Category Archives: Dating

When your butt gets in the way of romance…

Does your butt ever bother you? I know mine does. I mean my butt doesn’t bother you (at least I sincerely hope it doesn’t), my butt bothers me. I often call it my greatest asset BUT…

Do you ever make excuses? Like you know you want to ask someone out, eat a healthy meal, say sorry, launch a business, confess how you truly feel, work out, apply for a better job, get dressed up like you actually cared, go for creating what you’d truly love…BUT. But that big butt of yours just feels too heavy to move. In short, you can’t be bothered. Not that you’d put it that way, but there’s always a but. Either you’re too broke, too scared, too lazy, too busy, too ugly, too inferior, too…

You get the idea.

The problem? The problem is that half of the time we don’t even realize what we’re doing. We feed ourselves our own excuses and they’re so big the desire to do what we know is right can’t even be felt anymore. We can’t see our heart, for whatever it is our ego is doing to us, be it telling us we’re not good enough, or that we will certainly fail if we try.

Think about it this way. You want to sing karaoke, but you have a fear of singing badly and being humiliated. The thought of getting up on stage just to be humiliated isn’t a nice one. So your desire to sing doesn’t even feel like a desire anymore, because the fear of humiliation is blocking it.

The desire to sing is still there. You just can’t feel it, because your broken ego has gotten in the way of your heart. And just like that our egos destroy our joy. We don’t do what we’d truly love, because of fear.

90% of people who sing karaoke sing badly. It doesn’t stop them. Because they go there to have fun. Their focus is on having fun. Not on humiliation. No one will humiliate you if you sing badly. It’s just what your ego is telling you, because once upon a time you got humiliated doing something you loved.

Life is a lot like karaoke. We avoid doing a lot of things we’d love to do, because we have something holding us back. Or we do the things, but focus on the fear, or humiliation, and end up creating that instead. Like having the most amazing singing voice, but falling headfirst on stage all the same because we’re so nervous (i.e. fear of failure/humiliation) that we can’t keep track of our own feet. That’s how we prove our fears to be true.

Personally I used to have this kind of fear of humiliation when it came to showing I cared about guys, because as a kid I was humiliated in various ways when I liked them. Once someone I was in love with even stood up in front of people and said no one could fall in love with someone like me and that was the tip of the ice berg of humiliating situations. I was only a kid. A geeky kid who didn’t love herself very much, so I believed he might be right.

He was acting like a twat, but I also realized that he only said what he did because of the position he was in. I’m fairly sure he quite liked me. But his discomfort of being put on the spot in front of other people was greater than his desire to be nice to me. His butt got in his way of doing the right thing.

I was a teenager who felt I’d been humilated in front of an entire school. My coping mechanism? Showing I didn’t care so no one could get gratification from my broken heart.

What should I have done? Turned around and said it hurt. The only thing that would have affected that guy would have been speaking from my heart to show him that his actions weren’t right. I didn’t have to condemn him for them — you can’t really condemn people once you understand why they do what they do — but you can condemn their actions. You can honor them by showing them that their actions affect others and give them an opportunity to do the right thing.

I let my butt get in the way back then, just as much as he let his. I was way too scared to speak my truth. Instead I spent the next twenty years perfecting myself (removing the shy, inferior, geek) and pretending not to care when dating and proving every fear I ever had to be true.

Recently I realized that the only thing that stops two people who are a fit from being together, is either not sorting their own shit out, or not caring enough. If you aren’t a fit, you aren’t. Nothing you can do to change that, so you can’t really fuck up in that way. Nor is it humiliating finding out you aren’t a fit — you just aren’t a fit.

So you can’t fuck up with the wrong guy and the only way to fuck up with the right one is not caring enough.

For the first time in my life I’m more worried about not showing I care, than showing I care. All thanks to realizing I cared about a guy I was dating and I was OK with that. I felt hurt and I didn’t try to prove I wasn’t.

What you want from a person you date is the same that you want in your own life — someone who can be bothered to move their butt. Someone who doesn’t let their fears, or anything else get in the way of their desire to be with you. Someone who does the right thing, even when it’s uncomfortable. Because there will be discomfort in relationships — we all have baggage and we all fuck up. You need someone who is willing to go beyond their own comfort to fuck it right. You want someone who fights for you, the way you fight for your own dreams. And to have a healthy relationship, you first have to start caring about moving your butt in your own life.

We all know what the right thing to do is. We all know what we feel. We all know what we want to create. The question is if our our fears are making us feel like we don’t want to do what we truly want to do? Is our fear preventing us from creating a life we’d love? Are we sitting on our butts, or are we creating our dreams?

My gran is dying and I keep thinking she doesn’t have a chance to create anymore. I can. I can choose to create all the things I dreamed of when I was a kid sitting in her kitchen. I can tell her that my life is finally going somewhere because I ditched the excuses and the fears and started working from the heart.

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Image Source: https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/507780926711708252/

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Filed under adventures in life, Dating, diary, Inspiration, Inspirational, Love, Motivation, Relationship, relationships, romance, Uncategorized

Hot, naughty nights…let’s steam it up… (…from handcuffs to truth or dare…)

Mike gave me this Valentine gift 45/365

Unlock someone's desires...

