I’m in Dubai. A few hours ago I was in Cape Town. In few more hours, God and whatever powers may be, be willing I’ll be in Copenhagen. A little later in Sweden.
I just finished off a mocha from Paul, one of my fav coffee chains. It’s French. I’m in Dubai. I paid with a British card, but could have chosen from any number of international cards. My bag is from America. My coat from the UK. My scarves from Sweden. My shoes from Cape Town. Me? I’m an Angeleno, though technically I’m Swedish and I live in Cape Town and work in the UK and Cape Town, with a business in the US too.
Sometimes I get tired. I wake up and I don’t know if it’s spring, winter, summer, or fall. I don’t know what time zone I am in or where I am. Mostly though, I just don’t know what season it is.
I get out of bed to write for clients, do everything I do for Little Angels, work on Magique, write movies and raise the twins. There are days when there is too little time to sleep and even less time to relax.
Yesterday when I had to leave the twins to get on a plane to renew my visa and raise funds for Little Angels in Europe I thought my heart would break. When we shot the documentary for Little Angels last week I felt like I relived three and a half years of trauma and bliss. It was like walking through an emotional shit storm. The fight for the twins and the people at Little Angels can get overwhelming to say the least. The fight to set up Magique has been a whirlwind of fighting against time and money constraints, working for free and willing myself to move beyond my fears to launch the business of my dreams.
Yet, I know with every heartbeat that when I let go of the suffering, of the things I can’t help alleviate, that this is my path. I got the first product samples for Magique yesterday (only the labels and a few bits and bobs missing) and as I looked at it, it was…my dream alive and well. Right there. Idea. Reality. A hell of a long journey from one to the other, but through the journey the brand grew into something much better than I first envisioned. Or maybe, it simply grew into what I envisioned but didn’t know how to create.
I built a website I didn’t know how to build. I designed products I didn’t know how to design. I found people I didn’t know how to find. I battled questions I didn’t know how to answer. I ran into walls and climbed them. I’m still not done, but I’m getting there even though I sometimes was so tired I didn’t know how to find strength for the next step. Not with everything else I was juggling.
I would like a home in the Hollywood Hills again, but I will never be me without Africa. Without Little Angels. Without the twins. Maybe I didn’t take the straight path to where I wanted to go. Maybe I acted impulsively. For sure I made mistakes. I’ve seen the best and worst in me. I’ve been down and out more times than I care to remember. But as I’ve learnt to let go and look up more and more, I know that this is me. The traveler. The gypsy. The filmmaker. The entrepreneur. The charity worker. The dreamer. With the insane desire to make her dreams reality. I can only pray I’ve learnt how to make the path a little bit easier.
And so another journey has started. One where dreams come true. Because I have to raise R5m to invest in Little Angels so I can get a permanent residency visa and the right to adopt.
Let’s go. ‘Cause I’m a gypsy…