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Go a little wild already — why acting like a cave woman is really the way to go…

Welcome to the pity party. It’s a certain kind of glorious celebration of all our flaws and misfortunes, where the champagne flows together with tears, complaints and general misery.

Here’s the deal. I don’t know about you, but I, myself, and several of my friends, acquaintances and even people I’ve overheard talking in general, have been known to complain.

For example, you know the person who’s terrible with finances, but would like to become a millionaire (that’d be me), yet have never picked up a book about mindset and money, nor about how to manage personal finances, nor gotten a budget app. The person who can’t keep a boyfriend for more than two weeks, but would like to get married, yet have never ever read a book about what healthy relationships are all about, engaged in personal development to learn about themselves, or gotten therapy. The wannabe entrepreneur who isn’t running a business (also me), who has never picked up a business book, nor takes steps towards launching their business. The person complaining about being fat/unfit, but who won’t eat healthily, nor exercise. The person wanting to be in excellent health, but who smokes all the time. The person who’d like a job they would enjoy more, but who is not educating themselves, nor trying to work their way up the company, nor looking for another job. The person who wants great sex, but have never told their partner they’d like to try something different, nor picked up a book about sex, or sensual pleasures. The person who is feeling like shit all the time and would like to get happy, but does not attend therapy, nor read personal development books, nor attend personal development courses. Possibly they also don’t eat well, nor exercise, nor sleep on regular hours, nor have a healthy social life, nor engage their brain in interesting tasks, nor practice meditation and mindfulness, nor spend time in nature. All which are scientifically proven to improve one’s mood. The person who’d like to live in a fancy mansion and always complains about their apartment, but have never ever tried to decorate the place better, or improve it in any other way.

In short, there are a lot of people who want certain things and complain about not having them. They also have excuses for why they don’t have them, be it excellent health, or smashing finances. It’s a matter of time. A matter of money. A matter of not having the education. A matter of it being too difficult. A matter of someone, or something, getting in the way. A matter of…whatever the heck it may be.

I have excuses for the areas in my life that aren’t what they couldn’t be. A lot of them. They aren’t so much excuses as they are reasons. I don’t have great financces, because I spent all my money trying to rescue a child with PDA from himself. Ways I thought I should live life. But one day you wake up and realize that unless you flush those reasons, those behavioral patterns and those “look what got in the way” down the drain, you’ll never live a better, happier, healthier, more financially secure, more pleasurable and more fun life. You can wave goodbye to your dreams, your hopes and your desires.

I’ve been filling my brain with personal development lately. I’ve also been really annoyed with some other people not getting their shit together. And by listening to personal development books and making certain distinctions, while studying other people’s patterns, I’ve also seen my own.

There’s always an excuse not to go after your dreams. There are always habits that will get in your way. There are always people who will get in your way. And there is always going to be shit happening that’s going to derail you for a while, or be annoying as F. But there is only one way of getting to where you want to be — do everything in your power to get there and stop at nothing.

If you spent one week, just one week, focusing on a goal you want to achieve, letting yourself be derailed by nothing, how far would you get? If you ignore the house that needs cleaning, the bills that need paying, the lawn that needs mowing, the Netflix movies that need watching, the… If you just focused on that one thing, how far would you get? And if it was a matter of your mother needing surgery and you finding the money in 24 hours, how far would you get? What lengths would you go to? When the stakes are high, we usually get very creative and resourceful. When we think we have till forever to get off our asses and do what we know we must, we usually don’t move.

Move. Run. Go.

Your life is now, not tomorrow.

And if you really want to get that guy naked — there are no excuses. Just act like a cave woman, club him down and drag him to your bedroom. If he doesn’t like it, you weren’t meant to be. Now you can start fantasizing about someone else. (This is a metaphor. Don’t club him down. Just whip his ass and tell him to get his clothes off. Pronto.)

Yours truly,

Dizzy Blonde — aspiring entrepreneur and millionaire

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Filed under achievement, diary, Goals, Humor, Insights, Inspiration, Inspirational, Motivation, Personal Development, personal growth, personal stories, success

I don’t have time for sex…

Two and a half years ago, I made a promise to myself. It was a very simple promise. It went a little bit like this: no more excuses.

I was at home for the holidays and my dad did or said something that pissed me off. I felt horrible. Then I realized that a) my dad loves me b) my dad tries to do and say things differently because he knows his ways sometimes upset me. So even if he still does and says things that upset me, I know he cares. He loves me.

Now, I was having PMS. So my emotions were going haywire. But I still realized that I can’t sit and mope about whatever shit my dad did in my childhood that fucked me up, or whatever he does today to piss me off. It’s my life. I’m responsible for my emotions. And my father loves me, so why do I get upset? Why do I blame him for MY emotions? And MY life?

