The moon outside my window looks so big and yellow…like an old Gouda, hovering above the hill…looking like it could almost touch it. It looks surreal…like a fairy tale come alive. It’s in moments like these I wish I had someone next to me, who would understand. See the same beauty. Feel it. That magic.
I used to feel like that all the time when I lived in Paris. The beauty that was all around…how I wanted to capture it…let others see it. I wanted to become a filmmaker so that I could capture moments like those. Although a painting is beautiful for what it is, I never felt it entirely captured a moment. And although photography captures every detail of the picture, it can’t capture the sound…the movement…the flow of interaction between people.
I think I felt it was so frail, like soon it would be over and if I did not capture it, no one would have seen it. Yet, maybe all I wanted was that one person next to me who understood exactly how I felt? Who saw the same beauty? For sure I will always be telling stories – adding the comedy, the beauty as I go along…but those moments…those extreme moments of beauty… Like the moon outside my window now: it’s turning more and more yellow, getting closer and closer to the hill with a magical glow surrounding it… Those surreal moments, when life is as beautiful as a fairy tale…maybe those moments, all you need is for someone else to acknowledge what you are seeing? I don’t know, but it is in those moments I always feel terribly alone. As if I am the only one watching. As if I am the only one seeing. The only one experiencing life the way I do. It’s then I feel like life is so frail, so transitory, like it’s almost over and I need to show the world how beautiful it is. And maybe, just maybe I want to hold onto it forever, yet knowing it’s impossible. Not even a camera can do that. The moment is now.
Soon the moon will go down on the other side of the hill and the moment is over. And I can’t prove it ever was. Maybe a little piece has been captured in these words. Maybe this whole macabre and also amazing evening had to happen for me to stay awake this long. Maybe it was for me to remember. Remember the beauty when life is so much greater than any film and without change it would stagnate. We need change to keep our curiosity alive…to experience something new…one moon is not like another…and that is the bliss of life.