Tag Archives: Women

How to melt a woman’s heart…seriously….

Bryan Adams

Sing it out loud...

Two men throughout history have managed to sum it up in their lyrics….at least that I’ve come across. And it’s so damn simple. It’s almost scary. So men, listen carefully and women…tell me if I’m right???…

To really love a woman
To understand her – you gotta know her deep inside
Hear every thought – see every dream
N’ give her wings – if she wants to fly
Then when you find yourself lyin’ helpless in her arms
You know you really love a woman

When you love a woman then tell her
that she’s really wanted
When you love a woman then tell her that she’s the one
’cause she needs somebody to tell her
that it’s gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really
– really really ever loved a woman?

To really love a woman
Let her hold you –
till you know how she needs to be touched
You’ve gotta breathe her – really taste her
Till you can feel her in your blood
N’ when you can see your unborn children in her eyes
You know you really love a woman

When you love a woman
then tell her that she’s really wanted
When you love a woman then tell her that she’s the one
’cause she needs somebody to tell her
that you’ll always be together
So tell me have you ever really –
really really ever loved a woman?

You got to give her some faith – hold her tight
A little tenderness – you gotta treat her right
She will be there for you, takin’ good care of you
Ya really gotta love your woman…

Then when you find yourself lyin’ helpless in her arms
You know you really love a woman
When you love a woman you tell her
that she’s really wanted
When you love a woman you tell her that she’s the one
she needs somebody to tell her
that it’s gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really
– really really ever loved a woman?

Just tell me have you ever really,
really, really, ever loved a woman? You got to tell me
Just tell me have you ever really,
really, really, ever loved a woman?

– Bryan Adams –

Oh her eyes, her eyes
Make the stars look like they’re not shining
Her hair, her hair
Falls perfectly without her trying

She’s so beautiful
And I tell her every day

Yeah I know, I know
When I compliment her
She wont believe me
And its so, its so
Sad to think she don’t see what I see

But every time she asks me do I look okay
I say

When I see your face
There’s not a thing that I would change
Cause you’re amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you’re amazing
Just the way you are

Her lips, her lips
I could kiss them all day if she’d let me
Her laugh, her laugh
She hates but I think its so sexy

She’s so beautiful

– Bruno Mars –

Of course, I’d be happy just to get breakfast in bed and Lay, Lady Lay…



Filed under Attraction, Dating, Love, Women

I don’t wanna talk…

…about the things we’ve been through. Yeah, yeah, I’m quoting Abba…I know, I know…blonde Swede by the wheel. So let’s talk about sex baby…or not. Let’s have sex. No, let’s talk about it. No, let’s have it. No let’s talk about it…no…yes…no…fuck you. What? Yes, fuck me. No. Yes………

I’m going to do something very forbidden right now – I’m going to generalize (why do I suddenly see a bunch of angry people marching against me shouting tasteless blonde jokes???…).

Women are accusing men of being sex driven and men are accusing women for being baby (and, therefore, relationship) driven. Now if you are a man, imagine that women see babies the way you see sex…and can’t help it. Women, imagine seeing sex the way you see babies (and relationships) on the worst days. Of course, women only have baby drive for certain days per month/periods of their lives, but it leads to some women hunting guys like…well, like men hunt women. They are both “drives” that we can learn to control, because let’s face it – babies aren’t always a good idea and sometimes sex isn’t either. By the end of the day both drives lead to the same end result – a life. Only we don’t always realize this when we are hormone high and just following instinct (and have a condom at hand)…on the other hand, it’s pretty damn good sex with two people who are letting their desires lose…

Women are accusing men of being cold and only care for sex and men are accusing women of being needy. Men were made to spread their sperm, women were made to raise babies and to do so, having a man around to hunt for some food is useful as babies take up time. Of course, it’s a very practical thing to have a rational man around and a woman to bring care. It’s harmony, but when it goes tits up it’s…not so harmonious… (“Why were you flirting with the woman at the petrol station?” “Why do you need to sit at home nesting and being all lovey-dovey?”)