We were all wounded as children. If it wasn’t our own family, it was society, some other adults, or some kids that did a number on our heads. But when we become adults it’s our responsibility to become who we want to be. No matter what baggage we were left with as children.

Do you have excuses?

I can’t have a good life, because I’m not earning enough money. I can’t find a partner, because I’m not good looking enough. I can’t meet deadlines, because I’m bad with estimating time. I can’t be on time, because that’s just the way I am. I can’t have a functional social life, because I’m constantly traveling (don’t ask me how many times I’ve used that one). I can’t exercise, because I’m lazy. I can’t make friends, because I’m shy. I can’t eat well, because I was raised on fast foods (or better yet: because I don’t have the time).

Some excuses are sneakier. I did well today, I deserve a cookie. I had a bad day, I deserve a shopping spree. I am tired, I deserve to leave work early today. I feel like shit, I deserve a night in bed instead of exercising. Do you deserve those things? Or do you deserve something that will ACTUALLY make you feel better in the long run? Such as being happy, healthy, fit and financially free?

Established neurological routes make us prefer to do what we’re used to, even if it’s not the thing that will make us feel better in the end. That’s why we have to constantly make ourselves aware of where we want to go and what we want to establish. I want to be fit, healthy, happy, financially secure, a good mother, etc. will drive you to make the right decisions. Focus on what’s working already, what is currently making you happy and where you want to go — your end result. Such as being fit, being happy, being a good mother etc. and let that inform you as to how you spend your time/make your choices. I also recently read a lot about using psychedelics to change your habits and I FINALLY listened to the abridged version of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, but I’ll write more about that tomorrow.

When I made that decision about no more excuses, I was pretty far down a hole I’d dug myself into, running around like a mad chicken trying to get a visa to raise the twins and launch a business, to get the visa, and make a living doing something I wasn’t enjoying, because I couldn’t get a job in South Africa, because I didn’t have a visa. My list of excuses were endless but they all came back to the visa. Couldn’t have a job, couldn’t have stable finances, couldn’t have the kids, couldn’t have a stable social life, couldn’t have a relationship because of the visa. I felt helpless to my own life. I couldn’t see a way out. I kept going, but didn’t know how to get through. I was miserable. I was happier as a person than I had been as I’d worked on myself, but I was miserable with circumstance.

I decided to embrace what I had. I had two kids I helped raising. Adoption rights be damned, stable visa be damned: I was going to do what I could with the resources I had. So I started doing what I could with them without money and a visa — started coming up with things we could do without finances. And when I was on the other side of the world, I vowed to do my best to focus on what I could do: work and visa, instead of fretting about the children. I also made a decision that if I didn’t get my visa, didn’t get the kids, I still needed to find happiness. And I was in a space where part of me felt like I could just die if it didn’t go through. But that’s not the mother I wanted to be; not the rolemodel I wanted to be.

That decision changed my life. But when I ran into more visa problems just as I thought things were working out, I hit a dark space again. The nightmares about the kids came back. My paranoia that I wasn’t far enough along with my finances, my career, my social life, my love life…everything fell on my head. That’s when I got a coach. Because I realized I needed to do something differently. If what I’d done up till then hadn’t been working, someone needed to bring me new ideas to work with. And that totally changed my life.

I started spending time making new friends, even if I was just passing by (mainly because my best friend called me on my BS around that one — told me to suck it up and get out there even if I was just passing by as I happened to be in Athens with her). I started dating again, even if I was just passing by. I started working on getting better freelance work, even if it wasn’t my dream work. I started exercising again, even if it wasn’t my dream way to exercise because that was too pricey and would take up too much of my time. I started doing everything I could within my means to change my life around. Not surprisingly, I started feeling a lot better.

That’s not to say I didn’t have difficulties along the way. I did. A lot. Because I was pretty far down that hole and I was in a very difficult situation with the kids and the visa. I know all too well what it feels like waking up in the middle of the night shaking from worry and fear. But did I want to feel that way for the rest of my life? No. So I started to fight for change.

My coach says there’s only one creative structure: taking action to get from where you are to where you need to be and stop at nothing to get there. Engage your will. If one thing doesn’t work, you try another, until you get there. If you engage your intuition, instead of acting out learned behavior, chances are you’ll get there sooner. As our subconscious tends to dictate our behavior. Which is why getting someone else to give you some pointers as to what thoughts are really in control of your life, is rather useful.

I still have excuses in my life. I’m human. Oops, that’s an excuse. But I see the excuses now. And I tackle one after the other.

