Category Archives: Liberty

Do you like whips and chains, or strawberry champagne???

Pastiersky bič

Whips...hearts...it's one big cocktail...

Did you ever think you were whips and chains to find out you are strawberry champagne? Or the other way around? Or maybe both? Did you ever doubt your desires, longings, passions, heart, intuition, love…and search in vain for an answer in the skies? In signs around you? In the treetops? In people’s dear opinions? In travels? In teachings? Only to find that the answer rested within your soul and your heart gently whispered it in your ear? But maybe you were too busy looking at some confusing fact, or telling yourself what should be right, or maybe staring yourself blind at the pretty sunset not daring to leave in search of the dawn you always dreamt of, or listening to some story (or five) you had already made up a year, or ten years ago?

Sometimes we fall in love with the person next door, because they happen to be the person next door. Sometimes we set up a lumber business because our neighbor happened to have a lumber business. Sometimes we, on the contrary, go all the way around the world only to realize that the person next door was the one we wanted and the lumber business was always our true passion…the rest was just a dream, an attraction set up because we ourselves were not fulfilled…basically: the fulfillment we sought in others needed to be found in ourselves for us to be able to see the gift that was always there, right in front of us, or next to us…or somewhere close by…

If we do not fulfill ourselves first, no kick outside of ourselves will ever be fulfilling, but we will keep wanting them (as the last one didn’t solve the problem either…we move onto the next…then the next…the bigger car, the prettier girlfriend…or just the different girlfriend…something new…something else…maybe then…) unless we first find satisfaction in our own heart and soul: then we can find the real deal. The passion, the person, the place…the whatever that complements us, rather than replaces something broken inside.

I believe that it is only when we set ourselves free – when we allow our minds (and sometimes our bodies) to travel all around the world, without fear, completely free of whatever it is we have been telling ourselves, or have been told by others – that we can know what we want.

It’s comfortable for us to know that the person that makes our cup of tea when we get home, cuddles us when we are lovesick, laughs at our jokes and talk to us every day is there every day. It’s uncomfortable knowing it’s not them you have felt the greatest love and respect for, or connected the most with.

It’s equally uncomfortable knowing that the adventure for which you left the person who loved you, was nothing more than a castle in the sand – the real deal, the one made of stone, was the one you had. The one you took for granted. The one that was built on love, rather than excitement. The one that you did not believe in as you did not know yourself – you were the one not ready for the real deal. You were the one still searching for the broken piece of you to get fixed…the one thinking that lay outside you. This was the relationship you should have put the excitement into by being present, loving and wild.

Some invest years in education, or working their way to the top of a company, only to realize that their true passion is something else…something which leads them to start all over from scratch. To finally go on the adventure they always kept locked in their heart. To finally be free. Be who they are.

Yet others leave a company only to find out that it was them, not the company that lacked passion. They needed to rekindle their soul, their love, their passion and come back with a different outlook – a different tactic for dealing with things.

Sometimes things, people, events, businesses are right for a period, sometimes for forever. Life is not at standstill – if we stand still things evolve and we get left to start over on our own and if we evolve, well then things either evolve with us, or we move ahead to new pastures. Even if we fucked up the best ever deal, the best ever relationship, the best ever whatever: if we evolve, soon the best ever will be that much better!!!

It happens ever so often we come to a crossroad – we have been forced to choose. We can choose to ignore the new path that has crossed our way, or we can follow it. And sometimes, the new path is the old path. I had to make that choice in LA – to stay, or to leave – and let me tell you: it was scary. I have no greencard. I have no ticket back. I had to choose. I had to follow my heart. It took me six months to make that choice, even if friends tell me I made it way before then…if so it took me six months to dare to follow that choice. Maybe I needed that. Maybe that was just the preparation to be had. Life threw me a few events that helped solidify my decision. Who knows? All I know is first I had to get to know myself (my stories) and separate heart from illusions…different pulls, different wants, different needs…from that core intuition. And maybe I was wrong…I cannot judge…but it feels right. And that feeling of right makes me feel at peace….free….calm. Makes me…happy.

