Tag Archives: beauty

Maybe that night we make love till morning…

Sometimes we feel small and insignificant. Much like a tiny girl, walking up a massive mountain. We aren’t quite sure of where we are, or where we will end up. We have an idea of where we want to go – to the top – but the path is winding and we can’t always see the top – there is fog, trees and sometimes fires blocking the sight.

There are nights, when we are curled up by the fire watching a starry sky, and we feel calm and serene, and the path we are walking feels like the loveliest thing ever. Our muscles are tired after a day’s worth of climbing, in fact we are feeling tired through and through, but a good tired – we lived. We lived to the full and we are still buzzing, still filled with life and life force. We are almost giddy with excitement of all the wonders we have seen and are yet to see. Our eyes are still glazed with the beauty of butterflies catching the morning breeze underneath their wings, or the glorious sight of rainbows and waterfalls. Maybe a sudden thunderstorm filled us with power, with lust and then a gentle drizzle calmed our spirits shortly after, only to be followed by sunshine that made us laugh.

We may be sharing our camp fire with some exhilarating stranger we have met whose faces tell tales of faraway countries and adventures more fearful, more wild than we could ever imagine…or maybe adventures so sweet and lustful we can only dream of….and maybe, maybe one day achieve. Or maybe we are sharing the fire with gorgeous loved ones who are accompanying us on our journey and feel as familiar as our favorite spice.

Maybe the night is filled with laughter and excited whispers and tender words. Maybe children are playing and grown-ups smiling. And maybe, long after the kids have gone to bed, everyone is sharing tales that make our heart sing. Maybe we have found a boy whose eyes are sparkling in the moonlight and seemingly reflecting not just the moon, but our own soul, making us feel understood. Maybe for that moment it all makes sense – the search, the climb, the path that we are now on. Maybe that night we make love till  the morning.

At other times we are utterly lost – it’s raining, our knees are aching, we can’t see the top of the mountain – we are walking upwards, but we have no idea if we will ever reach the top, or at least find enough treasure to buy a fire that is always burning, a bottle that is always full, a bed that is always protected and love that is always tender. We are fearful, tired and soaked to our bones. We seek the light in our soul, the inner warmth, the love we know is hidden there, but the fear is overwhelming and the panic seemingly real as the night closes in on us and we shiver.

We  think about friends we have lost, lovers that crossed our path. We think about the chances we never took and those we should never have taken. We think about our own death and wonder where we will be then? Will we have reached the top? Or will we still be fearful and lonely?

We try to fight it, to be strong, but we only get angrier and angrier with ourselves when we do – because we are meant to be strong, right? We are meant to conquer the rain and walk with joy in our heart. We are meant to have learnt enough to find our way by the stars. We aren’t supposed to be lost, or lonely, or tired, or hungry. We are supposed to know better, be better.

Then, we give up. We remember what being truly tiny meant – what it was like being a child. When the world felt large and scary and we jumped up into our parents, or siblings laps and cried, or were just held tight. We were stil told that we were beautiful, that we were loved. No one gave up on us because we slipped and fell. They just hugged us better. We remember that it was OK then. OK to be lost and frightened and sooner, or later we found our way – whether by ourselves, or with the help of others. We felt tiny back then too. We felt scared back then too. But we weren’t angry with ourselves. We just were. We just allowed ourselves to be and somehow, somewhere, we always found the love we needed to find, the light to lit up the deepest night.

Then we take a moment to rest. We sink down, our back towards a cold fir-tree. The cold, suddenly intense against our back, awakens us. We look around. We see a tiny hare, followed by another tiny hare, looking out at us from underneath the bushes. We slowly reach out our hand. We are in desolate parts where man rarely walks and the hares have not yet learnt to fear us. We slowly look at them, as they are looking at us. In their eyes we see our own fear and trepidation reflected. We see curiosity and hope. We see warmth and love.

