going strong. But you can’t help but fantasize…to rewind time…to imagine, just for a second…

When one journey ends, another begins. As human beings it’s hard to accept this sometimes. We want love to last forever, youth, beauty…but life isn’t like that. The wonderful thing is that rainy days often come to an end also, but maybe more so than anything we have to learn to dance with the rain, in the rain.

People want the beauty of their young days to last, yet I celebrate every wrinkle thinking I survived long enough to get it. It’s life. Either you celebrate the wrinkles or you condemn them, but if you condemn them you are sort of condemning yourself and life. I’m all pro mud baths (and fights…hehee), facials, plastic surgery (within reason), stem cells and what have you, but that’s making the most of life rather than condemning it.

We fear love will fade with the years, but if it was love and not just attraction, I believe it lasts a life time. People, however, get married thinking everything will always be as it is now. That the rain will never come and the seasons never change. Yet their spouse can lose their job, their face, their limbs…and if you were in love with the outside, then the attraction will fade. If it is attraction you want in that sense, you will have to seek it over and over again. If you want to learn to love the core of a human being it’s a different process. Yet, there too is change as the person evolves. You either journey together, or you drift apart. Change is in our nature. We can move with it and embrace it, rather than fear it.

Most people live with the fear of loss, but we will all lose something at some point. When we lose a lover, or a friend, we mourn. This is natural and it’s a beautiful thing to thank and love whatever gifts were given to us in the shape of a beautiful person, place, life, event, yet holding onto the past is not. We only hold onto a great past out of fear tomorrow will be worse, yet we don’t know if the best is yet to come. I don’t like that phrase as it makes me think of people who dream of a tomorrow they never create today. I just think we have to surrender to the moment. To what we have now. However frightening, or exhilarating.

We have endless opportunities, yet most of us don’t see them, because we are so used to walking down the same path. The idea of change frightens us. We aren’t at ease with the idea of being in constant motion – of being OK no matter what. Wherever we are, whomever we are with. Yet, that’s life right there. We can’t control it, only how we live within it. We don’t know what tomorrow will bring and we will feel a lot better if we know in our hearts that we are OK in ourselves.

It’s so easy to get married to the idea of this one job, this one person, this one friend, this one thing…but life will keep changing. And often we even cloud our own best judgement by filling our heads with things that aren’t that important. People get caught up thinking about the person they’ve only dated for a month, or the job interview they hope will lead to the perfect job, or the idea of this or that…work towards things, enjoy what is happening, but keep your eyes OPEN. Don’t put yourself in a corner. There are too few Johnnies to help bring us out of the corner (but with that dance and that body..hell I’d love some more!!!).

It’s very easy to think about what we cannot have, what we cannot do, but in this moment we have an empty canvas which we can fill with wonder and amazement. If nothing else we can surrender to the moment. To seeing what’s really there. And then start with that and build from there.

Go get laid again…or create something amazing with the partner at hand…or call your old lover and demand a repeat if that’s what you really think is called for…just don’t let this precious moment slip away by living in a past or future that doesn’t exist. Learn from the past, create the future, live for this moment…

 

I would do anything for love, but I won’t do a striptease in the town square darling, I just won’t…

It's all about being served hot chocolate in bed, let me tell ya...

Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more. – Erica Jong I also think that’s the reason love fades…because after the honeymoon we stop fighting for it. We take it for granted. We don’t water the flowers anymore, we just expect them to bloom, when really we need to water them for that to happen. Every single day of our lives we need to water our loved ones with love. With the things that make them feel loved.

People seem to get married thinking that what is now will be forever. Yet, they read the news. They know that people can lose their arms, crash cars, burn houses down by mistake…and when someone does so in their own life, they blame them. They didn’t enter into the relationship thinking they were going to be with someone who is no longer capable of moving their legs, or paying for their multi-million dollar homes, someone who will have a miscarriage, or lose their face in public. Shit happens. That’s life. And when we are in it together, we have to deal with it together, supporting ourselves and each other with love.

I don’t know, it’s just sad to see so many relationships crash even though two people love each other, they just simply forgot to make the relationship magical. I mean who doesn’t swoon hearing that some guy who has been married for twenty years still gives his Missus breakfast in bed ever so often, or sneak naughty messages into her handbag before she leaves for work, or gives her flowers, or sit talking to her for hours about life, or brings home chocolate chip cookies after work, or pours her a bath and makes her a cup of tea when she’s tired, or holds her hand in public, or steals her away for the weekend? It’s other small things as well: when you live together you have to be tolerant to each other’s wishes, habits and flaws. You have to make the household work in a way which make both parties happy.

