Tag Archives: happy

Bruised bottoms…

There’s no fucking backup plan for falling in love. You fall. You stumble down some stairs, land flat on your ass and look up to someone who now appears as a giant before you. All other men, in comparison, ants. They lack the beautiful traits, the significant looks, and the commonalities the other man shares with you. They seem insignificant in comparison.

The thing is, you have to do it. You have to fall. You have to imagine that this man is better than all the rest, even if you know it’s an illusion. Because without that illusion, there are no butterflies. No tingles in your forearms. No longing so painful and so sweet a mere text messages makes you erupt in euphoria.

You want those feelings.

At the same time, of course, you need to be practical. This man, if any good, will end up your husband. He has to be able to express what he needs, while still thinking you’re some thinly veiled goddess. He has to be able to say the hard stuff and praise–generously–the good stuff. He needs to be able to build a reality with you where you are both happy. He will have to read the books you recommend about marriage, and go on a trip to Beijing even though he doesn’t want to. He has to get up at five on days you have a fever, to make sure you get breakfast in bed. And just like that, you have to do the same for him. You have to do things you’d never imagined just to learn to understand and aid this giant of a man. And that’s when it really helps to think he is a giant compared to other men. It helps to have butterflies in your belly. It helps to be seduced by his mind and body, heart and soul. It’s the fuel that will take you through.

But all of that can only last–the endorphin high–if the hard work is done.

And that’s why many people get off of the floor, dust their bottoms, and start climbing the stairs again. Because they aren’t willing to work. To learn. To compromise. Instead, the giant becomes a giant obstacle, hindering them on their path. Or the giant is uncompromising; unwilling to move.

Thankfully, for all of us, we’ve learned that falling and getting up isn’t too hard. Not when you’re on round twenty-five, or so. You’ve learned you can climb stairs, even in stilettos. You’ve learned you’re OK, even when you’re bruised.

And if nothing else, there’s coffee. Dark, divine, delicious coffee. Laden with just the right amount of honey to sweeten it and cream to tame the darkness. That coffee, served at an ungodly hour will kickstart you once more. Your internal engine humming.

There’s also tea. Drunk together with friends, who pat you on the back and give you another cookie. A sugar rush. Something to bring you back to the moment and forget your temporary insanity when you thought a mere man a giant.

Tea brings new adventures as souls set out on journeys together; discover new thoughts; decide to start up businesses; or go on spa weekends in the country. Tea is the glue that keeps souls together. And we all know when it’s time to put on the kettle and bake the scones.

Then, there’s wine and champagne when we are in need of a good giggle–bubbles bursting on our tongue and tickling our throat. Landing in our belly like butterflies. And as our mind ascends to a pink cloud, we look around and start seeing men. Maybe not giants, but men with potential at least. Men who wink at us and tell us we’re OK, even with our bruised bottoms. Men who’d be happy for us to fall for them–men who might even catch us as we stumble down the stairs on a giddy high. Men who would, potentially, consider doing the hard work. The push-ups that will give them the muscle that make us smile and lick our lips. The men willing to go the extra mile. If, of course, we do the same.

One day, you’ll meet a man who will remain a giant. Till that day, dust yourself up and brew some coffee–head to a friend for tea and go out for wine. Life. Feel it. Brewing inside of you until it bursts out in cascades of stars. Be a star. Glitter. Glimmer. Indulge in every moment. Drink the morning dew. Recognize it for the nectar that it is. Turn up the music and dance around the kitchen. Look out over the rooftops of Paris as many times as you need to get inspired. Run so fast you fall over and laugh uncontrollably with a runner’s high. Drive along the PCH till you feel freedom pump around your blood. Howl at a full moon. Set yourself free–scream with joy and jump in puddles–and discover the treasure right there at your doorstep. Especially if you’re in isolation–make sure that doorstep fucking shines.

At eight o’clock I call you

Waiting to hear your voice

Like a kid waiting for Santa 

Like a desperate woman pouring a glass of wine

Oh even if you don’t pick up

And I’m sent to voice mail

I get to hear that dark grumble

That always makes me stumble

Right into your arms

Where I escape the day’s harms

You’re no hero

No man in shining armor

A tad bruised 

A tad battered

Scarred enough to be a man 

Lost enough to be human

But with an inner compass

Looking for the light 

At eight o’clock I call you

Oh even if you don’t pick up

And I’m sent to voice mail

I get to hear that dark grumble

That always makes me stumble

Right into your arms

Where I escape the day’s harms

The truth is

I learned to walk long ago

Both in high heels and bare feet

Even with sneakers in obstacle courses

And even though I sometimes stumble 

I know that I’ll win the race

Celebrate another day ending

And the next’s beginning

And yet at eight o’clock I call you

Oh even if you don’t pick up

And I’m sent to voice mail

I get to hear that dark grumble

That always makes me stumble

Right into your arms

Where I escape the day’s harms

I can walk 

I can run 

I can pick myself up when I stumble 

I’m fine

I’m free

I’ll bleed and I’ll heal

I’ll laugh and I’ll move forward 

I’ll love and live and pirouette

Around the next corner

For yet another adventure

But at eight o’clock I call you

Oh even if you don’t pick up

And I’m sent to voice mail

I get to hear that dark grumble

That always makes me stumble

Right into your arms

Where I enjoy another 

Of life’s treasures

Yours truly,

Dizzy Blonde aka Maria Montgomery and yes, the copyright is all mine and all that.