There’s a storm brewing…ohhh…light the fire, get the hot chocolate on the stove (and don’t forget the chili!!!)…or maybe popcorn and a movie??? In either case I love the wild wind blowing, the wind chimes singing along and the general sense of…freedom it brings. Fly with the wind…let it bring spice and magic from around the world…you know, how you can get a taste of adventure just by standing in the middle of the storm, knowing it’s traveled very, very far…

Now this whole stormy affair reminds me of a friend asking me what he could do for his girl on Valentine’s (fire, chocolate, hiding under blankets during a storm…classic date night). Here are some ideas…just bear in mind: everyone has different needs and wants (ask and you usually get an answer) and there’s a time and place for everything (but you can always be prepared!). To try to sweep your partner off their feet for a dream date when they have had a lousy day at work and want to sleep…not so good. Above and beyond all: for anything to work your energies have to match. Most of these ideas are maybe not for first, second or third dates…you have to be comfortable with one another and you have to be in love, or willing to fall in love…or at least in bed…with each other!

1) Kidnap someone in a loving way. Blindfold them (well, at least for the last bit of the ride…), tie up their hands with a silk wrap and transport them to a secret love-cation spot. Would be a pro if the spot is very private, sexy and wild. If it is your apartment, please make it lovecation like (clean it up, have the candles ready, the massage oil, the dinner you will cook including desert, the sexy or romantic movies, whatever sexy lingerie you/your date should wear, potential naughty presents, rose petals in bed or handcuffs/toys, or both, depending on what you like…and, oh, the whipped cream!)

2) Have a silent date. Take your loved one to a sacred place in nature somewhere, a cottage, a camping place, or maybe just a long walk. Spend time together communicating without using words. Maybe play with blindfolding too, building trust between the two of you (classic drama school exercise!!).

3) The naughty student/school teacher date. It’s time to explore the subjects of love and sex… Get that polished schoolboy/school girl look and indulge in your favorite topics… Whether you get some interesting books/DVDs to watch together, share what you truly want, or attend seminars/courses (from love languages to tantra), this is a way to expand your knowledge to build a closer relationship…and to grow!!! Besides, secret desires sounds like a pretty yummy subject to me!…

4) Genie in a bottle…you simply promise to do whatever your partner wants you to do…within reason… (They may need a few days to think this through…)

5) Simplicity…a picnic basket…walking barefoot along the beach…watching the sunset…magical.

6) Spoilicious…your partner comes home, the bath is ready, the kettle is on the stove, soon the wine will be corked open, dinner served, a long massage offered…and then…maybe…you should go to bed… (Of course, you can do it all naked, should you wish, or in a flowy summer’s dress, or in leather…whatever tickles your taste buds….)

7) Tickling tastebuds….feed someone dinner in bed, maybe blindfold them, maybe don’t…food orgie…or something…

8.s.) The photography/drawing session…(yes, I stole this from Titanic…Leo makes lasting impressions…) You could go to a professional photographer to get romantic, or erotic photos of the two of you, or you can take photos of each other. Or do nude/half-dressed paintings of one another. I dabble in photography all the time, so I love catching people on film, or drawing their portraits, because it is an intimate affair – you get to know someone through their face and body, but of course, not everyone like this… (And uh, lock up the negatives…just in case…)

9) Together plan the most erotic trip you could ever imagine…I don’t know what it is, but I’m sure you do…

10) Have a box where you both put notes of what dates you’d love…and then pick one ever so often.

11) Buy someone a parcel filled with naughty goodies…and put it to good use!

12) There is, in a sense, nothing more romantic than getting to know someone…to have a day where you spend the whole day asking each other questions about life, about your dreams, desires, fears, inhibitions…where you bond mentally is amazing. Even if you think you know someone: think again. Pick up a game that is all about asking questions, if you can’t think of any. Or google it…lol! And then maybe continue to explore each others bodies…do dancing together, whether alone or in a class…and of course, kiss, or touch every square millimeter of each other…

13) The letter date…for a week avoid seeing your partner and instead send him/her letters, or emails, about all your innermost thoughts, what you love about them (yes, truly, we all want to hear it) and what you would love to do together with them (and I mean naughty…real naughty…or romantic…)… (And if you really hate writing, leave voice mails.)

14) Explore areas of life together, or build something together…developing together is one of the most rewarding things one can do as friends, or lovers. Whether you attend yoga, or ceramics class together, start a company or go on a spiritual journey, rebuild a house in the French countryside (ahem) or cook a meal, go back-packing or on a road trip (if the man wants to visit all the famous football arenas and the woman the famous theaters…well, do a deal)…life is yours to create together. It is when we lose track of each other that we grow apart. To evolve and feel like you grow is important. To build something is amazing. To do it together divine. (Remember to share as you go along as well: to have an open heart and tell each other what you learnt, what you find difficult, what you enjoy, etc. To really share leads to feeling more bonded, more close to one another. And to have the freedom to say what you want, knowing you will be heard and understood is often vital. So is telling your partner that today you really have nothing to say, or want to spend time alone.)

