Tag Archives: romance

This doesn’t need a sexy headline…

Jules Cheret, Moulin Rouge, 1890 Art Nouveau p...

Spectacle magnifique...

So here’s a real confession and maybe I shouldn’t blog about this because it feels way too personal and real and painful and embarassing…but the truth is that I swore to share how I feel, so that others could stop being afraid of how they feel and dare to be themselves. So here’s me, being myself. And maybe I’ve said it all before in different ways, but sometimes things hit you straight in the face and…feels more real, more tangible than before…and much, much more silly…

You know when you feel small and insignificant and silly and stupid? Like when the guy you thought was Mr Right starts flirting with the girl to your left? Mhm. And you want to cry. You feel trampled upon, angry, sad, furious…but if you are anything like me, you choose a pair of heels that are one inch higher, a skirt that is one inch shorter, you nail the business deal, you walk with swagger and you make sure you outdo yourself in just about everything. Suddenly you are confidence itself: your voice is louder, your jokes funnier and you look better than you did age 16. You seek attention and you get it. You lap it up like a cat laps up cream. You are licking your wounds, trying to stop them from bleeding and the praise from others sort of cover the worst of it. Works as some sort of band-aid, but the wound is still there. So you make your shell a bit tougher to protect it. And through it all you may gain some more confidence, because your skills grow. You become more comfortable being you, because you are determined to kick ass – to create something for yourself. You may even move beyond that to realize that you are fine no matter what – so if the world falls on your head and you amount to nothing in this life, you will survive and you will laugh. You are happy. You let go of everything and suddenly, as if by magic, you make great friends, business blossoms and it all seems to come together effortlessly, but your heart, when it comes to love, is closed. You date people who either aren’t interested, or aren’t interesting to you, or have their hearts as closed as yours. You have blossomed into the person you always wanted to be, but your heart…your heart is crying for your attention. As soon as it senses love, feelings for someone, you tell it to shut up and you get ready to fight; to prove something… The area around the heart has grown tough and hard, rather than warm and open. When you date you try to prove your worth instead of your love. Your love you do not wish to show to anyone, because what if? What if they won’t like you? What if your love is like this sticky nasty thing that they just feel suffocated by? What if you can’t be loved? What if you are just like doomed not to be loved? Maybe you can be sexy and gorgeous and hot and great to everyone, but the ones you love? Maybe you totally lose confidence when it comes to love? Like you were fine up until that moment. You really felt you lived a magical, wonderful life, as the happiest most confident cat in the block no matter what and then…one look and you lose it all. Or one feeling, should I say. One intense, true feeling and you are reduced to a heap on the floor. An unsexy doormat. A shivering piece of jelly. And of course you picked a guy who wasn’t interested in supporting you, loving you till you recover and walk with swagger. He wanted the confident cocky little thing he met on the first date. And to cover up the jelly like doormat feeling inside you put on the whole charade, the whole show all over again…and the show would be REAL and true to you, if it wasn’t for the fact that it was fueled by fear…because it really is you and you really do love it all, it’s just your intentions behind it aren’t free…clean, fueled by love, what have you. You aren’t doing it with an open heart. You use little tricks to impress instead of sharing your joy, your heart. And what if those people you date only want that A-list something instead of your heart? That vulnerable soft thing inside that really aches? What if they knew all your fears and paranoias and your bad moments and your bad breath and the fact that you aren’t always the hottest, smartest, funniest person on the planet? What then? Would they still love you? Or did you maybe attract the ones that only wanted what you showed off as that was what they were looking for and not that soft spot inside that actually is very warm and loving and caring and extremely…gooey? Like lovey dovey romantic silly? Maybe that Agent Provocateur thing was just a cover and the real you is more like a crazy burlesque show at the Moulin Rouge, with an added twist of magic? Maybe you aren’t a sharp business woman, but rather a dreamy artist who loves business? Maybe you are just you and that you is aching to come out? And maybe instead of wanting a nicer dress, a higher paying job, a fitter body and a new sex trick, you’d want to open the doors to your heart and just dare to be? As you are…loving…open…soft…

Truth is: I am what I am and no matter what skills I acquire  and how good I get at something, I will always be me. Either you love me as much when I’m lying in bed and shaking from fever as you do when I stand on stage in a mini-skirt, cracking jokes, or you don’t love me at all.

