…or Da Vinci?
Have you ever dreamt of love? No, I don’t mean the kind of love that lasts for a night, or a week, or even a year, but the kind of love that lasts forever? The kind of love where you just know that it is it?
I roamed the countryside searching for answers to things I did not understand. Why thunder lasts longer than that which causes it, and why immediately on its creation the lightning becomes visible to the eye while thunder requires time to travel. How the various circles of water form around the spot which has been struck by a stone and why a bird sustains itself in the air. These questions and other strange phenomena engaged my thought throughout my life.
Love is part of this crazy life of ours and potentially the best and craziest bit of it. I think the craziest mainly because we have made it into something it is not.
The color of the object illuminated partakes of the color of that which illuminates it. (Who illuminates you? Who do you illuminate?)
You walk down the street. Suddenly you see the guy you have been wanting to date for ages, or your ex, or some other romantic connection. You stop. You think to yourself “what’s the meaning of this?”. Then you make up a very nice fairy tale to suit your feelings at that very moment.
Why does the eye see a thing more clearly in dreams than the imagination when awake?
Sometimes you look for love. Real love. Then, and seemingly only then, do you stop and ask yourself: Is this person that love? Is this person a nice person who will treat me fabulous till death do us part? Is this person in love with me? (Or is this a mentally dysfunctional idiot, with the added bonus of being outrageously handsome and having the ability to sweet talk even the most bitter grapefruit?) Unless you ask those questions I swear that you will create a dream. A very nice fairy tale that takes you straight to hell (unless you just want sex and they’re up for it…then you may go on a different journey altogether…).
Beyond a doubt truth bears the same relation to falsehood as light to darkness.
It is easy to weave meaning into things and it’s potentially even easier to get high on hormones. I have learnt my lesson the hard way – my heart has been broken in so many ways I could write a book on the subject. It doesn’t stop me from believing everything is possible when it comes to true love, but I don’t create fairy tales. Instead I ask them what their dream is, both with regards to me and their own life, before I build mine.
Experience does not err. Only your judgments err by expecting from her what is not in her power.
A friend of mine says that love needs to tick four boxes of connection: physical, sexual, emotional and intellectual. If they do you understand and appreciate each other on each level. It therefore feels like you are divinely connected. It makes sense doesn’t it? It’s like a cake, or meal, that needs all the right ingredients. You can cook the most astounding meal, but if you topple it off with coriander I will grimace my way through it. And if you make a great cinnamon roll without cardamom I will be utterly disappointed.
Nature never breaks her own laws.
Sometimes we want to fall in love so badly that we choose to ignore the missing, or extra, ingredient that isn’t quite to our taste. We think the person will change. We will change. We all know it’s bullshit (the cake has already been baked), but we all want to believe in it, because we are scared of not getting any cake at all, or part from the nice ingredients in the cake we currently have on our table.
Iron rusts from disuse; water loses its purity from stagnation… even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind. (Maybe so also the heart?)
A relationship can change, but a person won’t. Not because you want them to anyway. A relationship is built together with someone. Personality you build on your own. Therefore, I suggest you check their ingredients carefully. If a person does not float your boat 100% day one, it’s unlikely that he or she will day 300 (no matter how many bloody times you tell them you like parsley, they are still using coriander), but by then you might be a bit more attached to them. Of course the hormone rush of the first couple of weeks is over by now, so you stand there with a person you may love, but you aren’t in love with. You never were, but your hormones (read: pink clouds…or well, six-pack) and, potentially, dreams about an impossible future, made the cake taste much sweeter than it ever was.
It’s easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.
I wrote another post a few days back “Have a bite of me…” on the subject of figuring out how long it takes to figure out if a person is your soul mate. I still don’t know…I think you have to have a bite of them without going off on a pink cloud whilst doing so. (I can’t believe I keep comparing men to cake…I guess I am going back to my Da Vinci theory – if you understand one thing in nature and apply it to something else, you will get to understand that thing too… Then again I screwed up in the kitchen yesterday because teff flour just doesn’t taste right, not even when you drench it in cacao…and on Saturday night I big time screwed up because I tried using it with yeast…no, no, no, no…maybe failing forward works well with love too? Experiment till you learn…and don’t think every cake will turn out great, unless you understand all the ingredients you put in it. In other words – get a cake with the right ingredients! Cardamom and vanilla anyone?)
Although nature commences with reason and ends in experience it is necessary for us to do the opposite, that is to commence with experience and from this to proceed to investigate the reason.
I also believe if you want a certain person, you gotta be a certain person. What’s more – you have to invest into it. Don’t expect to get something you don’t give. Love may happen, but romance doesn’t unless you think a bit creatively about it come year 22 (or even 2), if you know what I mean. Also, love is scary because you have to dare to lose. Not just your ego (it may be wounded if they don’t like you), but the person you fall in love with who loves you dearly. Nothing on this planet is constant. Yet, I don’t think you would be prepared to say no thanks to all it has to offer, so if it only lasts for a limited period of time (cakes do after all expire). Given that time is an issue, could Mr Darcy please just bloody show up? (In a nice way – delivered on a nice plate, with no fruitcake ex:es, or other fruitcakes, or fruitcake situations attached, please.)
Art is never finished, only abandoned. (..and so also love.)
Love is a process…love is a verb…love is a journey…love is a discovery…love is an understanding…love is what you make it out to be…whilst making out…(ugh, I’m cheesy)