Tag Archives: ego

The seduction of the ego…

The other day I said something to a friend about someone thinking something about something I’d done/said. And I didn’t want this person to get the wrong impression. Then I stopped. Wondered if I actually gave a hoot about what they were thinking, or if it was just my ego that cared?

While it’s never nice to have your words, or actions, misunderstood, they will be so until the day you die. You can never completely control how people react to what you do. You can improve people and communication skills and I’m very much pro that, but people have their own stories going round in their heads. When you walk into their lives, they’ll interpret what you do based on the information they have (the stories in their head).

If you truly care about someone, or whatever they think about you is crucial for some reason or another, then by all means take the time to explain. But if it doesn’t matter to you, is it worth spending time feeling antagonized, or clearing up some minor thing?

I made a decision as I caught myself uttering those words to my friend; a decision to divorce my ego. The ego is seductive because it rattles you. It makes you feel uncomfortable when you think of certain things and as a result you feel you need to take action, or you simply walk around feeling miserable. But instead of buying into the misery and start plotting how to save your face (or be the face), have a think if it truly matters to your heart. I know now that whenever I care about something that is of no relevance, it’s time to step away. Just as I decided last week to step away from negative thoughts (or you know, do anything to distract myself – like what I do when the boy I’m raising throws a tantrum: perform a number from a musical…it works! Well, half of the time at least…).

Let yourself be seduced by your heart, not your ego.

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Ego: a knight in shining armor…

I’m a writer and director. That means I’ve learned how to entertain an audience and pack a punch. That’s why when I blog I often frame things up. So as to make a regular insight/life lesson more interesting I use humor and (humorous) sexual metaphors to make it entertaining. I get the point across in an entertaining way, basically. The sex and humor are add ons though: they have nothing to do with my life. It just makes it funnier to process my thoughts that way.

I just spent one and half hours listening to my coach yelling at me, telling me off and lecturing me on my poor communication skills. Apparently trying to make things entertaining, giving people a way out, softening a blow, cracking jokes, etc. isn’t a good idea when being vulnerable in real life.

Let me give you an example.

I meet Richard Branson. We chat. We get to know each other over a couple of weeks. I have a business idea I’d love to chat to him about, but I don’t want to make him think I’m only friends with him for the sake of business. So I tell him I’d love to have a chat about a business idea, but I say it in a round about sort of way and also make it clear that whether or not he wants to have a look at my business, it’s OK. In fact, if it would be of any inconvenience to him, then maybe he should’t look at it at all.

Apparently this isn’t clear communication. Instead of being vulnerable and speaking from my heart, sharing that I have this precious idea I’d love to speak to him about, I’ve muddled up the communication and sent a signal to him that he should opt not to speak to me about it. Because my ego couldn’t stand being rejected by Richard Branson.

Also, just as apparently, I do this everywhere in my life, though I’m fairly certain I’d say just that to Richard Branson.

I always say you have to step out of your comfort zone and “break” your ego. Because your ego is trying to shield your heart by acting knight in shining armor, but in actual fact what you want in your life are things that are a reflection of your heart. Your ego’s way of protecting you is only harming you.

Why do I have to be so clever about these things? Because now I have to stick by my own word and go break my ego, instead of punching my coach. Sigh. Double sigh.

So this is your favorite ego maniac. Over and out.

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Beautiful you…

I love flowers

Dare to stick your neck out...into the flower field...

Knock, knock, who’s in there? Will you come out? Will you show me the beautiful you? Will you share your love and laughter with the world today? Hiding in the shadows doesn’t bring much light to your eyes. Walking in the sunshine makes your skin sparkle and your eyes twinkle with delight.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been a master at hiding. Since age nine, or so, I remember walking in roundabout ways to avoid people I thought would rather not see me. I remember locking myself into my room to avoid my step family. I remember looking down when a cute guy passed my path in fear of rejection. I remember feeling like a burden; an unwanted piece of something, that was better off hiding so as not to disturb others.

To this day I sometimes still retract; hide in a corner. Frightened that my company is unwanted; a burden on someone else. I don’t dare to open up and show the beauty that is me. I don’t dare to give.

If you aren’t sharing the light that is truly you. If you aren’t showing off your talents, your smile, your gorgeous, gorgeous laughter, you are doing the world, not to mention yourself, a disfavor.

The world is not here to judge you – the world is here to love you.  The world is not here to put you down – the world is here to enjoy you. The world is not here to punch you in the face – the world is here to fall in love with you. You see though, the tricky thing is for the world to enjoy you, they have to see you. For the world to receive your gifts, you have to give them. For the world to laugh at your jokes, you have to tell them. For the world to hear your stories, you have to share them. For the world to fall in love with you, you have to fall in love with the world.