If you only have the energy/time for five minutes of exercise a day, then exercise for five minutes. If you don’t have time to change your eating habits around, then at least drink a green juice a day, or eat a raw apple and carrot a day. If you’re petrified of people but want a social life, then find a way of socializing where you aren’t petrified. If you don’t have time to work on your relationship but want to improve it, then spend five minutes a day doing something for your partner/connecting with your partner. If you want to start saving money, but don’t have money to save, then save a penny a day, or spend five minutes a day on building an extra income. If you would like to start a business/change your career, then spend five minutes a day on it. And if you don’t know how to do something, it’s not an excuse. Just Google it. Incredible invention.

There are usually a way to find a way around your own lousy excuses for why your life stinks. The first one is deciding there are no excuses. The second deciding you have the power to change your life. You are a powerful creator. After all, look at what you’ve created so far. Even if it wasn’t great, you created it. Now you can create something else. And once you start doing something small, you realize you have the power to do something big. Also, start thinking about what you HAVE accomplished that are good, the things that are currently working in your life and what you’re grateful for.

Start calling yourself on your own bullshit. There are no excuses. Even if you can’t do what you want, do what you can. Even if it’s the tiniest thing ever. Do something. Anything. To move your life forward. One step at a time.

And if you don’t have time for sex, I’d recommend you’d get really good at giving people orgasms in five minutes, or less.

Yours truly, over and out.

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Mirror, mirror…

We’re all given time on this Earth. This is our gift, if you so like. We can do whatever we want with this time. Some of us are born into poverty, some into luxury, some into emotional wellness, others into abuse. As children, we are molded by our circumstance, as adults we have the option to choose whom we’d like to be by focusing our thoughts. 

Some people have a lot of time on this Earth, some have little time. The best any of us can do is love and cherish the people in our lives while we have them. At some point, we have to say goodbye to everyone we love. That’s part of this journey. It doesn’t mean we won’t see them again if there’s an afterlife, but it means that for now we have to say goodbye. 

Time is limited. This is a fact of life. We can either cherish the gift we’ve been given and the people in our life have been given, or we can be bitter about it.

In the past, I used to get very upset by life. I still do at times. But now I know I have choice. Choice how I look upon situations. 

Like death. 

I was picking up the little one yesterday after he spent the day with his biological parents. His mother was having a hissy fit because the little one’s older brother on the autism spectrum was misbehaving, so she was saying she’d like to send him away.

This is the same child I help raise, who I recently asked her to take care of for a while as I wasn’t coping at home and didn’t have the money to pay for 24/7 special trained staff to take care of him. Now I see him for outings until he is enough in control of his emotions that he doesn’t constitute a threat to anyone in the household. 

As far as I know, there is no government institution to send him to in this country that would benefit his condition, because I have been round the block with social workers, doctors, schools and even the police.

Now, if I start thinking about this, I panic. I want my boy to be safe and loved. I want him to have all the help available the world. I want him to have a shot at life. And I’d like him to be able to live the happy side of his personality — the one that doesn’t attack people when having anxiety. 

So if I start thinking about him being sent away or the fact that he’s living an unstable life with his mother at the moment, I get sad. I worry. In the past, that meant that I would happily ruin my own life to try to keep him safe. But I know that didn’t work. Not for any of us. It was the wrong way to go about it. If I could go back in time, I’d have done it differently. Set up structures one by one that actually worked. Instead I tried to do everything at once, and ended up drowning. 

The only thing I can do is work. Work to earn more money. And focus on the end result of him being happy and healthy.  

To be in a frame of mind to earn more money, I need to be inspired. Beating myself up because I feel like I’ve failed him, or sitting weeping because I’m sad for him, won’t help. So I choose to focus on the good things in my life. Like the fact that I picked up my bundle of joy and went home to cook a chicken roast for Sunday dinner. I always wanted to create traditions and show my love through cooking. With the little one I have a chance of doing it. Of creating family traditions filled with love and joy.

So I choose to focus on the fact that I’ve always done what I can to help the kids and still do and that I am creating a beautiful home life in the present. One filled with candle lights, frog song and looking at the stars at night. There’s also a lot of doggie love, food, time in the woods and play. Poetry, art, film, photography and dance also abound. 

Think about it this way: you should be thinking about what you want to create (my boy getting the help he needs to create a happy and healthy life), not revel in the fear of what you don’t want to create (my boy being sad, unhappy and not getting the help he needs to one day conquering his condition). Think about what you’re working towards; what you’d love to create, because that will help you come up with ideas for how to create it.

I choose to focus on what I can do, what I love, what I’d love to create and what’s working. That makes me happy. That makes me inspired. That makes me energized. That makes me take actions that serve myself and others.    