Home is where the heart is, so is love, business and life. First we find our heart, then we find our home.

Champagne, anyone???…

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If you like dumb blondes…

A high-heeled ladies shoe.

Never wash your car without them...

Dizzy blonde moment of the day two days ago was a classic: I decided to wash the car. It’s pollen season. The car wash was long over due. So, I got home from work, dropped my things off and went back to wash it. In high heels, naturally (who can be bothered to change shoes anyway??). I was using my landlord’s hose as it was conveniently placed in the driveway. It’s an old-fashioned kind with a metal handle. Of course I pressed the handle and sprayed my face instead of the car. When I say I’m a comedy show, it’s not a joke….but it’s only funny if you like daft blonde jokes…

You have to laugh at yourself and your life if you want to have a fun ride, but some things are serious. If you don’t deal with them you will always be a tad uncomfortable under the laughter…or under the chocolate cake, or the beautiful scenery, or the amazing sex, or the workload…. Yet even when you do the “heavy stuff” you have to do it with lightness, with laughter. As my former principal said: “whatever it is in your mind, it’s just a thought. It isn’t real.” Anyway, below someone explains something I find very important to do, so that you clear your mind and can fully enjoy your own jokes…ahem…

Austerity means to eliminate the comforts and cushions in your life that you have learned to snuggle into and lose wakefulness. Take away anything that dulls your edge. No newspapers or magazines. No TV. No candy, cookies, or sweets. No sex. No cuddling. No reading of anything at all while you eat or sit on the toilet. Reduce working time to a necessary minimum. No movies. No conversation that isn’t about truth, love, or the divine.

If you take on these disciplines for a few weeks, as well as any other disciplines that may particularly cut through your unique habits of dullness, then your life will be stripped of routine distraction. All that will be left is the edge you have been avoiding by means of your daily routine. You will have to face the basic discomfort and dissatisfaction that is the hidden texture of your life. You will be alive with the challenge of living your truth, rather than hiding from it.

Unadorned suffering is the bedmate of masculine growth. Only by staying intimate with your personal suffering can you feel through it to its source. By putting all your attention into work, TV, sex, and reading, your suffering remains unpenetrated, and the source remains hidden. Your life becomes structured entirely by your favorite means of sidestepping the suffering you rarely allow yourself to feel. And when you do touch the surface of your suffering, perhaps in the form of boredom, you quickly pick up a magazine or the remote control.

Instead, feel your suffering, rest with it, embrace it, make love with it. Feel your suffering so deeply and thoroughly that you penetrate it, and realize its fearful foundation. Almost everything you do, you do because you are afraid to die. And yet dying is exactly what you are doing, from the moment you are born. Two hours of absorption in a good Super Bowl telecast may distract you temporarily, but the fact remains. You were born as a sacrifice. And you can either participate in the sacrifice, dissolving in the giving of your gift, or you can resist it, which is your suffering.

By eliminating the safety net of comforts in your life, you have the opportunity to free fall in this moment between birth and death, right through the hole of your fear, into the unthreatenable openness which is the source of your gifts. The superior man lives as this spontaneous sacrifice of love.

— David Deida (The Way Of The Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Woman, Work, and Sexual Desire)

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Giggles and laughter…

I was jumping on our rebounder yesterday, watching the lights of LA glistening in the distance, stars sparkling and the moon casting its light over the city….I couldn’t help but giggle….it’s such a joyeous thing to do!

It’s those moments of childish joy and beauty I treasure maybe more than almost anything else (apart from cuddles and loved ones)…when you feel free, uninhibited, dancing with life…when you do not let fears or desires control you, or try to control yourself, but rather throw yourself into the moment with an open heart.

If you only live once…or even twice…or three times…you might as well laugh whilst at it!!!!

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If you ever…this is for you… (to the unsung heroes of bad first time sex…)

Congressional Gold Medal awarded to Navajo Cod...