And if you want for someone else to open, you have to love them open. Like a flower opens to the sun, humans open to love. That doesn’t mean there can’t be boundaries and discipline and telling someone right from wrong, that too is love, but without love all is empty. Without love we all close up. And so, you also have to love yourself open, so that you can see the beautiful you. So that the world gets a chance to enjoy you and you get a chance to enjoy the world.

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I fucked up…so screw me, or what???…

Lotta vs ice-cream

Lick that ice cream in style, eh?!!

I’m sorry to tell you, but you have fucked up. Srsly. You have. I’m certain of it. ‘Cuz I don’t know anyone who hasn’t. Branson almost ended up in jail…and Virgin is the most trusted brand in the UK today. Why? I think because he accepted that what he did was wrong, put it behind him and cracked on. It’s the people who keep blaming themselves for yesterday that get stuck. Or the ones that try to justify their failure. Sure, figure out WHY it happened. Don’t do it again. But don’t stand there telling me it was OK to do it. It wasn’t. It’s OK that you did it though. It’s OK. Take the blame. Leave it in the past. And go onto never doing it again. Don’t hold onto it and punish yourself every time you think about it. Don Miguel Ruiz says that humans have a weird idea of punishment – we don’t just punish ourselves once, we do it every time we think about something we didn’t enjoy. The experience itself wasn’t enough, we constantly revisit it in our minds and hearts. That my dears, is no goody goody. I for one am thankful Branson got his act together and his ass out of jail and went onto creating my favorite airline.

Forget about the time you dived into the ocean to impress a six pack and landed on your ass screaming in pain…no it wasn’t because of a banana peel under your foot…get a lesson in how to do it right and get on with it (make sure the instructor is good looking – after all he will be looking at your ass from several different angles as you practice). Learn it. Get good at it. Or drop the idea of diving and simply trot along the beach walk looking fab licking…an ice cream. Move forward in style. Kick some ass peeps. Let’s rock February together!!!!! :0)

Can’t get enough of this song!!!!!!! So true…

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Ego a go go…

Dreams…most of us have them. Maybe we don’t all call them dreams, we may call them wishes, hopes, longings…it’s that little thing inside of you that tickles you…makes you yearn, makes you laugh and smile.

The thing is though, it seems like there are two types of dreams. There are the dreams that are your true nature – it’s a longing to be in a place, with a person, or doing something that makes you feel fulfilled. Then there are those dreams that were bashed into our minds when we were growing up. The dreams of becoming wealthy, or really highly respected, or being seen as a success. Those are the dreams of the ego. I’m not saying that we don’t all wish for a nice lifestyle, we probably do, but that’s sort of like a basic wish for comfort, not a dream.

Dreams, I think, are things that resonate with our nature. Things that turn us, not our ego, on. It’s not about how we are perceived by people, or how big our house is, it’s about things that fulfill us.

For many years I had very big dreams and I guess I still wouldn’t mind if they came to fruition, but I realized that what propelled these dreams were ego and often it was “empty” dreaming. Even if I achieved such world-wide success, it would only please my ego. My inner insecurities would still be there.

Often today I say I want to connect with people who are self-confident in the sense that they know they can deal with whatever life throws them, rather than people who base their self-image on success in one field or another. Success, sometimes, is based on luck (or a higher karmic plan, but you know, not referring to someone’s skillset). True confidence though, is based on the assumption that you will pull through no matter what. You will keep your head calm, your heart peaceful and loving and your face smiling. It’s those people who are truly appealing to me, because that’s the kind of person I’d like to be.

I think a true dream is doing what you love, being with those you love, those who fulfill you and being in surroundings you love, getting compensated for what you do in such a way that you can live comfortably. I also believe within such a dream lies the drive to always do your best and excelling at what you do. Stagnation doesn’t make anyone happy, although it may feel comfortable at first. If we weren’t moving, we would be dead. Whether our purposes in life are imaginary, or real, they are what make us feel good, nine times out of ten.

Last, but not least, I also believe that unless your work is bringing something to others, unless you are servicing others, you will not find the fulfillment you seek.

Peace, from hippie headquarters…now, I need to head off…where did I put that Louis Vuitton bag again???…ego, rehab, anyone???

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Porn movies and rattlesnakes in like California…

Disclaimer: this post contains like all the bad language, sex and total blonde generalizations that I’m known for. Just so you know. Did I mention porn? Oh, and you have to have someone read this to you in a West Coast accent, otherwise it doesn’t make sense. I’ll do it if you cast me in your movie. Just call my Manager.