15) The laughter date. Comedy night, comedy movie, paintball, mud fights, buying clothes for each other at a second-hand shop (found the second-hand idea online, simply brilliant!!!)…any silly thing that springs to mind…so long as it’s funny…and you can always end it with a pillow/shaving foam/bubble bath/flour/chocolate fight…you could even do it naked!…

16) The simple things in life…have a bottle of vino and make love in front of the fireplace, go to the outlook post like teenagers and make out in the car, sit in the hot tub and tell dirty stories, read out loud…poetry or erotica…your pick, show up with lunch at someone’s work…naked underneath the coat…or just for a romantic moment fully clothed, have a picnic in the garden, take the car and drive to a cheap motel, wander the streets of Venice under the full moon, go on sexcation in Paris, sneak a romantic note to someone at breakfast telling them what you will do for dinner, do the classic dinner and movies night, get dressed up to your teeth to go out at a fancy bar, whisper naughty things in someone’s ear during the very stuck up date/party you are on, take a bottle of wine to the beach, surprise someone with their favorite meal, dance naked under the moon, whisper secrets in each others’ ears as you watch the stars twinkle at night……

17) Someone brings the ingredients, you cook it together….you can always add some extra…saucy ingredients in the mix, which have nothing to do with cooking…and you have the added benefit of being able to do it in your underwear…

18) The horror movie night…says it all: gasp, scream and jump into his arms…only I would refuse any such childish behavior…he better take me to the woods for that…

19) Watch a game. Come on…every girl must like at least one game…at least once??? Confession: I would really love that cheesy: go see a basketball game and eat a veggie dog date…cuz I grew up on American movies…

20) The Burlesque/Striptease…doesn’t require description really…make it funny, or naughty, or nice…or just attend a burlesque night, or stripclub together…

21) Breakfast in bed…classic…whether served with roses, feathers, or simply love!

22) For Easter, fill their egg with something…interesting…and a lot of aphrodisiacs too…then at dawn, the magic hour of Easter, you can open it together…or simply make up your own Easter game…

23) Skinny dipping… (steams and saunas rank pretty hot too)

24) Invent a game…then play it…the rules are up to you…and so are the tools…

25) Visit a ranch…then get on a horse together and ride off into the sunset…

26) Hot tub…no further comments…

27) Build a sand castle together…and share all your childhood dreams…

28) Volunteer together for a day…

29) Spend the evening telling your special someone you love them, in a way they would understand…

30) Show someone all your fav spots in the city, or take them to their’s…have a surprise ready at each one, or just enjoy them for what they are…

31) Striptease card games…whenever your partner wins a point s/he gets to take off a piece of your clothing…or complimenting you…or telling you their secret desires…and you may just have to fulfill them…

32) The Booty Call…or text naughtiness…in either way: you leave a message saying what you will do when they get home (whether that be naughty, or nice)…then you wait…

33) How would you like to be pampered today? Sometimes a good question gets the best answers…

34) Get a box of chocolates…wrap each individual chocolate in a note saying something romantic, or naughty, or be like a game of dares, questions, confessions, romantic treats…what have you…

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Filed under Creating, Creation, Creativity, Dancing, Dating, Inspiration, Joy, Life, Love, Men, Motivation, People, Relationship, relationships, sex, Thoughts, Uncategorized, Women

How to melt a woman’s heart…seriously….

Bryan Adams

Sing it out loud...

Two men throughout history have managed to sum it up in their lyrics….at least that I’ve come across. And it’s so damn simple. It’s almost scary. So men, listen carefully and women…tell me if I’m right???…

To really love a woman
To understand her – you gotta know her deep inside
Hear every thought – see every dream
N’ give her wings – if she wants to fly
Then when you find yourself lyin’ helpless in her arms
You know you really love a woman

When you love a woman then tell her
that she’s really wanted
When you love a woman then tell her that she’s the one
’cause she needs somebody to tell her
that it’s gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really
– really really ever loved a woman?

To really love a woman
Let her hold you –
till you know how she needs to be touched
You’ve gotta breathe her – really taste her
Till you can feel her in your blood
N’ when you can see your unborn children in her eyes
You know you really love a woman

When you love a woman
then tell her that she’s really wanted
When you love a woman then tell her that she’s the one
’cause she needs somebody to tell her
that you’ll always be together
So tell me have you ever really –
really really ever loved a woman?

You got to give her some faith – hold her tight
A little tenderness – you gotta treat her right
She will be there for you, takin’ good care of you
Ya really gotta love your woman…

Then when you find yourself lyin’ helpless in her arms
You know you really love a woman
When you love a woman you tell her
that she’s really wanted
When you love a woman you tell her that she’s the one
she needs somebody to tell her
that it’s gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really
– really really ever loved a woman?

Just tell me have you ever really,
really, really, ever loved a woman? You got to tell me
Just tell me have you ever really,
really, really, ever loved a woman?