Congrats!!

Did you ever have bad first time sex? Or spilled a drink on the first date? Did you ever fail an exam? Or got fired? Did you ever screw up? Then this one is for you…

I think we deserve gold medals for the disasters we have endured. Everyone who makes it to the top gets praise, but isn’t it when we are at the bottom that we need some motivation? Someone telling us that we are gold worthy? The fact that we managed to survive whatever trauma (like spilling coffee all over the potential to-be boss’ Armani suit) makes us gold worthy in an instant. Last time I went for an interview, someone complimented my high heels just as I got caught up in them. I literally stumbled whilst saying “Thank you.” Not to mention first time sex…ever tried getting stuck in mousetraps? And that was probably the best first time sex I ever had…I’m a natural disaster. If first impressions last I’m doomed to becomming a spinister unless I start preaching no sex before marriage.

It’s so easy to praise people who do well and they sure as hell deserve the praise, but so do all of us that are trying to sort out one area, or other, of our lives. Maybe you need to hear that you shouldn’t make that same mistake again (do not walk into a dark room when there are mousetraps lying around), but what you need is faith that next time you will do better and that you have the capacity to do just that. That you are a shining star. To hear that you are an idiot, whom should have known better and that these patterns of not thinking before you act really are so harming your life and shouldn’t you have learnt by now…well, that just crushes your spirits.

Sometimes I want to escape some areas of my life. Like my love life. I don’t have a smashing past. But as soon as I think about that, it reinforces it. To change my present, I need to change my thoughts around it. I am not addicted to players…I am addicted to loving, caring men, who truly love me and show up for me. I have a great heart, that will know when the right men arrive. I have faith in my innate knowledge to know whom to trust.

They say a tiger doesn’t change its stripes, but I have changed mine a hundred times, or more, only because I started believing I was someone else and acting from that place. I had a belief I was that person. I had a belief I deserved to be that person.

You have to find that place inside of you, that healthy place, where you are whom you want to be and act from that place. Not from a place of lack, or fear, but from a place of abundance. Of joy. Of love. Of faith.

The best gift you can give someone is faith in themselves. An ability to love themselves. So go on then: sprinkle some praise on the peeps in your life. It doesn’t cost a dime, but it breeds miracles.

This is for the unsung heroes of everyday life. Those of us who fight, but don’t always win. Those of us that need a hug, a cuddle, a sprinkle of love and a sincere belief that we can do what we most wish to do. That we have the capability to be whom we choose. Let’s face it: if you survived all that, you are destined for greatness, because you are already a hero, a survivor of the fight.

P.S. Hey, by the way, I like you for all the smiles you’ve shared and all the joy you’ve brought to this world.

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The Dalai Lama…

Gendun Drup, 1st Dalai Lama

Image via Wikipedia

“We can live without religion and meditation, but we cannot survive without human affection.” – Dalai Lama. I think the man has a point (no, really? The Dalai Lama???…) We grow our businesses, we grow our social networks, we grow our bank accounts…but do we grow our affection for friends, family and lovers? Do we sit down to think about how we can build our relationships? How we need to be loved? How we can love more?

“I believe that the very purpose of life is to be happy. From the very core of our being, we desire contentment. In my own limited experience I have found that the more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being. Cultivating a close, warmhearted feeling for others automatically puts the mind at ease. It helps remove whatever fears or insecurities we may have and gives us the strength to cope with any obstacles we encounter. It is the principal source of success in life. Since we are not solely material creatures, it is a mistake to place all our hopes for happiness on external development alone. The key is to develop inner peace.” I have said this before, but when our focus shifts from what people think about us, what we want from them, to what we can give them our own fear of judgment (ego) subsides and we experience the person and relationship in a new light. There is also a lot of fulfillment in the act of giving. I keep wondering: if we were all brought up to save the world, rather than to think about the “perks” we want…our own personal success…what would the world look like? Where would our focus be? On peace, on material wealth for all, on great health, on solutions… Now it’s a lot about Porsches…about “look at what I achieved for me.”

