Tag Archives: letting go

Feverish thoughts…

Last night I decided to have a hot bath. Me + wine + bath = perfect. Really I was meant to have a girls night out, but alas I really had a severe headache and a friend of mine was under the weather too, so that got moved to today.

I wanted to cure my headache, so I poured a bath.

Now, I kind of think a lot of illness is caused, or affected by, thoughts. I grew up with a lot of asthma and I know what it’s like to be sick a lot. I always say I don’t need to take drugs because I’ve had enough fever hallucinations to meet my subconscious.

When I contracted RSI in my hands was the first time I really came to understand the relationship between your thoughts and illness though. I’d known for a long time that emotions can trigger disease. Think about heart attacks, stomach ulcers, muscle knots, asthma attacks triggered by emotions and high blood pressure, for example. However, no matter how much I searched my mind I couldn’t figure out my RSI – I could see triggers for when it started, but I still didn’t cure it. Then I read Healing Back Pain: The Mind-Body Connection by Dr. John Sarno of New York University and a few days later I was typing again. The book not only said thoughts can trigger emotions; it showed how and once you know you can take control over it.

For the first time since I was three and contracted asthma, I felt in charge of my body. Before that I used to think my body was deceptive and would turn on me.

I’ve been on a mission this year to take responsibility for my life, open up emotionally and generally get back on the spiritual path. That’s kind of why I’m suddenly blubbering over on this blog and the Huff Post, because I have so much to process and when I process something I write. This determination to shift things has led to an amazing shift in my level of happiness and on a physical plane things are shifting too. That doesn’t mean it’s always comfortable though and I guess my head had sort of had it when combined with not being able to sleep properly due to my boy’s fear of ghost and nightly escapades. So last night I decided to have a bath to relax my muscles.

I love hot baths and even more so hot tubs. I get cold easily and it’s so nice to be warm. It makes me feel free. I also believe in detoxing through the skin and putting myself through discomfort to reach another level of strength though, so when I have hot baths I often push myself way beyond my comfort level (i.e. turn up the heat as much as I can take). I believe it’s good training; the same as pushing yourself to run when you feel like giving up. What’s more, I believe that it helps you face your thoughts in a similar manner to when you have a fever; you hang with the tension; with the discomfort in the body and face discomfortable thoughts which are lodged in the body.

So sometimes when I’m in a bath I basically practice hanging out with thoughts that unsettle me. I also tend to solve business issues and the likes in the bath, which I was doing too last night. All my unpleasant thoughts served up and dissected till I find my way to a path that works. Until I’m centered. Until I feel like I’m on the path I need to walk and hit a level of peace. Of groundedness. Of connection. Of passion for my life, or the part of my life I’m contemplating.

What I find interesting as well is that those things you’re supposed to do, like all the five million breathing exercises I learned in drama school in voice and yoga classes, happen naturally when I do this kind of purging of thoughts in a too hot bath. Because you fucking have to get rid of the energy somehow.

Likewise, I sometimes do stretching sessions, when I literally feel my body letting go of stress. I do these sessions intuitively and let my body stretch as it wants to stretch, which is also when you suddenly start doing the breathing exercises. I do dancing sessions too, where I feel I let go of things – led by my body. It’s a very connected process, yet it’s free.

I have no real clue what I’m trying to say with this blog – at this stage I think it sounds like I was a hot wet mess last night and that’s about it; I’m a lunatic with a love of water and a penchant for sexual metaphors and innuendo. But my real point I guess is that thoughts are lodged in the body and the body, likewise, affects the mind. When we purge our body, we purge our mind and when we purge our mind, we purge our body. I think the interaction between the two is important though – it’s important we pay attention to our mind when we do something with our body and vice versa.

When was the last time you really scrubbed down every inch of your body whilst thinking about how you really feel when doing it? When was the last time you stretched your entire body and looked at the thoughts that came up whilst doing it? When was the last time you danced and worked through your emotions with each step? And when was the last time you did something to push your body through its comfort zone, be it through exercise, a hot bath, or a sauna?