Another amusing aspect of this is that men always freak out about women bonding (no not bondage…but they wish…) with them too early, they are too emotional, etc. Women are built like that – for the sake of the baby, we need to love you men. Happens every time. Even with the jerk we dated before you and the Prince we will date after you, should you dump us or we have enough of you. That’s why women need to be careful with whom they shag, because hormones go flying. We are built to get addicted to men (ouch, I hate this shit…yep…I’M INDEPENDENT FOR FUCK’S SAKE…yeah, yeah..). Women on the other hand find men cold at first, because they were built to being addicted to sex. The weird thing is that apparently, once a guy falls for a gal, it can take him three to five years to get over her. YEARS! Women have to act faster as they have a biological clock. We only waste a month or two in mourning. Doesn’t mean we don’t remember and (don’t…because we don’t…lol) compare everyone to that one guy that won our heart for some weirdo (or not so weirdo) reason…and that we wouldn’t shag him did we have a chance…but we don’t get stuck on one guy to the point of not allowing others in. We move on. We have to.

Women for some reason need to explain everything and have everything explained to them. Men only need to decide (in a quiet place, alone, strong and independent) and then they act. Women feel disrespected as they aren’t explained why the actions happened. Men get irritated as women are so complicated, needy and irritatingly close, trying to get them to actually SPEAK to them. Biologically I can’t figure this one out, but when action meets emotion, when hot meets cold…wahowahwooom…explosion…could be good….).

Another thing is, as a woman, I believe we contemplate having sex with everything that moves just as much as a man…but if we are talking biology – maybe a woman thinks beforehand as she will have to raise the kid and needs a dependable father. A man can always leave, but before contraception and abortion existed, a woman was stuck with the baby. Therefore we think relationship before we think sex. We have learnt to control ourselves. Ahem. Sometimes.

A woman needs to be convinced to get involved in the first place. A man needs to be convinced to stay. A woman needs to feel safe. A man needs to know he got The Queen Of The World, or else, why would he not keep spreading his sperm?

I also think this is why babies change relationships. If she realizes she was in it due to her baby drive (which has now been satisfied) and he realizes he agreed without thinking she’s The Queen Of The World, he just got a bit…excited…there’s trouble ahead. On the other hand, if she picked Mr Fabulous and got a baby with Him…and he picked The Queen Of The World…a baby will bring a lot of pleasure to them both and bond them further.

I may be absolutely wrong about all the above, but yin and yang people…when we wear each others’ shoes, when we learn to understand…how much of our biology is actually about each other – that we were created for each other….maybe then relationships will start to get a bit more…sexy… I mean, we are all looking for each other, we just don’t seem to get it….and playing with fire is dangerous unless you know how to make it work….but don’t we all love fire? And men on motorbikes…or what was it again???

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Filed under Dating, Humor, Life, Love, Men, sex, Uncategorized, Women

Are Swedish people really best in bed???…

Someone googled the headline of this post and ended up on my blog, so I feel obliged to answer them: yes, naturally. We are Swedish. That says it all. Seriously speaking, I can’t believe someone would google this. I mean seriously?!!!! There is a Swedish saying: taste is like the butt – divided in two parts. Literally meaning that we all have different tastes and as far as I know there is no sex school in Sweden that’s giving extraordinary lessons, although I wish there was. How cool wouldn’t it be to be taught sex? Wouldn’t that remove a lot of the hysteria around the whole thing? Of course sex has everything to do with personal chemistry too, but nonetheless, the Indians and Taoists were teaching this like how many centuries ago? Have we digressed or something?