Once you’re in control of your state of mind, you’re in control of your actions. 

Today, someone close to me messaged me to say she might have breast cancer. Part of me wants to panic about it. The other part of me told her that she needs to focus on the fact that whether it’s breast cancer or not, she’ll get through it. She’s a beautiful soul. She’ll win. And I told her to focus on the good stuff in her life and in herself. She told me I was healing her soul, bless her. And by doing so, she healed me. 

Friendship and love constitute the actions we take to make others feel better and help them face life better. Sometimes, that involves temporarily making them feel bad. Not so they stay feeling bad, but because you have to have them face the truth to be able to deal with it. They have to face their fears, their pain, their demons and then release them and actively choose to focus on what’s working, what they love, what they’d love to create (end results) and their good qualities. That’s what’s going to transform their lives, together with putting the right structures in place and speaking from the heart, instead of saying what they think they need to say to get what they want. 

I’ve had to learn to control my own reactions, not just to my own personal stuff, but to how I react to others. Because how I react to others, affect how they feel. If I get furious with someone, or start crying about them, will it help them? Will I speak from my heart? Or am I just in reaction — doing something on autopilot based on my learned behavior? 

Focus creates reality. Choose your focus, choose your life. 

Image Source: https://za.pinterest.com/pin/507780926736213797/?nic=1

Your life is a reflection of your thoughts and the structures you put in place to uphold those thoughts. Change your structures, change your thoughts. Change your thoughts, change your structures. Either way, you change your life.

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Filed under Death, diary, emotions, Friendship, Grieving, Healing, Inspiration, Inspirational, Love, Motivation, Uncategorized

When it rains…get naked already…

Do you have faith? Faith in a higher power? Or faith that everything will be OK?

Having faith is part of having focus. When you have faith things will turn out well, you keep your eyes on the progress you’re making and the end destination, instead of getting caught up in the obstacles. 

I had a hissy fit about one area of my life this week. So I decided it was time for some faith and focus. 

Think of it as a journey: when you have faith you’ll reach your destination, you’re relaxed. And when relaxed, even though there are problems along the way, solutions naturally present themselves to you, because your eyes are open to them. 

Let’s take the example of walking the Camino de Santiago (I’d really like to do that). It’s a pilgrimage. And most who set out on it have faith they will learn things along the way, even though they don’t know what. They have faith that spiritual opportunities will present themselves and that they’ll reach their end destination. 

Now, if you set out walking with less faith, you may get worried when it starts to rain already on day two. You know day three will be a write-off as a full blown storm is coming. And you have limited time to reach your destination as you need to get back to work! You only have two weeks off. 

The stress of not knowing if you’ll reach your destination makes you uncomfortable. So after a day of feeling miserable sitting in your hotel room during the storm, you decide to go to a bar and get pissed to resolve your discomfort. 

It’s not just pissing down, you’re pissed too. 

The next day you’re not feeling well, because you got pissed. It pisses you off. To make up for the delay, you still decide to keep a faster pace. In fact, you decide to run for part of that day. Only you’re pissed off and therefore not in the right mental space, so you trip and fall. 

Now, you haven’t just been delayed for a day by rain, you have an injured ankle too. At this pace, you’ll never reach your destination. 

“Look,” you say, “life is against me.” But is life against you, or does it rain in all our lives? The point isn’t if it rains or not, but how we handle the rain.  

If you accept rain as part of the journey and spend the rainy day relaxing and rejuvenating yourself — doing yoga to relieve the tension in your legs (or, you know, dancing naked in the rain enjoying your inner hedonist while reconnecting with nature) — you wake up the next day wide awake and ready for adventure. As you’ve relaxed, you naturally walk faster and make up for the time lost. 

This journey can be applied to most of our goals in life: they don’t happen over night. They’re journeys. And along those journeys it rains. Sometimes it even thunders. We either deal with that, or we try to resolve the tension and end up in a mess that derails us further. 

Of course, there are healthier ways of resolving tension too: instead of getting piss drunk, you can relax in a bath and eat a slab of chocolate or exercise till you topple over. Maybe you’re still running from your worry that things won’t go well, but at least you aren’t on a self-sabotage train from hell.

The thing is, at one point or another, we all freak out and mess up. Maybe so bad we don’t see a way out anymore. Most likely, you’re sitting thinking about what a mess you are from sunrise to sundown. That means you can’t see a way out. But there is a way out. If you only have faith and focus on what’s working and where you’re going. 