I think a relationship can be pretty seamless if you have a very open communication (fueled by love and understanding, not blame and neediness) and you fight for it. And that’s a nice fight. A pleasurable fight. It’s doing something for someone you love, using your own creativity and imagination to make it happen (but of course set your limits to striptease in the town square. if that’s what it takes, you may be better off with the gardener. Just saying…). It’s when you stop fighting for the relationship that the real fights begin.

As a friend of mine said: you can just play with it. First you play dating. Then you play relationship. Then you play moving in together…then you keep playing. Who doesn’t love to play??? To have fun, to create magic and laughter?? …and maybe some naughtiness too??…

I never before spoke about The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, The Mastery Of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz, or The Way Of The Superior Man (and a bunch of other books) by David Deida, did I? Nah…didn’t think so. Just Google it…if curiosity tickles you that is…

Brave heart…

It’s easy to be wise – it’s harder to convince your emotions just how wise you are. It takes years of practice not to run with every ridiculous impulse you have and yet years to learn to run with the true impulses, those that come from your spirit, your heart. It take year of practice to learn to listen to your thoughts; to really hear what’s going on within and be able to disregard the thoughts that count not and listen to the ones that do. To make a decision to act from the place you truly want to act from, rather than acting from a place of fear, of over the top excitement, of disappointment, or grief. It takes pratice to be true to you.

It takes bravery to follow your passions – to dare to lose that which you desire the most. To dare to give up what you do not desire at all and some things you really like, so as to reach what you truly love. We can’t have it all, but we can have this moment. It is within it we need to live and choose, choose every step of our journey now. It is in the now we practice to be whom we must to reach to where we want and at the same time be here, be now. Live. Breathe. Fully explore our hearts. Listen. Feel. Really be present to who we are; what we need. Fully enjoy the miracle of life in all its pain and pleasure.

And may I ask you this: if you had no fear, what would you do now? If you relaxed and instead of trying to do something, just did it, how would life feel? If you followed your heart, where would you end up? Those are the questions I ask myself and patiently await an answer…

Beautiful you…

Dare to stick your neck out...into the flower field...

Knock, knock, who’s in there? Will you come out? Will you show me the beautiful you? Will you share your love and laughter with the world today? Hiding in the shadows doesn’t bring much light to your eyes. Walking in the sunshine makes your skin sparkle and your eyes twinkle with delight.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been a master at hiding. Since age nine, or so, I remember walking in roundabout ways to avoid people I thought would rather not see me. I remember locking myself into my room to avoid my step family. I remember looking down when a cute guy passed my path in fear of rejection. I remember feeling like a burden; an unwanted piece of something, that was better off hiding so as not to disturb others.

To this day I sometimes still retract; hide in a corner. Frightened that my company is unwanted; a burden on someone else. I don’t dare to open up and show the beauty that is me. I don’t dare to give.

If you aren’t sharing the light that is truly you. If you aren’t showing off your talents, your smile, your gorgeous, gorgeous laughter, you are doing the world, not to mention yourself, a disfavor.

The world is not here to judge you – the world is here to love you.  The world is not here to put you down – the world is here to enjoy you. The world is not here to punch you in the face – the world is here to fall in love with you. You see though, the tricky thing is for the world to enjoy you, they have to see you. For the world to receive your gifts, you have to give them. For the world to laugh at your jokes, you have to tell them. For the world to hear your stories, you have to share them. For the world to fall in love with you, you have to fall in love with the world.

And if you want for someone else to open, you have to love them open. Like a flower opens to the sun, humans open to love. That doesn’t mean there can’t be boundaries and discipline and telling someone right from wrong, that too is love, but without love all is empty. Without love we all close up. And so, you also have to love yourself open, so that you can see the beautiful you. So that the world gets a chance to enjoy you and you get a chance to enjoy the world.

Who am I…

A painter doesn’t become a painter because s/he paints one painting. A painter becomes a painter because s/he paints, or thinks in terms of painitng every day of his/her life. I’m a filmmaker because I think of life as stories and see photo angles every day of my life. I’m an entrepreneur because I think about business every day of my life. Even when I don’t work on my business, I think about it. I look for inspiration and tricks everywhere. My brain and heart never sleep. And I do act upon my thoughts. If not, I’d merely be a thinker.

We don’t make a choice once. We make it day in and day out every single day of our lives. We don’t have an epiphany once and that’s it. We have an epiphany that we then have to incorporate into our lives, every single day…or the epiphany was just a passing thought.

You are what you think about everyday. What you act upon every day. What you choose every day.

A painter in Stockholm…