– Bryan Adams –

Oh her eyes, her eyes
Make the stars look like they’re not shining
Her hair, her hair
Falls perfectly without her trying

She’s so beautiful
And I tell her every day

Yeah I know, I know
When I compliment her
She wont believe me
And its so, its so
Sad to think she don’t see what I see

But every time she asks me do I look okay
I say

When I see your face
There’s not a thing that I would change
Cause you’re amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you’re amazing
Just the way you are

Her lips, her lips
I could kiss them all day if she’d let me
Her laugh, her laugh
She hates but I think its so sexy

She’s so beautiful

– Bruno Mars –

Of course, I’d be happy just to get breakfast in bed and Lay, Lady Lay…

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Filed under Attraction, Dating, Love, Women

Dating…as juicy as it gets…ahem…

Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (film)

No more fuck-wits, alcoholics, workoholics, shopoholics, couchoholics, sexoholics (too much of the good stuff..)...fruitcakes or other freaks...

You went on a first date. You thought he was hot. You’re not sure what he thought, but he talked for a loooong time. So you wait for that magical text to figure out whether he liked you or not. See if you can get a second date and maybe even a kiss??? Ohhhuuuhhooohhohoho… *blush* Of course he told you he’d love to see you again, but they always do, even the ones that you don’t want to see and whom you know don’t want to see you. You have a feeling that…well, maybe, but he didn’t have that look in his eye…he just seemed curious. So now you’re curious…

First night, right after the date. “He doesn’t want to seem eager, so he won’t thank me today. Naturally. Would potentially be freaky if he did. OTT. Might lead to me running away screaming. I was never one for the lovey dovey type. Yikes.”

Second night: “He’s playing hard to get, or he’s busy, or not interested. Wouldn’t it be easier to just find out on the spot? Whoever invented this daft dating game anyway?”

Third night: “This is it. 48 hours. The magic hour has arrived. Either he texts, or calls me, or he doesn’t care. Unless, his mother is dying, his office is on fire, he had to travel to Alaska, or his dog got kidnapped. All very unlikely.”

Fourth nigh: “Damn it, I actually liked him. Normally don’t. Even his damn perfume was tantalizing. Then again, he could turn out to be wacko. Wouldn’t be the first. Maybe I’m protected by higher powers? Or maybe he just didn’t like me? How sad. Then again, I’m not your average cup of tea. Exotic spice. Makes all the difference. Some people prefer plain Lipton though. Booooooooring. #justsaying I can’t even justify that he’d be a dork though, ‘cuz I have no fucking clue. He just seemed damn nice. Oh, well. I want to think, of course, that he’ll call during the weekend. But he won’t. Because sending a #thankyouitwasnicemeetingyou txt only takes a minute or two. He didn’t have problems writing before the date. Probably not after either. He might have lost a finger, but unlikely. He’s so not into me. Maybe it was the bit “I have no car (but I use the neighbor’s), no house (but I live in a gorgeous house with a goat, a talking parrot and an emu…no I’m not freaky), no stable job (but I’m applying for extra work as I’d prefer that to be an executive PA again…yes, I’m sane. I just don’t like paperwork.), no cash and uh…obviously no husband….I’m saving all of that for my thirties, in my twenties I’m meant to be playing. Oh yes, I have three start-up ventures that take up all my spare time and yeah, I’d squeeze you in between 12 am and 4 am…deal?” Never mind. Let’s paaaaaaaaarty. Where did I put that dress???”

(Afterthought: “If he calls me now I will have to delete this post before he gets wind of my blog and reads this.”)

(Second afterthought: “I better not show this to the date I have tomorrow either. God it’s complicated being single. One has to be so secretive of things. Then there are no more dates lined up though. Yes, let’s paaaaaarty. Does anyone have some caffeine? I think I’m falling asleep. I need to write that thing and research that and…yawn…what did I think about that marketing strategy???…uhm…let’s…yawn…party. Let’s just work a little bit more first…yawn. Maybe a nap?”)

(Third afterthought: “If any potential date reads this I’ll be single forever. Yawn.”)

“Hey, still not married yet, eh, Bridge? How’s your love life?”

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Filed under Dating, Humor, Uncategorized

Another love story to tantalize your taste buds…

Avignon, France

As you may know I wrote a love story last year. In my mind the story continued and there were chapters I wanted to add, stories I wanted to write. Yet, the time never seemed right. I never managed to just…write. Until today. Today the “pen” once again got hold of the “paper” and the words flowed. You see, I never feel like I write until I edit. Sometimes it can be challenging, but if I feel like I have to force the words out, the words are not the right ones. I’m not in the right mindset to write. Today the words came. So here’s the story…a part of the story…enjoy! (P.S. If you didn’t read the first part, this won’t make much sense…go here to read it…)

The Journey

Chapter Two

The night sky melted away to leave room for dawn – the first streaks of husky peach appeared, then golden lines glowing in the still dusky gray morning. It was as if a little kid was licking a pot of chocolate, she thought, showing more and more of the shining red pot underneath the chocolate, but then she was bound to think about food… One streak at a time the colors underneath revealed themselves in a beautiful symphony. She thought about the jester. It was his colors, the dawn…this inexplicable symphony of life. So easy, yet so hard to comprehend. She sighed.

