Tag Archives: mind

I fucked up…so screw me, or what???…

Lotta vs ice-cream

Lick that ice cream in style, eh?!!

I’m sorry to tell you, but you have fucked up. Srsly. You have. I’m certain of it. ‘Cuz I don’t know anyone who hasn’t. Branson almost ended up in jail…and Virgin is the most trusted brand in the UK today. Why? I think because he accepted that what he did was wrong, put it behind him and cracked on. It’s the people who keep blaming themselves for yesterday that get stuck. Or the ones that try to justify their failure. Sure, figure out WHY it happened. Don’t do it again. But don’t stand there telling me it was OK to do it. It wasn’t. It’s OK that you did it though. It’s OK. Take the blame. Leave it in the past. And go onto never doing it again. Don’t hold onto it and punish yourself every time you think about it. Don Miguel Ruiz says that humans have a weird idea of punishment – we don’t just punish ourselves once, we do it every time we think about something we didn’t enjoy. The experience itself wasn’t enough, we constantly revisit it in our minds and hearts. That my dears, is no goody goody. I for one am thankful Branson got his act together and his ass out of jail and went onto creating my favorite airline.

Forget about the time you dived into the ocean to impress a six pack and landed on your ass screaming in pain…no it wasn’t because of a banana peel under your foot…get a lesson in how to do it right and get on with it (make sure the instructor is good looking – after all he will be looking at your ass from several different angles as you practice). Learn it. Get good at it. Or drop the idea of diving and simply trot along the beach walk looking fab licking…an ice cream. Move forward in style. Kick some ass peeps. Let’s rock February together!!!!! :0)

Can’t get enough of this song!!!!!!! So true…

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Filed under Humor, Inspiration, Joy, Liberty, Life, Motivation, People, Psychology, Self, Self-confidence, Self-help, socializing, Thoughts

Taking it like a man…

My best friend goes: “He says they’re still screwing and drilling. I’m measuring them by their toolboxes. He’s got a tiny screwdriver.” Being a man means you have big hands and know how to use them…to do useful things…like building…and taking it like a man means you can take a punch square in the face, doesn’t it? In that case, I’m learning to take it like a man at the same time as I’m unlearning to take it like a man.

Endless love

I was raised by a man you see, so I’m very good at taking mental punches. I like it straight forward, a hard hit and then it’s over. All this mumbo jumbo with not facing up to things, or people telling half-lies drives me nuts. On the other hand, I usually don’t face my emotions. I tell them they are illogical, unhelpful and rather stupid. Often I say the same to my thoughts. “It’s you again? Really? I thought I had dealt with you five times already. Sod off you unhelpful thing.” I have very little sympathy for silliness, or maybe like a man I find certain illogical thoughts and emotions to be…mumbo-jumbo. I want to crush them, because I know they aren’t helpful.  

For a few weeks now, two or so, I have felt like life was a blur. The most amazing things were happening, but I wasn’t quite there. I was annoyed, tired and uninspired. Of course, I had my moments of supreme joy and excitement – so many cool things were happening. Yet, it was like a cloud had anchored somewhere in my mind. A cloud that made everything a bit foggy, a bit out of focus. I looked at things I was meant to be happy for, and was, but couldn’t quite feel the joy as usual. It was a stark contrast to the weeks just before.

Today I had my final tantrum about this. I got so angry that I wasn’t able to shake off some thoughts that I wanted to cry. I saw my own mind going places I knew weren’t helpful. My mind chose to focus on things I did not agree with. I told myself I’m an idiot and I should just bloody well let go of it and my emotions should not be like wild horses because they’re being stupid. There is no reason to fear the future, or regret, or long for what is no more, or what never was, or what you want things to be…just bloody well live!

It doesn’t help to tell yourself you are an idiot, it really doesn’t. You are just devaluing yourself. Yelling rarely helps either. It’s usually a sign that you feel you can’t control something, feeling helpless. Even if you are just yelling inside your mind.

There is one thing I have to let go of, must…it’s the perfectionist in me. And that’s the person saying that I have to and I must. It’s alright. I was shaped for years into the me I became and even though I have moments of understanding and seeing the world for (hopefully) what it is…I’m not always in that space. Even when I know I’m not in that space because I’m aware something is off, I’m not always able to control the wild horses inside. It’s OK to be sad and happy and in love and out of love…it’s alright. I have a few patterns that I don’t enjoy, but that’s OK. I’m still OK. I still need TLC and it’s alright to accept that. Sitting on my ass being a lazy thing using excuses is wrong, but being too harsh on myself is equally wrong.