So you’re in a hospital bed with an injured ankle, you can either write off the vacation (hey, you’ve already burned three days feeling miserable, why not spend the reminder of your life…I mean vacation miserable?), or you can say: “It’s clear I can’t walk all of the Camino de Santiago right now, but I can rest for three days while enjoying this village and then walk a small part of the journey and enjoy that.” 

During the coming months, you can go for hikes in nature and seek spiritual experiences there, then return to the Camino for your next vacation. You may end up with a higher level of fitness and deeper connection to spirit than you’d have done if you’d just done the Camino straight away. The importance isn’t how you get there, but getting there. Once you have a destination (fitness + spirituality) the path will reveal itself.  

Sometimes it’s not something new we are exploring, but something old we want to change. Personally, I want to change some patterns of mine that aren’t serving me. But I won’t do that by focusing on the patterns, but focusing on the destination and having faith.

If you are 20 kg overweight and haven’t exercised for ten years, you can either have a cake because you feel so stupid you can’t run a mile, or decide to go on a walk around the block as you can manage that. Don’t panic about where you are, or how you’re incapable of doing what you’d love to do (such as running a mile), just define what you want (health + fitness) and start moving towards that. Step-by-step. You don’t have to go from zero to hero, just take steps you can handle. You’ll get there. 

Everything can change in the matter of a minute, if you only let it. If you only decide where you’re going and have faith you’ll get there. Forget about the past fuckups. Forget about the how’s. Just decide you’re going. 

Faith. 

Focus. 

Dizzy blonde, over and out.

Image Source: https://za.pinterest.com/pin/507780926736173726/?nic=1

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Wandering thoughts on naked bodies…

i’d like to wander

all over you

hands caught in your hair

fingers stroking your chest

lips touching yours

skin to skin

in a wonderful dance

of pure lust

and soul connection

Isn’t that what we do? We deep dive into a person’s soul, while touching their body? We wander all over them and in them. We seek. Explore. Find out.

It’s beautiful. Really.

The problem is that most people aren’t living the beauty of their soul, but the mess of their thoughts. And they’re creating havoc. But you don’t see that. You see their soul — glorious and alive. Beautiful. A mesmerizing light. Pure. Stunning.

I found this quote today. “Stop wondering. Start wandering.”

It’s true.

How many times have you found yourself wondering what life would truly be like if only? If only you called that friend, asked that man/woman out, explored that path…did something different?

I believe we’re the happiest when we give up on expecting people and life to give us things and start exploring them instead. When we truly know we don’t know what will happen next. When our own life turns into a journey of discovery as we are no longer afraid of our own thoughts, what other people will think, or what life will serve up. We accept that we don’t know. We have no expectations on the outcome beyond exploring the moment to the full. We go beyond our ego and into the present. We are wandering instead of wondering.

It may be a difficult quest, but it’s a worthy one. Because with each step you’ll feel better.

I used to be scared of my own thoughts. Used to fear the bad ones. But when I get curious and look at them instead of running from them, they stop hurting. Because I know they are not me. They’re just a thought I’m having.

I used to be scared of what other people thought of me, but when I start seeing people as interesting creatures creating their own form of reality based on their thoughts, I stop being afraid. When I stop needing them to treat me nicely, or loving me, I no longer fear them. I just see them for what they are: humans.

I used to be scared of not achieving my goals, but when I started thinking about life as a series of moments I’m creating, as opposed to a series of goals I need to achieve, I started living instead of constantly beating myself up, or planning to live “one day.”

That doesn’t mean I don’t want certain things; don’t have certain goals. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to be loved, or don’t want to think happy thoughts. It simply means I don’t let my own expectations get in the way of leading a happy life.

I believe we are all fierce explorers when we are happy. That we go out there and explore ourselves, others and the world. That we are curious instead of frightened. Excited instead of afraid. Courageous instead of petrified.

That doesn’t mean we don’t have fear. Of course we do. We still have thoughts, after all. But we see beyond the fear. See that it is nothing but make-believe. Nothing but a thought in our mind. A thought we can move beyond. Because the thought is not who we are. Our soul is who we are.

Because you see beyond your fear, you give it all you’ve got, instead of a percentage of your being. You jump head-first into the waves as opposed ot just getting your toes wet. You love wildly. You pursue your dreams fiercly. Because you’re happy. Even if every person, or destination, doesn’t give you what you want, or you fuck up badly. That’s just life. Getting caught thinking about it is destruction. Focus creates reality. Focus on what’s working, where you’re going and what you’d love to experience.

Don’t wonder what it would be like. Explore it. Deep dive into it. Yes, you’ll walk on thorns. Don’t fear them. Don’t avoid them. Walk past them. Because on the other side are the roses.

Be a wanderer, not a wonderer.