“In the practice of tolerance, one’s enemy is the best teacher.” “This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.” To bear this in mind when we are angry, sad, frustrated, upset…who is it we want to be? Never mind the other person – WHO ARE WE? How do you want to see yourself? How do you act FROM THAT PLACE??? And how do you look after YOUR TEMPLE?

“As human beings we all want to be happy and free from misery… we have learned that the key to happiness is inner peace. The greatest obstacles to inner peace are disturbing emotions such as anger, attachment, fear and suspicion, while love and compassion and a sense of universal responsibility are the sources of peace and happiness.” What do you do every day to feel peace and happiness? And how do you change all other emotions to peace and happiness? Do you allow yourself to go off on tangents just because you get an adrenaline/testosterone kick, or do you bring yourself back to peace and happiness asap?

“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” What actions do you take on a daily basis that make you happy? Which actions would you love to take?

“We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.” When we blame, when we yell and scream at others…where does it come from?

“Where ignorance is our master, there is no possibility of real peace.” What small pains, annoyances and disturbances are you ignoring? What little thorns do you need to deal with to make you happy? To make your relationships happy? To make your business/career thrive?

“If you have fear of some pain or suffering, you should examine whether there is anything you can do about it. If you can, there is no need to worry about it; if you cannot do anything, then there is also no need to worry.” I realized this one day when I was thinking of my fear of illness and death (my mom died from cancer in her thirties) – whatever happens I will live through it…so I might as well just be happy in the process! Where you put your focus determines you happiness to a large extent. For example: the other day I got upset about my knee. I can’t really go running that often anymore and as soon as I stand up for days in a row, it goes wonky. So I started despairing, because I wanted to go running and in my head a I saw a scenario of not being able to go jogging for forever. But either I can think of that, or about all the blessings in my life. After all, I can still run. I can still walk. I can still dance!!!!!!!!!! I live a blessed life.

“If you don’t love yourself, you cannot love others. You will not be able to love others. If you have no compassion for yourself then you are not able of developing compassion for others.” “With realization of one’s own potential and self-confidence in one’s ability, one can build a better world.” So many times you meet people who want to have many things in life only to prove they are worth something, instead of finding their inherent worth. Whether they need to have a new hottie by their side every day, or win a prize for their abilities…the path becomes about proof of worthiness rather than love.

“To be aware of a single shortcoming within oneself is more useful than to be aware of a thousand in somebody else. Rather than speaking badly about people and in ways that will produce friction and unrest in their lives, we should practice a purer perception of them, and when we speak of others, speak of their good qualities.” We all need to analyze and understand things at times and we may speak of our process, but one needs to remember that whatever one says it will color other people’s perception of the world. To say you want a happy relationship, or a happy career…I believe you have to understand that first you need to find the love in you, the love for others and the love for the path you now choose to walk.

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When all hell breaks out…murder with sex appeal…

Sex Appeal

Problem solving is sexy...

So you come home, bloody exhausted after a long day, longing to jump into bed and………sleep. After sitting down for five minutes though you manage to swallow down a slice of (raw) cheese and some fruit, put on your warmest clothes and…walk over to the neighbor’s to get the dog out. You are welcomed by wet kisses and paws that go everywhere they aren’t supposed to. Then you are taken for a walk (this dog has a mind of her own – you can try to walk her, but she will walk you. Or sit down on her ass and refuse to move). This time she dragged me along to a tiny little park (or empty lot of land). It was freezing cold (it actually snowed for five minutes that day!!!) and the wind was gently rustling around in the bushes. Looking up at the night sky it was beautifully lit by stars. It was like the perfect romantic moment…until a palm tree started making weird noises (I couldn’t decide whether it was the wind shaking it, or if someone was standing behind it and having a blast watching my face turning paler and paler…I naturally decided that it was the first, but a sense of…practicality, shall we say…made me consider other options…) and I decided we better go home (which I managed to pursue her Majesty to agree to).