Another great lesson in all this is learning to put myself out there and give others TLC. Not just an action plan. Not just telling them that this is the enlightened hallelujah way to see it that will solve it all. Sometimes all they need is a hug, which really translates into love. Because love is the energy that transforms. Love is the energy we need to be able to walk the right path. To make the right decisions and stick with them.

No matter how uncomfortable I feel patting myself on the head telling myself I’m OK, no matter how uncomfortable I feel giving someone a hug rather than a life lesson…that’s exactly what I need to do to feel happy. I have to love myself and others without feeling ashamed. No matter how much a little voice inside of me screams that you must never settle for anything than the best, you must always achieve more, you must push yourself beyond your limits, you must never relax…sometimes you just have to love. Or do what you feel like, but love…love, love, love….is always in there.

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Filed under Courage, Fear, Friends, Inspiration, Joy, Liberty, Life, Love, Motivation, People, Personal Development, Psychology, Relationship, relationships, Self, Self-confidence, Self-help, The Mind, Thoughts, Uncategorized

Telling lies…

How many lies have you told yourself in the last week? No, seriously, how many??? I’m sure it’s more than one. When at a networking event today I told someone I was shy. Then I realized I was lying. I used to be shy. I still don’t always know what to say, but for sure I’m not shy, or a geek, or whatever I used to think. I need to get better at approaching people, but Jesus, I’d talk to a wall if it’d listen. If it’s a wall with a six-pack I may momentarily lose my footing and say something extremely stupid, but that’s part of my, uhm, charm…

I still believe in illusions as well. Like seriously. For example is there any guy or gal you have NOT sooner or later gotten over? I mean don’t we all feel completely devastated for a while and then we move on? Yet, when we are in the heartbreak stage we think it will last forever, even if none of the others did. Experience is the key to wisdom, as Da Vinci pointed out, but sometimes we forget all our experiences. We still believe what daddy taught us when we were three, or the overriding emotion of the moment. Of course, believing that you are shy is also an illusion. You are what you make yourself to be and you will make yourself to be what you believe you are.

No matter how old news all of this is, it’s things I forget to apply – the recordings in my  brain, the old vinyl record going round and round, overtakes reason more than once a day. Sometimes meeting people you have known for some time helps you remember this – they tell the same jokes they did a year ago.

I guess as with anything: keeping a perspective helps. The larger the area you can see, the clearer the image becomes. When we just see a tiny piece of the puzzle, well then you get a distorted view.

Whatever you think you are, you are so much more than that. So much more.

Pick your point of view…

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Filed under Inspiration, Liberty, Life, Motivation, Personal Development, Thoughts, Uncategorized

In the kitchen, baking scones…

Tim Wrightman, a former All-American UCLA football player, tells a story about how, as a rookie lineman in the National Football League, he was up against the legendary pass rusher Lawrence Taylor. Taylor was not only physically powerful and uncommonly quick but a master at verbal intimidation.

Looking young Tim in the eye, he said, “Sonny, get ready. I’m going to the left and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

Wrightman coolly responded, “Sir, is that your left or mine?”

The question froze Taylor long enough to allow Wrightman to throw a perfect block on him.

It’s amazing what we can accomplish if we refuse to be afraid.

– Michael Josephson, www.charactercounts.org

The quiet night is surrounding the house. Outside is pitch darkness, apart from a single street lamp, a star sprinkled sky and far away city lights, blinking on the other side of the ocean. All is peaceful, all is calm. This is where I return when I need to recharge my batteries. The countryside. Where you can still smell the smells of nature and get revived by her astounding colors. This is where the word beauty still makes sense, because it does not refer to something fabricated. It is “au neutral.”