One of the hares slowly, slowly moves over, seeing whether to trust us. And then, with a final jump it is by our hand, sniffing it. Its nose feels warm against our cold skin. It keeps sniffing around, then suddenly jumps up, into our lap, and looks at us with big eyes. The other hare now follows, carefully, but bravely, seeing the success of its fellow friend. And then, you have them both in your lap, sharing their warmth, their lives with you.

Everywhere the rain is drizzling, turning the wood into a hazy, almost surreal place. The raindrops glisten in the final hour of dusk and the sun is making one last effort to shine through, turning everything golden. You feel a little warmth from it against your skin and the hares’ body heat radiating through your clothes, into your stiff, frozen bones. For a moment you are sharing your life with two other creatures, like yourself, trying to stay warm, find food, love and happiness. You are helping each other, understanding one another. Suddenly life has conquered and you once again feel calm – inside a new dawn has awoken.

You feel fresh. Every part of you has been shaken – you have been lost and you are still lost, but inside you have found the light. You know that as night comes rolling in you will eat some food that strengthen your body and find peace in your dreams. You will then awaken with the sun and move towards new horizons. Maybe with some furry friends by your side.

It is impossible to know if we will ever reach the top of any mountain. Life is an adventure and as such, we know that there will be struggle, there will be loss, but what will always save us is our own life force, our own love of that which surrounds us, that which we do and those whom we love, including ourselves.

We will continue to get lost and we will continue to get found. Storms will shake us and events move us. We will lose what we have found and move on to find love in unexpected places.

The best we can do is find our own heart, our own peace. We can never know what storm is coming next, or how far we will get the next day. We can only continue to move with a purpose in our heart, which gives meaning to our journey. We can continue to build love in our heart, which will strengthen us and keep us calm in the eye of the storm. We can surround ourselves by love, by doing what we love and taking time to build friendships with those we love, or those we think we will come to love. We can give of what we have, as well as our gifts, our talents, and share our lives with others.

We can love and with love always comes a treasure.


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Filed under Fairytale, Fear, Freedom, Friendship, Goals, Heart, Inspiration, Joy, Life, Love, Magic, Motivation, People, Personal Development, Psychology, Self, Self-help, Spirituality, Stories, Story, Thoughts, Uncategorized, Writing

You are simply beautiful to some…

#712 小綠濛情

Today, as I was getting out of the tube, one person laid eyes on someone they knew and started waving. I could only see this person’s back, but the smile on the receiving end (the guy he was waving at) was so big it made me smile. And that’s life. It’s so beautiful when two people really appreciate one another – when they bring smiles to each other’s faces. When they share this world, so if only for a while.

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Filed under Friends, Friendship, Gifts, Joy, Life, Love

A moment like this…


The moon outside my window looks so big and yellow…like an old Gouda, hovering above the hill…looking like it could almost touch it. It looks surreal…like a fairy tale come alive. It’s in moments like these I wish I had someone next to me, who would understand. See the same beauty. Feel it. That magic.

I used to feel like that all the time when I lived in Paris. The beauty that was all around…how I wanted to capture it…let others see it. I wanted to become a filmmaker so that I could capture moments like those. Although a painting is beautiful for what it is, I never felt it entirely captured a moment. And although photography captures every detail of the picture, it can’t capture the sound…the movement…the flow of interaction between people.

I think I felt it was so frail, like soon it would be over and if I did not capture it, no one would have seen it. Yet, maybe all I wanted was that one person next to me who understood exactly how I felt? Who saw the same beauty? For sure I will always be telling stories – adding the comedy, the beauty as I go along…but those moments…those extreme moments of beauty… Like the moon outside my window now: it’s turning more and more yellow, getting closer and closer to the hill with a magical glow surrounding it… Those surreal moments, when life is as beautiful as a fairy tale…maybe those moments, all you need is for someone else to acknowledge what you are seeing? I don’t know, but it is in those moments I always feel terribly alone. As if I am the only one watching. As if I am the only one seeing. The only one experiencing life the way I do. It’s then I feel like life is so frail, so transitory, like it’s almost over and I need to show the world how beautiful it is. And maybe, just maybe I want to hold onto it forever, yet knowing it’s impossible. Not even a camera can do that. The moment is now.