To sum it all up – I had a wonderful walk (minus the palm tree, but that is…a minor detail). Mainly because her Majesty had been home alone all day and was super excited to see me, which made me happy. And I got to have imaginary conversations with her and pet her head for an hour. I mean surely, we all know that it helps talking to yourself???… It’s the best ever remedy for solving problems. Especially when a dog listens and clearly understands every single word (not).

My point with all this rambling…I did have one and it wasn’t the palm tree you see…

“Murder me with sex appeal”….no that’s just something I heard on the radio…

So yeah, the point….hold your breaths, please…is that when I walked to get the dog out I didn’t do it for my sake – I was ready to pass out on the couch. I did it for her sake. And as I strotted along with her on this freezing cold night I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Why? Because I wasn’t thinking about my own problems. I was focused on what was making the doggy happy.

Often we get a bit caught up in the general mess of things (a.k.a. our lives). I know what it feels like. I do it all the time. That’s why I like friends and coaches as they will look at things from a different POV (point of view) and suddenly the “problems” have been re-framed into solutions. E.g. “I’m going through a divorce, it’s really hard with the lawyers, all the memories when we first got together, all the crushed dreams…!” ….re-frame… “I am so happy I am finally free to live life on my terms again, having learnt what I did about relationships and now being so much more ready for spending time with myself and finding my ultimate mate.”

I know, I know…it’s very tempting to sit and think about “the good old days” when you were having so much fun with your now ex, or your company was making a million more a year, or your house was ten times bigger… Yet, in this moments lies all the opportunities in the world. And if you have a look around, maybe you will discover that you, at least for a day, can take a break from your problems. How? You can live for someone else for a day. You can set your worries aside and worry for them instead. You can pour all your heart and mind into their lives You can try out what it feels like thinking about something else all day long. Oftentimes I don’t understand how people have the energy to keep up all their problems. And when you look at them from the outside you see how utterly ridiculous they are as well…because often they aren’t real. And even if they are, shouldn’t the question be: what can I do right now to make the most of my life? Not sitting blaming yourself, others and the world. Shit happens. Your attitude is your own.

A lot of my problems in the past have been ego. The need to be perfect. The need for success. So for me to focus on giving, instead of what others think of me is a huge thing. I always want to help others, but often, at least in the back of my mind, I have also worried about other peoples’ opinion of me. And it has, quite frankly, ruined my life. It has taken the joy out of so many things. (This is why I should go to a karaoke night and do a solo number. Then the worry will be gone. Ahem…)

As I see it, there are about four ways to solve a problem:

1) Face the fear so that the fear disappears. Imagine the worst ever that could happen. Imagine living through that with a positive attitude. (There’s a difference between the person dying saying: “I am so thankful for the life I have had. I am so thankful for the experience I was given and for these last few days to truly enjoy my life.” And the person saying: “This is unfair. This shouldn’t be me. There’s no point to life. I’m dying anyway.” I know that’s taking it to the extreme, but when I was facing my own fear of dying, I had to do just that.)

2) Re-frame it: From problem to opportunity.

3) Solve the problem. Some problems have to be solved. Ask for help if you need it. Don’t be ashamed you have a problem. We all have problems.

4) Leave it. We all want success in a ton of different ways. Yet, success may not be what we think it is. May not make us smile, laugh and love life. Instead of wanting to become a multi-millionaire…go volunteer at the local hospital, help a friend, donate your energy to giving… Invest your time in other peoples’ problems. Maybe you will discover yours don’t exist and maybe, just maybe you will find a new meaning to life.

5) (P.S. Remember: love is all there is.)

