Did you ever really love someone, yet you found yourself further away from them than the river Nile is long? You love them, you care for them more than most anyone, but you just can’t seem to stand allowing them into your space, whether physical, or mental, or both?
There are many reasons why we push people away. We may fear that if they get to know us, all of us, they won’t like us. We may be scared of getting hurt. We may be scared of hurting them. We may be scared that reality is not like our dream. We may feel we don’t deserve their love, that we aren’t good enough for it, because inside of us there is something we are ashamed of. We may be scared they don’t love us enough. We may feel we aren’t ready for their love and if we allow them in, we will fuck it up.
There are also many ways to push people away. You can get angry with them. You can avoid being close to them physically. You can make them angry with you. You can hurt them. You can lie to them and say you don’t truly care about them/love them. You can avoid truly sharing your heart with them – you won’t show them you let them into your heart, even though you do OR you won’t share your innermost thoughts and feelings with them. You can numb your own feelings for them and therefore not show them to neither yourself, nor them – you will either feel cold, or be cold, even though inside you are hot (for them).
The thing is, by the end of the day: we have a heart. It beats for you and it beats for others, whether you stifle those feelings or not. So long as we stifle our feelings we live in a prison we created for ourselves. A very restricted place. The day we start living in harmony with our heart we will love and receive love freely. We will no longer be ashamed of who we are, because we are love, or at least strive to be love. We will dare to open our heart because we know when we love, love will enter and pain will be released. Love is a healer. Love is a connector. Love is a force which sets us free.
We mistakenly assume that if our partners love us they will react and behave in certain ways – the ways we react and behave when we love someone. – John Gray