My heart is gonna get to run free from now on. I’ve treated it bad enough through the years. From now on it will be allowed to love as much as it pleases. It will be allowed to sing for joy for no reason. To shiver from sorrow and break when it gets hammered upon. It will be fine, because as long as I allow it to love, it will always heal. It will always feel good by the end of the day when there is love flowing freely, even when it’s aching.

Hearts were made to love. To make love. To give love. To love endlessly and forever. It really is that simple and frightening…and liberating and healing and joyous and wonderful…and loving… Here’s to our hearts!!!

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Filed under Courage, Fear, Freedom, Heart, Inspiration, Joy, Life, Love, Motivation, Personal Development, Psychology, Self, Self-confidence, Self-help, Uncategorized

Hot, naughty nights…let’s steam it up… (…from handcuffs to truth or dare…)

Mike gave me this Valentine gift 45/365

Unlock someone's desires...

There’s a storm brewing…ohhh…light the fire, get the hot chocolate on the stove (and don’t forget the chili!!!)…or maybe popcorn and a movie??? In either case I love the wild wind blowing, the wind chimes singing along and the general sense of…freedom it brings. Fly with the wind…let it bring spice and magic from around the world…you know, how you can get a taste of adventure just by standing in the middle of the storm, knowing it’s traveled very, very far…

Now this whole stormy affair reminds me of a friend asking me what he could do for his girl on Valentine’s (fire, chocolate, hiding under blankets during a storm…classic date night). Here are some ideas…just bear in mind: everyone has different needs and wants (ask and you usually get an answer) and there’s a time and place for everything (but you can always be prepared!). To try to sweep your partner off their feet for a dream date when they have had a lousy day at work and want to sleep…not so good. Above and beyond all: for anything to work your energies have to match. Most of these ideas are maybe not for first, second or third dates…you have to be comfortable with one another and you have to be in love, or willing to fall in love…or at least in bed…with each other!

1) Kidnap someone in a loving way. Blindfold them (well, at least for the last bit of the ride…), tie up their hands with a silk wrap and transport them to a secret love-cation spot. Would be a pro if the spot is very private, sexy and wild. If it is your apartment, please make it lovecation like (clean it up, have the candles ready, the massage oil, the dinner you will cook including desert, the sexy or romantic movies, whatever sexy lingerie you/your date should wear, potential naughty presents, rose petals in bed or handcuffs/toys, or both, depending on what you like…and, oh, the whipped cream!)

2) Have a silent date. Take your loved one to a sacred place in nature somewhere, a cottage, a camping place, or maybe just a long walk. Spend time together communicating without using words. Maybe play with blindfolding too, building trust between the two of you (classic drama school exercise!!).

3) The naughty student/school teacher date. It’s time to explore the subjects of love and sex… Get that polished schoolboy/school girl look and indulge in your favorite topics… Whether you get some interesting books/DVDs to watch together, share what you truly want, or attend seminars/courses (from love languages to tantra), this is a way to expand your knowledge to build a closer relationship…and to grow!!! Besides, secret desires sounds like a pretty yummy subject to me!…

4) Genie in a bottle…you simply promise to do whatever your partner wants you to do…within reason… (They may need a few days to think this through…)

5) Simplicity…a picnic basket…walking barefoot along the beach…watching the sunset…magical.

6) Spoilicious…your partner comes home, the bath is ready, the kettle is on the stove, soon the wine will be corked open, dinner served, a long massage offered…and then…maybe…you should go to bed… (Of course, you can do it all naked, should you wish, or in a flowy summer’s dress, or in leather…whatever tickles your taste buds….)

7) Tickling tastebuds….feed someone dinner in bed, maybe blindfold them, maybe don’t…food orgie…or something…

8.s.) The photography/drawing session…(yes, I stole this from Titanic…Leo makes lasting impressions…) You could go to a professional photographer to get romantic, or erotic photos of the two of you, or you can take photos of each other. Or do nude/half-dressed paintings of one another. I dabble in photography all the time, so I love catching people on film, or drawing their portraits, because it is an intimate affair – you get to know someone through their face and body, but of course, not everyone like this… (And uh, lock up the negatives…just in case…)

9) Together plan the most erotic trip you could ever imagine…I don’t know what it is, but I’m sure you do…

10) Have a box where you both put notes of what dates you’d love…and then pick one ever so often.

