Tag Archives: Soul

The untamed wilderness of heart-song…

Each heartbeat a longing for desire

Each step a call to the wild

The wind stirs up the dust of lust

Dancing in the moonlight

Circling your soul

Heat radiating from the Earth

Warming your thoughts

Power rising in the night

Simplicity and eternity

Woven into the galaxy

Stars twinkling with a mischievous grin

Sweet fragrant blossoms of the midnight hour

The scent of untamed beauty

The opening of a heart

The echo of a promise

The lure of a future

If you only step beyond the imaginary confines of your mind

And out into the wild

To wield your magic into the night

By Yours Truly a.k.a. Maria Montgomery 

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Filed under Love, night, Poem, poetry, Soul, Uncategorized

Feverish thoughts…

Last night I decided to have a hot bath. Me + wine + bath = perfect. Really I was meant to have a girls night out, but alas I really had a severe headache and a friend of mine was under the weather too, so that got moved to today.

I wanted to cure my headache, so I poured a bath.

Now, I kind of think a lot of illness is caused, or affected by, thoughts. I grew up with a lot of asthma and I know what it’s like to be sick a lot. I always say I don’t need to take drugs because I’ve had enough fever hallucinations to meet my subconscious.

When I contracted RSI in my hands was the first time I really came to understand the relationship between your thoughts and illness though. I’d known for a long time that emotions can trigger disease. Think about heart attacks, stomach ulcers, muscle knots, asthma attacks triggered by emotions and high blood pressure, for example. However, no matter how much I searched my mind I couldn’t figure out my RSI – I could see triggers for when it started, but I still didn’t cure it. Then I read Healing Back Pain: The Mind-Body Connection by Dr. John Sarno of New York University and a few days later I was typing again. The book not only said thoughts can trigger emotions; it showed how and once you know you can take control over it.

For the first time since I was three and contracted asthma, I felt in charge of my body. Before that I used to think my body was deceptive and would turn on me.

I’ve been on a mission this year to take responsibility for my life, open up emotionally and generally get back on the spiritual path. That’s kind of why I’m suddenly blubbering over on this blog and the Huff Post, because I have so much to process and when I process something I write. This determination to shift things has led to an amazing shift in my level of happiness and on a physical plane things are shifting too. That doesn’t mean it’s always comfortable though and I guess my head had sort of had it when combined with not being able to sleep properly due to my boy’s fear of ghost and nightly escapades. So last night I decided to have a bath to relax my muscles.

I love hot baths and even more so hot tubs. I get cold easily and it’s so nice to be warm. It makes me feel free. I also believe in detoxing through the skin and putting myself through discomfort to reach another level of strength though, so when I have hot baths I often push myself way beyond my comfort level (i.e. turn up the heat as much as I can take). I believe it’s good training; the same as pushing yourself to run when you feel like giving up. What’s more, I believe that it helps you face your thoughts in a similar manner to when you have a fever; you hang with the tension; with the discomfort in the body and face discomfortable thoughts which are lodged in the body.

So sometimes when I’m in a bath I basically practice hanging out with thoughts that unsettle me. I also tend to solve business issues and the likes in the bath, which I was doing too last night. All my unpleasant thoughts served up and dissected till I find my way to a path that works. Until I’m centered. Until I feel like I’m on the path I need to walk and hit a level of peace. Of groundedness. Of connection. Of passion for my life, or the part of my life I’m contemplating.

What I find interesting as well is that those things you’re supposed to do, like all the five million breathing exercises I learned in drama school in voice and yoga classes, happen naturally when I do this kind of purging of thoughts in a too hot bath. Because you fucking have to get rid of the energy somehow.

Likewise, I sometimes do stretching sessions, when I literally feel my body letting go of stress. I do these sessions intuitively and let my body stretch as it wants to stretch, which is also when you suddenly start doing the breathing exercises. I do dancing sessions too, where I feel I let go of things – led by my body. It’s a very connected process, yet it’s free.