How many people have ever felt like they’d like to know exactly how to push someone’s buttons in bed? Hands up? OK, quite a few of you…. I know for one that I wish someone would have taught me what to do and not to do in bed before I tried it out. I mean saving oneself heart palpitations or what? Having said that, if you truly love someone, I’m sure you’ll figure it all out together anyway, it’s just most people end up in bed way before they love one another and instead of exploring they are both trying to prove what sex gods/goddesses they are, totally freaking out about the other person’s opinion of them. It’s of course different in different cultures, I have lived in the city for a long time and it truly is Sex And The City, if you get my point – I know very few people who wait to have sex until they know they love someone, or at least trust them. However, love and trust apart, no matter how much you explore, wouldn’t it just be handy to learn from the masters? I mean, even if I have danced since I was a kid, I wouldn’t say no to a lesson from Liza Minelli! And if there is as big a difference between being good in bed and being great in bed as there is between being a dancer and being a professional dancer…hey, give me some classes!!!

All of life is an art, sex included, I just wish we could all take the pressure off (including the Swedes with their ultra reputation to live up to…) and have fun, learn, practice (with whom you see fit)…and treat it as the art it should be. Now I’m off to read two books – one is called The Mastery of Love (re-read) and the other The Multi-Orgasmic Couple. I swear by the first one, the second one…I’ll let you know when I get a boyfriend…

No, Swedish, hello!!!!

You gotta see the humor in things…even in sex…


Filed under Courage, Dating, Humor, Inspiration, Joy, Liberty, Life, Love, Men, Personal Development, Relationship, relationships, Self-confidence, sex, Society, Thoughts, Women

Karma is one sexy beast…

The problem with knowledge is that you realize how damn stupid you were before you had it. There is an old saying that youth is lost on youth, I assume because when you are young you have all the benefits of youth, but only the knowledge of youth. When you get older you get wiser, but you lose the benefits of youth. Then again, I believe that maybe youth needs its stupidity so as to passionately go after the impossible (read: that which will take them through a million battles before they reach their goal), as those that succeed make it ever so little more possible for the rest. (It’s fascinating how new world records are set all the time – somehow every year we seem to get a little bit faster.)

Do you believe in karma? I’d like to believe in it, as I’d like to believe that we have some sort of way of controlling our own fate. I’d like to believe we reap the seeds we sow. I don’t, however, believe that just because you may have committed a crime in this or a past life time you should feel ashamed of yourself. In general I think being ashamed of oneself should only be a trigger to sort something out, not an excuse to sit and wither away in one’s own misery.

I started thinking about karma the other day as I came to think about a guy I was madly in love with way before I understood anything about love. I was just in love, full stop. Looking back it’s a rather funny story about ego, but at the time it was a very painful story. We never dated, but somehow I was madly in love with him and I gave him my heart to break in a million pieces. I was so in love with him that for me he became the symbol of love – for ten years I’d dream of him when I wanted love. Because the emotions I had for this guy were so strong I wondered if I had been with him in a past life and if I had hurt him greatly?

If you look back on my present life you can easily say that love has been the greatest confusion and source of pain. It’s only in the last year that I have gotten my head round the whole thing and I’m still learning. Through all this learning I have come to appreciate love. I also decided the other day, as I came to think of this guy, that I was going to take karma seriously. Whether it exists or not, I have something to learn from everything that goes wrong in my life.

If I was truly a heart breaker in a past life, I clearly did not understand what I was doing to people. In this life I have learnt what it feels like to be on the other side of the equation. If I caused people to feel like I have felt in this lifetime from family issues, men and bullies, I was a nutcase and I am truly sorry. I can only be sorry because I now understand the pain you can cause others by playing with them in ways they don’t necessarily understand, so they fall foul for the game due to their lack of knowledge. I also think that the people who have caused me pain, often, were not aware of it, or pretty much unable to stop themselves from doing it because of how life shaped them. If I think of the things I have done by mistake to hurt others, or because I didn’t know better, or couldn’t control my own behavior, it makes it easier to forgive them. Basically, by looking at the situation from their point of view I can finally forgive them.

