Did you ever get so angry you wanted to punch someone in the face? Yet looking back at it you know that all they did was spill a tiny, tiny amount of salt in your wound, which hurt so bad that your first impulse was to hit them in self-defense. You thought you were under attack, when in fact you were defending yourself against, erm, salt.
That’s the illusion of our emotions.
Sometimes the way we see things completely alters a situation. At times we think it’s obvious someone should just walk over and hug us (or whatever else it is we want in the situation) because x, y, z has happened and we feel like shit. All we want is a hug and we think it’s so obvious. Instead, because they don’t realize x, y, z happened, they only see x and they only see it from their perspective, they just shrug their shoulders and carry on talking about whatever. So you think they don’t care. Or you have a eureka moment and realize that you suck at communication.
Other times, it’s us who do the interpretation. Someone says something, or does something, and we interpret it to mean something really bad, when in fact they had no intention to harm us. It’s our own assumption that harm was their intention.
Yet other times it’s like the introduction of this blog – someone throws about some salt, it hits your wound and you feel like you’re in extreme pain, when in truth they did nothing to harm you, or what they did should only have caused a fraction of the pain it did.
The other day I got furious with myself because I realized I have a big bleeding wound regarding one matter. And I felt if that’s the case then I will never ever achieve this one thing. I’ve been so hurt in one area it’s enough someone looks at me funny in situations relating to it, to make me want to punch them. I was despairing because I thought if that’s how raw my wound still is, then how can I ever sort this out. Will I continue to be drawn to bad situations related to this?
Then came the eureka moment: all I need is a good experience. All I need is for people in this area to help me heal. I don’t have to be perfect in everything, no one is.
If you have been told you are worthless in one area for the most part of your life, what you need is someone who believes in you in that one area. Of course, you still need to take responsibility for your own healing, but just because you are still healing doesn’t mean you will attract bad things in that area. All it means is that you need twice the love you do in other areas. You need someone kind hearted enough to understand and work with you.
It’s fascinating how our minds work – how they are programmed to make certain assumptions due to past experiences, as well as the information you have. To remember that the other people you interact with have different experiences and therefore behave differently, as well as the fact that they don’t have the same information available you do (your point of view), is important. Sometimes when I sit back and watch what conclusions my brain comes up with when I try to untangle the seemingly inexplicable emotional reaction I have to something, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.
On the one hand, it’s fascinating and ridiculous to see how you ended up feeling the way you did, on the other hand I despair thinking I’m a hopeless case if I have those emotional reactions. Imagine one day if I don’t manage to control them and sit down and analyze them before I react? Normally I’m pretty switched on and I go for that metaphorical walk before I do anything, by the end of which I’ve come to my senses, but what if I don’t? I know for me it’s usually that I feel worthless/not good enough/unlovable (it’s my master wound if you so like, hidden under layers of “everything needs to be perfect” and “I need to be super woman in everything” which of course fuels the wound as you are never perfect enough, especially as you take on more than you can handle so as to ensure you are just below what you could be in any one area), so I would do something to get rejected to prove it true and that’s just no good.
The solution, of course, is to take responsibility and always do an emotional cleanse before you react and surround yourself with people who understand and support you. We all have one area or another that is our achilles heel and to heal it, we need both our own support and that of others, if our wound is in any way related to other people.
I think sometimes we want to give up when we are the closest to a solution as well, because all our emotions are triggered. This year I’ve been trying to clean up my wound related to men and whenever there’s a mouse on my doorstep (that’s to say: someone poured salt in my wound which I’ve sort of exposed to air to let it heal) I’m like “OMG, there’s an elephant in my room and I’m being trampled, someone help me please. I’m gonna die. Like right now. The elephant is really big and those hooves are just gonna crush me.” Five minutes later I’m like…well, that mouse is, uhm, tiny. But if you happen to meet me when I think there’s an elephant in the room which I’m fighting for dear life as I think it’s about to kill me…
Thankfully I’ve not exercised my wound healing on a man, because we’d surely both be dead by now if that was the case. Accidental trampling by elephant and sword throwing by angry woman. And I love elephants, both metaphorically speaking, and in real life. It’s one of my favorite animals. I just happened to get a bit trampled when I was younger so I defend myself against peaceful elephants too and if you defend yourself against a peaceful animal, well, they might get angry. So I’ve been avoiding elephants I care about for a while and this year I decided to face my fear of elephants because end of last year I bumped into one I quite liked the look of and I haven’t done that for years. If I ever get to know this elephant, or someone else like it, I don’t want to provoke it to trample me.
And I’m now starting to think elephants was a bad metaphor. For a variety of different reasons. Not least the trunk… Besides, having confessed to my ultimate wound of worthlessness, I now need to finish this piece asap (no more time for elephants) as I have to go and be perfect at something which I slightly fail at, because I’m doing something else at the same time. You now understand how emotional wounds run our lives subconsciously? Great. You’ve been enlightened and I mortally humiliated. As one always is when one confesses to wounds and exactly how ridiculous they make one act.
Image source: https://za.pinterest.com/pin/507780926716190826/