Category Archives: The Mind

Do you like whips and chains, or strawberry champagne???

Pastiersky bič

Whips...hearts...it's one big cocktail...

Did you ever think you were whips and chains to find out you are strawberry champagne? Or the other way around? Or maybe both? Did you ever doubt your desires, longings, passions, heart, intuition, love…and search in vain for an answer in the skies? In signs around you? In the treetops? In people’s dear opinions? In travels? In teachings? Only to find that the answer rested within your soul and your heart gently whispered it in your ear? But maybe you were too busy looking at some confusing fact, or telling yourself what should be right, or maybe staring yourself blind at the pretty sunset not daring to leave in search of the dawn you always dreamt of, or listening to some story (or five) you had already made up a year, or ten years ago?

Sometimes we fall in love with the person next door, because they happen to be the person next door. Sometimes we set up a lumber business because our neighbor happened to have a lumber business. Sometimes we, on the contrary, go all the way around the world only to realize that the person next door was the one we wanted and the lumber business was always our true passion…the rest was just a dream, an attraction set up because we ourselves were not fulfilled…basically: the fulfillment we sought in others needed to be found in ourselves for us to be able to see the gift that was always there, right in front of us, or next to us…or somewhere close by…

If we do not fulfill ourselves first, no kick outside of ourselves will ever be fulfilling, but we will keep wanting them (as the last one didn’t solve the problem either…we move onto the next…then the next…the bigger car, the prettier girlfriend…or just the different girlfriend…something new…something else…maybe then…) unless we first find satisfaction in our own heart and soul: then we can find the real deal. The passion, the person, the place…the whatever that complements us, rather than replaces something broken inside.

I believe that it is only when we set ourselves free – when we allow our minds (and sometimes our bodies) to travel all around the world, without fear, completely free of whatever it is we have been telling ourselves, or have been told by others – that we can know what we want.

It’s comfortable for us to know that the person that makes our cup of tea when we get home, cuddles us when we are lovesick, laughs at our jokes and talk to us every day is there every day. It’s uncomfortable knowing it’s not them you have felt the greatest love and respect for, or connected the most with.

It’s equally uncomfortable knowing that the adventure for which you left the person who loved you, was nothing more than a castle in the sand – the real deal, the one made of stone, was the one you had. The one you took for granted. The one that was built on love, rather than excitement. The one that you did not believe in as you did not know yourself – you were the one not ready for the real deal. You were the one still searching for the broken piece of you to get fixed…the one thinking that lay outside you. This was the relationship you should have put the excitement into by being present, loving and wild.

Some invest years in education, or working their way to the top of a company, only to realize that their true passion is something else…something which leads them to start all over from scratch. To finally go on the adventure they always kept locked in their heart. To finally be free. Be who they are.

Yet others leave a company only to find out that it was them, not the company that lacked passion. They needed to rekindle their soul, their love, their passion and come back with a different outlook – a different tactic for dealing with things.

Sometimes things, people, events, businesses are right for a period, sometimes for forever. Life is not at standstill – if we stand still things evolve and we get left to start over on our own and if we evolve, well then things either evolve with us, or we move ahead to new pastures. Even if we fucked up the best ever deal, the best ever relationship, the best ever whatever: if we evolve, soon the best ever will be that much better!!!

It happens ever so often we come to a crossroad – we have been forced to choose. We can choose to ignore the new path that has crossed our way, or we can follow it. And sometimes, the new path is the old path. I had to make that choice in LA – to stay, or to leave – and let me tell you: it was scary. I have no greencard. I have no ticket back. I had to choose. I had to follow my heart. It took me six months to make that choice, even if friends tell me I made it way before then…if so it took me six months to dare to follow that choice. Maybe I needed that. Maybe that was just the preparation to be had. Life threw me a few events that helped solidify my decision. Who knows? All I know is first I had to get to know myself (my stories) and separate heart from illusions…different pulls, different wants, different needs…from that core intuition. And maybe I was wrong…I cannot judge…but it feels right. And that feeling of right makes me feel at peace….free….calm. Makes me…happy.

Home is where the heart is, so is love, business and life. First we find our heart, then we find our home.

Champagne, anyone???…

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Brave heart…

this is my heart

It’s easy to be wise – it’s harder to convince your emotions just how wise you are. It takes years of practice not to run with every ridiculous impulse you have and yet years to learn to run with the true impulses, those that come from your spirit, your heart. It take year of practice to learn to listen to your thoughts; to really hear what’s going on within and be able to disregard the thoughts that count not and listen to the ones that do. To make a decision to act from the place you truly want to act from, rather than acting from a place of fear, of over the top excitement, of disappointment, or grief. It takes pratice to be true to you.