So ya know. Next problem that comes along: murder it with sex appeal. No one can resist you when you turn it on. When those long lashes of yours come this way…and that heart of yours is turned on…who can resist love? True heartfelt love? Not I… So turn it on and turn it up. I’m gonna go hide behind the couch before you drop by here….ah right, you don’t have my address anyway, so maybe I’ll be safe for another day???…

 

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Another love story to tantalize your taste buds…

Avignon, France

As you may know I wrote a love story last year. In my mind the story continued and there were chapters I wanted to add, stories I wanted to write. Yet, the time never seemed right. I never managed to just…write. Until today. Today the “pen” once again got hold of the “paper” and the words flowed. You see, I never feel like I write until I edit. Sometimes it can be challenging, but if I feel like I have to force the words out, the words are not the right ones. I’m not in the right mindset to write. Today the words came. So here’s the story…a part of the story…enjoy! (P.S. If you didn’t read the first part, this won’t make much sense…go here to read it…)

The Journey

Chapter Two

The night sky melted away to leave room for dawn – the first streaks of husky peach appeared, then golden lines glowing in the still dusky gray morning. It was as if a little kid was licking a pot of chocolate, she thought, showing more and more of the shining red pot underneath the chocolate, but then she was bound to think about food… One streak at a time the colors underneath revealed themselves in a beautiful symphony. She thought about the jester. It was his colors, the dawn…this inexplicable symphony of life. So easy, yet so hard to comprehend. She sighed.

She was standing in her kitchen in the shop, getting it ready for the day ahead. The kitchen, in fact, was partly open so that customers could see what she was doing. Only the wood fired oven and the sink with a wall behind it were blocking the view in the far corner. It was a place she felt so comfortable in. It was who she was. She had designed every inch of it, from the stone oven to the cupboards. It looked as homemade as, well, as it was. Even the wood had been cut directly from tree trunks, leaving the shelves that were surrounding her with uneven edges – smoothly they followed the shape that the tree once had. The shelves still had the warm scent of wood, which blended nicely with the smell of the fire and the spices.

It was a magical kitchen filled with light and warmth, not to mention hundreds of herbs and spices that added color and a certain sense of mysticism…although of course there was nothing mystical about them. They were nature’s extended hand. It always surprised her that not more people cared to learn about them. Almost every plant, if used correctly, could bring something amazing to the human body and mind. To her getting to know each plant and its properties was always a unique experience. She felt thankful that this planet was providing her with everything she would ever need and for each herb she picked she said her thanks. After all she picked a life out of the ground to eat it. A life, which had taken time to grow, a life so beautifully provided for her.

Behind her was also a drapery, covering the door frame leading to the stairs that would take you up to her apartment above. The drapery was made of different fabrics and shone in some of the most amazing colors. Her mother always used to say she dressed and decorated like a gypsy.

If she climbed those stairs now they would lead her to the jester. He was probably getting dressed, getting ready for the day ahead. He too enjoyed the first moments of the day. He had told her that when everyone else was asleep he had peace to think about himself and his own life. He could also  focus better and therefore practice a really advanced magical trick, or juggling. It was the very same reason she got up before dawn. She smiled. It did indeed seem like they spoke the same language. As if they operated according to the same manual, yet with widely different lives.

He was sleeping in her house and because of it there was a different smell in the house, a different energy radiating everywhere, yet she felt the last couple of days as if she had arrived home. She laughed. She had been at home for a lifetime. She had always known in her heart what she wanted to do; what her gifts were. When others had asked what she would do if she could do anything her answer had, for as long as she could remember, been the same: I’m already doing it. In her heart she knew she was aligned with who she was. And this little town was her home. Of course she had traveled to see, to learn and to find answers, but always to return…home. The feeling of home she felt inside now though was different.

Her mind floated away as she took out her cakes from the cold cupboard where they had rested over night, put them in the oven and started grinding spices to sprinkle on top. Different blends for different people. Soft vanilla and cinnamon for those in need of warmth. Sweet chili and mandarin for those in need of spice. Soothing cardamom and lavender for those in need of calm. The combinations were endless.