I have no real clue what I’m trying to say with this blog – at this stage I think it sounds like I was a hot wet mess last night and that’s about it; I’m a lunatic with a love of water and a penchant for sexual metaphors and innuendo. But my real point I guess is that thoughts are lodged in the body and the body, likewise, affects the mind. When we purge our body, we purge our mind and when we purge our mind, we purge our body. I think the interaction between the two is important though – it’s important we pay attention to our mind when we do something with our body and vice versa.

When was the last time you really scrubbed down every inch of your body whilst thinking about how you really feel when doing it? When was the last time you stretched your entire body and looked at the thoughts that came up whilst doing it? When was the last time you danced and worked through your emotions with each step? And when was the last time you did something to push your body through its comfort zone, be it through exercise, a hot bath, or a sauna?

I did it last night and for me, well let’s just say it was an interesting experience. It was also an experience in loving and looking after myself.

I highly recommend reading Healing Back Pain: The Mind-Body Connection by Dr. John Sarno – it changed my life. 

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Filed under body image, Curing Illness, Healing, Heart, pain, Soul, The Mind, Uncategorized

Living your truth + your dating profile = it’s about to get interesting…

The adventurer in me seeks the adventurer in you

For soulful journeys across oceans

And spiritual realms

For love induced delirium

And caffeine inspired moments

We’ll walk through the back alleys of cities

Getting lost in photographic moments

Of gritty dirt and beautiful arches

We’ll jump in the sea

Just to play with the ocean

We’ll sip tea in secret gardens

And have wine in hidden rooms

We’ll meet poets and playwrights,

Scientists and academics

We’ll have conversations

With lost souls and enlightened hearts

We’ll look for the meaning of life

Whilst getting high on the reality of the moment

We’ll seek answers we’ll never find

Whilst dancing on pavements

And giggling at raindrops

We’ll cry our hearts out at the pain we encounter

Then dry them with the beauty of life

And the occasional slice of chocolate

We’ll settle

But never be settled

We’ll have homes

But also places to roam

We’ll never be ordinary

And we’ll never be rude to the waiters

But maybe we’ll throw about our baggage

And stab each other from time to time

It’s OK because all wounds heal

So long as they aren’t mortal

 

We’ll know reality

But we’ll turn it to poetry

Because living is an art

And we’re the ones with the blank canvases

Waiting to be filled

With the paint of our hearts

 

You’ll need the heart of an explorer

And the eyes of an artist

The mind of an adventurer

And the courage of a bear

Love is the hardest journey

And the most beautiful of all

I realized that if I am to live the life of my dreams, I have to get real about who I am and what I want. I’ve written about taking responsibility for my choices. I’ve written about breaking down my life into manageable chunks and creating joy in the moment. I’ve written about facing my emotional fears. But this is me. This is the poet in me. This is me living the emotions I hide, yet the very same emotions I seek.

I won’t find them unless I dare live them.

Every day I feel a little bit happier as I let that poet shine through a little more. That hopeless romantic who prefers traveling the world without a map, just so as to be able to get lost in cities and encounter moments she never knew existed (OK, so I do like carrying a map, just occasionally not using it). 

To create your dream life, you have to dare to live it. You have to dare to be who you truly are. Otherwise, how can you create what you truly want? How can you create a living expression of your heart if you aren’t prepared to first show that heart?

Magique is about creating poetry in the moment for people. Magique is about wielding magic to create beautiful experiences that evoke all senses. 

The movies I have rattling around in my mind are about sharing poetic (and funny) moments with people; about showing people the poetry of life. 

And the life I want to live is a life filled with everyday poetry. Magic. Beauty. Truth. Freedom. And love. 

So here’s the vulnerable person in me, cheering the vulnerable person in you – let’s create poetry together. Because an arm of possibility is stretching across the ocean this morning, leaving a trail of mist and sparkling sunbeams. It’s a call to adventure and a promise of peace. It’s everything and nothing. It just is. But it’s all about how you view it. I view it as an ocean of opportunity and a moment of poetic bliss. 