It’s like so totally not like me, you know? ‘Cuz I’m like California all over. I mean we believe in solar power, organic fruits, beach bodies, sexual liberation, Entourage, positive manifestations, meditation and charitable organizations for starving Actors (usually called “bars” and donations come in the form of “tips”). So like, I’m just gonna be so not me you know for once, and be like totally like non-positive about the world, because I think there’s been too much petroleum pumped into the brains of those non-Californians out there. Know what I’m saying? Srsly. So going against The Secret (the modern-day bible of Cali) and the all loving people, I will have to say that the world is a tad mad. I’m not saying I’m not mad. Like I see myself thinking thoughts that aren’t real, but I realize they aren’t real. Just because I’m scared of snakes doesn’t mean that the rattlesnakes will be in the bushes just as I jog by. I still jog as if they were in the bushes though, just to be sure. And I try to not wear too short shorts whilst jogging, as I could have men running behind me then, scaring the snakes. But maybe I could wear the shorts and still be OK, if there aren’t any snakes that day. See what I’m saying? Like I’m reacting to something that isn’t real, but it could be real. Reality is a bit screwed up. But most things can be fixed with a big smile. Fakeness goes a long way in LA. I mean positivity. That’s what it’s called. Positivity. So anyway, here’s my list. I hope you digg it and reddit and facebook, like all your cool friends. Like the ones in the hills and that producer on The Hangover.

  • People are still throwing stones at each other because they want to play in each others’ gardens (a.k.a. countries), but aren’t allowed. But hello? Where are the mommies hiding? They should like bake cakes for each other instead. This is so some 1850’s Wild Western complex.
  • People walk around feeling happy just ‘cuz they are holding a gun and can shoot the bastard who’s father’s uncle’s brother’s daughter’s niece shot someone they would be related to if they were alive, but it was 200 years ago. I mean we all had to read Romeo And Juliet in high school. Fighting doesn’t solve ANYTHING. It just leads to more people getting killed.
  • People think they have power when they have the biggest resources of things that can kill people, which is like a stone age mentality. Didn’t anyone read The Secret? It’s all about the POWER OF THOUGHT. Jeeze people.
  • People fight over who has the best product, like Cheerios v.s. Cornflakes. This is like kindergarten stuff. You should go with the healthiest one. Let the best man win. If you are trying to conquer someone who is better than you, you are simply losing anyway. You may sell more, but you are worse. Like not cool at all. Duh.
  • People are very into getting a bigger diamond to hang around their neck, whilst people are dying from starvation. No, they’re not your problem unless you gave birth to them, but it’s still twisted somehow, because everyone tells you sharing is caring. You know, all the Stars in Hollywood share their wealth. And they only borrow their diamonds. And when they feel really guilty for being rich they go into rehab.
  • It’s really weird because like everyone knows that if you are someone in LA you drive a cool car, you have cool shades and you live in a crib in the hills, like, but all these people are in AA, go to therapists and spend their time stressing about raising more money to make their movies that don’t make any money. It’s like they take the paparazzi so seriously – when they leave they get so sad they throw canned beans at them, because they no longer get on the cover of People Magazine, so they can’t sue them to pay their bills when they win.
  • People then think these people are their heroes. So they want to be in rehab too?
  • Most people can’t remember the best night of their life. I always thought that was kinda weird.
  • Smoking kills, so people really like dying. Not so much in California of course. We are too healthy, like here people do coke to save their lungs.
  • All these porn movies that suddenly get released by some angry ex lover…I mean isn’t that soooo yesterday? It was news when Paris Hilton did it, but come on? Can’t all the ex lovers just get over it? Don’t they understand they like so humiliate themselves by showing they care? If you want someone back you just get a new partner and make sure you film that sex instead. Just so they know what they’re missing.
  • I like don’t get it. Someone thinks she can manifest the ass she had at 20. http://ht.ly/3aUDz But hello. Like the whole world mis-read The Secret. You have to take inspired action too. Like build a time machine.

We’re like so enlightened here in Cali.

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Karma is one sexy beast…

The problem with knowledge is that you realize how damn stupid you were before you had it. There is an old saying that youth is lost on youth, I assume because when you are young you have all the benefits of youth, but only the knowledge of youth. When you get older you get wiser, but you lose the benefits of youth. Then again, I believe that maybe youth needs its stupidity so as to passionately go after the impossible (read: that which will take them through a million battles before they reach their goal), as those that succeed make it ever so little more possible for the rest. (It’s fascinating how new world records are set all the time – somehow every year we seem to get a little bit faster.)

Do you believe in karma? I’d like to believe in it, as I’d like to believe that we have some sort of way of controlling our own fate. I’d like to believe we reap the seeds we sow. I don’t, however, believe that just because you may have committed a crime in this or a past life time you should feel ashamed of yourself. In general I think being ashamed of oneself should only be a trigger to sort something out, not an excuse to sit and wither away in one’s own misery.

