WARNING: These are potentially the worst jokes and insights I’ve come up with thus far. I blame it all on Hubba Bubba. I take no responsibility for the content, your reaction to it, or anything else. Thank you.
Everyone in this town is part of AA. Not because they have a drinking problem, but because they want to date the stars.
Sex is easy, ‘cuz it lasts five minutes to five hours. Love is tricky ‘cuz it lasts a lifetime.
One has to be thankful to the people whom teaches one what one does not want, or wish to be.
Poor people make art they hope the rich people will buy.
Everyone who has found their inner babe come to LA to make the physical change for their inward transformation.
You went from a small, soft marshmallow to a Snickers Bar and I take full credit for the transformation.
Most bad men are pleasing and most good men unsatisfying.
The best networking opportunity you can find in LA is called Rehab.
In London if you ask someone how they are, they will invariably reply: not too bad. They have to come to LA to find out what “totally awesome” is all about. Where to go to find an honest answer I don’t know.
Everyone serious try to forget their sins. Everyone laughing live for theirs.
Total anarchy is when five single men and five single women are left alone on a deserted island. Total sophistication is when five married couples are left alone on a deserted island with five separated houses. All with open back doors and a lot of late nights at the office.
It used to be easy to keep a nice profile. Now you can be tagged in a hundred photos over night.
I love your sex drive honey, please know your destination.
Everyone can love a stranger. To love your own shadow is much more challenging.
The best dinner date I ever had was when the dinner was the date.
“You’re bad in bed” really means “You didn’t please me.” Selfish.
Someone once smiled at me in the tube in London. I considered calling security to report suspicious behavior.
What happens in Vegas stays on Facebook.
Charming people have a devastating effect on one’s sanity.
You’re like a Hubba Bubba chewing gum: sweet, soft, innocent and with perfect bubbles…
I so love men who speak with their crotch.
One bad experience can put you off five hundred good ones.
Love solves most things, but it’s hard to sell.
My best friend and our Greek popstar were having an argument one day. He hid her pistachios in his pocket. “Get the nuts out of your pocket!!!!!” She yelled so loudly I believe the neighbors may have gotten frightened.