Tag Archives: Life

Maybe that night we make love till morning…

Sometimes we feel small and insignificant. Much like a tiny girl, walking up a massive mountain. We aren’t quite sure of where we are, or where we will end up. We have an idea of where we want to go – to the top – but the path is winding and we can’t always see the top – there is fog, trees and sometimes fires blocking the sight.

There are nights, when we are curled up by the fire watching a starry sky, and we feel calm and serene, and the path we are walking feels like the loveliest thing ever. Our muscles are tired after a day’s worth of climbing, in fact we are feeling tired through and through, but a good tired – we lived. We lived to the full and we are still buzzing, still filled with life and life force. We are almost giddy with excitement of all the wonders we have seen and are yet to see. Our eyes are still glazed with the beauty of butterflies catching the morning breeze underneath their wings, or the glorious sight of rainbows and waterfalls. Maybe a sudden thunderstorm filled us with power, with lust and then a gentle drizzle calmed our spirits shortly after, only to be followed by sunshine that made us laugh.

We may be sharing our camp fire with some exhilarating stranger we have met whose faces tell tales of faraway countries and adventures more fearful, more wild than we could ever imagine…or maybe adventures so sweet and lustful we can only dream of….and maybe, maybe one day achieve. Or maybe we are sharing the fire with gorgeous loved ones who are accompanying us on our journey and feel as familiar as our favorite spice.

Maybe the night is filled with laughter and excited whispers and tender words. Maybe children are playing and grown-ups smiling. And maybe, long after the kids have gone to bed, everyone is sharing tales that make our heart sing. Maybe we have found a boy whose eyes are sparkling in the moonlight and seemingly reflecting not just the moon, but our own soul, making us feel understood. Maybe for that moment it all makes sense – the search, the climb, the path that we are now on. Maybe that night we make love till  the morning.

At other times we are utterly lost – it’s raining, our knees are aching, we can’t see the top of the mountain – we are walking upwards, but we have no idea if we will ever reach the top, or at least find enough treasure to buy a fire that is always burning, a bottle that is always full, a bed that is always protected and love that is always tender. We are fearful, tired and soaked to our bones. We seek the light in our soul, the inner warmth, the love we know is hidden there, but the fear is overwhelming and the panic seemingly real as the night closes in on us and we shiver.

We  think about friends we have lost, lovers that crossed our path. We think about the chances we never took and those we should never have taken. We think about our own death and wonder where we will be then? Will we have reached the top? Or will we still be fearful and lonely?

We try to fight it, to be strong, but we only get angrier and angrier with ourselves when we do – because we are meant to be strong, right? We are meant to conquer the rain and walk with joy in our heart. We are meant to have learnt enough to find our way by the stars. We aren’t supposed to be lost, or lonely, or tired, or hungry. We are supposed to know better, be better.

Then, we give up. We remember what being truly tiny meant – what it was like being a child. When the world felt large and scary and we jumped up into our parents, or siblings laps and cried, or were just held tight. We were stil told that we were beautiful, that we were loved. No one gave up on us because we slipped and fell. They just hugged us better. We remember that it was OK then. OK to be lost and frightened and sooner, or later we found our way – whether by ourselves, or with the help of others. We felt tiny back then too. We felt scared back then too. But we weren’t angry with ourselves. We just were. We just allowed ourselves to be and somehow, somewhere, we always found the love we needed to find, the light to lit up the deepest night.

Then we take a moment to rest. We sink down, our back towards a cold fir-tree. The cold, suddenly intense against our back, awakens us. We look around. We see a tiny hare, followed by another tiny hare, looking out at us from underneath the bushes. We slowly reach out our hand. We are in desolate parts where man rarely walks and the hares have not yet learnt to fear us. We slowly look at them, as they are looking at us. In their eyes we see our own fear and trepidation reflected. We see curiosity and hope. We see warmth and love.

One of the hares slowly, slowly moves over, seeing whether to trust us. And then, with a final jump it is by our hand, sniffing it. Its nose feels warm against our cold skin. It keeps sniffing around, then suddenly jumps up, into our lap, and looks at us with big eyes. The other hare now follows, carefully, but bravely, seeing the success of its fellow friend. And then, you have them both in your lap, sharing their warmth, their lives with you.

Everywhere the rain is drizzling, turning the wood into a hazy, almost surreal place. The raindrops glisten in the final hour of dusk and the sun is making one last effort to shine through, turning everything golden. You feel a little warmth from it against your skin and the hares’ body heat radiating through your clothes, into your stiff, frozen bones. For a moment you are sharing your life with two other creatures, like yourself, trying to stay warm, find food, love and happiness. You are helping each other, understanding one another. Suddenly life has conquered and you once again feel calm – inside a new dawn has awoken.

You feel fresh. Every part of you has been shaken – you have been lost and you are still lost, but inside you have found the light. You know that as night comes rolling in you will eat some food that strengthen your body and find peace in your dreams. You will then awaken with the sun and move towards new horizons. Maybe with some furry friends by your side.