Also, if I ask for forgiveness, I learn what it feels like to be on the other side of where I am at right now. It allows the mind to travel. I am not what happened to me and I have to learn to detach myself from it. And by genuinely apologizing you learn some humility – I’m sure I’ve broken a few hearts in this lifetime too and I know for sure that my ego enjoys when I know I can have a guy, even though I don’t want him. However, I don’t encourage guys I don’t want. I may be friends with them, but that’s that. It’s harder with guys that you feel that you have some sort of connection, but you know you don’t want to be with. Attraction is a complex thing.

If I look back on my heart-breaks in this life (which may be the only one I’ve ever had, or will have, I don’t know) I have learnt a lot from that. I guess there are two ways of learning about love: getting it right from the start and experiencing what it should be like so you know what you want, or failing in all ways until you figure out what it isn’t and therefore what it should be. Some of my main learnings are that for certain a guy can be “your type” but that’s not love. For certain there are a few people in this life that have achieved the level that you would like to achieve and that you admire, but that’s not love. For certain there are people in this life that mirror you in more ways than one, but that’s not love. For certain a guy can tell you the most amazing things till your ego feels like it’s flying to the moon and back, but that’s not love. Love, to me, is an understanding, a connection if you so like, a dose of attraction and a willingness to create life together. I have discussed that under the page titled Love here, so I won’t go into it again, but it’s very different from when I was a teenager and hopelessly in love with a person who was no good for me at all, so if I admired him and we mirrored each other in some ways.

Another of my beliefs is that if you ask for something and you are prepared to do what it takes, including apologizing for your karma, you will get it. However, most people probably don’t try to learn from every event life throws at them. Most people don’t want to take hit after hit so as to reach a certain destination. Most people blame others for their failure, or are jealous of others for their success. If someone was to ask me if I was willing to climb one of the hardest climbs there are and fall a few times along the way, so as to reach one of the greatest mountain tops there are, I would have said yes. I know myself well enough to know that. I had to slip and fall on the head a few times for me to realize that life isn’t about success – that I can be happy in the here and now. I’ve had to fall maybe even harder to let go of some of my ego. And I’ve definitively fallen a few times when it comes to love. Why did I have to fall so many times? Because I simply didn’t get it the first time! That’s not necessarily my fault – I didn’t know better. Am I happy I got to where I am now though? Yes. Yes, I am.

It’s hard to forgive those that inflicted pain on you. It’s hard to forgive them unless you become them. If you imagine what they went through to become whom they are. If you see life through their eyes. And if you imagine, just for a minute or two, that you are them, trapped in that very set of circumstances and thoughts and you see you doing what they did, only now it’s to them…maybe then you can forgive yourself and by doing so, forgiving them. And maybe, just maybe, do you learn the lesson that life was trying to tell you so desperately with signs as big as elephants, that you, of course, did not see. From what I’ve learnt, I can only thank the people who ruined me for being so kind to do so.

I have to say, in my life, karma, if it exists, has been a big sexy beast…I mean all those men were just so friggin yummy!!!

Am I a fool, being played by a fool, or simply acting foolishly???…


Filed under Courage, Dating, dreams, Humor, Inspiration, Joy, Liberty, Life, Love, Men, Motivation, People, Personal Development, Relationship, relationships, Self-confidence, Thoughts, Uncategorized, Women

You’re ugly, but I’d shag you anyway…

OK, so this is not a PC (politically correct) headline, but life is not PC. Have you ever met anyone who complains they are shy? Ugly? Feel inferior? Don’t like their body? Well, welcome to the world – that probably goes for 99.9% of the population. That is to say – anyone who is not a guru.