There were other men she had shared good times with, hard times with and glorious moments with. Yet, even though she had met hundreds and hundreds of people passing through her little bakery and felt unique connections with so many of them, sympathy for others and a heartfelt love for some, she had never before felt at home with them. They were exciting. They all had gifts to share, stories she would could learn from. Things that made her laugh for hours, or cry, or just feel happy, or excited…yet none of them had understood her. Bits of her, but not all of her. And for the first time in her life she felt that her whole heart was open to someone. As if…as if she could truly be together with someone, not just next to someone. As if they could share a moment to which they were both present and both understood. As if she wasn’t alone.

It was liberating being able to play with someone who understands the game you are playing. Not just the rules, but the intentions behind it and the emotions going through you whilst playing it. It was a special feeling.

She put down a jar of herbs on the work bench and picked out a bunch of dried leaves. This specific herb reminded her of a specific man…

Once upon a blue moon there had been a man she had fallen madly in love with. In fact, whereas the jester had entered her life at dawn, this man had entered her life during a full moon, around midnight. Like the jester he was a traveler, a sailor. So different from her… She was small and slender, he was tall and rough. His weather worn face told tales one could not easily forget. His blue eyes, always squinting in the sunlight, glittered like waves in the ocean.,,,dark and mesmerizing. His hands were calloused, his skin tanned and scarred in places. His whole being exuded strength and power, but also warmth. He had been a man of nature; of seeing things for what they were in the natural world. He could navigate by the stars and survive storms out at sea. This, to her, was very attractive. Yet, he had only seen the obvious. He could only see that which was material, real. For her the world consisted both of the physical matter you could see and feel and the matter which you could only sense. She had always known what others were thinking. He could not phantom this. Although she knew that her mind could travel too much and be too unstable, his robustness, if refreshing and lovely as a counteractive force, crushed her at times. They were, in a sense, mysteries to one another. They understood each other on one level, but they did not see things in the same light.

It had been a nice experience. He had grounded her. Moved her with his somewhat brutal force. It had been plus meeting minus and the whole affair had been explosive. As most explosions it had also been memorable. Something which moves you that greatly is often hard to forget.

The jester was not like the sailor, even though they had traits in common. The jester, although he was different from her in so many ways, in the core center of his heart, seemed the same. As if they had been made of the same piece of clay. Of course everyone is…if you think about it. Yet, with the sailor it has been as if he was made of the clay from the north pole and she of the clay from the south pole. An instant attraction. Like fire meeting dynamite – something happens. Something significant at that. However, explosions are…explosive. With the jester on the other hand it was as if they both had a plus and a minus within them, but they were made from clay from the same region of the world. They fit. They blended together. There were still sparks, but no fire.

She loved him, in a way, because she could feel him within her heart. She didn’t know him yet. She didn’t know the things that would move her, drive her insane with lust or make her want to close the door and be left to her own devices…if so only for a moment. It was a bizarre feeling, but she knew she could share life with him. That’s why she felt at home. And his scent…that of musky spices with some exotic twang has a deliriously calming effect on her spirits. She didn’t know how it could make her delirious and calm at the same time, but it did.

The sky was now a fiery orange. The day was breaking and the birds had started chirping away. Soon there would be footsteps on the pavement and old Mme. Legrand would pop by for her morning tea. Sweet, but not too sweet. Mme. Legrand didn’t know it, but she would need something light to take away the heaviness that often hung within her. Young Monsieur Marseille would then casually walk in and demand his espresso and croissant. What he didn’t know was that behind his slick exterior he needed comfort and joy to feel more confident in his ways. Her flower scented water would do just the thing. She smiled to herself – she had a whole town to look after.

The jester would probably soon be practicing his tricks in the alleyways and attract random children and curios passersby as his audience. His green blue eyes would be glittering with joy as he would bring his audience smiles, laughter and some poignant truths. His light brown hair would be tousled as he’d run his hand through it too many times. Yes, she did love that man in some way…maybe because of what he brought to others and his understanding of them. He was an entertainer, an entertainer of the heart.

…To Be Cont…

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