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Filed under confessions, diary, Happiness, Insights, Inspiration, Inspirational, Love, Love-life, Motivation, Musings, Poem, poetry, Relationship, relationships

One nagging fantasy…

We all have fantasies right? Oh, come on. Don’t tell me you didn’t fantasize about that…..uh…..that new house you want. Or wearing that………..dress. Fantasies can be quite good – make us imagine things so we can act on them so as to achieve them. They allow us to pack a bag because we imagine what we will need to use during our trip. (That’s clearly why I didn’t bring an umbrella to San Fransisco…….I imagine I can buy one here…). You can also imagine the sum total of what you like and avoid people and things that don’t match up (instead of getting emotionally attached to douchebags because they are so charming…ahem..). What’s more, you can imagine where you want to go and if you see the road you are on isn’t taking you there, you can change paths. You can even imagine whom you want to be. The reality you create in your mind is the reality you will act from. If you believe you are unafraid of heights you will be happy to climb mountains. If you believe you are scared of heights, you will be unhappy climbing mountains. Maybe it’s subconscious, but it’s actually a choice. It’s not a defined reality. Pretty, cool, eh??!!!

Always remember whom you want to be and act from that place, instead of pondering on whom you’ve sometimes been and how much you dislike it. Move towards what you like instead of away from what you don’t like. So simple. Yet, we are so friggin brainwashed into thinking we are our pasts. Because of what we did then it makes us xyz. Because of what people told us we were, or how they reacted to us, it makes us abc. It makes us no one. The past is merely a fantasy in our minds.

I keep saying this, I keep forgetting it. I guess I need post-it notes all around the house saying: I am the now. I am whom I choose to be. I am the most comfortable corner within my soul. I am friggin marvelous!!!!!!!!

Have a wonderful Friday everyone – giggle at almost anything, tickle someone, watch the sunset, or the cloud formations, eat something you love, dive into endless possibilities and above all play with life, laugh out loud and love endlessly.

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Filed under Inspiration, Liberty, Life, Memory, Motivation, Personal Development, Psychology, Self-confidence, Self-help, The Mind, Thoughts, Truth

The ocean, a bikini and a bruised bum…

Life reminds me of the ocean: I love to run out into the waves full speed and sometimes I fall over and swallow a lot of water in the process and my bum might get a bit bruised, but I’m still laughing, because I’m playing. I don’t feel totally embarrassed (just a little bit), because I’m playing. I learn to stand up for longer the more I learn to understand the waves, but I don’t take it too seriously, because I’m playing. I have a sense of adventure, as I don’t know what the next wave will be like, but it doesn’t scare me much, it just thrills me, because I’m playing. I have to keep my eyes open to be able to dance with the waves, but it doesn’t feel like an effort, because I’m playing. I always feel free and energized as I do this, because I’m playing. Others see my joy and freedom, so they want to be near me, because I’m playing. It’s fun, because I’m playing. I feel wonderful, because I’m playing. If I could live my life like that, in a bikini, it’d be a breeze.

“I don’t want to make money, I just want to be wonderful.” – Marilyn Monroe

Santa Monica

Morocco

Me, running in Malibu

Californication…


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Karma is one sexy beast…

The problem with knowledge is that you realize how damn stupid you were before you had it. There is an old saying that youth is lost on youth, I assume because when you are young you have all the benefits of youth, but only the knowledge of youth. When you get older you get wiser, but you lose the benefits of youth. Then again, I believe that maybe youth needs its stupidity so as to passionately go after the impossible (read: that which will take them through a million battles before they reach their goal), as those that succeed make it ever so little more possible for the rest. (It’s fascinating how new world records are set all the time – somehow every year we seem to get a little bit faster.)

Do you believe in karma? I’d like to believe in it, as I’d like to believe that we have some sort of way of controlling our own fate. I’d like to believe we reap the seeds we sow. I don’t, however, believe that just because you may have committed a crime in this or a past life time you should feel ashamed of yourself. In general I think being ashamed of oneself should only be a trigger to sort something out, not an excuse to sit and wither away in one’s own misery.

I started thinking about karma the other day as I came to think about a guy I was madly in love with way before I understood anything about love. I was just in love, full stop. Looking back it’s a rather funny story about ego, but at the time it was a very painful story. We never dated, but somehow I was madly in love with him and I gave him my heart to break in a million pieces. I was so in love with him that for me he became the symbol of love – for ten years I’d dream of him when I wanted love. Because the emotions I had for this guy were so strong I wondered if I had been with him in a past life and if I had hurt him greatly?