It takes bravery to follow your passions – to dare to lose that which you desire the most. To dare to give up what you do not desire at all and some things you really like, so as to reach what you truly love. We can’t have it all, but we can have this moment. It is within it we need to live and choose, choose every step of our journey now. It is in the now we practice to be whom we must to reach to where we want and at the same time be here, be now. Live. Breathe. Fully explore our hearts. Listen. Feel. Really be present to who we are; what we need. Fully enjoy the miracle of life in all its pain and pleasure.

And may I ask you this: if you had no fear, what would you do now? If you relaxed and instead of trying to do something, just did it, how would life feel? If you followed your heart, where would you end up? Those are the questions I ask myself and patiently await an answer…

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If you ever…this is for you… (to the unsung heroes of bad first time sex…)

Congressional Gold Medal awarded to Navajo Cod...

Congrats!!

Did you ever have bad first time sex? Or spilled a drink on the first date? Did you ever fail an exam? Or got fired? Did you ever screw up? Then this one is for you…

I think we deserve gold medals for the disasters we have endured. Everyone who makes it to the top gets praise, but isn’t it when we are at the bottom that we need some motivation? Someone telling us that we are gold worthy? The fact that we managed to survive whatever trauma (like spilling coffee all over the potential to-be boss’ Armani suit) makes us gold worthy in an instant. Last time I went for an interview, someone complimented my high heels just as I got caught up in them. I literally stumbled whilst saying “Thank you.” Not to mention first time sex…ever tried getting stuck in mousetraps? And that was probably the best first time sex I ever had…I’m a natural disaster. If first impressions last I’m doomed to becomming a spinister unless I start preaching no sex before marriage.

It’s so easy to praise people who do well and they sure as hell deserve the praise, but so do all of us that are trying to sort out one area, or other, of our lives. Maybe you need to hear that you shouldn’t make that same mistake again (do not walk into a dark room when there are mousetraps lying around), but what you need is faith that next time you will do better and that you have the capacity to do just that. That you are a shining star. To hear that you are an idiot, whom should have known better and that these patterns of not thinking before you act really are so harming your life and shouldn’t you have learnt by now…well, that just crushes your spirits.

Sometimes I want to escape some areas of my life. Like my love life. I don’t have a smashing past. But as soon as I think about that, it reinforces it. To change my present, I need to change my thoughts around it. I am not addicted to players…I am addicted to loving, caring men, who truly love me and show up for me. I have a great heart, that will know when the right men arrive. I have faith in my innate knowledge to know whom to trust.

They say a tiger doesn’t change its stripes, but I have changed mine a hundred times, or more, only because I started believing I was someone else and acting from that place. I had a belief I was that person. I had a belief I deserved to be that person.

You have to find that place inside of you, that healthy place, where you are whom you want to be and act from that place. Not from a place of lack, or fear, but from a place of abundance. Of joy. Of love. Of faith.

The best gift you can give someone is faith in themselves. An ability to love themselves. So go on then: sprinkle some praise on the peeps in your life. It doesn’t cost a dime, but it breeds miracles.

This is for the unsung heroes of everyday life. Those of us who fight, but don’t always win. Those of us that need a hug, a cuddle, a sprinkle of love and a sincere belief that we can do what we most wish to do. That we have the capability to be whom we choose. Let’s face it: if you survived all that, you are destined for greatness, because you are already a hero, a survivor of the fight.

P.S. Hey, by the way, I like you for all the smiles you’ve shared and all the joy you’ve brought to this world.

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When all hell breaks out…murder with sex appeal…

Sex Appeal

Problem solving is sexy...

So you come home, bloody exhausted after a long day, longing to jump into bed and………sleep. After sitting down for five minutes though you manage to swallow down a slice of (raw) cheese and some fruit, put on your warmest clothes and…walk over to the neighbor’s to get the dog out. You are welcomed by wet kisses and paws that go everywhere they aren’t supposed to. Then you are taken for a walk (this dog has a mind of her own – you can try to walk her, but she will walk you. Or sit down on her ass and refuse to move). This time she dragged me along to a tiny little park (or empty lot of land). It was freezing cold (it actually snowed for five minutes that day!!!) and the wind was gently rustling around in the bushes. Looking up at the night sky it was beautifully lit by stars. It was like the perfect romantic moment…until a palm tree started making weird noises (I couldn’t decide whether it was the wind shaking it, or if someone was standing behind it and having a blast watching my face turning paler and paler…I naturally decided that it was the first, but a sense of…practicality, shall we say…made me consider other options…) and I decided we better go home (which I managed to pursue her Majesty to agree to).

To sum it all up – I had a wonderful walk (minus the palm tree, but that is…a minor detail). Mainly because her Majesty had been home alone all day and was super excited to see me, which made me happy. And I got to have imaginary conversations with her and pet her head for an hour. I mean surely, we all know that it helps talking to yourself???… It’s the best ever remedy for solving problems. Especially when a dog listens and clearly understands every single word (not).