11) Buy someone a parcel filled with naughty goodies…and put it to good use!

12) There is, in a sense, nothing more romantic than getting to know someone…to have a day where you spend the whole day asking each other questions about life, about your dreams, desires, fears, inhibitions…where you bond mentally is amazing. Even if you think you know someone: think again. Pick up a game that is all about asking questions, if you can’t think of any. Or google it…lol! And then maybe continue to explore each others bodies…do dancing together, whether alone or in a class…and of course, kiss, or touch every square millimeter of each other…

13) The letter date…for a week avoid seeing your partner and instead send him/her letters, or emails, about all your innermost thoughts, what you love about them (yes, truly, we all want to hear it) and what you would love to do together with them (and I mean naughty…real naughty…or romantic…)… (And if you really hate writing, leave voice mails.)

14) Explore areas of life together, or build something together…developing together is one of the most rewarding things one can do as friends, or lovers. Whether you attend yoga, or ceramics class together, start a company or go on a spiritual journey, rebuild a house in the French countryside (ahem) or cook a meal, go back-packing or on a road trip (if the man wants to visit all the famous football arenas and the woman the famous theaters…well, do a deal)…life is yours to create together. It is when we lose track of each other that we grow apart. To evolve and feel like you grow is important. To build something is amazing. To do it together divine. (Remember to share as you go along as well: to have an open heart and tell each other what you learnt, what you find difficult, what you enjoy, etc. To really share leads to feeling more bonded, more close to one another. And to have the freedom to say what you want, knowing you will be heard and understood is often vital. So is telling your partner that today you really have nothing to say, or want to spend time alone.)

15) The laughter date. Comedy night, comedy movie, paintball, mud fights, buying clothes for each other at a second-hand shop (found the second-hand idea online, simply brilliant!!!)…any silly thing that springs to mind…so long as it’s funny…and you can always end it with a pillow/shaving foam/bubble bath/flour/chocolate fight…you could even do it naked!…

16) The simple things in life…have a bottle of vino and make love in front of the fireplace, go to the outlook post like teenagers and make out in the car, sit in the hot tub and tell dirty stories, read out loud…poetry or erotica…your pick, show up with lunch at someone’s work…naked underneath the coat…or just for a romantic moment fully clothed, have a picnic in the garden, take the car and drive to a cheap motel, wander the streets of Venice under the full moon, go on sexcation in Paris, sneak a romantic note to someone at breakfast telling them what you will do for dinner, do the classic dinner and movies night, get dressed up to your teeth to go out at a fancy bar, whisper naughty things in someone’s ear during the very stuck up date/party you are on, take a bottle of wine to the beach, surprise someone with their favorite meal, dance naked under the moon, whisper secrets in each others’ ears as you watch the stars twinkle at night……

17) Someone brings the ingredients, you cook it together….you can always add some extra…saucy ingredients in the mix, which have nothing to do with cooking…and you have the added benefit of being able to do it in your underwear…

18) The horror movie night…says it all: gasp, scream and jump into his arms…only I would refuse any such childish behavior…he better take me to the woods for that…

19) Watch a game. Come on…every girl must like at least one game…at least once??? Confession: I would really love that cheesy: go see a basketball game and eat a veggie dog date…cuz I grew up on American movies…

20) The Burlesque/Striptease…doesn’t require description really…make it funny, or naughty, or nice…or just attend a burlesque night, or stripclub together…

21) Breakfast in bed…classic…whether served with roses, feathers, or simply love!