She was standing in her kitchen in the shop, getting it ready for the day ahead. The kitchen, in fact, was partly open so that customers could see what she was doing. Only the wood fired oven and the sink with a wall behind it were blocking the view in the far corner. It was a place she felt so comfortable in. It was who she was. She had designed every inch of it, from the stone oven to the cupboards. It looked as homemade as, well, as it was. Even the wood had been cut directly from tree trunks, leaving the shelves that were surrounding her with uneven edges – smoothly they followed the shape that the tree once had. The shelves still had the warm scent of wood, which blended nicely with the smell of the fire and the spices.

It was a magical kitchen filled with light and warmth, not to mention hundreds of herbs and spices that added color and a certain sense of mysticism…although of course there was nothing mystical about them. They were nature’s extended hand. It always surprised her that not more people cared to learn about them. Almost every plant, if used correctly, could bring something amazing to the human body and mind. To her getting to know each plant and its properties was always a unique experience. She felt thankful that this planet was providing her with everything she would ever need and for each herb she picked she said her thanks. After all she picked a life out of the ground to eat it. A life, which had taken time to grow, a life so beautifully provided for her.

Behind her was also a drapery, covering the door frame leading to the stairs that would take you up to her apartment above. The drapery was made of different fabrics and shone in some of the most amazing colors. Her mother always used to say she dressed and decorated like a gypsy.

If she climbed those stairs now they would lead her to the jester. He was probably getting dressed, getting ready for the day ahead. He too enjoyed the first moments of the day. He had told her that when everyone else was asleep he had peace to think about himself and his own life. He could also  focus better and therefore practice a really advanced magical trick, or juggling. It was the very same reason she got up before dawn. She smiled. It did indeed seem like they spoke the same language. As if they operated according to the same manual, yet with widely different lives.

He was sleeping in her house and because of it there was a different smell in the house, a different energy radiating everywhere, yet she felt the last couple of days as if she had arrived home. She laughed. She had been at home for a lifetime. She had always known in her heart what she wanted to do; what her gifts were. When others had asked what she would do if she could do anything her answer had, for as long as she could remember, been the same: I’m already doing it. In her heart she knew she was aligned with who she was. And this little town was her home. Of course she had traveled to see, to learn and to find answers, but always to return…home. The feeling of home she felt inside now though was different.

Her mind floated away as she took out her cakes from the cold cupboard where they had rested over night, put them in the oven and started grinding spices to sprinkle on top. Different blends for different people. Soft vanilla and cinnamon for those in need of warmth. Sweet chili and mandarin for those in need of spice. Soothing cardamom and lavender for those in need of calm. The combinations were endless.

There were other men she had shared good times with, hard times with and glorious moments with. Yet, even though she had met hundreds and hundreds of people passing through her little bakery and felt unique connections with so many of them, sympathy for others and a heartfelt love for some, she had never before felt at home with them. They were exciting. They all had gifts to share, stories she would could learn from. Things that made her laugh for hours, or cry, or just feel happy, or excited…yet none of them had understood her. Bits of her, but not all of her. And for the first time in her life she felt that her whole heart was open to someone. As if…as if she could truly be together with someone, not just next to someone. As if they could share a moment to which they were both present and both understood. As if she wasn’t alone.

It was liberating being able to play with someone who understands the game you are playing. Not just the rules, but the intentions behind it and the emotions going through you whilst playing it. It was a special feeling.

She put down a jar of herbs on the work bench and picked out a bunch of dried leaves. This specific herb reminded her of a specific man…

Once upon a blue moon there had been a man she had fallen madly in love with. In fact, whereas the jester had entered her life at dawn, this man had entered her life during a full moon, around midnight. Like the jester he was a traveler, a sailor. So different from her… She was small and slender, he was tall and rough. His weather worn face told tales one could not easily forget. His blue eyes, always squinting in the sunlight, glittered like waves in the ocean.,,,dark and mesmerizing. His hands were calloused, his skin tanned and scarred in places. His whole being exuded strength and power, but also warmth. He had been a man of nature; of seeing things for what they were in the natural world. He could navigate by the stars and survive storms out at sea. This, to her, was very attractive. Yet, he had only seen the obvious. He could only see that which was material, real. For her the world consisted both of the physical matter you could see and feel and the matter which you could only sense. She had always known what others were thinking. He could not phantom this. Although she knew that her mind could travel too much and be too unstable, his robustness, if refreshing and lovely as a counteractive force, crushed her at times. They were, in a sense, mysteries to one another. They understood each other on one level, but they did not see things in the same light.

It had been a nice experience. He had grounded her. Moved her with his somewhat brutal force. It had been plus meeting minus and the whole affair had been explosive. As most explosions it had also been memorable. Something which moves you that greatly is often hard to forget.

The jester was not like the sailor, even though they had traits in common. The jester, although he was different from her in so many ways, in the core center of his heart, seemed the same. As if they had been made of the same piece of clay. Of course everyone is…if you think about it. Yet, with the sailor it has been as if he was made of the clay from the north pole and she of the clay from the south pole. An instant attraction. Like fire meeting dynamite – something happens. Something significant at that. However, explosions are…explosive. With the jester on the other hand it was as if they both had a plus and a minus within them, but they were made from clay from the same region of the world. They fit. They blended together. There were still sparks, but no fire.

