I was in Covent Garden the other day and I walked by a stand selling crystals – the guy goes: “Any questions about this and I will answer. In fact, I will answer any questions you have: He’s a man, what’d you expect? He will never change, they don’t. All men are the same. That will at least teach you something….no it won’t. And can you believe it? Some shrinks charge for this stuff!!!” I thanked him kindly and left, telling myself that love is, clearly, on its way.
How some people find this blog according to my search engine statistics: that is so typical of men: they are always asking for something and then deciding they don’t want it after all. (no, they can ask for anything, but they mean sex in one shape or form or another – the trick is figuring out which one), well there was a time when you let me know, naked “my host”, ”mom was stark naked”, “people are like sticks of dynamite. the power is on the inside, but nothing happens until the fuse gets lit.” mac anderson (and we all know that to create a fire you take a stick and you…)
Subconscious language: As mentioned, when talking to my friend on skype the other night I meant to write “chock” (Swedish for shock), but wrote “cock,” revealing what I was truly thinking about at the time. A friend of mine emailed a customer and meant to say “I have put the disk in the post to you” but actually typed “I have put the dick in the post to you.” (And she calls me dizzy! With all due respect though, she gave me the name after saving me from almost falling into a pool when spotting a cute bloke on the other side, ahem. And since I have…well, let’s not even go there.) Another friend, in middle school biology class, read “Orgasms” instead of “Organisms” in front of the whole class. Also during middle school biology when we were studying human sexology a guy asked our ready to retire teacher “Which hole do you stick it in?” in all seriousness, that was just…too good to be true.
When I came out of the airport in Hawaii, my skin was sparkling. I tried to brush it off. It didn’t work. I asked my friend if she was sparkling. No. I started wondering what could have been in my seat on the plane. Chemicals? Stories about anthrax went through my mind. The next day I realized it was my body lotion.
And let’s not forget all the lucky women that the (even luckier) British navy had to come fetch from their vacations due to the volcanic eruptions – real se(a)men indeed! I’m sure it created a few other eruptions along the way.