It is impossible to know if we will ever reach the top of any mountain. Life is an adventure and as such, we know that there will be struggle, there will be loss, but what will always save us is our own life force, our own love of that which surrounds us, that which we do and those whom we love, including ourselves.

We will continue to get lost and we will continue to get found. Storms will shake us and events move us. We will lose what we have found and move on to find love in unexpected places.

The best we can do is find our own heart, our own peace. We can never know what storm is coming next, or how far we will get the next day. We can only continue to move with a purpose in our heart, which gives meaning to our journey. We can continue to build love in our heart, which will strengthen us and keep us calm in the eye of the storm. We can surround ourselves by love, by doing what we love and taking time to build friendships with those we love, or those we think we will come to love. We can give of what we have, as well as our gifts, our talents, and share our lives with others.

We can love and with love always comes a treasure.

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Filed under Fairytale, Fear, Freedom, Friendship, Goals, Heart, Inspiration, Joy, Life, Love, Magic, Motivation, People, Personal Development, Psychology, Self, Self-help, Spirituality, Stories, Story, Thoughts, Uncategorized, Writing

Beautiful you…

I love flowers

Dare to stick your neck out...into the flower field...

Knock, knock, who’s in there? Will you come out? Will you show me the beautiful you? Will you share your love and laughter with the world today? Hiding in the shadows doesn’t bring much light to your eyes. Walking in the sunshine makes your skin sparkle and your eyes twinkle with delight.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been a master at hiding. Since age nine, or so, I remember walking in roundabout ways to avoid people I thought would rather not see me. I remember locking myself into my room to avoid my step family. I remember looking down when a cute guy passed my path in fear of rejection. I remember feeling like a burden; an unwanted piece of something, that was better off hiding so as not to disturb others.

To this day I sometimes still retract; hide in a corner. Frightened that my company is unwanted; a burden on someone else. I don’t dare to open up and show the beauty that is me. I don’t dare to give.

If you aren’t sharing the light that is truly you. If you aren’t showing off your talents, your smile, your gorgeous, gorgeous laughter, you are doing the world, not to mention yourself, a disfavor.

The world is not here to judge you – the world is here to love you.  The world is not here to put you down – the world is here to enjoy you. The world is not here to punch you in the face – the world is here to fall in love with you. You see though, the tricky thing is for the world to enjoy you, they have to see you. For the world to receive your gifts, you have to give them. For the world to laugh at your jokes, you have to tell them. For the world to hear your stories, you have to share them. For the world to fall in love with you, you have to fall in love with the world.

And if you want for someone else to open, you have to love them open. Like a flower opens to the sun, humans open to love. That doesn’t mean there can’t be boundaries and discipline and telling someone right from wrong, that too is love, but without love all is empty. Without love we all close up. And so, you also have to love yourself open, so that you can see the beautiful you. So that the world gets a chance to enjoy you and you get a chance to enjoy the world.

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Filed under Courage, Creating, Creation, Fear, Freedom, Friends, Friendship, Gifts, Inspiration, Joy, Life, Love, Motivation, People, Personal Development, Psychology, Self, Self-confidence, Self-help, socializing, Society, Thoughts, Uncategorized

The dizzy blonde manifesto…

To find faith during your hours of despair. To see the light when darkness enters. To believe in kindness when you encounter hatred. To find peace when a storm is raging. To see what you have instead of what you lack. To feel love when your heart is breaking. To stand up for what you are when someone tries to put you down. To know why there is laughter when you are crying. To avoid cursing when someone acts badly and instead pray for goodness for all. To let go of what annoys you and embrace what you believe in. To question even the obvious. To know that if someone treats you badly, you should go for better. To believe in health when you feel sickness. To always remember, whether good, or bad, there is always a tomorrow. To know that if your gain require a loss of integrity, it is a loss too. To see the colors others splash onto your canvas, yet choosing to add your own; the ones you truly desire.  To see steps in advance, yet be present in the moment, knowing all your blessings.

“Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.” – Helen Keller

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A moment like this…

Moon

The moon outside my window looks so big and yellow…like an old Gouda, hovering above the hill…looking like it could almost touch it. It looks surreal…like a fairy tale come alive. It’s in moments like these I wish I had someone next to me, who would understand. See the same beauty. Feel it. That magic.

I used to feel like that all the time when I lived in Paris. The beauty that was all around…how I wanted to capture it…let others see it. I wanted to become a filmmaker so that I could capture moments like those. Although a painting is beautiful for what it is, I never felt it entirely captured a moment. And although photography captures every detail of the picture, it can’t capture the sound…the movement…the flow of interaction between people.

