Category Archives: Love

Maybe that night we make love till morning…

Sometimes we feel small and insignificant. Much like a tiny girl, walking up a massive mountain. We aren’t quite sure of where we are, or where we will end up. We have an idea of where we want to go – to the top – but the path is winding and we can’t always see the top – there is fog, trees and sometimes fires blocking the sight.

There are nights, when we are curled up by the fire watching a starry sky, and we feel calm and serene, and the path we are walking feels like the loveliest thing ever. Our muscles are tired after a day’s worth of climbing, in fact we are feeling tired through and through, but a good tired – we lived. We lived to the full and we are still buzzing, still filled with life and life force. We are almost giddy with excitement of all the wonders we have seen and are yet to see. Our eyes are still glazed with the beauty of butterflies catching the morning breeze underneath their wings, or the glorious sight of rainbows and waterfalls. Maybe a sudden thunderstorm filled us with power, with lust and then a gentle drizzle calmed our spirits shortly after, only to be followed by sunshine that made us laugh.

We may be sharing our camp fire with some exhilarating stranger we have met whose faces tell tales of faraway countries and adventures more fearful, more wild than we could ever imagine…or maybe adventures so sweet and lustful we can only dream of….and maybe, maybe one day achieve. Or maybe we are sharing the fire with gorgeous loved ones who are accompanying us on our journey and feel as familiar as our favorite spice.

Maybe the night is filled with laughter and excited whispers and tender words. Maybe children are playing and grown-ups smiling. And maybe, long after the kids have gone to bed, everyone is sharing tales that make our heart sing. Maybe we have found a boy whose eyes are sparkling in the moonlight and seemingly reflecting not just the moon, but our own soul, making us feel understood. Maybe for that moment it all makes sense – the search, the climb, the path that we are now on. Maybe that night we make love till  the morning.

At other times we are utterly lost – it’s raining, our knees are aching, we can’t see the top of the mountain – we are walking upwards, but we have no idea if we will ever reach the top, or at least find enough treasure to buy a fire that is always burning, a bottle that is always full, a bed that is always protected and love that is always tender. We are fearful, tired and soaked to our bones. We seek the light in our soul, the inner warmth, the love we know is hidden there, but the fear is overwhelming and the panic seemingly real as the night closes in on us and we shiver.

We  think about friends we have lost, lovers that crossed our path. We think about the chances we never took and those we should never have taken. We think about our own death and wonder where we will be then? Will we have reached the top? Or will we still be fearful and lonely?

We try to fight it, to be strong, but we only get angrier and angrier with ourselves when we do – because we are meant to be strong, right? We are meant to conquer the rain and walk with joy in our heart. We are meant to have learnt enough to find our way by the stars. We aren’t supposed to be lost, or lonely, or tired, or hungry. We are supposed to know better, be better.

Then, we give up. We remember what being truly tiny meant – what it was like being a child. When the world felt large and scary and we jumped up into our parents, or siblings laps and cried, or were just held tight. We were stil told that we were beautiful, that we were loved. No one gave up on us because we slipped and fell. They just hugged us better. We remember that it was OK then. OK to be lost and frightened and sooner, or later we found our way – whether by ourselves, or with the help of others. We felt tiny back then too. We felt scared back then too. But we weren’t angry with ourselves. We just were. We just allowed ourselves to be and somehow, somewhere, we always found the love we needed to find, the light to lit up the deepest night.

Then we take a moment to rest. We sink down, our back towards a cold fir-tree. The cold, suddenly intense against our back, awakens us. We look around. We see a tiny hare, followed by another tiny hare, looking out at us from underneath the bushes. We slowly reach out our hand. We are in desolate parts where man rarely walks and the hares have not yet learnt to fear us. We slowly look at them, as they are looking at us. In their eyes we see our own fear and trepidation reflected. We see curiosity and hope. We see warmth and love.

One of the hares slowly, slowly moves over, seeing whether to trust us. And then, with a final jump it is by our hand, sniffing it. Its nose feels warm against our cold skin. It keeps sniffing around, then suddenly jumps up, into our lap, and looks at us with big eyes. The other hare now follows, carefully, but bravely, seeing the success of its fellow friend. And then, you have them both in your lap, sharing their warmth, their lives with you.

Everywhere the rain is drizzling, turning the wood into a hazy, almost surreal place. The raindrops glisten in the final hour of dusk and the sun is making one last effort to shine through, turning everything golden. You feel a little warmth from it against your skin and the hares’ body heat radiating through your clothes, into your stiff, frozen bones. For a moment you are sharing your life with two other creatures, like yourself, trying to stay warm, find food, love and happiness. You are helping each other, understanding one another. Suddenly life has conquered and you once again feel calm – inside a new dawn has awoken.

