Yes, that’s an adidas slogan, I know. My dad used to tell me that if you really want to you can eat a brick. He also taught me that asking for money from the state, unless you really need to, isn’t a good idea. He said that if you truly want a job, you will get one, so if it’s mopping the floor in your local grocery store. Then he’d proceed to a lecture about the work attitude in Sweden compared to the one in China. In Sweden it’s quite possible to be paid for being unemployed because you can’t find work that you want you get paid for your unemployment (although it’s gotten harder in recent years). In China you don’t get paid to be at home because there is no work that you want, so you just take what’s available. He also taught me that you should go for it – aim for the top of the mountain and that there are no excuses why not to get there. Second place is no place.
Everyone I talked to in London when I got here, pretty much, told me that getting a job now is close to impossible. In less than a week I have been offered two jobs and have interviews for four other today and let me tell you, I didn’t hand out more than 40 odd CVs (that’s resumes for you Americans =). I don’t know if I am being lucky, if I happen to have what they are looking for, or if getting work in London isn’t too hard after all. Not if you go for what you think is available. Have I been paid a lot more before? Yes. Am I going to sulk about it? No. Would I rather make a gazillion dollars from my own biz? Yes. Is that going to happen right this instant? No.
It’s so easy to get stagnant – if I am not going to the top of Everest, I will not move. Well, sometimes we have to walk up Kilimanjaro first. It may not be Everest, but it’s a mountain nonetheless and to have gotten to the top of one mountain is a hell of a lot better than sitting at the bottom of another. Sometimes you may even find that the view from that mountain is preferable. If nothing else, it will prepare you for the climb to the higher mountain.
I, for one, have wanted to get to the top of Everest when it comes to work and I have refused Kilimanjaro. I never learnt how to think small – I get an idea for a company and before counting to ten, I have developed the company, come up with five other great services to offer and turned it into a conglomerate. Great ideas. Absolutely impossible to get to unless you have dough.
I’m a Leo. They say we sneer at things we think are below us, but as a wise man said a couple of thousand of years ago: it’s the server that will enter the Kingdom, not the one asking for services.
Learning to be humble is an art. Learning to learn from whatever is on your plate and not wanting to have the most incredible thing ever to start off with, is an art. Think about it: you sit there praying, meditating and dreaming of the day you will be acting against Leo Di Caprio (mmmmmm). You are offered great parts in smaller movies by friends, but you refuse as you have a good Agent and you want to be available if a Di Caprio movie (or similar) comes along. Who says that the smaller movies wouldn’t have gotten you to the bigger one? Who says you wouldn’t learn what you needed to learn to get the better part? Who says that the little indie can’t become a blockbuster? Who says that meeting a young Director today won’t give you a part in a multi-million dollar production five years from now, when the Director has gotten established? Who says that going for gold won’t bring you diamonds in the end? For sure if you are going for nothing, you are a lot less likely to get diamonds in the end.
Speaking of going for the top of a mountain – isn’t it funny how we live our whole life as a judgment? If you got a step up the mountain today, you feel good. If someone pushed you a step down, or you fell, you feel bad. If you go out with someone you judge how well you did at the date. If you fail in any respect, or things just aren’t going your way it’s bad. It hurts. Because then we feel imperfect, so we feel unworthy of our own love. Only when life happens to take us up Everest do we feel good about ourselves. When we think life is showing us how perfect we are, we feel good. No one is better or worse than you, people have just been raised differently and therefore make different decisions in their lives.
My best friend, not so jokingly said to another friend the other week: “No, she will succeed, because she will kill herself if she doesn’t. So she will succeed alright.” I almost choked on my hot chocolate. Since last fall, when I met someone who wanted to kill themselves unless they succeeded, my grandest work on myself has been to live for what is, not for what I want to be. Apparently I haven’t succeeded all that well (see, I’m failing. Horrors! Bring on the punishment – three days in the torture chamber for dizzy blonde…NOT).
How many football players do you think, during the world cup, were, inside their minds alternating: “I did that well *I’m happy* I screwed that up *I’m bad*” every two or three minutes and had mood swings thereafter? And how many did just have a blast playing a game they love to play? You can still evaluate, but just imagine having fun all the time, how awesome wouldn’t that be?
My best friend may or may not become famous. She may or may not become rich. She may or may not marry her Prince. She may or may not stay beautiful till the day she’s a hundred and two. Will I like her less or more because of this? No. I love her just the way she is. Would I love myself more or less if I achieved the above though? Yeah, probably. Would I be jealous of her if she achieved more than me? Yeah, probably. Not because I wouldn’t want her to have that, but because I’d judge myself in comparison. It’s hard to love others when you aren’t loving yourself. I don’t want that to be the case though, so I’m trying to stop being a judge and start being a lover. I want to enjoy myself every day, I want to enjoy life every day, not waste time feeling miserable and hurt if I’m not on top of everything. Especially as no matter how high I go, I can probably go higher, so I will forever judge myself. Judgment doesn’t stop just because you reach a benchmark – it stays with you for life unless you become a lover.
If I think about one day having a man in my life and kids, I get ashamed, because I know I will treat them as I treat myself to some extent and I wouldn’t want that. I wouldn’t want to be jealous of them if they achieved more than me and I wouldn’t want to judge them and their lives as I judge myself. I want them to be happy. I want them to feel like a million dollars every single day of their lives. So shouldn’t I want that for myself? There’s nothing stopping me really, I can just shove the judge out the door and start loving myself right now. I can make love to life every single second of every single day. It seems tricky, but after all, if there is one thing that I know well, it’s that impossible is nothing.