Each player must accept the cards life deals him or her: but once they are in hand, he or she alone must decide how to play the cards in order to win the game. – Voltaire

Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. – George Bernard Shaw

Excuses. Blame. I am. I can’t. Let me ask you, are you something? Or do you have tendencies? Now, most people think that they are something. I can’t predict myself. Therefore, I can’t be something. I have certain tendencies. I also have choice. Most people walk around all day long saying that they “are” their past. Please. I was my past. Today, I am me. Is that “me” a sum total of all the experiences I have had so far, so that when something new happens my reaction will be as a result of all these experiences? Probably. I have a theory though and it’s hardly unique: I believe, or at least I hope, that anyone who is told that s/he has a choice to be whom they choose to be and believes that to be true, will make a decision that they are going to educate themselves to become the person they want to be. In other words: they won’t think that they are the events that happened to them, but rather, they will search for the knowledge they need to be able to make new choices – form new behaviors. It is true that we can only make decisions from that which we know, that’s why education, if experience is lacking, is essential. If you wanna get somewhere: ask the people who got there. No, I’m not saying you can copy them exactly – you are unique, but you can only see as far as you look. Most people don’t look very far.

Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has many—not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some. – Charles Dickens

What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Why am I so passionate about this subject? Because I see people all the time that have a ton of excuses as to why they are not living the life of their dreams. Also, at the age of 13 I hardly spoke unless spoken too; I was called geek, ugly and, obviously, shy. I know what it is like to feel like a pieces of worthless shit. Excuse my language, but that’s how I felt as a kid. I made a decision though – I saw people who had what I wanted to have and behaved like I wanted to behave and I set out to become like that. Today people think I am lying when I speak about my past. I’m not. That kid really was me and it really is possible to change. Was it easy? No, because I believed I was my experiences. It took some time to figure out I was just a human – I wasn’t shy, I wasn’t ugly and I wasn’t a geek. I was just a person. Did it take some time to figure out how not to be shy, ugly and geeky? Yes. I wasn’t a master socializer and oozing self-confidence when I first set out, let’s put it that way, but through trial and error I learnt to be a fairly outgoing, confident person. Sure I still slip back into old patterns sometimes, but I realize that’s not me. I am whom I choose to be, minus a few genes.

It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that they are difficult. – Seneca

It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person, “Always do what you are afraid to do. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Do you think people become popular because of their genes, or because they have a certain kind of behavior? Do you think people succeed because they are intelligent beyond belief, or because they have a certain kind of behavior? If it is because of behavior, would it maybe be wise to check what they do and start applying that? I have spent a lot of time amongst sales people and life coaches and read a ton about mentalism and hypnosis – believe me when I say that there are ways to deal with people and there are ways not to deal with people. It has nothing to do with having to change who you are, it’s just how you deal with things.

If your ship doesn’t come in, swim out to it. – Jonathan Winters

If I could give you one gift, I would give you the ability to see yourself as I see you, so you could see how truly special you are. – Author Unknown

Did you ever meet someone who is excusing themselves all the time for their existence? They show up at your b-day party with a gift: “Hey, I’m sorry, I didn’t know whether to bring a gift or not, but I did get you one. I’m sorry if it’s not what you really want, or if it’s too stupid and I’m sorry if I shouldn’t have brought you a gift in the first place.” Then someone else walks in and says “Hello gorgeous, I brought you a gift. I am the worst gift buyer in the world, but it’s the thought that counts, isn’t it?!! Happy b-day hun.” Of course there is a person behind each of these behaviors. Of course they mean equally well. I’m just wondering, who do you think has the most luck in love of the two? The most luck with their career? It can also be said, that both of them will probably become luckier and better at most everything if there is someone next to them who believes in them and feeds them enough love to give them wings, so if that person is themselves. No, it’s not easy to find that energy to love yourself sometimes, but it is the key to flying without wings.

I am so glad that you are here… It helps me realize how beautiful my world is. – Goethe

Perseverance is a great element of success. If you only knock long enough and loud enough at the gate, you are sure to wake up somebody. – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

My dad always taught me that you can eat a brick if you really want to. He also used to say that second place is no place. He made me highly motivated, which I am sure he regrets by now – he didn’t realize exactly what I’d go after in life when he made these statements. Sufficient to say though, I was taught to fight. Had I not been I’d still be a shy, inferior little thing that believed she was worthless. I’m not worthless – no one is. You just have to stand up for yourself. And don’t tell me you are ugly. So is Jaquin Phoenix, in my opinion, and I swear he is the hottest thing since chili in Walk The Line. It’s character, not looks that shape a face and makes you wanna shag someone 90% of the time. Fitness and thinking you are a great shag helps too and all that takes is exercise.