You feel fresh. Every part of you has been shaken – you have been lost and you are still lost, but inside you have found the light. You know that as night comes rolling in you will eat some food that strengthen your body and find peace in your dreams. You will then awaken with the sun and move towards new horizons. Maybe with some furry friends by your side.

It is impossible to know if we will ever reach the top of any mountain. Life is an adventure and as such, we know that there will be struggle, there will be loss, but what will always save us is our own life force, our own love of that which surrounds us, that which we do and those whom we love, including ourselves.

We will continue to get lost and we will continue to get found. Storms will shake us and events move us. We will lose what we have found and move on to find love in unexpected places.

The best we can do is find our own heart, our own peace. We can never know what storm is coming next, or how far we will get the next day. We can only continue to move with a purpose in our heart, which gives meaning to our journey. We can continue to build love in our heart, which will strengthen us and keep us calm in the eye of the storm. We can surround ourselves by love, by doing what we love and taking time to build friendships with those we love, or those we think we will come to love. We can give of what we have, as well as our gifts, our talents, and share our lives with others.

We can love and with love always comes a treasure.

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Filed under Fairytale, Fear, Freedom, Friendship, Goals, Heart, Inspiration, Joy, Life, Love, Magic, Motivation, People, Personal Development, Psychology, Self, Self-help, Spirituality, Stories, Story, Thoughts, Uncategorized, Writing

You are simply beautiful to some…

#712 小綠濛情

Today, as I was getting out of the tube, one person laid eyes on someone they knew and started waving. I could only see this person’s back, but the smile on the receiving end (the guy he was waving at) was so big it made me smile. And that’s life. It’s so beautiful when two people really appreciate one another – when they bring smiles to each other’s faces. When they share this world, so if only for a while.

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Filed under Friends, Friendship, Gifts, Joy, Life, Love

Love is the key to any heart…

2 of hearts.

There are symbols, signs, imagery...everywhere... It depends on what you are looking for...that's why they can be deceitful, that's why love is key...

Love is the key to any heart and the most important heart to open is your own. I believe that once we open our hearts what is within our hearts will come to be (if we live in accordance with our hearts) and that is beautiful. Whenever we are absolutely open and absolutely true to our hearts, the people we feel are right for us and who feel the same about us will enter. When we are with those people it’s amazing. It’s also amazing when events, and other things that resonate with our hearts suddenly appear and take us on journeys we couldn’t have imagined before, yet they always lived within us. I can’t really put it into words, recently I have just had this amazing sensation that whatever is is. Whatever is true to us, when we open our hearts, will come to be. That goes for people, events, places, everything…but I guess the most important thing is people. When you are with someone who loves you and fully accepts you for who you are, they open a space for you to do the same. You feel enveloped in light, in warmth. You feel safe.

Some people are like angels – they love you regardless of whether you are open, or closed, a nightmare, or a daydream…they just love. And slowly they teach you how to enter that place, that place of safety and warmth; of light. They teach you to love you, regardless of events, of mistakes. And once you do, you have found yourself. You are grounded, you are secure. You dare to open your heart, as the key is love and you just found it. You live on purpose, as now you can feel your purpose – your heart is open. And you love. You love endlessly…and so the gift is spread – from one heart to another…

When someone loves you, whether they have a capacity to love everyone else, or not, and are aligned with you – not just for that phase in life, or that one trait, but truly aligned with you, with your heart – then it’s something else. Then it’s magic. Then it’s like finding a missing piece of the puzzle, or a twin soul, or a friend that feels like they have always lived in your heart, long before you met…in this lifetime. Those people are rare. Treasure them like you do the sunset – every day it brings beautiful light and colors, but you never know if you will see it again. You will always carry its beauty with you though. It is part of you. Part of your soul. And I don’t know how you know it, but you do, especially if you are open.

I believe it’s essential for happiness to love. Love what you do, who you are, who you are with and the world as a whole. We were not put here for an easy ride. The only thing that makes it worthwhile is love – the love we experience through our five senses when they (the senses that is) encounter things they resonate with, the love we feel when we create what we resonate with (purpose/passion/work/creative outlet) and the love we experience through our sixth sense; the love we feel in our heart for people who resonate with us, whether they are physically next to us, or we just carry their spirit in our heart. If they are still here in one shape, or  form, or another it’s sometimes like a flutter goes through our heart when they think of us, or long for us, or just love us. Sometimes we feel them within us. Sometimes we speak their minds. There is a connection that is beyond words; beyond explanation.

