We are standing on the doorstep of a new year. A new year. As always I remember the year that passed. It’s been a good year. It’s been a very good year. Filled with hurdles, as always, but I enjoyed myself very much. I will decide my new year’s resolutions. I will contemplate my learnings. That’s nice. Yet, I got scared the other day thinking about leaving this year behind.
I am at a place in my life where I don’t know what will happen next with pretty much anything. I have plan A, B, C…but still I don’t know. There are no secure visas, work, cash flow, or boyfriends. Life is in limbo. As I felt a surge of fear the other day thinking about the unknown I decided to find out what the fear was all about. I realized I was scared, but why? Sure I had good times last year and maybe I’m scared that this year will be crazy, but if anything I have grown up a bit more and hopefully can navigate a bit better, even if of course when you think you know something, you are likely to be taught a lesson… Life is ever-changing.
So I sat down, or walked around, and faced my fear. I asked myself what was so scary about the unknown? Nothing. What did frighten me was all the illusions, that’s to say dreams, I kept in my mind. My whole mind was literally crowded with “stuff.” Stuff I was holding onto. One or two things I was scared of, but mainly hopes that this that or the other would happen and imaginary ideas about it. I had a lot of attachments to my own imagination. I was scared that my fears would come real and my dreams wouldn’t come real. Once I faced my greatest fears, thinking through what it would be like to face them and also thought through what it would be like to not get what I wanted, my fear went away. When I just thought about not knowing and enjoying life in the here and now, I was not afraid.
People get angry when plans don’t come through, but sometimes life has a better plan…and even if it sucks…whatever it is that’s your life. It’s your life. Live it. Dance with it, or sing karaoke with it…laugh. Bleed. Love.
Sip the wine…taste the coffee, smile at the sunset, rise with the sun, dance under the stars, fly with the mind, race with the raindrops, fumble with the kiss when your lips are frozen, tingle with laughter, smile at the children, dare…dare to dream and do, but live, fully live in every moment!!!