My point with all this rambling…I did have one and it wasn’t the palm tree you see…

“Murder me with sex appeal”….no that’s just something I heard on the radio…

So yeah, the point….hold your breaths, please…is that when I walked to get the dog out I didn’t do it for my sake – I was ready to pass out on the couch. I did it for her sake. And as I strotted along with her on this freezing cold night I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Why? Because I wasn’t thinking about my own problems. I was focused on what was making the doggy happy.

Often we get a bit caught up in the general mess of things (a.k.a. our lives). I know what it feels like. I do it all the time. That’s why I like friends and coaches as they will look at things from a different POV (point of view) and suddenly the “problems” have been re-framed into solutions. E.g. “I’m going through a divorce, it’s really hard with the lawyers, all the memories when we first got together, all the crushed dreams…!” ….re-frame… “I am so happy I am finally free to live life on my terms again, having learnt what I did about relationships and now being so much more ready for spending time with myself and finding my ultimate mate.”

I know, I know…it’s very tempting to sit and think about “the good old days” when you were having so much fun with your now ex, or your company was making a million more a year, or your house was ten times bigger… Yet, in this moments lies all the opportunities in the world. And if you have a look around, maybe you will discover that you, at least for a day, can take a break from your problems. How? You can live for someone else for a day. You can set your worries aside and worry for them instead. You can pour all your heart and mind into their lives You can try out what it feels like thinking about something else all day long. Oftentimes I don’t understand how people have the energy to keep up all their problems. And when you look at them from the outside you see how utterly ridiculous they are as well…because often they aren’t real. And even if they are, shouldn’t the question be: what can I do right now to make the most of my life? Not sitting blaming yourself, others and the world. Shit happens. Your attitude is your own.

A lot of my problems in the past have been ego. The need to be perfect. The need for success. So for me to focus on giving, instead of what others think of me is a huge thing. I always want to help others, but often, at least in the back of my mind, I have also worried about other peoples’ opinion of me. And it has, quite frankly, ruined my life. It has taken the joy out of so many things. (This is why I should go to a karaoke night and do a solo number. Then the worry will be gone. Ahem…)

As I see it, there are about four ways to solve a problem:

1) Face the fear so that the fear disappears. Imagine the worst ever that could happen. Imagine living through that with a positive attitude. (There’s a difference between the person dying saying: “I am so thankful for the life I have had. I am so thankful for the experience I was given and for these last few days to truly enjoy my life.” And the person saying: “This is unfair. This shouldn’t be me. There’s no point to life. I’m dying anyway.” I know that’s taking it to the extreme, but when I was facing my own fear of dying, I had to do just that.)

2) Re-frame it: From problem to opportunity.

3) Solve the problem. Some problems have to be solved. Ask for help if you need it. Don’t be ashamed you have a problem. We all have problems.

4) Leave it. We all want success in a ton of different ways. Yet, success may not be what we think it is. May not make us smile, laugh and love life. Instead of wanting to become a multi-millionaire…go volunteer at the local hospital, help a friend, donate your energy to giving… Invest your time in other peoples’ problems. Maybe you will discover yours don’t exist and maybe, just maybe you will find a new meaning to life.

5) (P.S. Remember: love is all there is.)

So ya know. Next problem that comes along: murder it with sex appeal. No one can resist you when you turn it on. When those long lashes of yours come this way…and that heart of yours is turned on…who can resist love? True heartfelt love? Not I… So turn it on and turn it up. I’m gonna go hide behind the couch before you drop by here….ah right, you don’t have my address anyway, so maybe I’ll be safe for another day???…

 

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Bend it like Beckham…

BeckhamGalaxy

You know sometimes you just have to. Or at least I need to. Bend it like Beckham that is. Bend my mind like Beckham bends a ball. I need to stretch it. It’s ever so easy to be a bit stiff. I realized this today as I was talking to various strangers. Normally I just see them as strangers, you know. Today I decided to look upon them and imagine they were people I know and love. I have to say I felt entirely different. I couldn’t stop smiling. I felt as if my heart opened up. I was a lot more sympathetic towards them. I started looking for the light in them, rather than fearing the darkness. All in all, I think I was a better person, or well: my approach to other people was a lot better.

What you think really affects what you do. Check in on your thoughts ever so often. Give them a little yoga session. Ask yourself how you could position yourself differently to get the maximum benefit from your position? Do the doggie in style?…

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Taking it like a man…

My best friend goes: “He says they’re still screwing and drilling. I’m measuring them by their toolboxes. He’s got a tiny screwdriver.” Being a man means you have big hands and know how to use them…to do useful things…like building…and taking it like a man means you can take a punch square in the face, doesn’t it? In that case, I’m learning to take it like a man at the same time as I’m unlearning to take it like a man.