22) For Easter, fill their egg with something…interesting…and a lot of aphrodisiacs too…then at dawn, the magic hour of Easter, you can open it together…or simply make up your own Easter game…

23) Skinny dipping… (steams and saunas rank pretty hot too)

24) Invent a game…then play it…the rules are up to you…and so are the tools…

25) Visit a ranch…then get on a horse together and ride off into the sunset…

26) Hot tub…no further comments…

27) Build a sand castle together…and share all your childhood dreams…

28) Volunteer together for a day…

29) Spend the evening telling your special someone you love them, in a way they would understand…

30) Show someone all your fav spots in the city, or take them to their’s…have a surprise ready at each one, or just enjoy them for what they are…

31) Striptease card games…whenever your partner wins a point s/he gets to take off a piece of your clothing…or complimenting you…or telling you their secret desires…and you may just have to fulfill them…

32) The Booty Call…or text naughtiness…in either way: you leave a message saying what you will do when they get home (whether that be naughty, or nice)…then you wait…

33) How would you like to be pampered today? Sometimes a good question gets the best answers…

34) Get a box of chocolates…wrap each individual chocolate in a note saying something romantic, or naughty, or be like a game of dares, questions, confessions, romantic treats…what have you…

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Filed under Creating, Creation, Creativity, Dancing, Dating, Inspiration, Joy, Life, Love, Men, Motivation, People, Relationship, relationships, sex, Thoughts, Uncategorized, Women

How to melt a woman’s heart…seriously….

Bryan Adams

Sing it out loud...

Two men throughout history have managed to sum it up in their lyrics….at least that I’ve come across. And it’s so damn simple. It’s almost scary. So men, listen carefully and women…tell me if I’m right???…

To really love a woman
To understand her – you gotta know her deep inside
Hear every thought – see every dream
N’ give her wings – if she wants to fly
Then when you find yourself lyin’ helpless in her arms
You know you really love a woman

When you love a woman then tell her
that she’s really wanted
When you love a woman then tell her that she’s the one
’cause she needs somebody to tell her
that it’s gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really
– really really ever loved a woman?

To really love a woman
Let her hold you –
till you know how she needs to be touched
You’ve gotta breathe her – really taste her
Till you can feel her in your blood
N’ when you can see your unborn children in her eyes
You know you really love a woman

When you love a woman
then tell her that she’s really wanted
When you love a woman then tell her that she’s the one
’cause she needs somebody to tell her
that you’ll always be together
So tell me have you ever really –
really really ever loved a woman?

You got to give her some faith – hold her tight
A little tenderness – you gotta treat her right
She will be there for you, takin’ good care of you
Ya really gotta love your woman…

Then when you find yourself lyin’ helpless in her arms
You know you really love a woman
When you love a woman you tell her
that she’s really wanted
When you love a woman you tell her that she’s the one
she needs somebody to tell her
that it’s gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really
– really really ever loved a woman?

Just tell me have you ever really,
really, really, ever loved a woman? You got to tell me
Just tell me have you ever really,
really, really, ever loved a woman?

– Bryan Adams –

Oh her eyes, her eyes
Make the stars look like they’re not shining
Her hair, her hair
Falls perfectly without her trying

She’s so beautiful
And I tell her every day

Yeah I know, I know
When I compliment her
She wont believe me
And its so, its so
Sad to think she don’t see what I see

But every time she asks me do I look okay
I say

When I see your face
There’s not a thing that I would change
Cause you’re amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you’re amazing
Just the way you are

Her lips, her lips
I could kiss them all day if she’d let me
Her laugh, her laugh
She hates but I think its so sexy

She’s so beautiful

– Bruno Mars –

Of course, I’d be happy just to get breakfast in bed and Lay, Lady Lay…

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Filed under Attraction, Dating, Love, Women

I said hello, you fool, I love you…come on and join the joyride…

Yeah, I’m quoting Roxette. It’s alright. I have an excuse: I’m Swedish. When walking around town the other day my best friend looked at me and did a little jump: “I love you,” she said and laughed. I told her I loved her too. It’s emotional discomfort month and I had forgotten to tell her I loved her thus far that day. She has taken such a joy in this habit she now reminds me if I forget to say it.

People change with love. Their features soften. Their smiles shine brighter. Their hearts grow warmer. They look cozy, comfortable and inviting.

A Thing About You

Image via Wikipedia

When you see beauty…..a smile, a look, a touch of that thing……….when you see something you love, do you share that? Do you tell the person what beauty you just caught a glimpse of? Do you invite them to open the door to their inner gorgeousness just a tad more? Do you open that door yourself? Do you allow yourself to feel happy about who you are? Do you invite others to see the beauty that is you?