Perseverance is failing nineteen times and succeeding the twentieth. – Julie Andrews (if it would only be that ratio…I believe I have failed a lot more often than that!!)

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” – Rumi

Also, a lot of women apparently think that because they have small boobs they can’t get men. In that case I would NEVER get a guy and I have absolutely no lack of men wanting to shag me. I don’t think Kate Hudson does either.

If you wish to travel far and fast, travel light. Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness, and fears. – Glenn Clark

Aerodynamically the bumblebee shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn’t know that so it goes on flying anyway. – Mary Kay Ash

I believe it’s only when you see yourself as inferior to someone else that you make excuses for whom you are. No one is better than you. They may have practiced their skills for longer, or learnt earlier where they wanted to go, but they are NOT better than you.

We are all inventors, each sailing out on a voyage of discovery, guided each by a private chart, of which there is no duplicate. The world is all gates, all opportunities. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Do you love me because I’m beautiful, or am I beautiful because you love me? – Oscar Hammerstein

YOU deserve LOVE. Especially your own love. And when that happens, you will stop being an excuse and start being the person whom you truly are. At least, that was the case for me. Of course most of our lives would be easier if we were surrounded by people who loved us and infused us with strength (for one it we would stop us from seeking love from inappropriate places, such as douche bags, diva queens and emotional fuckwits) – so here’s to you: warm big loooong hugs, hot cups of tea, tons of laughter and lovely smiles.

RT @guy_finley D truth is that real success, ultimately the only success, is determined by how much we are in actual possession of ourselves

More from this guy here: www.attitudeisaltitude.com

You don’t get to choose how you’re going to die, or when. You can only decide how you’re going to live now. – Joan Baez

Love makes the world a hell of a lot brighter =)

That would be me!!! =)

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Filed under Courage, Dating, dreams, education, Emerson, Humor, Inspiration, Joy, Liberty, Life, Love, Men, Motivation, People, Personal Development, Relationship, relationships, Self-confidence, sex, socializing, Society, Thoughts, Uncategorized, Women

Are you an angel??…

Above Shakespeare & Co. in Paris is a sign saying: “Strangers are angels in disguise.” Through my travels I have discovered many such angels. I have faith that wherever I go there will be someone to help me out when I need it, if I only ask and am prepared to give back in one way or another. It may not be the first person I bump into, but it will be someone.

The world is filled with angels, yet sometimes we allow ourselves to get caught up in dramas with people who are not treating us like we were angels in their lives and sometimes we forget to treat others like angels ourselves.

It is hard not to take your best friend, your family, your partner, etc. for granted. Some relationships have existed since you were born and it’s sometimes hard to be impartial and look on them from the outside. For a long time, my relationships with people just happened. I didn’t look upon them as a creation, but rather as just being. Today I take extra time to make sure that I contact people regularly, I give them compliments, I ensure they know I care. I didn’t always do that. To be honest, I often felt embarrassed to show I care. Now I make a point out of it. Until I learned to appreciate myself, it was hard to give compliments freely to others a) because it’s hard to give what you don’t have yourself and b) because I felt they didn’t want to hear it from me anyway.

There is this story Gary Chapman shares where he tells of a man who discovered that his wife’s primary love language was gifts and from that day on he would bring her new gifts every week. I mean small things like cookies, a flower, a hand written note, etc. I thought that was so cute. It was someone creating something wonderful, rather than just going through life taking a person for granted. And as we all know, I like people who spice up their lives – not just watch fairy tales on the big screen and oh and ah about them, but rather start refurbishing their living room, or cooking different foods, or going on different adventures, to live the life of their dreams. What’s the point of fairy tales if not to show us what’s possible in our own lives?