If you look back on my present life you can easily say that love has been the greatest confusion and source of pain. It’s only in the last year that I have gotten my head round the whole thing and I’m still learning. Through all this learning I have come to appreciate love. I also decided the other day, as I came to think of this guy, that I was going to take karma seriously. Whether it exists or not, I have something to learn from everything that goes wrong in my life.

If I was truly a heart breaker in a past life, I clearly did not understand what I was doing to people. In this life I have learnt what it feels like to be on the other side of the equation. If I caused people to feel like I have felt in this lifetime from family issues, men and bullies, I was a nutcase and I am truly sorry. I can only be sorry because I now understand the pain you can cause others by playing with them in ways they don’t necessarily understand, so they fall foul for the game due to their lack of knowledge. I also think that the people who have caused me pain, often, were not aware of it, or pretty much unable to stop themselves from doing it because of how life shaped them. If I think of the things I have done by mistake to hurt others, or because I didn’t know better, or couldn’t control my own behavior, it makes it easier to forgive them. Basically, by looking at the situation from their point of view I can finally forgive them.

Also, if I ask for forgiveness, I learn what it feels like to be on the other side of where I am at right now. It allows the mind to travel. I am not what happened to me and I have to learn to detach myself from it. And by genuinely apologizing you learn some humility – I’m sure I’ve broken a few hearts in this lifetime too and I know for sure that my ego enjoys when I know I can have a guy, even though I don’t want him. However, I don’t encourage guys I don’t want. I may be friends with them, but that’s that. It’s harder with guys that you feel that you have some sort of connection, but you know you don’t want to be with. Attraction is a complex thing.

If I look back on my heart-breaks in this life (which may be the only one I’ve ever had, or will have, I don’t know) I have learnt a lot from that. I guess there are two ways of learning about love: getting it right from the start and experiencing what it should be like so you know what you want, or failing in all ways until you figure out what it isn’t and therefore what it should be. Some of my main learnings are that for certain a guy can be “your type” but that’s not love. For certain there are a few people in this life that have achieved the level that you would like to achieve and that you admire, but that’s not love. For certain there are people in this life that mirror you in more ways than one, but that’s not love. For certain a guy can tell you the most amazing things till your ego feels like it’s flying to the moon and back, but that’s not love. Love, to me, is an understanding, a connection if you so like, a dose of attraction and a willingness to create life together. I have discussed that under the page titled Love here, so I won’t go into it again, but it’s very different from when I was a teenager and hopelessly in love with a person who was no good for me at all, so if I admired him and we mirrored each other in some ways.

Another of my beliefs is that if you ask for something and you are prepared to do what it takes, including apologizing for your karma, you will get it. However, most people probably don’t try to learn from every event life throws at them. Most people don’t want to take hit after hit so as to reach a certain destination. Most people blame others for their failure, or are jealous of others for their success. If someone was to ask me if I was willing to climb one of the hardest climbs there are and fall a few times along the way, so as to reach one of the greatest mountain tops there are, I would have said yes. I know myself well enough to know that. I had to slip and fall on the head a few times for me to realize that life isn’t about success – that I can be happy in the here and now. I’ve had to fall maybe even harder to let go of some of my ego. And I’ve definitively fallen a few times when it comes to love. Why did I have to fall so many times? Because I simply didn’t get it the first time! That’s not necessarily my fault – I didn’t know better. Am I happy I got to where I am now though? Yes. Yes, I am.

It’s hard to forgive those that inflicted pain on you. It’s hard to forgive them unless you become them. If you imagine what they went through to become whom they are. If you see life through their eyes. And if you imagine, just for a minute or two, that you are them, trapped in that very set of circumstances and thoughts and you see you doing what they did, only now it’s to them…maybe then you can forgive yourself and by doing so, forgiving them. And maybe, just maybe, do you learn the lesson that life was trying to tell you so desperately with signs as big as elephants, that you, of course, did not see. From what I’ve learnt, I can only thank the people who ruined me for being so kind to do so.

I have to say, in my life, karma, if it exists, has been a big sexy beast…I mean all those men were just so friggin yummy!!!

Am I a fool, being played by a fool, or simply acting foolishly???…

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You’re ugly, but I’d shag you anyway…

OK, so this is not a PC (politically correct) headline, but life is not PC. Have you ever met anyone who complains they are shy? Ugly? Feel inferior? Don’t like their body? Well, welcome to the world – that probably goes for 99.9% of the population. That is to say – anyone who is not a guru.

Each player must accept the cards life deals him or her: but once they are in hand, he or she alone must decide how to play the cards in order to win the game. – Voltaire

Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. – George Bernard Shaw

Excuses. Blame. I am. I can’t. Let me ask you, are you something? Or do you have tendencies? Now, most people think that they are something. I can’t predict myself. Therefore, I can’t be something. I have certain tendencies. I also have choice. Most people walk around all day long saying that they “are” their past. Please. I was my past. Today, I am me. Is that “me” a sum total of all the experiences I have had so far, so that when something new happens my reaction will be as a result of all these experiences? Probably. I have a theory though and it’s hardly unique: I believe, or at least I hope, that anyone who is told that s/he has a choice to be whom they choose to be and believes that to be true, will make a decision that they are going to educate themselves to become the person they want to be. In other words: they won’t think that they are the events that happened to them, but rather, they will search for the knowledge they need to be able to make new choices – form new behaviors. It is true that we can only make decisions from that which we know, that’s why education, if experience is lacking, is essential. If you wanna get somewhere: ask the people who got there. No, I’m not saying you can copy them exactly – you are unique, but you can only see as far as you look. Most people don’t look very far.

Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has many—not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some. – Charles Dickens

What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Why am I so passionate about this subject? Because I see people all the time that have a ton of excuses as to why they are not living the life of their dreams. Also, at the age of 13 I hardly spoke unless spoken too; I was called geek, ugly and, obviously, shy. I know what it is like to feel like a pieces of worthless shit. Excuse my language, but that’s how I felt as a kid. I made a decision though – I saw people who had what I wanted to have and behaved like I wanted to behave and I set out to become like that. Today people think I am lying when I speak about my past. I’m not. That kid really was me and it really is possible to change. Was it easy? No, because I believed I was my experiences. It took some time to figure out I was just a human – I wasn’t shy, I wasn’t ugly and I wasn’t a geek. I was just a person. Did it take some time to figure out how not to be shy, ugly and geeky? Yes. I wasn’t a master socializer and oozing self-confidence when I first set out, let’s put it that way, but through trial and error I learnt to be a fairly outgoing, confident person. Sure I still slip back into old patterns sometimes, but I realize that’s not me. I am whom I choose to be, minus a few genes.

It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that they are difficult. – Seneca

It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person, “Always do what you are afraid to do. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Do you think people become popular because of their genes, or because they have a certain kind of behavior? Do you think people succeed because they are intelligent beyond belief, or because they have a certain kind of behavior? If it is because of behavior, would it maybe be wise to check what they do and start applying that? I have spent a lot of time amongst sales people and life coaches and read a ton about mentalism and hypnosis – believe me when I say that there are ways to deal with people and there are ways not to deal with people. It has nothing to do with having to change who you are, it’s just how you deal with things.

If your ship doesn’t come in, swim out to it. – Jonathan Winters

If I could give you one gift, I would give you the ability to see yourself as I see you, so you could see how truly special you are. – Author Unknown

Did you ever meet someone who is excusing themselves all the time for their existence? They show up at your b-day party with a gift: “Hey, I’m sorry, I didn’t know whether to bring a gift or not, but I did get you one. I’m sorry if it’s not what you really want, or if it’s too stupid and I’m sorry if I shouldn’t have brought you a gift in the first place.” Then someone else walks in and says “Hello gorgeous, I brought you a gift. I am the worst gift buyer in the world, but it’s the thought that counts, isn’t it?!! Happy b-day hun.” Of course there is a person behind each of these behaviors. Of course they mean equally well. I’m just wondering, who do you think has the most luck in love of the two? The most luck with their career? It can also be said, that both of them will probably become luckier and better at most everything if there is someone next to them who believes in them and feeds them enough love to give them wings, so if that person is themselves. No, it’s not easy to find that energy to love yourself sometimes, but it is the key to flying without wings.

I am so glad that you are here… It helps me realize how beautiful my world is. – Goethe

Perseverance is a great element of success. If you only knock long enough and loud enough at the gate, you are sure to wake up somebody. – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

My dad always taught me that you can eat a brick if you really want to. He also used to say that second place is no place. He made me highly motivated, which I am sure he regrets by now – he didn’t realize exactly what I’d go after in life when he made these statements. Sufficient to say though, I was taught to fight. Had I not been I’d still be a shy, inferior little thing that believed she was worthless. I’m not worthless – no one is. You just have to stand up for yourself. And don’t tell me you are ugly. So is Jaquin Phoenix, in my opinion, and I swear he is the hottest thing since chili in Walk The Line. It’s character, not looks that shape a face and makes you wanna shag someone 90% of the time. Fitness and thinking you are a great shag helps too and all that takes is exercise.

Perseverance is failing nineteen times and succeeding the twentieth. – Julie Andrews (if it would only be that ratio…I believe I have failed a lot more often than that!!)

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” – Rumi

Also, a lot of women apparently think that because they have small boobs they can’t get men. In that case I would NEVER get a guy and I have absolutely no lack of men wanting to shag me. I don’t think Kate Hudson does either.

If you wish to travel far and fast, travel light. Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness, and fears. – Glenn Clark

Aerodynamically the bumblebee shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn’t know that so it goes on flying anyway. – Mary Kay Ash

I believe it’s only when you see yourself as inferior to someone else that you make excuses for whom you are. No one is better than you. They may have practiced their skills for longer, or learnt earlier where they wanted to go, but they are NOT better than you.