Image Source: https://za.pinterest.com/pin/507780926736160728/?nic=1

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Filed under achievement, conscious lifestyle, Goals, human spirit, Life, life lessons, Love, Poem, poetry, Spirituality, Uncategorized

How to climb Kilimanjaro without moving your butt (and other useful tips)…

Have you ever had a conversation with someone where you felt like a total loser in comparison? Like they’re busy climbing Kilimanjaro while you’re climbing the nearest hilltop? Or can’t even seem to get off your blooming chair? That.

Don’t worry. You aren’t alone. We all compare ourselves to various people and feel like the person sitting on a chair while they’re climbing Kilimanjaro. And they’re excitedly telling us about how we can climb too and we don’t believe them. Because we can’t get off that chair. 

Imagine a guy. He likes burgers and fast food. He hates his job. He’s married, but even though he loves his wife, he isn’t happy. He loves football (that’s soccer for you Americans), but doesn’t play anymore. He loves motorbikes, but sold his for a bigger car for the kids. 

This guy isn’t that unusual. In fact, pretty much half of America can relate. If so just a little bit. 

Now, if you tell this man he could live a life where he’s loving his job, rocking a six-pack and having a marriage that kicks ass, he’ll nod. A life where he feels confident and on top of things. Where he feels successful. He’d like that. But how? He doesn’t know. He doesn’t even care. He’s not inspired to change. He’d like things to change. To be happy. Like he once was. But he doesn’t know where to start. And he’s tired. The poor diet, the lousy job and the unhealthy relationship are draining him. The little joy he gets from eating a burger, watching a game on telly and having a laugh with his friends is all he wants. He can’t be bothered to do anything else. 

If you tell him he can be happy and healthy again, all he has to do is change one tiny little thing, he probably wouldn’t believe you. But he’d probably try. Because somewhere in there, he wants a life. 

So you tell him: have a salad before every meal. A fruit salad before breakfast and a green salad before lunch and dinner. 

So he has a salad before every meal. A small salad. 

After a few weeks he starts craving those salads. In fact, he starts craving fruit and vegetables. So ever so often, instead of eating a burger, he just eats a bigger salad. 

As he makes these changes to his diet, he starts feeling better. More enthusiastic somehow. He has more energy. So he calls you and tells you this. You tell him it’s fantastic. Congrats. Would he like another tip? Yeah, he does, because he’s feeling better. 

You give him another tip: every day at lunch go for a five-minute walk. Just five minutes. That’s all. Really? Five minutes. Yep, just five minutes. 

So, in addition to eating his salads, he starts going on five-minute walks. After a while he starts craving them, because they make him feel good. Calm his mind. Increase his energy. So he starts going for walks after dinner as well. To have a breather. To enjoy the sunset. Then he starts increasing the time he walks. He knows you told him he shouldn’t, but he can’t help himself. Because it makes him feel good. 

As he is feeling more energized, he has energy to do things after work, instead of just sitting down on the couch. So one day, after a particularly lousy day at work, he decides to look for another job. He finds one. Applies. Doesn’t get it. This frustrates him. He eats a burger, but while eating the burger he is still angry. He has the energy to be angry. So he applies for another job. 

This time, he gets the job. It doesn’t offer a payment upgrade, but it offers him an environment he’s happy in. So he takes the job. 

Now he’s eating better, he’s exercising and spending time outdoors as he’s walking and he’s got a job that leaves him happy by the end of the day. He has energy to spare when he comes home, so one day he sits looking through some old photos. He remembers some good times with his wife and even though he now thinks she’s mainly a nagging b**** he decides to take her out, for old times sake. And because he’s feeling good that day, he wishes for her to feel good too.

His wife feels appreciated when asked on a date and taken to a nice restaurant. She smiles. She shares some stories from work. She feels emotionally connected to her husband again, so when they come home, she wants sex. 

The next day, the man is feeling good about himself. He has a job he likes and a wife who went down on him the night before. So he decides to go have a look at some motorbikes, because that’s how they made him feel: on top of the world. 

He looks at bikes and gets excited, but also a bit sad as he can’t afford them. So he eats a burger, but when he comes home that night, his son asks him to play some football with him. As he isn’t exhausted, he agrees. As he plays he suddenly remembers why he used to love it. It feels so much better playing a game, than watching a game. He feels alive; engaged in the game. So he decides to find a local club to join. Somewhere he can play just for fun. 

Weeks go by. The man is eating better than before (but still enjoying his burgers), his job makes him happy, he has energy to spend time with his wife, who in return has become happier and is praising him instead of reprimanding him and he’s having fun playing football with his club and his son. His newfound energy also makes him do a better job at work. So he’s offered a promotion. And he goes to buy a motorbike. 