Soon the moon will go down on the other side of the hill and the moment is over. And I can’t prove it ever was. Maybe a little piece has been captured in these words. Maybe this whole macabre and also amazing evening had to happen for me to stay awake this long. Maybe it was for me to remember. Remember the beauty when life is so much greater than any film and without change it would stagnate. We need change to keep our curiosity alive…to experience something new…one moon is not like another…and that is the bliss of life.

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Filed under Art, Life, Uncategorized

Lay lady, lay…

Civil Rights March on Washington, D.C. closeup...

Bob & Joan

Maybe my life is like an old Bob Dylan song – gnawing, scorching, yet beautifully etched into a vinyl record. The book of life.

As thoughts get mingled together, in some sort of recipe I don’t always understand, I seek for meaning, for answers, for completion. Yet, this dance has carried me so far away from home, far away from both my physical home and the home inside my heart. The home where beauty lives. Where all what I treasure lives. I forget who I am. I live like a machine. A programmed machine. I eat, I sleep and I work. I stress. I still can’t manage it. I am trying to learn to value myself. To actually live, not just speak about it. It’s hard, it’s harder than I ever thought. Yet, as soon as I remember who I am, in my heart, it becomes easy. It becomes a dance again. A proper dance. One that makes me fly; soar like an eagle. I like that. I like flying.

The last few weeks haven’t been easy. Maybe because I have faced some of my most prominent fears. My fear of failure. My fear of loneliness. My fear of trust. My fear of illness. The fears I’ve lived with for so long. The fears that aren’t real, I’d just like to think that they are. The medicine is simple: get out. Get out of my own mind and into the real world. The physical world. The world I can actually touch. A world where I get an insight into other people’s lives, where I see them, feel them, interact with them. A world in which I am happy.

It’s so simple – it’s just to do what you know you must. Why I stick with old patterns baffles me. Now more than ever I see the futility of it all. How it can harm me in ways that are bad. Severely bad. Maybe that’s what I needed? A wake-up call? A call back from my heart, to my heart.

You have to value yourself. You have to put yourself first, or you will slip. You will slip down a long muddy hill which at first seems not too bad, but once you get further along, once you pick up speed, you will fall faster than you thought and the climb back up again will be that much longer. Therefore, catch yourself before you fall. Put yourself first. Give yourself what you would like for others to give to you. Now, in this moment. Just do it. Or you will be forever falling.

Stop and breathe. Breathe in the new day, the new possibilities. Feel yourself awakening, opening up to the sun, like a flower bud in June. Feel life. Feel yourself getting high on the force of life, the life force. Feel your own strength, your own tenderness. Slowly, step-by-step allow yourself to walk the path in wonder. Marvel. Marvel at the sights you see and the sounds and smells surrounding you. Feel. Feel life.

My favorite song of all time…


Filed under Life

Journeys into the unknown…

As you may know by now journeys are to me a way of living – they rejuvenate me, they make me smile, they…they are where I feel at home. As soon as I get stagnant in a place, I, too, get stagnant. Of course, I would like a base though and for now I’d like that base to be Los Angeles, because I do love this town. I was just an hour ago walking home with my best friends (last night with the gang) and the hills were covered in fog (June gloom), the lights up there still penetrating the darkness and glittering in an orangy, homey kinda way. The palm trees looked duller than normal in the fog, whereas trees that were lit up looked mystical and more noticeable than ever. Everywhere you go there are flowers in LA – bright pink and purple seem to be around a lot. It’s a beautiful place. Nothing like cobble stone streets in Paris, but naturally beautiful. They say that your home is where your heart is and mine’s between La France and LA.

As I stood packing just now, I was looking through a bunch of necklaces and I wondered what memories would be attached to them by the end of the trip? What events will be associated with a certain necklace, or a certain bikini…I mean, dress? Then I went to check my computer and realized that tmrw. night I’ll be having dinner in Chelsea as a friend has put me down for that. It’s quite normal when you live in London of course, but when I was acting a chick from Chelsea a few weeks back I would never have guessed that I was going there this summer!