She loved him, in a way, because she could feel him within her heart. She didn’t know him yet. She didn’t know the things that would move her, drive her insane with lust or make her want to close the door and be left to her own devices…if so only for a moment. It was a bizarre feeling, but she knew she could share life with him. That’s why she felt at home. And his scent…that of musky spices with some exotic twang has a deliriously calming effect on her spirits. She didn’t know how it could make her delirious and calm at the same time, but it did.

The sky was now a fiery orange. The day was breaking and the birds had started chirping away. Soon there would be footsteps on the pavement and old Mme. Legrand would pop by for her morning tea. Sweet, but not too sweet. Mme. Legrand didn’t know it, but she would need something light to take away the heaviness that often hung within her. Young Monsieur Marseille would then casually walk in and demand his espresso and croissant. What he didn’t know was that behind his slick exterior he needed comfort and joy to feel more confident in his ways. Her flower scented water would do just the thing. She smiled to herself – she had a whole town to look after.

The jester would probably soon be practicing his tricks in the alleyways and attract random children and curios passersby as his audience. His green blue eyes would be glittering with joy as he would bring his audience smiles, laughter and some poignant truths. His light brown hair would be tousled as he’d run his hand through it too many times. Yes, she did love that man in some way…maybe because of what he brought to others and his understanding of them. He was an entertainer, an entertainer of the heart.

…To Be Cont…

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I said hello, you fool, I love you…come on and join the joyride…

Yeah, I’m quoting Roxette. It’s alright. I have an excuse: I’m Swedish. When walking around town the other day my best friend looked at me and did a little jump: “I love you,” she said and laughed. I told her I loved her too. It’s emotional discomfort month and I had forgotten to tell her I loved her thus far that day. She has taken such a joy in this habit she now reminds me if I forget to say it.

People change with love. Their features soften. Their smiles shine brighter. Their hearts grow warmer. They look cozy, comfortable and inviting.

A Thing About You

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When you see beauty…..a smile, a look, a touch of that thing……….when you see something you love, do you share that? Do you tell the person what beauty you just caught a glimpse of? Do you invite them to open the door to their inner gorgeousness just a tad more? Do you open that door yourself? Do you allow yourself to feel happy about who you are? Do you invite others to see the beauty that is you?

I don’t know darlings, but this emotional discomfort month is changing my life…and that of those around me. I feel…I feel more alive. More on fire. More like a light rather than a shadow. More intense. More awake. More pulsating and warm. More free. I’m not just sharing my opinions, I’m sharing my emotions, my love and my heartfelt desires with the world. The jail I always felt captured me is now crumbling to dust. I am free.

By complimenting someone you are setting them free from their worst demons: their own disbelief in themselves. Their own negative thoughts are being conquered. They think you are their mirror. If you display joy, they will believe they are joy. If you display love, they will believe they are love. If you smile, they will think they are the reason for your smile.

Maybe your love alone will not transform the entire world…yet it will because everything you touch, that is capable of feeling your touch, will turn to gold. And that gold in turn will turn other things into gold. Your warmth will spread. Your light will brighten the night sky and you will be surrounded by your own light.

And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while…’cuz you are amazing just the way you are…

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I want to have sex with Tim Ferriss…

Timothy Ferriss (The 4-hour Workweek) @ etech

Tim Ferriss...

You know who I am talking about right? The man behind The 4-Hour Work Week and The 4-Hour Body. The guy’s a genius (or else the man…or woman…hiding in the bushes writing his books is) – he invented a system for working 4 hrs a week and living like a king. He also became a world champion in wrestling and speaks God knows how many languages. Maybe that’s not all that hard (right…), but he has a knack for saying things I agree with and that classifies him as a genius. Naturally.

I came across The 4-Hour Body today and it’s basically all about how to get the best body, which apparently includes sex. I didn’t have a chance to read the whole book yet, but will do as soon as possible. I did read part of the sex chapter though (what else?). Apparently female orgasms start with…well, the female. The male stimulation is only part of the equation and there are certain tricks of the trade that Mr Ferriss shares (boys, it’s time to run to the store and pick up a copy…just saying). It all starts with self-exploration. You have to know you and you have to own your own orgasm, just as you have to own everything else in your life. It all starts with you. Your life is about you.

Too many times a day I switch to auto pilot – I do and say things that aren’t necessarily serving me, but that I’m used to doing and saying. Inside my head, round and round goes the same old small talk that REALLY isn’t helping me. The worst part is that for most of it I’m not even aware of it. I’m so used to myself I don’t even notice myself. And in some ways I have “settled.” I may not be doing my best with something, or expanding my field of vision, but rather be alright with what I already have. The sex is good, so I’m sort of satisfied, right?! But what if it could be GREAT??!! What are the questions I’m not asking myself? Even if I am asking myself a lot of questions, what are the areas I’m not asking questions about? What are the imaginary limits of my mind?