One day I was talking to my best friend. We were discussing friendships and what to do when friends “lose the plot” in one way, or another. She told me that she wouldn’t walk out on me no matter what happened, unless she was contributing to my issues. I had a shock. Now, my best friend and I are as tight as Siamese twins, but my whole life I have carried around this fear of being abandoned. It’s a long story, but sufficient to say people have threatened to do so if I fuck something up. So I’ve had this manic fear of fucking up and I thought that that’s that. You fuck up, people leave. Love is, in other words, conditional. Without realizing it, my best friend broke my model of the world. What she told me was the obvious, but to me it wasn’t obvious. If you don’t tell someone they look great, how are they supposed to know? You may think they know that because you are dating them, or buying them flowers, but it’s still different to hear something said to you. It should have been obvious to me that my best friend would never leave. Apparently it wasn’t, because people threatening to leave had, up until then, been frequent in my life.

OK, so apart from us not treating people like angels all the time, I’m sure you have bumped into a person or two who wasn’t too nice to you? I used to constantly date guys who couldn’t make up their minds about me. “You’re hot then you’re cold, you’re in then you’re out…” I mean it’s to the point where if a guy says “it’s off” to me, myself and my best friend make bets on how long it will take for him to come running back. Again, it’s probably due to my childhood that wasn’t all that great and a lot of people leaving, threatening to leave, etc. Needless to say – I had trust issues. Still, for me today to trust someone takes time. I need to really know that the person won’t just turn their back and walk away. In my ideal world a guy would hold my hand and tell me that he wouldn’t leave and no matter how much I wanted to run away from him, he wouldn’t let me leave (because of course I try and push people away when I get scared – better alone and unhurt, right? FALSE. You feel more hurt from being alone because you keep thinking no one loves you – I was a pro at this in my childhood.)

Anyway, I kept dating guys that didn’t know what they wanted and that’s a sure-fire way of having your heart-broken (and an equally sure-fire way of never having to commit yourself and never getting so close to someone who you’d get truly hurt if it went wrong). I worked on my internal issues and worked and worked… Things got better and better. Then I had this dream one night that a guy sort of liked me, but not quite and I woke up thinking that I was clearly still not through with it all and it bugged me…until: *light bulb going on* If a guy was not sure he liked me, I would leave him. No matter how great a piece of candy he was, bye, bye. I mean I couldn’t eat the candy when I felt like it anyway, so what was the point of drooling over it?

I’m sure you are all “that was the obvious answer,” but it took me years to work that one out. I just sat there feeling rejected if someone didn’t like me enough to know that he wanted to be with me. When I changed my point of view and decided to get rid of all the maybe babies, suddenly I was the one in charge of my own life again.

Truly beautiful people whom you really kick it off with are such a gift, but so is the woman in the grocery shop who actually smiles at you. Life is filled with angels and my mission is to be one and befriend other angels.


Filed under Dating, Inspiration, Joy, Liberty, Life, Love, Men, Motivation, People, Personal Development, Relationship, relationships, Self-confidence, socializing, Society, Thoughts, Traveling, Uncategorized, Women

Are you single??…

Stress has to be one of the most over used words of this century. Everyone’s stressed. You’re a total loser if you haven’t done xyz by a certain age. It’s like we were born into this plan that other people think we should follow. Whatever happened to living? Playing? Learning?