We are all inventors, each sailing out on a voyage of discovery, guided each by a private chart, of which there is no duplicate. The world is all gates, all opportunities. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Do you love me because I’m beautiful, or am I beautiful because you love me? – Oscar Hammerstein

YOU deserve LOVE. Especially your own love. And when that happens, you will stop being an excuse and start being the person whom you truly are. At least, that was the case for me. Of course most of our lives would be easier if we were surrounded by people who loved us and infused us with strength (for one it we would stop us from seeking love from inappropriate places, such as douche bags, diva queens and emotional fuckwits) – so here’s to you: warm big loooong hugs, hot cups of tea, tons of laughter and lovely smiles.

RT @guy_finley D truth is that real success, ultimately the only success, is determined by how much we are in actual possession of ourselves

More from this guy here: www.attitudeisaltitude.com

You don’t get to choose how you’re going to die, or when. You can only decide how you’re going to live now. – Joan Baez

Love makes the world a hell of a lot brighter =)

That would be me!!! =)

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Filed under Courage, Dating, dreams, education, Emerson, Humor, Inspiration, Joy, Liberty, Life, Love, Men, Motivation, People, Personal Development, Relationship, relationships, Self-confidence, sex, socializing, Society, Thoughts, Uncategorized, Women

Are you an angel??…

Above Shakespeare & Co. in Paris is a sign saying: “Strangers are angels in disguise.” Through my travels I have discovered many such angels. I have faith that wherever I go there will be someone to help me out when I need it, if I only ask and am prepared to give back in one way or another. It may not be the first person I bump into, but it will be someone.

The world is filled with angels, yet sometimes we allow ourselves to get caught up in dramas with people who are not treating us like we were angels in their lives and sometimes we forget to treat others like angels ourselves.

It is hard not to take your best friend, your family, your partner, etc. for granted. Some relationships have existed since you were born and it’s sometimes hard to be impartial and look on them from the outside. For a long time, my relationships with people just happened. I didn’t look upon them as a creation, but rather as just being. Today I take extra time to make sure that I contact people regularly, I give them compliments, I ensure they know I care. I didn’t always do that. To be honest, I often felt embarrassed to show I care. Now I make a point out of it. Until I learned to appreciate myself, it was hard to give compliments freely to others a) because it’s hard to give what you don’t have yourself and b) because I felt they didn’t want to hear it from me anyway.

There is this story Gary Chapman shares where he tells of a man who discovered that his wife’s primary love language was gifts and from that day on he would bring her new gifts every week. I mean small things like cookies, a flower, a hand written note, etc. I thought that was so cute. It was someone creating something wonderful, rather than just going through life taking a person for granted. And as we all know, I like people who spice up their lives – not just watch fairy tales on the big screen and oh and ah about them, but rather start refurbishing their living room, or cooking different foods, or going on different adventures, to live the life of their dreams. What’s the point of fairy tales if not to show us what’s possible in our own lives?

One day I was talking to my best friend. We were discussing friendships and what to do when friends “lose the plot” in one way, or another. She told me that she wouldn’t walk out on me no matter what happened, unless she was contributing to my issues. I had a shock. Now, my best friend and I are as tight as Siamese twins, but my whole life I have carried around this fear of being abandoned. It’s a long story, but sufficient to say people have threatened to do so if I fuck something up. So I’ve had this manic fear of fucking up and I thought that that’s that. You fuck up, people leave. Love is, in other words, conditional. Without realizing it, my best friend broke my model of the world. What she told me was the obvious, but to me it wasn’t obvious. If you don’t tell someone they look great, how are they supposed to know? You may think they know that because you are dating them, or buying them flowers, but it’s still different to hear something said to you. It should have been obvious to me that my best friend would never leave. Apparently it wasn’t, because people threatening to leave had, up until then, been frequent in my life.

OK, so apart from us not treating people like angels all the time, I’m sure you have bumped into a person or two who wasn’t too nice to you? I used to constantly date guys who couldn’t make up their minds about me. “You’re hot then you’re cold, you’re in then you’re out…” I mean it’s to the point where if a guy says “it’s off” to me, myself and my best friend make bets on how long it will take for him to come running back. Again, it’s probably due to my childhood that wasn’t all that great and a lot of people leaving, threatening to leave, etc. Needless to say – I had trust issues. Still, for me today to trust someone takes time. I need to really know that the person won’t just turn their back and walk away. In my ideal world a guy would hold my hand and tell me that he wouldn’t leave and no matter how much I wanted to run away from him, he wouldn’t let me leave (because of course I try and push people away when I get scared – better alone and unhurt, right? FALSE. You feel more hurt from being alone because you keep thinking no one loves you – I was a pro at this in my childhood.)

Anyway, I kept dating guys that didn’t know what they wanted and that’s a sure-fire way of having your heart-broken (and an equally sure-fire way of never having to commit yourself and never getting so close to someone who you’d get truly hurt if it went wrong). I worked on my internal issues and worked and worked… Things got better and better. Then I had this dream one night that a guy sort of liked me, but not quite and I woke up thinking that I was clearly still not through with it all and it bugged me…until: *light bulb going on* If a guy was not sure he liked me, I would leave him. No matter how great a piece of candy he was, bye, bye. I mean I couldn’t eat the candy when I felt like it anyway, so what was the point of drooling over it?

