I wrote this when I was living in London, as part of my application to TISCH (NYU). It was such a long time ago, but what I wrote then, still holds true to me. And yes, it’s a true story.
I was sitting in a café doing some writing about one week ago. It was a combination between a real café and one of those English breakfast places. I liked it and their hot chocolate was really good. I also ate a meal and had almost finished it, when a woman (although, I feel compelled to say “girl”) entered the café. She said “hello” to me and sat down by my table.
All dressed in black, the woman had long brown hair and huge brown eyes. She could have been pretty. She was pretty, but her hands were red and her teeth (what was left of them) black and yellow. She started to empty her pockets of cigarette buds and tube tickets. Some a member of staff, or a friend of staff, I’m not sure which, came up to me and asked if she was a friend of mine. I told him that she wasn’t, but if she wished she was welcome to sit at my table.
The woman yelled “coffee” to the man who had come up to our table and he asked her to leave. She replied that he should “fuck off” and something else, which I have forgotten by now. Then it happened. Actually I think I knew it would happen before it did; she began staring at me. She stared into my eyes until I laughed from confusion…fear…panic. Why did she stare? Why? Her big brown eyes were as big as mine, but mine are blue.
Then she took her cigarette buds and tube tickets and left.
The staff laughed at the incident, but it made me sick. I took another bite or so of my meal, paid and left.
I ran after her and found her by a phone booth. She looked as though she was going to go inside it for shelter. She was lighting one of the cigarette buds; I could see the flame flicker between her hands. I asked her if she was OK. She replied that she was “alright.” I gave her some money for coffee, she said “thanks” and turned away.
I wanted to tell the staff in that café that she was my friend, although obviously she wasn’t. I wanted to speak with her. I wanted to buy her a coffee – that’s why I ran after her. Where would they even let us through the doors though? What would I have spoken to her about? I didn’t know. What I do know is that I did not have the guts to say that she was my friend. Instead I gave her money for a coffee, not believing that she would even be let in anywhere where she could buy it.
I often say that I want to help people. One of my greatest dreams is to open boarding schools for under privileged children around the world, yet I did not behave decently when I stood face to face with a homeless woman. I blame myself for what I did. Still, I know that it motivated me as well. It motivated me to try to achieve my goal of opening those schools and become the kind of person that does what she wants, not what she feels others think she should. I do not want anyone to have the kind of life that woman must have. A life in the streets.
Even the rich are hungry for love, for being cared for, for being wanted, for having someone to call their own. – Mother Teresa
Part of me thinks that the society that I live in is pointless – I do not see the reason to be here at all – humanity does not rule a great percentage of this town – ego does. People aren’t striving to create the best ever society, they are striving to become millionaires and so am I. I say that I do it so that I will be free to help others and create companies and movies at my own leisure, but for sure, my ego is also involved.
Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love. – Mother Teresa
Often I want to pack my bags and leave – I want to go out into the woods and let the medicine woman in me free. (Yes, I adopted Dr Quinn the Medicine Woman as my mother as a child, in lack of the real deal). I wanted to become a doctor for ten years. To change career paths, to me, was brutal. I never stopped mourning the path I didn’t take, still well knowing that my real forte is not healing, but creating.
Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty. – Mother Teresa
The company I am now working on setting up is aiming at creating magic for people, at the same time as it most certainly isn’t me hands on working with the kids in Africa. My dream is to set up boarding schools for underprivileged kids and help kids here in America through coaching, but until I earn money, I am doing fuck all to help these kids. Nor am I sitting meditating in Nepal. No, I am part of ego-drive city. Spirituality can be obtained anywhere, but still. Every two days or so, a little voice tells me to go to Africa, or somewhere similar. The rest of the time I love being here, I love the people in my life, I love life here…and I love entrepreneurialism and movies.
My motto is this: If you travel you learn, if you give kindness along the way you feel good, if you enjoy the road you have success.
Life is made up of so many paths – for years my dream was to go to NYU and believe me when I say that I lived for that dream. I got accepted, but I couldn’t pay their fees. Looking back, it was a blessing, but losing the dream still hurts. I really hope that the path I chose professionally will take me to where I need to go, because I truly love what I do and I believe you can only spread joy if you have it in you. Creating a movie that makes people laugh, or a company whose products spoil people, may not be saving lives, but it is also part of this life. I just need the patience to get to where I need to be to create something that is also part of me. I have given myself three years – if I am not in a position where I do what I love so that I can create positive change in this world by then, I am going to set up, or work for some organization that helps hands on with people. Basically, I’m gonna pack my bags and go. Set that part of me free.
Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do…but how much love we put in that action. – Mother Teresa