I don’t know darlings, but this emotional discomfort month is changing my life…and that of those around me. I feel…I feel more alive. More on fire. More like a light rather than a shadow. More intense. More awake. More pulsating and warm. More free. I’m not just sharing my opinions, I’m sharing my emotions, my love and my heartfelt desires with the world. The jail I always felt captured me is now crumbling to dust. I am free.

By complimenting someone you are setting them free from their worst demons: their own disbelief in themselves. Their own negative thoughts are being conquered. They think you are their mirror. If you display joy, they will believe they are joy. If you display love, they will believe they are love. If you smile, they will think they are the reason for your smile.

Maybe your love alone will not transform the entire world…yet it will because everything you touch, that is capable of feeling your touch, will turn to gold. And that gold in turn will turn other things into gold. Your warmth will spread. Your light will brighten the night sky and you will be surrounded by your own light.

And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while…’cuz you are amazing just the way you are…

Wanna join me for more dizzy blonde journeys? Click here

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The wind is blowing…

They come like whirlwinds, or breezes at night. They sneak in, or they arrive with a storm. Some twirl around for a while, creating patterns, or disruptions. Others gently stroke one’s skin with tenderness. It happens they stay for an hour, a day, a year, or a lifetime. Whatever their role, you find out as you go along…twirl along.

With the years I’ve come to expect the disruptions, the tenderness, the patterns and the storms…when the wind blows and the bell chimes I know that there will be change, I just don’t know which kind.

When I was younger I always thought that the change would be the best ever. That this time it was “It.” The wind would stay, it wouldn’t suddenly move away, or cause havoc. Now I only expect change. One kind, or another.

I’ve learnt that some winds just don’t move in the same direction. You have to follow your heart, they have to follow theirs. When the hearts speak the same language, that’s when you can actually talk…fly together in a dance.

I’ve never been able to predict the winds, yet they have been very predictable because of the ways I’m blowing myself…always moving, always changing, always craving more, better, higher… Only when I’m constantly striving do I feel satisfied. Constantly moving along.

The most surprising thing is that it’s not the winds one think one will, that one ends up remembering. It’s the most unlikely of winds that actually made you change direction…change course and left an imprint on your heart…

It takes a lot of courage to fully engage with a wind, because you never know where it will take you…in which direction it will blow you…but when you let yourself go entirely you are swept off your feet in the most marvelous adventure. You experience yourself through them, with them, and you see life in a different way. You get a new pair of eyes to lend you their sights.

I love it when they sort of whistle your name, because they are so you…the pure sight of them makes you dance and twirl and…fly. Fly so high and so fast and so wonderfully deliriously exhilaratingly crazy. They are the rough, unexpected winds that leave you smiling for a long time after…or forever dancing…

Ride like the Wind

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Filed under Dancing, Joy, Liberty, Life, Love, Men, relationships, Story, Thoughts, Uncategorized, Women, Writing

Sliding doors…

Isn’t it funny, if you look back on your life and think about all the small co-incidences that have taken you to where you are now? Like how you googled one thing, found something else and it totally changed your life? Or how you decided to attend that one party instead of another and you met your new boss or lover?

I could talk about a zillion such co-incidences (because let’s face it – our lives are made of them – every lover you ever met, every friend, every job offer, every adventure…they were all just co-incidences), but for today, I will stick with one: Isabel Allende. (If you want to know more about the co-incidences in my life these posts will do it: Paris… and Magical meetings and serendipity…)

I fell in love with Isabel Allende at the tender age of seventeen – I was having an awful time living in Vancouver and this little lady made me smile as she stood in the middle of a church describing how she knew she had overcome a depression after dreaming sex dreams about Antonio Banderas swimming in rice pudding. Now, I don’t know about you, but I think food and sex are perfect companions. So much so, that I am setting up a company that deals with the two put together…no it’s probably not what you think, it’s better than that (what were you thinking?…). I can’t tell you the entire concept, as that would spoil the surprise, but I will let you know when we open.