Love is wonderful. It’s the softest, yet strongest emotion of all. Maybe it’s more than an emotion. Maybe it just encompasses all. Maybe it is all.

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Do you like whips and chains, or strawberry champagne???

Pastiersky bič

Whips...hearts...it's one big cocktail...

Did you ever think you were whips and chains to find out you are strawberry champagne? Or the other way around? Or maybe both? Did you ever doubt your desires, longings, passions, heart, intuition, love…and search in vain for an answer in the skies? In signs around you? In the treetops? In people’s dear opinions? In travels? In teachings? Only to find that the answer rested within your soul and your heart gently whispered it in your ear? But maybe you were too busy looking at some confusing fact, or telling yourself what should be right, or maybe staring yourself blind at the pretty sunset not daring to leave in search of the dawn you always dreamt of, or listening to some story (or five) you had already made up a year, or ten years ago?

Sometimes we fall in love with the person next door, because they happen to be the person next door. Sometimes we set up a lumber business because our neighbor happened to have a lumber business. Sometimes we, on the contrary, go all the way around the world only to realize that the person next door was the one we wanted and the lumber business was always our true passion…the rest was just a dream, an attraction set up because we ourselves were not fulfilled…basically: the fulfillment we sought in others needed to be found in ourselves for us to be able to see the gift that was always there, right in front of us, or next to us…or somewhere close by…

If we do not fulfill ourselves first, no kick outside of ourselves will ever be fulfilling, but we will keep wanting them (as the last one didn’t solve the problem either…we move onto the next…then the next…the bigger car, the prettier girlfriend…or just the different girlfriend…something new…something else…maybe then…) unless we first find satisfaction in our own heart and soul: then we can find the real deal. The passion, the person, the place…the whatever that complements us, rather than replaces something broken inside.

I believe that it is only when we set ourselves free – when we allow our minds (and sometimes our bodies) to travel all around the world, without fear, completely free of whatever it is we have been telling ourselves, or have been told by others – that we can know what we want.

It’s comfortable for us to know that the person that makes our cup of tea when we get home, cuddles us when we are lovesick, laughs at our jokes and talk to us every day is there every day. It’s uncomfortable knowing it’s not them you have felt the greatest love and respect for, or connected the most with.

It’s equally uncomfortable knowing that the adventure for which you left the person who loved you, was nothing more than a castle in the sand – the real deal, the one made of stone, was the one you had. The one you took for granted. The one that was built on love, rather than excitement. The one that you did not believe in as you did not know yourself – you were the one not ready for the real deal. You were the one still searching for the broken piece of you to get fixed…the one thinking that lay outside you. This was the relationship you should have put the excitement into by being present, loving and wild.

Some invest years in education, or working their way to the top of a company, only to realize that their true passion is something else…something which leads them to start all over from scratch. To finally go on the adventure they always kept locked in their heart. To finally be free. Be who they are.

Yet others leave a company only to find out that it was them, not the company that lacked passion. They needed to rekindle their soul, their love, their passion and come back with a different outlook – a different tactic for dealing with things.

Sometimes things, people, events, businesses are right for a period, sometimes for forever. Life is not at standstill – if we stand still things evolve and we get left to start over on our own and if we evolve, well then things either evolve with us, or we move ahead to new pastures. Even if we fucked up the best ever deal, the best ever relationship, the best ever whatever: if we evolve, soon the best ever will be that much better!!!

It happens ever so often we come to a crossroad – we have been forced to choose. We can choose to ignore the new path that has crossed our way, or we can follow it. And sometimes, the new path is the old path. I had to make that choice in LA – to stay, or to leave – and let me tell you: it was scary. I have no greencard. I have no ticket back. I had to choose. I had to follow my heart. It took me six months to make that choice, even if friends tell me I made it way before then…if so it took me six months to dare to follow that choice. Maybe I needed that. Maybe that was just the preparation to be had. Life threw me a few events that helped solidify my decision. Who knows? All I know is first I had to get to know myself (my stories) and separate heart from illusions…different pulls, different wants, different needs…from that core intuition. And maybe I was wrong…I cannot judge…but it feels right. And that feeling of right makes me feel at peace….free….calm. Makes me…happy.

Home is where the heart is, so is love, business and life. First we find our heart, then we find our home.