By Yours Truly, a.k.a. Maria Montgomery 

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Filed under Artists, poetry, Soul, soul path, Thoughts, twin flames, Writing

I love Bob Dylan…

Some words stir your soul, others drench it. Some make you shiver as they uncover a truth you don’t want to see. Others make you long, taking you to the depths of your desire, creating something almost undesirable as your body aches for that something. Some make you feel the truth in your bones, a truth that makes your heart flutter. Others crush you with a reality outside of your own that you’ve remained blind to for too long. Or not long enough.

There are some artists I’ll always feel gratitude for. They are my Sunday morning coffee mingled with sunbeams. They are my inspiration on a rainy day. They touch me. They reawaken me. They frighten me. They inspire me. They make me search inside myself for another part of me. Mostly, they just feel like home though. Like they captured a piece of life that I treasure.

Since I was a teenager when asked for my favorite musician I always said Bob Dylan. Not because I’m that into music. Not because I obsessively listen to all his music. I really don’t. He just feels like home. It’s the one sound I always return to.

Other people have stirred my soul. Jared Leto’s music always gets me. Peter Jöback brought out the musical in me. Ola Salo took me through my teenage years with his rebellious streak and glam rock. Cat Stevens is also like coming home. French music calms me; it’s a part of me. Country songs make me relax. And Don McLean makes me remember my awakening into artistry at large; making my first musical. Setting my creativity free.

No, I was never much into music, as I can’t work and listen at the same time, and I always cared more about my own work. But I love the feeling of feeling like someone else captured a piece of the life I love. I love seeing something I feel describe life as I see it…described by someone else.

And I love Bob Dylan.

“I’d like to be remembered as someone who tried to love somebody.”

“I am on a sort of crossroads in my life and I can do without that. I can feel the attraction but I can also keep myself apart. I admire beauty more than anything else but now I don’t feel I must possess it. The ideal man or woman doesn’t exist. When you look for something you are not really looking for a man or a woman. You are looking for someone who awakes something which is buried inside you and once that person does it you become familiar and you always want that and then you stay with that person. But two people who are in love are not in love just with each other. There is a third element intermingled and that third element is an ideal. Both must love the same ideal and that is what they have to share. If that doesn’t exist, then it’s not love, it’s necessity.” (Rolling Thunder Supplement, 1989)

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Filed under Art, Artistry, Creativity, Music, poetry, Soul

A look inside my naked soul…

You cannot escape dreams. Like a soft whisper they will hover over the horizon as you open your eyes. In that state in between dreaming and awake you can sense them there, just waiting for you. Sometimes you hear their whispers, sometimes you do your best to ignore them. You hit your alarm clock with full force. You drag your heavy limbs out of bed, still half paralyzed by sleep. You force yourself awake. But if you quiet and if you listen, your dreams are there. Right there for you to see.

Sometimes it’s not your dreams you listen to though, but rather your fears. It’s the morning chill you feel as you shiver in your bed. It’s the cold hand of fear that’s throttling you. Scaring you. Making you feel less than you are. The idea of failure haunting you in your dreams.

But other nights…other nights you dream of wonderful things. You remember a sensation of love. A soft, soft longing in your heart to go to where you belong. To the home. The home of your soul. To all that you love.

And sometimes you wake up from one such dream. Maybe you don’t remember it at first. But then, as daybreak has come and gone and you are doing something pointless, like cleaning, you remember. A smile crosses your lips. You remember. Remember the voice that spoke to you at night.

Then fear holds you tight. Tells you it was just a dream. And the face you gave the dream wasn’t even real. But the feeling…oh that feeling…

So you let it go. You long for it, but think it’s not for you. Until you sit down and you dream.  And you start to write. And suddenly you covered your page with your dream. And then you realized the dream is actually real.

I’ve had a hellish week. I realized the mold in my old flat was getting out of hand – I couldn’t stand being there anymore. It seemed to come over night and cover it all – winter and something wrong with the ventilation. Then I got bitten by a flea. And if there is one thing I hate it’s insects I cannot see. So I left for an AirBnB as I could no longer relax and rather than staying at an AirBnB place whilst sorting out the fleas and the mold I plain decided to move. And I found a place.