I started thinking about karma the other day as I came to think about a guy I was madly in love with way before I understood anything about love. I was just in love, full stop. Looking back it’s a rather funny story about ego, but at the time it was a very painful story. We never dated, but somehow I was madly in love with him and I gave him my heart to break in a million pieces. I was so in love with him that for me he became the symbol of love – for ten years I’d dream of him when I wanted love. Because the emotions I had for this guy were so strong I wondered if I had been with him in a past life and if I had hurt him greatly?

If you look back on my present life you can easily say that love has been the greatest confusion and source of pain. It’s only in the last year that I have gotten my head round the whole thing and I’m still learning. Through all this learning I have come to appreciate love. I also decided the other day, as I came to think of this guy, that I was going to take karma seriously. Whether it exists or not, I have something to learn from everything that goes wrong in my life.

If I was truly a heart breaker in a past life, I clearly did not understand what I was doing to people. In this life I have learnt what it feels like to be on the other side of the equation. If I caused people to feel like I have felt in this lifetime from family issues, men and bullies, I was a nutcase and I am truly sorry. I can only be sorry because I now understand the pain you can cause others by playing with them in ways they don’t necessarily understand, so they fall foul for the game due to their lack of knowledge. I also think that the people who have caused me pain, often, were not aware of it, or pretty much unable to stop themselves from doing it because of how life shaped them. If I think of the things I have done by mistake to hurt others, or because I didn’t know better, or couldn’t control my own behavior, it makes it easier to forgive them. Basically, by looking at the situation from their point of view I can finally forgive them.

Also, if I ask for forgiveness, I learn what it feels like to be on the other side of where I am at right now. It allows the mind to travel. I am not what happened to me and I have to learn to detach myself from it. And by genuinely apologizing you learn some humility – I’m sure I’ve broken a few hearts in this lifetime too and I know for sure that my ego enjoys when I know I can have a guy, even though I don’t want him. However, I don’t encourage guys I don’t want. I may be friends with them, but that’s that. It’s harder with guys that you feel that you have some sort of connection, but you know you don’t want to be with. Attraction is a complex thing.

If I look back on my heart-breaks in this life (which may be the only one I’ve ever had, or will have, I don’t know) I have learnt a lot from that. I guess there are two ways of learning about love: getting it right from the start and experiencing what it should be like so you know what you want, or failing in all ways until you figure out what it isn’t and therefore what it should be. Some of my main learnings are that for certain a guy can be “your type” but that’s not love. For certain there are a few people in this life that have achieved the level that you would like to achieve and that you admire, but that’s not love. For certain there are people in this life that mirror you in more ways than one, but that’s not love. For certain a guy can tell you the most amazing things till your ego feels like it’s flying to the moon and back, but that’s not love. Love, to me, is an understanding, a connection if you so like, a dose of attraction and a willingness to create life together. I have discussed that under the page titled Love here, so I won’t go into it again, but it’s very different from when I was a teenager and hopelessly in love with a person who was no good for me at all, so if I admired him and we mirrored each other in some ways.

Another of my beliefs is that if you ask for something and you are prepared to do what it takes, including apologizing for your karma, you will get it. However, most people probably don’t try to learn from every event life throws at them. Most people don’t want to take hit after hit so as to reach a certain destination. Most people blame others for their failure, or are jealous of others for their success. If someone was to ask me if I was willing to climb one of the hardest climbs there are and fall a few times along the way, so as to reach one of the greatest mountain tops there are, I would have said yes. I know myself well enough to know that. I had to slip and fall on the head a few times for me to realize that life isn’t about success – that I can be happy in the here and now. I’ve had to fall maybe even harder to let go of some of my ego. And I’ve definitively fallen a few times when it comes to love. Why did I have to fall so many times? Because I simply didn’t get it the first time! That’s not necessarily my fault – I didn’t know better. Am I happy I got to where I am now though? Yes. Yes, I am.

It’s hard to forgive those that inflicted pain on you. It’s hard to forgive them unless you become them. If you imagine what they went through to become whom they are. If you see life through their eyes. And if you imagine, just for a minute or two, that you are them, trapped in that very set of circumstances and thoughts and you see you doing what they did, only now it’s to them…maybe then you can forgive yourself and by doing so, forgiving them. And maybe, just maybe, do you learn the lesson that life was trying to tell you so desperately with signs as big as elephants, that you, of course, did not see. From what I’ve learnt, I can only thank the people who ruined me for being so kind to do so.

I have to say, in my life, karma, if it exists, has been a big sexy beast…I mean all those men were just so friggin yummy!!!

Am I a fool, being played by a fool, or simply acting foolishly???…

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