Here it is easy for the mind to wander, at the same time as I am much more present in the moment than I ever am in the big city. I feel so alive when I walk through the fields, or bike along the country roads, when I pick berries or splash through puddles, when I run down a hill or gather elderberry flowers in summer, when I sit holding a fishing rod for hours, staring out at the sea, or when I lie stretched out like a cat in the sunshine. Even in winter when all is mundane and brown colors paint the earth, I feel alive out here. The energy, the smells, the sounds, the colors…it’s as if they go through you, embrace you and awaken you. They fill you up some how. Light you up like a match stick with some sort of down to earth, yet liberating and free-flowing energy.

In the big city it’s easy to get caught up in things. I might be tearing my hair trying to figure out how to write a business plan that has some sort of original strategies within it, or how to finish a chapter in my novel, I might try to figure out how to fit in school work, company work and partying all in the same day…I might simply be completely caught up in life in general (or my latest discouraging romantic venture). Often that comes with fear, stress, doubts and too much excitement…what if, yes, no, maybe, shit, help, wow, oh my, haha…it’s like the exclamation marks never stop and you are swept around in a mad dance of some sort – you are so into it you forget to breathe, think, enjoy it. That’s when I need the countryside and in lack of that (or together with that) I need to cook. Because when I stand stirring some pot filled with vegetables that bring with them the colors and the smells of the countryside, then I feel that earthiness within me once more. It’s like it grounds me at the same time as my spirits soar. A friend of mine once said: “It’s a really busy day. Where do you KNOW you will find her? In the kitchen, baking scones!!!”

Cooking is like meditation to me – instead of obsessing about when and if I will ever find Mr Darcy (…or like right now…business plans), my mind gets caught up in smells and textures, trying to figure out what goes with what and how it will taste in the end (I never could follow a recipe…it’s too, ugh, I don’t know. Too structured. I just read recipes and then I, uhmmm, abuse them I suppose). Suddenly your minimalistic perspective has expanded and nothing seems that serious anymore. Because there’s still food, people, nature, wine and laughter. All hell might have broken loose, but will it last forever? Will there be a new tomorrow? Or can you at least enjoy that which is in front of you (hopefully a gorgeous meal and not a burnt pot)? And really, if Mr Darcy chooses to show up today, tomorrow or never, is there a point in even thinking about it? I didn’t think so.

Maybe it’s because I’m from the countryside that I need nature and cooking to feel calm, or maybe it’s universal. I don’t know. I just think there is something real and grounding when you work with raw materials. Some people might feel that way doing carpentry because working with wood must be very earthy, or maybe sawing, or painting (actually, I do feel that way about art too, but it’s slightly different because it’s more abstract and you don’t work with natural things unless you make a collage of shells or something). I know that me and my best friend have written ourselves off as mad several times when we return from the farmer’s market having spent way too much money on…you guessed it…carrots! And taken photos of some “cool” large beets we found (WTF?!). For me though both cooking and nature are simply invaluable because of how they make me feel. Today I found some teff flour left over from last time I visited my family, so tomorrow they will get to enjoy one of my crazy baking experiments (my dad never gets why I can’t stick to normal recipes…he has minor heart attacks when I visit him and drag out all the kitchen equipment and use ingredients he’s never even heard of…and it was he who taught me you should try everything, ha!).

So my point with all this rambling (I have a tendency to babble, I know, at least you are not having tea with me, then I talk even more…) was to say that when you get caught up in fear, in too much thinking about something, or just simply in routines – stop, breathe and go do something you love, because it’s bound to clear your mind. And as we know, people can manipulate you through fear, but if you don’t get scared, you have the upper hand. If you work on instead of in your business you have the upper hand. If you don’t live for that person’s next txt message, you have the upper hand (and you won’t end up doing a Bridget, sitting in your PJs eating ice cream, drinking vodka and singing “All By Myself” on top of your lungs – such a classic scene). Derren Brown once met someone who wanted to beat him up in the street. He asked the guy a totally random question and he got so shocked he sat down and started weeping (if I remember the story correctly). It’s an old mind trick – get someone distracted and suddenly they will forget everything they intended to do and say to you. Now I suggest you do the same to yourself! Whether that is to practice karma sutra instead of worrying about your mortgage (it will still be there, you are just more likely to get inspiration on how to earn the money to pay it back whilst doing inspiring exercises), or play golf instead of ripping your business partner to pieces (because he hit on the woman in the office next door before you got a chance to make a move and that was just not very business like, now was it? lol).

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Filed under Joy, Life, Love, Personal Development, Thoughts, Uncategorized