They say in Hollywood every meeting is a good meeting, but nothing means anything until the lawyers are in the room. Too many times in life this proves to be true. People say a lot of things they don’t mean. Even to themselves. How many times a day do you lie to yourself? Tell yourself things you will do that you don’t? Weave nice dreams about things that aren’t real? Sometimes signs seem to be written all over things, but we ignore them, because we want the dream more than we want the reality. Then we end up heartbroken when the dream house turns into an insurance nightmare when everything breaks down. Sometimes, it’s better to be patient and find something, or someone, who truly lives up to your expectations, by proving over time that the ingredients written on the packaging, truly are the ingredients within, rather than creating a dream that you hope will hold true.
Most of us love to present ourselves nicely, showcasing the best of our history, but what I’ve found is that the best presentation is how they deal with life. Right now. They can tell you of a thousand successes, but who says it’s the truth, or that it will repeat? They can tell you everything they’ve learnt from their mistakes, but who says they will act on it? Someone’s history usually leave clues, but the important thing is not what their history is, but what it made them into and what it made them into is what they are right now.
It’s easy to create stories – ever listened to someone describe why their last relationship ended? If you have, I’m sure you sympathized with them. Then you listened to their ex and they told you a completely different story. Then you sympathized with them. People tell stories. Their stories. What the real story is, is anyone’s guess.
To make up a picture of a person, or a situation (like a dream job) is very easy to do – it’s almost impossible not to. We constantly imagine things and we have to, so as to be able to try them out in our mind and see if they fit, but often we scathe over important things. Don’t just dream, look. Step out of the situation. Lean back. Watch someone’s body language as they speak. See how they react to what you say. Don’t just immerse yourself in the conversation, watch the conversation. Don’t trust someone until you know how they react to things in everyday life. Become the lawyer looking at the contract.
What I’ve found is that the people who are the most trustworthy is those that have confidence rather than ego. When there’s ego involved it’s hard to trust someone, because they put on a show – whether it’s to please you or to impress you. Real confidence is simply knowing you will be OK no matter what life throws at you. Most people never contemplate what life may throw at them, hence most confident people are those that have been through a lot and survived. They have come to know themselves intimately. They have learnt to control themselves. They have learnt to love and respect others. They have mastered acting from a place they feel comfortable with. They know that no matter what happens they will be OK.These kind of people usually don’t put on much of a show. They just simply show up.
“It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.”
– Oriah Mountain Dreamer