I did it last night and for me, well let’s just say it was an interesting experience. It was also an experience in loving and looking after myself.

I highly recommend reading Healing Back Pain: The Mind-Body Connection by Dr. John Sarno – it changed my life. 

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When a door is closed, a window is opened…

Something I realised last week is that disappointment always stings like hell. And at first it’s easy to get angry, sad, frustrated, or heartbroken (depending on the situation). We’re seemingly wired to want quick solutions.

Like last week someone told me they couldn’t do some of my financial projections any longer due to some other client needing their time. They’d said yes to doing them two weeks earlier and I needed them asap. I got angry, because I’d slaved to get the numbers ready so I could get someone to edit them and spruce it up a bit as soon as possible. And there I was two weeks later with nothing. I knew I had to start all over again with finding someone new for the numbers and receiving them that week was no longer going to happen. Likewise, I spoke to someone about being the COO for flipping three months and it didn’t work out. Did I feel like I’d had my time wasted? You have no idea.

I was really frustrated last week because the sooner I have the numbers, the sooner I can do various things and I soon leave for the US and have meetings I wanted to get done before leaving. I had perceived pressure.

So my first impulse was anger fueled by disappointment.

Of course I realized straight away that anger was futile. I thought I might as well just crack on with finding someone new. I might end up with someone better. And I did find someone, of course. If they’re better I don’t know. What I do know is that business is about playing the cards you’re dealt. Business is filled with obstacles. All the time. The fun is partly finding solutions. I like that game, but when I really count on something to happen and I believe I will get a pay off from it, I too get frustrated. And right now I have pretty much my whole life invested in my business.

Life is ever changing. We want the guy, the job, the investment, the whatever to work out. We want it so that our dreams come true. So that we can live the life we dream of. But these things often take turns we never could have predicted. As a result we either enjoy the journey moving forward, or we get stuck in not so pleasant emotions surrounding events we perceive as negative in the current moment. And it’s not always that it’s something like one event, sometimes we are seemingly surrounded by things that don’t seem so nice. You need to learn to see that from a perspective too. If there is one thing working in a township and helping with the twins have taught me it’s that. If I’d allow myself to get caught up in what’s happening around me I’d be suffering constantly. I fell for that trap last year and have spent the past six months trying to see what I give, not what I can’t change.

It’s a real art to be able to move forward happily at all times. Especially when you feel pressure around something. But no matter how real that pressure is, there’s always something beyond it. You might lose your job because someone else fucked up. You might lose an investment. You might lose a guy because you screwed up. You might lose a lot of things. But there is something beyond that. Maybe something better. Maybe some struggle before you reach that something better. We don’t know. I’ve heard a lot of people say “there’s a meaning with it” when they fuck up their life in the same way they’ve been fucking it up for the past twenty years, living out the same patterns. We need to stop and evaluate. Sometimes we have to make changes. We also need to stop weaving negative meaning into things though. Bad things are not necessarily as bad as they seem. Tomorrow you might score platinum after losing gold today. It’s just you don’t feel that yet. So you’re not happy yet.

Something I learnt in my teens when some law was changed and I was refused entry to the high school program I wanted because of it, is that when a door closes a window is opened. I chose a different program. The laws were then changed again, but I stuck with the International Baccalaureate. And today I live the international life I chose back then. I loved the IB. They had way too little arts in my school, but it was the first time I felt I was in a place were I belonged. Amongst the international ones.

So remember, even when you lose what you hold dearest, there will be a tomorrow. Just like there was a yesterday when you hadn’t even met what you came to hold dearest. Love in all shapes and forms (jobs, people, situations) is everywhere. If you only open your window to it.

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Image Source: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/507780926714436912/ 

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Filed under Life, Personal Development, Spirituality, The Power of Now