Endless love

I was raised by a man you see, so I’m very good at taking mental punches. I like it straight forward, a hard hit and then it’s over. All this mumbo jumbo with not facing up to things, or people telling half-lies drives me nuts. On the other hand, I usually don’t face my emotions. I tell them they are illogical, unhelpful and rather stupid. Often I say the same to my thoughts. “It’s you again? Really? I thought I had dealt with you five times already. Sod off you unhelpful thing.” I have very little sympathy for silliness, or maybe like a man I find certain illogical thoughts and emotions to be…mumbo-jumbo. I want to crush them, because I know they aren’t helpful.  

For a few weeks now, two or so, I have felt like life was a blur. The most amazing things were happening, but I wasn’t quite there. I was annoyed, tired and uninspired. Of course, I had my moments of supreme joy and excitement – so many cool things were happening. Yet, it was like a cloud had anchored somewhere in my mind. A cloud that made everything a bit foggy, a bit out of focus. I looked at things I was meant to be happy for, and was, but couldn’t quite feel the joy as usual. It was a stark contrast to the weeks just before.

Today I had my final tantrum about this. I got so angry that I wasn’t able to shake off some thoughts that I wanted to cry. I saw my own mind going places I knew weren’t helpful. My mind chose to focus on things I did not agree with. I told myself I’m an idiot and I should just bloody well let go of it and my emotions should not be like wild horses because they’re being stupid. There is no reason to fear the future, or regret, or long for what is no more, or what never was, or what you want things to be…just bloody well live!

It doesn’t help to tell yourself you are an idiot, it really doesn’t. You are just devaluing yourself. Yelling rarely helps either. It’s usually a sign that you feel you can’t control something, feeling helpless. Even if you are just yelling inside your mind.

There is one thing I have to let go of, must…it’s the perfectionist in me. And that’s the person saying that I have to and I must. It’s alright. I was shaped for years into the me I became and even though I have moments of understanding and seeing the world for (hopefully) what it is…I’m not always in that space. Even when I know I’m not in that space because I’m aware something is off, I’m not always able to control the wild horses inside. It’s OK to be sad and happy and in love and out of love…it’s alright. I have a few patterns that I don’t enjoy, but that’s OK. I’m still OK. I still need TLC and it’s alright to accept that. Sitting on my ass being a lazy thing using excuses is wrong, but being too harsh on myself is equally wrong.

Another great lesson in all this is learning to put myself out there and give others TLC. Not just an action plan. Not just telling them that this is the enlightened hallelujah way to see it that will solve it all. Sometimes all they need is a hug, which really translates into love. Because love is the energy that transforms. Love is the energy we need to be able to walk the right path. To make the right decisions and stick with them.

No matter how uncomfortable I feel patting myself on the head telling myself I’m OK, no matter how uncomfortable I feel giving someone a hug rather than a life lesson…that’s exactly what I need to do to feel happy. I have to love myself and others without feeling ashamed. No matter how much a little voice inside of me screams that you must never settle for anything than the best, you must always achieve more, you must push yourself beyond your limits, you must never relax…sometimes you just have to love. Or do what you feel like, but love…love, love, love….is always in there.

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This is an occasion for genuinely tiny knickers…

Bridget said that, Bridget Jones. I didn’t just say it too… So, anyway, it’s time for tiny knickers (that translates to panties if you are American). Or maybe it’s time for huge knickers, or no knickers at all. Whatever you most frequently wear, it’s time for a change. If you are a man I recommend staying off the knickers entirely. Reinvent the boxer shorts instead, or, preferably, don’t wear any at all. I’m digressing.

So, my point is (because there always is a point, the question is how many sexy references I manage to squeeze in before making it) that it’s time to change knickers. That is to say: if you are always doing one thing, try something new. I challenge you, to in every area of your life that is NOT working out for you and even some that are, to do something totally different, maybe even radical.

At the time being I’m homesick for London, not because I actually wanna be in London; I get claustrophobia within a month and depressed within two. No, it’s because I know London. I don’t have to fight for a visa, or fight to understand the system there. I may hate living there permanently, but I know how to get around. LA is still unchartered, if much more exciting, territory. Ever so often I might also want to hug my friends in London, which is somewhat difficult, unless I send one of those “for order” people to my friends and have them hug them. That would, however, be a shitty substitute.

In my everyday life I limit myself all the time, simply because I don’t think outside the box. I think I was on about this in an earlier post, but really, it’s important. At least to me. Because I want to experience the world, not drift through it only seeing certain things, constantly limiting my

perspective and my abilities. I want to get out of my own comfort zone so that I become liberated and achieve what I truly long to achieve. I want to be freed of preconceptions about myself, everyone else and the world at large. I want to be able to use models of thinking that serve me and knowledge that I’ve gained, but still keep the eyes of a newborn.

It’s all about the pink polka-dot underwear…or what was that again????

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