Champagne, anyone???…

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Filed under Attraction, Courage, Creating, Creation, Creativity, dreams, Goals, Heart, Inspiration, Joy, Leadership, Liberty, Life, Love, Magic, Motivation, People, Personal Development, Psychology, Relationship, relationships, Self, Spirituality, The Mind, Thoughts, Uncategorized

Gorgeous you and incredible me…

Cafe in Paris

Who will fill these seats next? Who will share their lives, if so only for a moment?

I was out having coffee with some friends last week. For some reason the meeting entered my mind today and suddenly a beautiful thought hit me: you meet people just to enjoy their company. Maybe that’s obvious, but isn’t it also beautiful? You go somewhere just to sit down and enjoy someone’s presence. To see them smile, to hear their laughter, to listen to their pain, to laugh at their jokes, to get entertained by their stories, to be intrigued by their minds, to share their life…to enjoy them and support them. To get happy for them and try to remove their sorrow from them. It may so be that I am corny, but I think this is absolutely amazing…just to sit there and indulge in someone’s presence…

 

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Filed under Friends, Friendship, Heart, Inspiration, Joy, Love, People, relationships, socializing, Thoughts

This doesn’t need a sexy headline…

Jules Cheret, Moulin Rouge, 1890 Art Nouveau p...

Spectacle magnifique...

So here’s a real confession and maybe I shouldn’t blog about this because it feels way too personal and real and painful and embarassing…but the truth is that I swore to share how I feel, so that others could stop being afraid of how they feel and dare to be themselves. So here’s me, being myself. And maybe I’ve said it all before in different ways, but sometimes things hit you straight in the face and…feels more real, more tangible than before…and much, much more silly…

You know when you feel small and insignificant and silly and stupid? Like when the guy you thought was Mr Right starts flirting with the girl to your left? Mhm. And you want to cry. You feel trampled upon, angry, sad, furious…but if you are anything like me, you choose a pair of heels that are one inch higher, a skirt that is one inch shorter, you nail the business deal, you walk with swagger and you make sure you outdo yourself in just about everything. Suddenly you are confidence itself: your voice is louder, your jokes funnier and you look better than you did age 16. You seek attention and you get it. You lap it up like a cat laps up cream. You are licking your wounds, trying to stop them from bleeding and the praise from others sort of cover the worst of it. Works as some sort of band-aid, but the wound is still there. So you make your shell a bit tougher to protect it. And through it all you may gain some more confidence, because your skills grow. You become more comfortable being you, because you are determined to kick ass – to create something for yourself. You may even move beyond that to realize that you are fine no matter what – so if the world falls on your head and you amount to nothing in this life, you will survive and you will laugh. You are happy. You let go of everything and suddenly, as if by magic, you make great friends, business blossoms and it all seems to come together effortlessly, but your heart, when it comes to love, is closed. You date people who either aren’t interested, or aren’t interesting to you, or have their hearts as closed as yours. You have blossomed into the person you always wanted to be, but your heart…your heart is crying for your attention. As soon as it senses love, feelings for someone, you tell it to shut up and you get ready to fight; to prove something… The area around the heart has grown tough and hard, rather than warm and open. When you date you try to prove your worth instead of your love. Your love you do not wish to show to anyone, because what if? What if they won’t like you? What if your love is like this sticky nasty thing that they just feel suffocated by? What if you can’t be loved? What if you are just like doomed not to be loved? Maybe you can be sexy and gorgeous and hot and great to everyone, but the ones you love? Maybe you totally lose confidence when it comes to love? Like you were fine up until that moment. You really felt you lived a magical, wonderful life, as the happiest most confident cat in the block no matter what and then…one look and you lose it all. Or one feeling, should I say. One intense, true feeling and you are reduced to a heap on the floor. An unsexy doormat. A shivering piece of jelly. And of course you picked a guy who wasn’t interested in supporting you, loving you till you recover and walk with swagger. He wanted the confident cocky little thing he met on the first date. And to cover up the jelly like doormat feeling inside you put on the whole charade, the whole show all over again…and the show would be REAL and true to you, if it wasn’t for the fact that it was fueled by fear…because it really is you and you really do love it all, it’s just your intentions behind it aren’t free…clean, fueled by love, what have you. You aren’t doing it with an open heart. You use little tricks to impress instead of sharing your joy, your heart. And what if those people you date only want that A-list something instead of your heart? That vulnerable soft thing inside that really aches? What if they knew all your fears and paranoias and your bad moments and your bad breath and the fact that you aren’t always the hottest, smartest, funniest person on the planet? What then? Would they still love you? Or did you maybe attract the ones that only wanted what you showed off as that was what they were looking for and not that soft spot inside that actually is very warm and loving and caring and extremely…gooey? Like lovey dovey romantic silly? Maybe that Agent Provocateur thing was just a cover and the real you is more like a crazy burlesque show at the Moulin Rouge, with an added twist of magic? Maybe you aren’t a sharp business woman, but rather a dreamy artist who loves business? Maybe you are just you and that you is aching to come out? And maybe instead of wanting a nicer dress, a higher paying job, a fitter body and a new sex trick, you’d want to open the doors to your heart and just dare to be? As you are…loving…open…soft…