The man is now not only healthier, but happier, richer, more fulfilled and a better father and husband. So he calls you and tell you that he’s climbing Kilimanjaro. “You see?” you say. “All you needed to do was make one change. Just one tiny change. That’s all. And now you’re climbing Kilimanjaro.” 

Image Source: https://za.pinterest.com/pin/507780926711486981/

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Burning daylight…

Have you ever looked at a dying man and realized that it is you? It’s Monday morning and I am dying with every breath. Have you ever looked at a baby and realized that they have their whole life ahead of them, like a clean slate? It’s Monday morning and I have my whole life in front of me. It’s Monday morning, it’s summer holidays and I’m vacuum cleaning my life.

You know all these little ideas that you juggle in your mind that you know you either won’t execute, or won’t execute right now? Or the people you think about that you are sort of attracted to, but that you will never go out with? Or the people who are attractive, but would never go out with you? I have discovered my new golden word: commitment. If I am not committed to something, or someone isn’t committed to me – in the bin, now rather than later. If I am committed: what is it I need to do to make this idea, or relationship work out? What’s the plan? How can I commit to doing that right now?

Do you know the dreams you have, the wishes…that you just aren’t walking towards, or walking fast enough towards because you are avoiding dealing with some fear that’s blocking the way? “I’m too shy, I’m too weak, I’m too stupid, it’s too difficult, I can’t do that, if I do that they will think badly of me, I might get rejected, I might fail” …and the list goes on. I always think that if someone gave a person 24hrs to come up with a solution, or death would be the result, the person would find a way. Compared to death, most fears are very tiny. In the face of death most people get very resourceful. When left to their own devices a lot of people watch TV, because there’s always tomorrow.

When you do something you find out if it works, or if it doesn’t work and that knowledge sets you free, as you no longer have to waste time thinking about it. If you do something you may learn from it, but if you don’t do anything, you for sure won’t learn anything because there will be no feedback. My Buddha Bear told me that it’s all well to have spiritual ideas, but until you interact with life you will not find out whether you truly understood them or not. No action = no feedback.

The funny thing is, a life without fear is freedom and no matter what one fears, it either happens, or it doesn’t – you are going to live through it the undesired way, or the desired way – the only thing you can affect is how you think about it before, during and after. Why fret about it? Fears don’t really matter, unless as warning signals at times that really something isn’t a good idea.

Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without. – Buddha

His success may be great, but be it ever so great the wheel of fortune may turn again and bring him down into the dust. – Buddha

It’s sure as hell comfy to sit on the boat that drifts about aimlessly and never be responsible for anything, because you will never be blamed for anything, but do you ever reach a destination that way? We don’t know if we will reach whatever goal, but so long as we don’t pursue it…what fun is life? I may never reach Tahiti, so if I set sail tomorrow, but imagine what other wonderful places I will see along the way! There are likely to be storms too. That’s what people fear. But there are usually storms no matter what. All you can do is create a space within you that is calm, so if there’s a hurricane outside. And if you let go of your ego you can enjoy the whole journey and not just the achievements. You can’t control life, you can only explore, but so as to be able to explore, you have to move, or your whole life will be a dream that never happened.

Where I’ll end up is anyone’s guess, but where I put my feet down is up to me. What will happen is anyone’s guess, but how I deal with it is up to me. So now I’m off to walk my star-studded road – dance in the sunshine, laugh in the moonlight, love, eat strawberries and cream, swirl through my dreams, jump through the waves and sip in life like it was morning dew to the thirsty.

Jesse: So listen, so here’s the deal. This is what we should do. You should get off the train with me here in Vienna, and come check out the town.

Céline: What?

Jesse: Come on. It’ll be fun. Come on.

Céline: What would we do?

Jesse: Umm, I don’t know. All I know is I have to catch an Austrian Airlines flight tomorrow morning at 9:30, and I don’t really have enough money for a hotel, so I was just going to walk around, and it would be a lot more fun if you came with me. And if I turn out to be some kind of psycho, you know, you just get on the next train.

(Céline smiles, still unsure)

Jesse: Alright, alright. Think of it like this. Um, uh, jump ahead, ten, twenty years, okay, and you’re married. Only your marriage doesn’t have that same energy that it used to have, you know. You start to blame your husband. You start to think about all those guys you’ve met in your life, and what might have happened if you’d picked up with one of them, right? (Céline starts laughing a bit) Well, I’m one of those guys. That’s me, you know. So think of this as time travel, from then, to now, uh, to find out what you’re missing out on. See, what this really could be is a gigantic favor to both you and your future husband, to find out that you’re not missing out on anything. I’m just as big a loser as he is, totally unmotivated, totally boring, and, uh, you made the right choice, and you’re really happy (motions to towards the door).