I’m sure you are all “that was the obvious answer,” but it took me years to work that one out. I just sat there feeling rejected if someone didn’t like me enough to know that he wanted to be with me. When I changed my point of view and decided to get rid of all the maybe babies, suddenly I was the one in charge of my own life again.

Truly beautiful people whom you really kick it off with are such a gift, but so is the woman in the grocery shop who actually smiles at you. Life is filled with angels and my mission is to be one and befriend other angels.

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Sins you cannot miss out on…

I have a confession to make…I stole this post….from Paulo Coelho…if you have to steal – steal from the people who know what they are doing. Since I have read The Alchemist about five times, I believe this man knows what he’s doing. I don’t agree with all his works and ideas, but most of them are profound. As I took a photo today of the seven sins, I thought this post suitable.

Needing to adapt to the new times, Satan decided to get rid of a whole lot of his stock of temptations. He placed an ad in the newspaper and attended his customers all day in his workshop.

It was a fantastic stock: stones for the virtuous to stumble over, mirrors for increasing one’s self-importance, and spectacles that reduced the importance of others. Some objects hanging on the wall drew a lot of attention: a dagger with a curved blade to be used on someone’s back, and tape-recorders that registered only gossip and lies.

– Don’t worry about the price! – shouted old Satan to the potential customers. – Take it home today and pay for it whenever you can!

One of the visitors noticed three tools lying in a corner that seemed to be quite worn and attracted little attention. But they were very expensive. Curious, he wanted to know the reason for that apparent discrepancy.

– They are worn because they are the ones that I use most of all – answered Satan with a laugh. – If they drew a lot of attention, people would know how to protect themselves.

– However, they are both worth the price I am asking for them: one is Doubt, the other is the Inferiority Complex, the third is Bitterness. All the other temptations can sometimes fail, but these three always work.

-Paulo Coelho http://ht.ly/1OXJQ

In The Alchemist the boy follows his dream, follows his heart. For years I have tried to achieve success. I followed my ideas, my dreams, if you so like, but I was set on success. My heart was in love with what I did, but my mind was always elsewhere: fretting, worrying, obsessing, feeling inferior. The day I gave up on success my life became successful, because I enjoyed what I had, not what I strove for. My focus was once again on what I was doing, what I love doing. I began to live without fear. I can’t say I do that 100% all of the time, but now at least I have a taster of what being fully alive truly means. Coelho has a point. When you let go of doubt, bitterness and inferiority, when you live instead of judge, when you follow your heart…the journey becomes blissful. Carpe Diem!

If you are gonna sin…make it a naughty one, not a deadly one!

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Are you single??…

Stress has to be one of the most over used words of this century. Everyone’s stressed. You’re a total loser if you haven’t done xyz by a certain age. It’s like we were born into this plan that other people think we should follow. Whatever happened to living? Playing? Learning?

Whenever I talk to my gran she is asking me if I have “met someone.” She thinks I’m way to old to be single. Whenever I talk to my dad he asks me when I’m going to settle down. Whenever I talk to my sister she reminds me she wants to become an aunt. I personally do not feel like doing any one of these things right now. Well, hang out with the love of my life would be nice, but the rest, no. If I only live once, I’d like to explore life. I’d like to know I am making the most of every second here and right now for me that’s not having babies. Yes, I’ve reached an age where I want to have kids no later than five to seven years from now and I want to take that into account (i.e. maybe it’s a good idea not to spend the next five years partying, shagging every guy I see and wasting all my cash), but to stress about it? Or to think I have to do it now because other people think so? No. If I live for other peoples’ wishes or I get stressed, I’m not really living. I wanna be on an adventure, not a charter trip planned by someone else where I have live within their plans.

The same goes for career: you have to take certain things into account. If you want to be a millionaire by 35 (or whatever), it’s a good idea to nail a stable job if your own projects don’t take off (and just keep doing them on your spare time if you wish), whilst wisely investing as much as you can of the money you make. However, if the millions don’t come your way, no matter how hard you work, what are you going to do about it? Kill yourself? I say it again: we may only have one life – what are the things you want to occupy your mind and days with? (Not to mention nights…)

I have met people who are never satisfied. I used to be one of them. Then one day it dawned on me that all I have is this moment and I want to make the most of that and embrace whatever is in it – be that sorrow, or joy. I truly want to explore it. Learn from it. Then, suddenly, the fear disappears. The have to:s and musts disappear. I don’t have to be a certain person, or achieve a certain thing, I’m just exploring…making the most of things…learning. Doesn’t remove my goals, but it removes my stress to reach them.