Truth is: I am what I am and no matter what skills I acquire  and how good I get at something, I will always be me. Either you love me as much when I’m lying in bed and shaking from fever as you do when I stand on stage in a mini-skirt, cracking jokes, or you don’t love me at all.

My heart is gonna get to run free from now on. I’ve treated it bad enough through the years. From now on it will be allowed to love as much as it pleases. It will be allowed to sing for joy for no reason. To shiver from sorrow and break when it gets hammered upon. It will be fine, because as long as I allow it to love, it will always heal. It will always feel good by the end of the day when there is love flowing freely, even when it’s aching.

Hearts were made to love. To make love. To give love. To love endlessly and forever. It really is that simple and frightening…and liberating and healing and joyous and wonderful…and loving… Here’s to our hearts!!!

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Filed under Courage, Fear, Freedom, Heart, Inspiration, Joy, Life, Love, Motivation, Personal Development, Psychology, Self, Self-confidence, Self-help, Uncategorized

If you like dumb blondes…

A high-heeled ladies shoe.

Never wash your car without them...

Dizzy blonde moment of the day two days ago was a classic: I decided to wash the car. It’s pollen season. The car wash was long over due. So, I got home from work, dropped my things off and went back to wash it. In high heels, naturally (who can be bothered to change shoes anyway??). I was using my landlord’s hose as it was conveniently placed in the driveway. It’s an old-fashioned kind with a metal handle. Of course I pressed the handle and sprayed my face instead of the car. When I say I’m a comedy show, it’s not a joke….but it’s only funny if you like daft blonde jokes…

You have to laugh at yourself and your life if you want to have a fun ride, but some things are serious. If you don’t deal with them you will always be a tad uncomfortable under the laughter…or under the chocolate cake, or the beautiful scenery, or the amazing sex, or the workload…. Yet even when you do the “heavy stuff” you have to do it with lightness, with laughter. As my former principal said: “whatever it is in your mind, it’s just a thought. It isn’t real.” Anyway, below someone explains something I find very important to do, so that you clear your mind and can fully enjoy your own jokes…ahem…

Austerity means to eliminate the comforts and cushions in your life that you have learned to snuggle into and lose wakefulness. Take away anything that dulls your edge. No newspapers or magazines. No TV. No candy, cookies, or sweets. No sex. No cuddling. No reading of anything at all while you eat or sit on the toilet. Reduce working time to a necessary minimum. No movies. No conversation that isn’t about truth, love, or the divine.

If you take on these disciplines for a few weeks, as well as any other disciplines that may particularly cut through your unique habits of dullness, then your life will be stripped of routine distraction. All that will be left is the edge you have been avoiding by means of your daily routine. You will have to face the basic discomfort and dissatisfaction that is the hidden texture of your life. You will be alive with the challenge of living your truth, rather than hiding from it.

Unadorned suffering is the bedmate of masculine growth. Only by staying intimate with your personal suffering can you feel through it to its source. By putting all your attention into work, TV, sex, and reading, your suffering remains unpenetrated, and the source remains hidden. Your life becomes structured entirely by your favorite means of sidestepping the suffering you rarely allow yourself to feel. And when you do touch the surface of your suffering, perhaps in the form of boredom, you quickly pick up a magazine or the remote control.

Instead, feel your suffering, rest with it, embrace it, make love with it. Feel your suffering so deeply and thoroughly that you penetrate it, and realize its fearful foundation. Almost everything you do, you do because you are afraid to die. And yet dying is exactly what you are doing, from the moment you are born. Two hours of absorption in a good Super Bowl telecast may distract you temporarily, but the fact remains. You were born as a sacrifice. And you can either participate in the sacrifice, dissolving in the giving of your gift, or you can resist it, which is your suffering.

By eliminating the safety net of comforts in your life, you have the opportunity to free fall in this moment between birth and death, right through the hole of your fear, into the unthreatenable openness which is the source of your gifts. The superior man lives as this spontaneous sacrifice of love.

— David Deida (The Way Of The Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Woman, Work, and Sexual Desire)

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