I like Tim Ferriss because he questions things and he seeks to get the best results out of what he does. He does not settle for less. He isn’t run by an auto pilot (or, if so, it’s on a good setting!) and nor should you be. Start paying attention to yourself. Start getting to know who you are and what you want. Start expanding your horizon. Start finding out what the best solutions are. What have the people that are happiest in the area of life you want to get results in managed to achieve and how did they do it? Check out life from a different perspective. Try being silent for a day, or going to a new place to get a different point of view.

When Mr Ferriss wrote the chapter on sex he did extensive research. He even found a woman to volunteer to try out the new techniques he had studied on how to make women come. How cool is that? “Hey darling, I just figured out the ultimate technique for giving a woman pleasure, mind if I try it on you?” What a man.

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To all the gorgeous people in my life…

The only way to allow someone to come home is to set them free. When I was younger I didn’t realize that. I thought that you had to have promises, or guarantees that if someone went for a walk they’d come back. And if I was in a relationship I wanted to know that they’d focus one hundred percent on making it work. I guess I was frightened of what would happen if they didn’t. Today I see it differently. If someone wasn’t one hundred percent focused on making it work I would be the one to leave. I also think promises are valid only up to a point. Life keeps changing.

A friend of mine was dating someone for a while. Every day when they met they would look each other in the eye to see if the other person was still there and seek out who they truly were. I thought that was beautiful.

It’s easy to get stagnant in life, or in relationships. A friend’s friend invented a game filled with questions, just because he wanted to remind himself that whenever he thought he knew his partner, he was wrong. He wanted to always keep searching her mind, body and soul for what he didn’t know. That too, to me, is beautiful.

This year I have met so many different people, old and new, that I have connected with in so many different ways. There are people whom intrigue me, there are people whom I always know when they will contact me, there are people whom I have discovered in ways I never thought I’d discover, there are people whom I miss dearly…there are just so many different connections. One thing I learnt this year is that there is indeed a “type” of men I have been known to fall for. Six pack, outgoing, charismatic, charming, cheeky, life of the party type of guy. Yet, I was talking to a friend the other night and suddenly realized although there have been flings and love interests in the last few years there’s only one guy I actually cared for, the rest I was attracted to. A true connection with someone is very different from pure attraction. And true connections aren’t necessarily flawless stereotypes. Love is an interesting thing.

To all my wonderful friends and family out there – thank you for an interesting journey, you make my life in so many ways!!!

People are like a box of secrets…yummy delights…

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I don’t wanna talk…

…about the things we’ve been through. Yeah, yeah, I’m quoting Abba…I know, I know…blonde Swede by the wheel. So let’s talk about sex baby…or not. Let’s have sex. No, let’s talk about it. No, let’s have it. No let’s talk about it…no…yes…no…fuck you. What? Yes, fuck me. No. Yes………

I’m going to do something very forbidden right now – I’m going to generalize (why do I suddenly see a bunch of angry people marching against me shouting tasteless blonde jokes???…).

Women are accusing men of being sex driven and men are accusing women for being baby (and, therefore, relationship) driven. Now if you are a man, imagine that women see babies the way you see sex…and can’t help it. Women, imagine seeing sex the way you see babies (and relationships) on the worst days. Of course, women only have baby drive for certain days per month/periods of their lives, but it leads to some women hunting guys like…well, like men hunt women. They are both “drives” that we can learn to control, because let’s face it – babies aren’t always a good idea and sometimes sex isn’t either. By the end of the day both drives lead to the same end result – a life. Only we don’t always realize this when we are hormone high and just following instinct (and have a condom at hand)…on the other hand, it’s pretty damn good sex with two people who are letting their desires lose…

Women are accusing men of being cold and only care for sex and men are accusing women of being needy. Men were made to spread their sperm, women were made to raise babies and to do so, having a man around to hunt for some food is useful as babies take up time. Of course, it’s a very practical thing to have a rational man around and a woman to bring care. It’s harmony, but when it goes tits up it’s…not so harmonious… (“Why were you flirting with the woman at the petrol station?” “Why do you need to sit at home nesting and being all lovey-dovey?”)

Another amusing aspect of this is that men always freak out about women bonding (no not bondage…but they wish…) with them too early, they are too emotional, etc. Women are built like that – for the sake of the baby, we need to love you men. Happens every time. Even with the jerk we dated before you and the Prince we will date after you, should you dump us or we have enough of you. That’s why women need to be careful with whom they shag, because hormones go flying. We are built to get addicted to men (ouch, I hate this shit…yep…I’M INDEPENDENT FOR FUCK’S SAKE…yeah, yeah..). Women on the other hand find men cold at first, because they were built to being addicted to sex. The weird thing is that apparently, once a guy falls for a gal, it can take him three to five years to get over her. YEARS! Women have to act faster as they have a biological clock. We only waste a month or two in mourning. Doesn’t mean we don’t remember and (don’t…because we don’t…lol) compare everyone to that one guy that won our heart for some weirdo (or not so weirdo) reason…and that we wouldn’t shag him did we have a chance…but we don’t get stuck on one guy to the point of not allowing others in. We move on. We have to.