Of course there are a few other influences than Allende for my business – a dash of Branson, a sprinkle of Moulin Rouge, a slice of my best friend and a teaspoon of my business partner and a few cups of a certain chef or two…but I’ll leave the details for my autobiography. For now, I’ll leave you in Allende’s hands:

This is the part where I have to get personal and talk about romance.

My books force me to travel frequently. My karma is to stumble from one place to another, like a wandering pilgrim. In l987, while still living in Venezuela, I went on a lecturing tour that took me from Iceland to Puerto Rico, and many other climates in between, until I ended up in Northern California. Little did I suspect that there my fate would change again. I met the man that was written in my destiny, as my mother would say. He was an American lawyer called William Gordon, who was introduced to me as the last heterosexual bachelor in San Francisco. He had read my second novel and liked it. When he saw me he was thoroughly disappointed, however: he likes tall blondes.

After my speech we were invited to a dinner party in an Italian restaurant. There was a full moon and Frank Sinatra was singing “Strangers in the Night”, the kind of stuff that would ruin a novel. Willie was sitting in front of me, observing me with a puzzled expression. The combination of Frank Sinatra and spaghetti tutto mare had a predictable effect on me: I fell in lust. I had been living in chastity for a very long time… two or three weeks as I recall, so I took the initiative. I asked him to tell me his life. This trick always works, ladies! Ask any man to talk about himself and pretend to listen while you relax and enjoy your meal, and he will end up convinced that you are a smart and sexy gal. In this case, however, I did not have to pretend. Soon I realized I had stumbled upon one of those rare gems that storytellers are always looking for: that man’s life was a novel! So I did what any normal Latin American female writer would have done: marry the man to get the story. Well, I didn’t marry him right away, it took some fine manipulation.

First he invited me to his house. I was expecting a romantic evening in a divorcee’s penthouse overlooking the Golden Gate bridge, soft jazz, champagne and smoked salmon. I got nothing of the sort. There was so much dog crap in the garage, that he had to pull back so that I could step out of the car. His youngest son, a ten year old brat, greeted us with rubber bullets. The golden retriever as hyperactive as the kid, placed his muddy paws on my shoulders and slurped on my face. There were other pets: a couple of maniac rats in a filthy cage chewing on each other’s tails, and dead fish floating in the slimy waters of an aquarium. I didn’t flinch. Lust does that to some people, it gives them an heroic attitude. I liked the man and I wanted to hear the rest of his story. He served a burnt chicken, we drank cheap California wine, and I will skip the rest. The next day, when he took me to the airport, I asked him politely if we had any sort of commitment. He turned chalk-pale and his hands trembled so vigorously that he had to pull over. I didn’t know that you never EVER mention the word commitment in front of an American male.
– What are you talking about, we just met! he mumbled, terrified.
– I am 45 and I have no time to waste, I said. I need to know if this thing is serious or not.
– What thing?- he asked befuddled.

That day I took the plane, but a week later I was back without an invitation. I moved into his house and six months later he had to marry me because I pinned him against the wall.

Isabel Allende

Well…

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Mr Darcy, I presume?..

…or Da Vinci?

Have you ever dreamt of love? No, I don’t mean the kind of love that lasts for a night, or a week, or even a year, but the kind of love that lasts forever? The kind of love where you just know that it is it?

I roamed the countryside searching for answers to things I did not understand. Why thunder lasts longer than that which causes it, and why immediately on its creation the lightning becomes visible to the eye while thunder requires time to travel. How the various circles of water form around the spot which has been struck by a stone and why a bird sustains itself in the air. These questions and other strange phenomena engaged my thought throughout my life.

Love is part of this crazy life of ours and potentially the best and craziest bit of it. I think the craziest mainly because we have made it into something it is not.

The color of the object illuminated partakes of the color of that which illuminates it. (Who illuminates you? Who do you illuminate?)

You walk down the street. Suddenly you see the guy you have been wanting to date for ages, or your ex, or some other romantic connection. You stop. You think to yourself  “what’s the meaning of this?”. Then you make up a very nice fairy tale to suit your feelings at that very moment.

Why does the eye see a thing more clearly in dreams than the imagination when awake?