Céline: (thinks) Let me get my bag.

– Before Sunrise

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Are you single??…

Stress has to be one of the most over used words of this century. Everyone’s stressed. You’re a total loser if you haven’t done xyz by a certain age. It’s like we were born into this plan that other people think we should follow. Whatever happened to living? Playing? Learning?

Whenever I talk to my gran she is asking me if I have “met someone.” She thinks I’m way to old to be single. Whenever I talk to my dad he asks me when I’m going to settle down. Whenever I talk to my sister she reminds me she wants to become an aunt. I personally do not feel like doing any one of these things right now. Well, hang out with the love of my life would be nice, but the rest, no. If I only live once, I’d like to explore life. I’d like to know I am making the most of every second here and right now for me that’s not having babies. Yes, I’ve reached an age where I want to have kids no later than five to seven years from now and I want to take that into account (i.e. maybe it’s a good idea not to spend the next five years partying, shagging every guy I see and wasting all my cash), but to stress about it? Or to think I have to do it now because other people think so? No. If I live for other peoples’ wishes or I get stressed, I’m not really living. I wanna be on an adventure, not a charter trip planned by someone else where I have live within their plans.

The same goes for career: you have to take certain things into account. If you want to be a millionaire by 35 (or whatever), it’s a good idea to nail a stable job if your own projects don’t take off (and just keep doing them on your spare time if you wish), whilst wisely investing as much as you can of the money you make. However, if the millions don’t come your way, no matter how hard you work, what are you going to do about it? Kill yourself? I say it again: we may only have one life – what are the things you want to occupy your mind and days with? (Not to mention nights…)

I have met people who are never satisfied. I used to be one of them. Then one day it dawned on me that all I have is this moment and I want to make the most of that and embrace whatever is in it – be that sorrow, or joy. I truly want to explore it. Learn from it. Then, suddenly, the fear disappears. The have to:s and musts disappear. I don’t have to be a certain person, or achieve a certain thing, I’m just exploring…making the most of things…learning. Doesn’t remove my goals, but it removes my stress to reach them.

I’ve said this before, but here we go again: I don’t know if there is a law of attraction – maybe I’m in charge of my life, maybe I’m not. Common sense tells me that you will only find what you are looking for – the rest will pass you by (and yes, this idea is supported by psychological experiments I’ve heard of). Common sense also tells me that the more you meditate on something, the more your mind is opened up to it and the more you educate yourself on a topic, the more likely you are to understand it. However, I’m not sure if we are in charge of what we are looking for, or if it is our pasts that determine this. Some people really seem to want certain things, but they don’t happen. Is that because they don’t really evaluate their lives and learn from their mistakes? Is that because they are not prepared to go through what it takes to learn? Or is it because they are blinded by their own thoughts and simply can’t find a way out? Sometimes you listen to people and they are like “I dated this person and then this person and they were bad for me because…now I’m dating this person who seems to be like that also, but I will still date them.” Hello??!! What I’m trying to say: do we have free will? Can we become whatever we choose if we are prepared to walk the path that leads us there? Can we even come up with a good idea of where we want to go unless we got inspiration for this in our childhood? Do people fuck up their lives because they are lazy, or because they don’t know how to live any other way? Will there always come a day when we realize we have a choice of how to live? Do we have a choice of how to live?  I don’t know. By the end of the day: whatever happens happens and in my opinion the best you can do is to fully live it. Learn from it. Enjoy it. Stress about it? Isn’t this supposed to be the age of spirituality and…uhh…yoga and martial arts (with hot dudes)?

Why is all this so important to me? I used to want to be super woman. I wanted to be the best at everything. My self-confidence was rock bottom – I was never, ever pleased. I never believed people who praised me, because I was well aware I was not flawless. I didn’t love myself, nor did I understand how others could. Anything that did not go my way I beat myself up – whether I did not show up as I wanted to, or I didn’t nail a certain thing work wise. I worked like a maniac to become the person I wanted to be, achieving the things I wanted to achieve. The sad thing was – I wasn’t having fun – I was a perfectionist obsessed by my own imperfection. Then one day I gave up. I realized I knew nothing. I may never amount to anything. I do have life though and I want to live it. Embrace whatever this is. That somehow gave me more self-confidence than I’ve ever had before. Peoples’ opinions didn’t matter that much anymore. I no longer had to pretend. I just showed up.

I guess what I’m saying is: let’s make love to life, why don’t we???!!!!

How about applying this to life??

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