Women for some reason need to explain everything and have everything explained to them. Men only need to decide (in a quiet place, alone, strong and independent) and then they act. Women feel disrespected as they aren’t explained why the actions happened. Men get irritated as women are so complicated, needy and irritatingly close, trying to get them to actually SPEAK to them. Biologically I can’t figure this one out, but when action meets emotion, when hot meets cold…wahowahwooom…explosion…could be good….).

Another thing is, as a woman, I believe we contemplate having sex with everything that moves just as much as a man…but if we are talking biology – maybe a woman thinks beforehand as she will have to raise the kid and needs a dependable father. A man can always leave, but before contraception and abortion existed, a woman was stuck with the baby. Therefore we think relationship before we think sex. We have learnt to control ourselves. Ahem. Sometimes.

A woman needs to be convinced to get involved in the first place. A man needs to be convinced to stay. A woman needs to feel safe. A man needs to know he got The Queen Of The World, or else, why would he not keep spreading his sperm?

I also think this is why babies change relationships. If she realizes she was in it due to her baby drive (which has now been satisfied) and he realizes he agreed without thinking she’s The Queen Of The World, he just got a bit…excited…there’s trouble ahead. On the other hand, if she picked Mr Fabulous and got a baby with Him…and he picked The Queen Of The World…a baby will bring a lot of pleasure to them both and bond them further.

I may be absolutely wrong about all the above, but yin and yang people…when we wear each others’ shoes, when we learn to understand…how much of our biology is actually about each other – that we were created for each other….maybe then relationships will start to get a bit more…sexy… I mean, we are all looking for each other, we just don’t seem to get it….and playing with fire is dangerous unless you know how to make it work….but don’t we all love fire? And men on motorbikes…or what was it again???

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Ghosts…

Ever seen them? I have. Usually they appear in the shape of six packs stripping in my bedroom at night. Just don’t seem to be able to focus on anything else when they are rattling about with their chains… Just kidding…

There is a brilliant ghost story by Oscar Wilde, which tells the story of a ghost that seizes to have a scary effect on people when…well, the people in the castle just see…straight through him and call his bluff. What’s there to be scared of? Rattling noises? They think he’s being naughty, rather than frightening, and simply tell him to stop it. It’s an amusing story, as are most of Wilde’s stories. It’s also a very true story – you gotta face your ghosts and tell them to stop rattling about, because otherwise – they will haunt you. See through their bluff. They aren’t real unless you want them to be…as with anything else in this life.

I’ve always been one for moving cities. I have taken comfort in the thought that if things go tits up, you can always move. Moving gives you a fresh start. There is nothing in a new place to remind you of your old life. There are new experiences waiting instead. It’s really rather nice as no one has any idea of who you are, you can live free of others’ assumptions for a while. It gives you a chance to change. Then, if you wish, you can go back to where you lived before and be the person you now are and people are more ready to accept it as you have been away for some time. They are not trying to chain you down as much as earlier to being your past. The past itself has faded, so you may also be more ready to accept the memories as they no longer chain you.

The thing is though folks, if you haven’t truly made a change, your ghosts will follow you from city to city. The same events will, as if by magic, occur over and over again. It hit me the other day, or was it today? I had a thought that, well, soon I’m leaving anyway, so I won’t have to deal with xyz anymore. Then a lightbulb went on. I didn’t want to move. I wanted to stay and face the music, because unless I do that, it will keep happening. So, I’m now dealing with people who remind me of my step-mom. Full on. I’m gonna resolve this shit. (Usually all that’s needed is: they behave like this, I respond like that. Is that necessary? No. Are my thoughts about it real? No. Is this therefore an issue? No.)

The thing with constantly moving, or planning to move, is that you don’t force yourself to make the most of something. It’s the blog post from yesterday – you have to make a decision and play full out. Leave an exit route and your mind will take it. To me, nothing was ever that important, because I could always move. I also found it hard to embrace one place, because I know so many other places that I love. So my focus was all over the fucking place. Wherever I am it’s my world and I have to start living in it, or I’ll always be filled with unmet desires that…haunt me.

It’s been the same with men. I find it hard to embrace one guy entirely, having a memory bank of different guys that I once also was in love with. They are but ghosts though. And so are tempting strangers. Reality is whomever is on your…uh, bed? Lol.

For the first time in my life I feel relief in knowing I am staying. Wherever I am is The Place, whomever I’m with is The One. Total surrender gives total freedom. It opens doors you never knew existed. People think it will hurt you, but that’s absolute BS. If tomorrow you realize there’s a bigger goldmine, won’t you move your ass over there? Thought so. So why fear digging in the one by your feet to see if you hit gold? Fear of not hitting it? Well, if you never dig, you will never know. You will however know all the fucking obstacles in the world to why you shouldn’t dig. I can tell you every reason there is why not to live in London. That’s not why I’m here though. I’m here to dig out the gold and face the ghosts. As I can see straight through them…what’s there to care about? I prefer my six packs sizzling hot and I don’t like sticking my hands through them…I like the whole skin to skin contact you know…

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