But when I stood there last Saturday, not knowing where to go only knowing I wasn’t going to stay I felt helpless. I’ve so loved being back in here in Cape Town with the kids. I help my fabulous five with reading every day, some days tennis too, and I have the twins a few times a week staying with me. But I got a cold, followed by mumps, followed by the flu. Winter is cold indoors in Africa and I blamed myself for not coping with it well. And just as I was about to relax, sit down and write to earn money again, I had to move. I was at my wits end. But I got through it. As I usually do. Finally calmed down Friday night as the new place took shape…to wake up at 3am with a urinary tract infection. I had to stay up all night. I did some things I had to do in the middle of the night and managed to control my pain, but boy was I tired.

And as I’ve struggled with setbacks I’ve struggled with my sense of pride. My sense of calm. When I’m grounded I’m really friggin grounded, but I have so longed for financial stability and simply doing what I love in a place I love and having no place to call home is bogging me. To be calm – to wake up with enough money in my pocket even after five weeks of being sick. And to know I wake up to doing what I love and only what I love.

Of course my designer for Magique went and broke his arm, I had to make a surprise visit to the police station to pick up a kid, another kid got molested, and so on and so forth. But I’ve been happy because I have great clients for writing, I’ve got a business up and running…well in progress, I’m back with the kids and things are happening at Little Angels. So I’m very happy.

Yet this sense of failure has haunted me. It tends to when you need to work and get sick and poor instead. I was just tired man. Scared another thing would happen. But I kept turning my mind to how blessed I am. To have the kids, Little Angels, the business, Los Angeles…

Then today I woke up at 1am from my urinary tract infection and decided it was time to take the antibiotics I’d been prescribed (I was trying to avoid it) and I had this fear again. Fear that bad things would keep happening and sink me. I mean you need a home and health to be able to work. To earn the money you can earn as you have such fab clients. But I turned it around. Started seeing the blessings of living my passions.

Finally I could sleep again and woke up with a start in the morning as my girl was awakening. One tends to wake up with a start when kids are ready to get up. I rolled out of bed to start the day.

Not until lunch did I remember what I dreamt. And I smiled. I dreamt of a boy who brought me and my best friend together so long ago. A dancer. Because of whom we started to dance. We were in love. As one is when one is fourteen. One sees a dancer who also lost his mom and one thinks one has a lot in common and fall in love. So did my best friend, only she fell much harder than me.

I suggested we start to dance as we both loved a dancer. So we did. And we fell in love. With the dance. With our friendship. That boy gave me a new career path (I was planning to become a doctor) and my best friend. And we danced, we wrote a musical, we ended up in drama school in London, we went to LA to UCLA… That boy gave me my life.

I forgot him pretty soon in the sense that I was never much into him. He was a symbol. Something I longed for – kindness and someone who could understand loss and art. The next year I fell in love for real for the first time. Boy, now that hurt. My Romeo wasn’t very Romeo. He was so not Romeo.

I’ve been thinking about this project to do with the youth. A Romeo and Juliet project. Love education. Gang education. And I’ve been debating how to do it. How Magique will support Little Angels. Then, after I’d dropped off the kids I sat down to start work. Instead I wrote the first scene of a new musical based on Romeo and Juliet. And so my project was truly born.

Maybe because of a dream of a dancer whom I shared the stage with long ago. A kind dancer. A very kind dancer.

I always wanted to do musicals. I wanted to work with underprivileged kids. I wanted to move to Africa. I wanted to adopt kids. I wanted to conquer America. I wanted to do what Branson and Scorsese did. And here I am. Sure I have a granny flat. I’m broke as broke can be. But I have everything else. Just like I said I would. People said it was impossible.

Dream, just a dream.

It’s time for a musical. And curtain call.

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Filed under Africa, Dancing, dreams, Inspiration, journey of the heart