I’ve said this before, but here we go again: I don’t know if there is a law of attraction – maybe I’m in charge of my life, maybe I’m not. Common sense tells me that you will only find what you are looking for – the rest will pass you by (and yes, this idea is supported by psychological experiments I’ve heard of). Common sense also tells me that the more you meditate on something, the more your mind is opened up to it and the more you educate yourself on a topic, the more likely you are to understand it. However, I’m not sure if we are in charge of what we are looking for, or if it is our pasts that determine this. Some people really seem to want certain things, but they don’t happen. Is that because they don’t really evaluate their lives and learn from their mistakes? Is that because they are not prepared to go through what it takes to learn? Or is it because they are blinded by their own thoughts and simply can’t find a way out? Sometimes you listen to people and they are like “I dated this person and then this person and they were bad for me because…now I’m dating this person who seems to be like that also, but I will still date them.” Hello??!! What I’m trying to say: do we have free will? Can we become whatever we choose if we are prepared to walk the path that leads us there? Can we even come up with a good idea of where we want to go unless we got inspiration for this in our childhood? Do people fuck up their lives because they are lazy, or because they don’t know how to live any other way? Will there always come a day when we realize we have a choice of how to live? Do we have a choice of how to live?  I don’t know. By the end of the day: whatever happens happens and in my opinion the best you can do is to fully live it. Learn from it. Enjoy it. Stress about it? Isn’t this supposed to be the age of spirituality and…uhh…yoga and martial arts (with hot dudes)?

Why is all this so important to me? I used to want to be super woman. I wanted to be the best at everything. My self-confidence was rock bottom – I was never, ever pleased. I never believed people who praised me, because I was well aware I was not flawless. I didn’t love myself, nor did I understand how others could. Anything that did not go my way I beat myself up – whether I did not show up as I wanted to, or I didn’t nail a certain thing work wise. I worked like a maniac to become the person I wanted to be, achieving the things I wanted to achieve. The sad thing was – I wasn’t having fun – I was a perfectionist obsessed by my own imperfection. Then one day I gave up. I realized I knew nothing. I may never amount to anything. I do have life though and I want to live it. Embrace whatever this is. That somehow gave me more self-confidence than I’ve ever had before. Peoples’ opinions didn’t matter that much anymore. I no longer had to pretend. I just showed up.

I guess what I’m saying is: let’s make love to life, why don’t we???!!!!

How about applying this to life??

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Le jardin des plaisirs…

Yesterday’s blog was all about sex so today I can afford to be a silly romantic babbling about the meaning of life and such… However, the funniest comment for today was my friend stating that she would like Gerard Butler to “come on the dinner at ours” instead of “come for dinner at ours”. I wouldn’t mind… Anyway, I was sitting with a friend in a hot tub Sunday night, marveling at how beautiful life is – after a stunning weekend it was the perfect finale. I hadn’t seen her since I came back from London and it was truly amazing to get to spend some time with her again in a traditional wonderful Cali setting.

Every time I see a good friend I just can’t stop thinking about how lucky I am to have these people in my life. Each single person that has crossed my path as a friend, or a lover, be they still in my life or not, are people I have appreciated and still appreciate for what they gave me – the insights, the support, the good times. When you meet someone with whom you *click* it’s just a supreme gift.

What the years have taught me is that even if you don’t have that instant connection, inside each person is someone worthy of knowing (so if it may be impossible to be friends with them because you just can’t co-function, or you can’t always reach their core). Once, when on vacation, I made this decision that I was going to talk to everyone who I instantly disliked for one reason or another. I mean, I was on vacation right, so why not cross some boundaries?!! Till this day I am friends with people whom I would never had gotten to know had I not made that decision and they are absolutely fabulous people whom I have a ton of respect for – it just so happened that in them I saw some things that reflected things in me I might not necessarily have wanted to deal with at the time, but what I found beyond that were treasures. Great treasures.

When we were out walking in the canyon the other day, my best friend told me this story about an autistic boy who had been yelling and screaming his whole life – he didn’t talk and he was constantly angry. One day he ran away and they found him hugging the legs of a horse, the horse not minding in the least. That day, when he was with the horse, he spoke for the first time. Soon they discovered that as soon as he was around animals, any kind of animals, he calmed down and even though he was rough with them, the animals always allowed him to play with them.

The family then started looking into other alternative ways of helping their boy and ended up taking him to shamans in Africa. The shamans did some energy work, or magic, what have you, on the boy and explained that from then on he would be fine. He would always have his disease, but he would never again have the problems he used to have and one day he would become a shaman thanks to his abilities. That day the boy hugged another child and called him a friend. That had never happened before.

I believe what shamans know, that most of us tend to forget, is that we are all made of the same star dust. We all seek love and understanding, even if the ways in which we seek it sometimes are completely wrong – yelling, threats, drugs, guns…simply because we don’t know any better.

Some people have been living completely different lives from us, making it hard for us to understand how they function, as their reactions to life are so different from ours (maybe because of how they interpret things due to their past). We simply don’t understand what they are going through, but underneath that, they, too, are star dust. They too are seeking to sparkle. They too are seeking warmth. They too have feelings. And I sincerely believe, that if you only tune into that, most people will open up to you.