It’s fascinating how we know so little about what tomorrow will bring! When vacating I guess the sensation grows as you actually think of tomorrow as a complete unknown (well almost), rather than a routine with potential interruptions. Of course some days really shake us up, even when we are living our routine life and expect another day like the rest. I guess I was just never one for wanting another day like the rest in that many aspects, but then again, I live a pretty habitual life for most of it, I just never saw myself in a nine to five. You know what’s so great about movies? You get to live like a gypsy.

I think sometimes we get so caught up in our own patterns that we forget to ask ourselves what could be possible? I may be one for the road, but that too is a pattern and sometimes, because of how I use it, a curse. It is strange to start questioning the way one lives, because one takes it for granted (so what’s there to question?) but sometimes it opens doors that lead to fabulous paths. That’s when one realizes that one has lived in the gutter all one’s life without even stopping to look up at the stars. Once we see the stars we are bound to move toward them, but before we know of them, we are content to keep living as we always have.

Today I was complimented for my nose. Now that’s a first. Apparently I have one of the top five noses this guy has ever seen. He said it reminded him of a cloudy day in Scotland and that’s the one place he really wants to visit. He got green with envy when I said I’d been several time. I love Scotland, I just disagree with the weather. Anyway, point being: my nose. Who could have ever imagined? Rainy day in Scotland (and he actually pulled off making it sound poetic too!!)?

There is a man who was fabulous with metaphors, his name was Milton Erickson. He was a most remarkable fellow. To illustrate what I was just talking about, I’d like to use one of his teaching tales from the book The Teaching Tales of Milton H. Erickson (as much as I remember of it – I just lent the book to a friend).

Erickson asks one of his students what the possible ways to get from the chair they are standing by to a chair in the other end of the classroom? His student tells him that he could walk, jump, jump on one leg, crawl, hop from chair to chair, walk on his hands, do cartwheels… Erickson replies that he, personally, would walk out that door over there, take a flight round the world, do a couple of extraordinary things, and walk in the other door and walk over to the chair.

Why expect the ordinary when you could be expecting the extraordinary? And why not take time to sip the dew of life, whilst you can? There’s an adventure in every drop!

Beautiful LA, beautiful Cali camping trip, Hello London and Virgin forever…I mean, you gotta see each day as a Virgin opportunity!!! (Did I just come up with a slogan for Virgin? Someone call Branson and let him know he should know me!!)


Filed under Inspiration, Joy, Liberty, Life, Love, Motivation, Personal Development, Thoughts, Traveling, Uncategorized


Long stretches of sand, twirling their way along the coast…the smell of the ocean, reflections of the sun dancing in the water, seagulls crying out to one another, sand between your toes, laughter… That pretty much sums up my day today.

Cali never seizes to amaze me with her beauty. Maybe because I was brought up in cold, rainy Sweden, living amongst palm trees = paradise. Maybe because I am back by the sea and not stuck in dark old London town. Maybe because I missed nature like crazy when I lived in Paris. I don’t know, but Cali is bloody marvelous.

As we sat by the beach in Malibu today my friends were talking about sex, as they tend to do when straying away from the meaning of life…then again, sex is the meaning of life, right?!! Procreation and all that… Anyway, they sounded something like this:

– Maybe he’ll be like vanilla…mmm…

– Nah, I think he’ll be more like sticky toffee…

– Wait, who are you talking about? The other guy? No, yuck, he’d be more like…moushy potatoes!

– We should be talking about how to move on with our career girls, or how to get one of those houses over there.

– In other words, we’d still be talking about shagging… Just kidding, just kidding…seriously we shou…hey, look at that surfer!

As for the rest of our day and conversations, I’ll let the photos speak for themselves…when was the last time you took some time out just to breathe? To truly enjoy Mother Nature???

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Filed under Inspiration, Joy, Life, Love, Men, sex, Thoughts, Uncategorized, Women