Whenever I talk to my gran she is asking me if I have “met someone.” She thinks I’m way to old to be single. Whenever I talk to my dad he asks me when I’m going to settle down. Whenever I talk to my sister she reminds me she wants to become an aunt. I personally do not feel like doing any one of these things right now. Well, hang out with the love of my life would be nice, but the rest, no. If I only live once, I’d like to explore life. I’d like to know I am making the most of every second here and right now for me that’s not having babies. Yes, I’ve reached an age where I want to have kids no later than five to seven years from now and I want to take that into account (i.e. maybe it’s a good idea not to spend the next five years partying, shagging every guy I see and wasting all my cash), but to stress about it? Or to think I have to do it now because other people think so? No. If I live for other peoples’ wishes or I get stressed, I’m not really living. I wanna be on an adventure, not a charter trip planned by someone else where I have live within their plans.

The same goes for career: you have to take certain things into account. If you want to be a millionaire by 35 (or whatever), it’s a good idea to nail a stable job if your own projects don’t take off (and just keep doing them on your spare time if you wish), whilst wisely investing as much as you can of the money you make. However, if the millions don’t come your way, no matter how hard you work, what are you going to do about it? Kill yourself? I say it again: we may only have one life – what are the things you want to occupy your mind and days with? (Not to mention nights…)

I have met people who are never satisfied. I used to be one of them. Then one day it dawned on me that all I have is this moment and I want to make the most of that and embrace whatever is in it – be that sorrow, or joy. I truly want to explore it. Learn from it. Then, suddenly, the fear disappears. The have to:s and musts disappear. I don’t have to be a certain person, or achieve a certain thing, I’m just exploring…making the most of things…learning. Doesn’t remove my goals, but it removes my stress to reach them.

I’ve said this before, but here we go again: I don’t know if there is a law of attraction – maybe I’m in charge of my life, maybe I’m not. Common sense tells me that you will only find what you are looking for – the rest will pass you by (and yes, this idea is supported by psychological experiments I’ve heard of). Common sense also tells me that the more you meditate on something, the more your mind is opened up to it and the more you educate yourself on a topic, the more likely you are to understand it. However, I’m not sure if we are in charge of what we are looking for, or if it is our pasts that determine this. Some people really seem to want certain things, but they don’t happen. Is that because they don’t really evaluate their lives and learn from their mistakes? Is that because they are not prepared to go through what it takes to learn? Or is it because they are blinded by their own thoughts and simply can’t find a way out? Sometimes you listen to people and they are like “I dated this person and then this person and they were bad for me because…now I’m dating this person who seems to be like that also, but I will still date them.” Hello??!! What I’m trying to say: do we have free will? Can we become whatever we choose if we are prepared to walk the path that leads us there? Can we even come up with a good idea of where we want to go unless we got inspiration for this in our childhood? Do people fuck up their lives because they are lazy, or because they don’t know how to live any other way? Will there always come a day when we realize we have a choice of how to live? Do we have a choice of how to live?  I don’t know. By the end of the day: whatever happens happens and in my opinion the best you can do is to fully live it. Learn from it. Enjoy it. Stress about it? Isn’t this supposed to be the age of spirituality and…uhh…yoga and martial arts (with hot dudes)?

Why is all this so important to me? I used to want to be super woman. I wanted to be the best at everything. My self-confidence was rock bottom – I was never, ever pleased. I never believed people who praised me, because I was well aware I was not flawless. I didn’t love myself, nor did I understand how others could. Anything that did not go my way I beat myself up – whether I did not show up as I wanted to, or I didn’t nail a certain thing work wise. I worked like a maniac to become the person I wanted to be, achieving the things I wanted to achieve. The sad thing was – I wasn’t having fun – I was a perfectionist obsessed by my own imperfection. Then one day I gave up. I realized I knew nothing. I may never amount to anything. I do have life though and I want to live it. Embrace whatever this is. That somehow gave me more self-confidence than I’ve ever had before. Peoples’ opinions didn’t matter that much anymore. I no longer had to pretend. I just showed up.

I guess what I’m saying is: let’s make love to life, why don’t we???!!!!

How about applying this to life??


Filed under Dating, Inspiration, Joy, Life, Love, Men, Motivation, People, Personal Development, Relationship, relationships, Self-confidence, socializing, Society, Thoughts, Uncategorized, Women