Basically I believe that inside each person there is a garden of pleasure and once you know how to access it you can….ahem…..play…

Les nuits très spéciales…dans le jardin des plaisirs…

Gary Chapman who wrote The Five Love Languages, have some noteworthy quotes:

Why we do what we do?

In a really difficult marriage, you will never be able to address the real problems until you understand what motivates your spouse’s behavior. All of our behavior is motivated by inner needs.

One husband complained, “She thinks she is smarter than I am.” His wife’s perspective? “Any time I disagree with him, he thinks I’m trying to control him. I just want to be a part of the decision. Sure I call him names, but it’s because I want him to listen to me.” Both husband and wife are motivated by the need to be treated as a person. They want to feel that their ideas are important to the other.

If you can understand the motivation, you can address the need instead of arguing over the symptoms. It might start with, “I value your ideas, and I want us to work together as a team.”

The Need for Love

Do you understand that some of your spouse’s most negative behavior may be motivated by the need for love? Barb complains that her husband doesn’t have time for her. She often raises her voice and delivers angry lectures to him, accusing him of not caring for her. Sometimes these lectures work. Her husband Bob will sit down and talk with her.

Wouldn’t it be better if Bob understood that her primary love language is Quality Time and would make time regularly to talk with Barb. Addressing her need for love may well eliminate her negative behavior. Learning to identify the emotional need that is behind your spouse’s behavior is a major step in being a positive influence in an otherwise Desperate Marriage. Don’t curse the behavior. Address the need.

The Need for Freedom

One of our deepest emotional needs is the need for freedom. In a marriage, we want to be free to express our feelings, thoughts, and desires. We want the freedom to make choices. We often do things for each other, but we don’t want to be manipulated or forced to do things. If we feel like we are being controlled we get defensive and angry.

Freedom is never to be absolute; to be totally free is to live a life without love. Love chooses to look out for the interest of the other person. However, if we realize this need for freedom we will allow our spouse freedom to make choices. We will make requests but not demands. We will express our opinions, but give them the freedom to disagree. Love and freedom are two key elements in a healthy marriage.

The Need for Significance

If you are married to a workaholic, do you understand that one of the emotional needs that pushes the workaholic is the need for significance. Many do not realize that our real significance comes from being children of God and living out His plans for us. Thus they put all their marbles in excelling in the market place, and often neglect the home.

Perhaps his father said, “You will never amount to anything.” So, he spends a lifetime trying to prove his father wrong. If you are married to a workaholic, don’t curse his work. Praise him for his accomplishments. Tell him how proud you are of him. With more praise coming from you he will likely choose to spend more time with you. On the other hand, your condemnation pushes him to spend more time at work.

The Conflict of Recreation vs Relaxation

Many of our conflicts in marriage focus on recreation or relaxation. She complains that he spends too much time watching TV. He sees her as a nervous cat who never relaxes. She says there is too much work to be done. She does not have time to watch TV. However, if you examine her schedule, you’ll likely find her relaxing in other ways.

One of our basic physical and emotional needs is the need for recreation or relaxation. The need for rhythm, of movement between work and play was ordained by God. The old saying, “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy,” reflects this fundamental need. In a healthy marriage we don’t try to force our spouse to relax the way we do. Instead, we try to help each other find a balance between work and play.

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Lion, you?!?…

I know I have blogged about this before, yet it always comes back to me; stronger and stronger until one day I hope to master it myself.

There is a human being in front of you. She smiles. She says things. She makes you laugh. She’s a gift. She works in ways that make you wonder. She amazes you. She frightens you. She brings out something different in you. She annoys you. She agitates you. She tickles you. She makes you think of her when she is not there. She touches you. She has feelings for you. She feels you. She sees you. She listens to you. She alarms you. She awakens you. She makes you feel. She makes you experience things. She uplifts you. She believes in you.

There are no words to describe what people mean to you, each person being unique.

We may live for another second, or another hundred years. We may live every second being truly alive, giving each moment and each person our all, or we may live in fear. With inhibitions. With darkness. We may follow the light, or we may fear the shadows. We may charge into the world like lions, or like sheep.

We may live, or we may die.

We have all done things we regret – felt fear, anger, shame, hatred…but that’s the past, who you are now is just a body, free to do what you choose! You are a human. You have traits, but you also have choice. Sheep, or lion.

Today is your unique gift to a person and a person’s unique gift to you. Dare to live. Dare to give light to those that light you up. Dare to walk away from shadows. Dare to love. Dare to be true to whom you choose to be. Dare to learn. Dare to live within the moment, however horrid, or however frighteningly beautiful. Dare to face what’s there, whether you fear to keep it, or lose it. Dare to be the light you want to see in this world. Dare to feel what you feel. Dare to give the most precious gift of all: yourself.

So when my best friend dared me to “lock myself out” wearing my see-through Sonia Rykiel pajama to catch the attention of a certain six pack…I…I did what any lion would do…I said “I’m not interested in sheep…when a lion comes along on the other hand…”

Only you know where your heart truly wants to go and what it truly wants to say…

Nike said it: Just Do It!

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