I think I felt it was so frail, like soon it would be over and if I did not capture it, no one would have seen it. Yet, maybe all I wanted was that one person next to me who understood exactly how I felt? Who saw the same beauty? For sure I will always be telling stories – adding the comedy, the beauty as I go along…but those moments…those extreme moments of beauty… Like the moon outside my window now: it’s turning more and more yellow, getting closer and closer to the hill with a magical glow surrounding it… Those surreal moments, when life is as beautiful as a fairy tale…maybe those moments, all you need is for someone else to acknowledge what you are seeing? I don’t know, but it is in those moments I always feel terribly alone. As if I am the only one watching. As if I am the only one seeing. The only one experiencing life the way I do. It’s then I feel like life is so frail, so transitory, like it’s almost over and I need to show the world how beautiful it is. And maybe, just maybe I want to hold onto it forever, yet knowing it’s impossible. Not even a camera can do that. The moment is now.

Soon the moon will go down on the other side of the hill and the moment is over. And I can’t prove it ever was. Maybe a little piece has been captured in these words. Maybe this whole macabre and also amazing evening had to happen for me to stay awake this long. Maybe it was for me to remember. Remember the beauty when life is so much greater than any film and without change it would stagnate. We need change to keep our curiosity alive…to experience something new…one moon is not like another…and that is the bliss of life.

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Dizzy, dizzy…

...Saudades do Mar...

Sometimes I wish I’d understand some things better than I do. I wish I could travel through time and space to get a grasp of something…just something to tell me what decision to make, or why it is the way it is…but when I look there’s nothing. There is my heart telling me one thing and my mind telling me another. There is a longing which I know will go unfulfilled. At least for now. And I feel like I’m breaking my own heart either way. Maybe that’s to show that there’s a third route to follow. In the end, of course the heart will win. At least I hope… I pray.

That’s it for now peeps… some days you just have to accept the confusion. Let it flow. Chilly dilly. Just chill.

Dizzy, dizzy…

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People look better covered in chocolate…

A chocolate bar and melted chocolate. Chocolat...

Mmmmmm....

Feels like my heart has melted like chocolate on a hot sunny day…I like the feeling…it’s all warm and cozy and sweet and…indulgent. It’s an indulgent feeling to love. Love the world, others and yourself. Live in passion. Be on a mission to add a smile to someone’s day, a hug, a pat on the back and a compliment. Why, even roses to that certain someone!

I have been so self-conscious my whole life about who I am and what people think of me. I have never before just relaxed, enjoyed myself and enjoyed others. I have never set about my day to just give, rather than worry about what I get. As a result I have often felt frightened, sad and lonely. Now, opening up to the world, I feel like every day is…well an indulgent pleasure! It’s like I can let go of all the sadness. Sure there are moments when I get grumpy – awakening from a dream this morning I was not in a glorious mood. Then I smiled and let it drop. I went with the sunshine of the day, instead of holding onto an old cloud!

It’s the same when I miss people, or feel drawn to someone who isn’t necessarily drawn to me – I feel it’s OK. It’s OK because with an open heart I know I will feel my way forward. It’s OK to love freely because I don’t have to get stuck up on things. I have to take initiative to move forward, I have to be open to the people in my life, but that’s it. No holding on for dear life, or forcing things to happen. I was talking to a guy last week and as he walked off (after I had turned a nice shade of red and smiled brighter than the sunshine) I thought to myself “Damn, maybe I should have hinted a bit more there…” And I had a certain pang of disappointment as I meet guys I find that hot maybe once every six months. However, the setting wasn’t conducive for me to start flirting with him madly and I got enough smiles out of him to know that at least, we had a good chat.

I was never one to leave things to chance…what I want I pursue. However, pursuing something with fear in your heart is no fun. There is little room for playfulness, even if what you are pursuing is your favorite playmate, or your favorite game (business). Fear, worry…scarcity thinking is painful…and daft. When you let go, go with the flow, still pursuing, but without fear, without forcing things to happen…that’s when the magic happens. It’s the calmness in your heart knowing that whatever comes, it’s OK. It’s fine because you are following your heart. Sooner or later things will fall into place (…and maybe not the place you had imagined at first…), if not in this instant.

So yeah, here I am – a piece of chocolate melting in the sunshine…feeling all gooey, soft and nice. Smiles to you all and lots of chocolate madness coming your way ;0)

 

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Bend it like Beckham…

BeckhamGalaxy

You know sometimes you just have to. Or at least I need to. Bend it like Beckham that is. Bend my mind like Beckham bends a ball. I need to stretch it. It’s ever so easy to be a bit stiff. I realized this today as I was talking to various strangers. Normally I just see them as strangers, you know. Today I decided to look upon them and imagine they were people I know and love. I have to say I felt entirely different. I couldn’t stop smiling. I felt as if my heart opened up. I was a lot more sympathetic towards them. I started looking for the light in them, rather than fearing the darkness. All in all, I think I was a better person, or well: my approach to other people was a lot better.

What you think really affects what you do. Check in on your thoughts ever so often. Give them a little yoga session. Ask yourself how you could position yourself differently to get the maximum benefit from your position? Do the doggie in style?…

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