Sometimes you look for love. Real love. Then, and seemingly only then, do you stop and ask yourself: Is this person that love? Is this person a nice person who will treat me fabulous till death do us part? Is this person in love with me? (Or is this a mentally dysfunctional idiot, with the added bonus of being outrageously handsome and having the ability to sweet talk even the most bitter grapefruit?) Unless you ask those questions I swear that you will create a dream. A very nice fairy tale that takes you straight to hell (unless you just want sex and they’re up for it…then you may go on a different journey altogether…).

Beyond a doubt truth bears the same relation to falsehood as light to darkness.

It is easy to weave meaning into things and it’s potentially even easier to get high on hormones. I have learnt my lesson the hard way – my heart has been broken in so many ways I could write a book on the subject. It doesn’t stop me from believing everything is possible when it comes to true love, but I don’t create fairy tales. Instead I ask them what their dream is, both with regards to me and their own life, before I build mine.

Experience does not err. Only your judgments err by expecting from her what is not in her power.

A friend of mine says that love needs to tick four boxes of connection: physical, sexual, emotional and intellectual. If they do you understand and appreciate each other on each level. It therefore feels like you are divinely connected. It makes sense doesn’t it? It’s like a cake, or meal, that needs all the right ingredients. You can cook the most astounding meal, but if you topple it off with coriander I will grimace my way through it. And if you make a great cinnamon roll without cardamom I will be utterly disappointed.

Nature never breaks her own laws.

Sometimes we want to fall in love so badly that we choose to ignore the missing, or extra, ingredient that isn’t quite to our taste. We think the person will change. We will change. We all know it’s bullshit (the cake has already been baked), but we all want to believe in it, because we are scared of not getting any cake at all, or part from the nice ingredients in the cake we currently have on our table.

Iron rusts from disuse; water loses its purity from stagnation… even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind. (Maybe so also the heart?)

A relationship can change, but a person won’t. Not because you want them to anyway. A relationship is built together with someone. Personality you build on your own. Therefore, I suggest you check their ingredients carefully. If a person does not float your boat 100% day one, it’s unlikely that he or she will day 300 (no matter how many bloody times you tell them you like parsley, they are still using coriander), but by then you might be a bit more attached to them. Of course the hormone rush of the first couple of weeks is over by now, so you stand there with a person you may love, but you aren’t in love with. You never were, but your hormones (read: pink clouds…or well, six-pack) and, potentially, dreams about an impossible future, made the cake taste much sweeter than it ever was.

It’s easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.

I wrote another post a few days back “Have a bite of me…” on the subject of figuring out how long it takes to figure out if a person is your soul mate. I still don’t know…I think you have to have a bite of them without going off on a pink cloud whilst doing so. (I can’t believe I keep comparing men to cake…I guess I am going back to my Da Vinci theory – if you understand one thing in nature and apply it to something else, you will get to understand that thing too… Then again I screwed up in the kitchen yesterday because teff flour just doesn’t taste right, not even when you drench it in cacao…and on Saturday night I big time screwed up because I tried using it with yeast…no, no, no, no…maybe failing forward works well with love too? Experiment till you learn…and don’t think every cake will turn out great, unless you understand all the ingredients you put in it. In other words – get a cake with the right ingredients! Cardamom and vanilla anyone?)

Although nature commences with reason and ends in experience it is necessary for us to do the opposite, that is to commence with experience and from this to proceed to investigate the reason.

I also believe if you want a certain person, you gotta be a certain person. What’s more – you have to invest into it. Don’t expect to get something you don’t give. Love may happen, but romance doesn’t unless you think a bit creatively about it come year 22 (or even 2), if you know what I mean. Also, love is scary because you have to dare to lose. Not just your ego (it may be wounded if they don’t like you), but the person you fall in love with who loves you dearly. Nothing on this planet is constant. Yet, I don’t think you would be prepared to say no thanks to all it has to offer, so if it only lasts for a limited period of time (cakes do after all expire). Given that time is an issue, could Mr Darcy please just bloody show up? (In a nice way – delivered on a nice plate, with no fruitcake ex:es, or other fruitcakes, or fruitcake situations attached, please.)

Art is never finished, only abandoned. (..and so also love.)

Love is a process…love is a verb…love is a journey…love is a discovery…love is an understanding…love is what you make it out to be…whilst making out…(ugh, I’m cheesy)

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